The image of Thomas leaning back against his car that Thursday evening as I walked out of the training facility and over to his car took my breath away. This soft, gentle giant of a man leaning back with his arms crossed and feet crossed at the ankles. My God, he’s gorgeous. Why does he have this effect on me? I thought to myself.

“When you told me you were a soccer player, you didn’t tell me that you were the best player on the team.” He said to me as I finally made my way to him. The grin on his face as he spoke was more than enough to make me smile.

“I don’t know if I’m the best player,” I responded with false humility.

I stood there trying to mask the guilt that was beginning to eat me up, my backpack over my shoulder. But, try as I might, and I did try; I couldn’t look away from that face. The fact that I couldn’t look away vexed me even more.

But I also knew that he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. That thought gave me a feeling inside that I didn’t understand. It didn’t matter. I liked that feeling.

I could feel the cold evening wind blow through my hair as I ran my hand through it, pulling it back out of my face. Unaware of the fact that I was preening for him. Then suddenly, very aware of the fact that he was enjoying the show that I was unknowingly giving him.

For whatever our reason, we were drawn to one another somehow; neither one of us truly understood why. I could only guess that the attraction he felt for me was just as strong as what I felt for him.

I mean, if we’re honest, he could find any guy to fuck, and as I just found out, so could I. So what are we doing? Right at that moment, we were trying to figure it out, I guess.

All I knew at that moment was that I liked that he was looking at me wantonly. It excited me, and from the look on his face, it excited him too. But right at that moment, a part of me wanted to die. I was scared because of what I’d just done. But, then again, I hadn’t done anything wrong, had I?

Fuck, it’s all so confusing!

“I didn’t expect to see you here tonight,” trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“Yeah, well, I guess I had to see for myself what all the talk was about.” His response caused my heart to start to race.

“What talk?” Giving him a boyish grin with my response. “What are you talking about?” I continued.

“I stopped by the office at the apartments, and your sister started asking me questions.” Immediately I didn’t like the sound of that.

This day’s ending was becoming way too much for me to handle.

“I gave her an honest answer. I let her know that I thought you were terrible at breaking into people’s apartments. But I also told her that I kind of liked you.” I was speechless when he said that.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe,” he said with a devilish grin.

I wish I could say that I found comfort in his words, but for some reason, I didn’t. This man blew into my life and had grabbed ahold of my consciousness with his lustful deeds and desires.

I couldn’t shake him from my constant thoughts.

I have never been in love, not once, so I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel. All the women that I’ve dated never made me feel like they were the one, not one of them. They never made me feel like I couldn’t live without them. They were never in my thoughts when they weren’t around me.

Now not only did I allow this man to have his way with me physically, but I also couldn’t get him off of my head. But after what I’d just done no way I was developing feelings for him. Right?

Because let’s be honest…

Saying that I just allowed Larry to fuck me would be a bit dishonest. He might have initiated the contact, but who am I kidding? I fucked Larry, me, I fucked him. I slid down his cock; he didn’t push his cock inside of me. Standing in front of this man, I felt such guilt for doing that, and I shouldn’t!

“You are overthinking this precious, relax,” I almost shit myself when he said that, thinking to myself, can he read my fucking thoughts?!

“Your sister doesn’t know anything, I promise. You need to relax, stop worrying that pretty little face of yours.” He said to me, looking down at me as my soul returned to my body.

“You’re pretty when you smile, smile for me, baby,” his velvety smooth voice soothing me.

His words and his compliment put a big smile on my face, and without thinking, I stepped forward, reaching up, giving him a playful smack on the arm.

Without hesitation, he stood up and took me into his arms, embracing me with a big hug, picking me up off the ground. Then quickly setting me back down, unceremoniously cupping my ass before giving it a gentle squeeze causing a soft moan to escape me. Then, as I looked up into his eyes, we both caught ourselves, stopping before he kissed me.

For that split second, I’d lost track of where we were standing. We were out in the parking lot of the university sports complex, right there in front of God and anyone else that might be walking by. When that reality hit me, I instantly stepped back, causing Thomas to laugh as he let me go.

“What? Don’t tell me that you’re afraid of a little hug? Yeah? You’re afraid of a hug?” The look in his eye and the fresh guilt in my heart.

Not to mention, Larry’s cum smeared between my ass cheeks as it kept trying to squeak out of me now and again.

I stood there with so many things going through my mind. I looked away into nothing. Honestly? I couldn’t tell you what I was looking at as I stared off into the distance. My mind was racing. I had only spent three days and two glorious nights with this man.

He was my first, and up until half an hour ago, he was my only. Looking back to last weekend caused strong feelings to rush over me.

That had been the most intense experience of my life. It had left me confused, with so many questions left unanswered. But, out of all those questions, there was only one certainty. I was attracted to this man as I’ve never been attracted to anyone ever before.

This past weekend, he made me feel for him things that I haven’t felt for any of the girls that I’ve ever been with since I started dating. The sight of Thomas thrilled me, excited me. He’s all I’ve thought of since this past weekend, and that scares the hell out of me.

Even more confusing was how I had just allowed myself to be used like some common little cock whore. I let myself be used by some jerk taking advantage of me as I rolled down the tracks on this emotional train wreck that I was putting myself on.

In my attempt to get myself and my thoughts under control, I opened my mouth and proceeded to shove my foot in it.

“Won’t you get into trouble? What I mean to say, you’re in the military. Isn’t it illegal to be, I mean?” I paused then before I got the chance to finish my thought.

“Homosexual? Gay? A fag? Queer? Which one, David, which one am I?” Thomas’s voice was low and deep now. His eyes, cutting right through me. I stood there with this feeling of fuck me, fuck me, he’s going to kill me.

I stepped back a bit more. The way he said it, his eyes, when he said those things, those names. I couldn’t tell if he was getting angry or not, but I could hear the change in his voice.

I had opened a Pandora’s box because Thomas was just getting started.

“You told me this weekend that you’ve never been with a man. Was that true, or were you just feeding me shit? Have you ever been with a man before me, David?

A chill ran up my spine, and it had nothing to do with the evening’s weather. Thomas knew! I don’t know how he knew, but he knew what I’d done, I thought to myself.

My mind went blank, and I was lost for words. I was looking up into his eyes, trying to convince myself that I should be offended! How dare he accuse me of lying!

But for some fucked up reason, all I could feel was hurt and sorrow for what I’d done, and it made me angry that I felt those emotions.

“Why would I lie about that? I had never been with a man until you came along, and you know this, Thomas! That was all I could think to say, and it was at that moment that I felt like a little bitch.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “Are you sure you’re telling me the truth, David? Don’t fucking lie to me because that’s the one thing I will not forgive!” His words were beating me down, he wasn’t yelling at me, but he was, being crystal clear.

I looked away but not before I let out one last defense of myself in a low, beaten down voice.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Thomas, you were my first, and I wish that you were my only...” The moment I heard those words come out of my mouth, I wanted to scream! But, instead, all I could think was, I hadn’t done anything wrong, stop acting like a little bitch!

But I didn’t say it out loud.

I was lost at that point. I wanted to walk off. I wanted to leave, but my legs wouldn’t allow me to; they wouldn’t move. I could feel myself wanting to cry and wanting to know what the fuck was happening to me all at the same time!

“Ok, ok, I believe you, for now. Come on, get in the car.” As he said those last words, I was still frozen. “Now, David! Get in the fucking car!”

Thomas was mad, and I was confused; I was scared. Even with his slightly tan face, I could see a shade of red on him. Quietly and quickly, I did as I was told.

I got in the fucking car.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I suddenly felt nauseous. Sitting there trying not to squirm in my seat as the entirety of it all started to come crashing down on top of me. I have never been attracted to any man sexually or otherwise, ever.

Now, within the past six days, I was completely surrendering myself to this man. Oh, and let’s not forget that moments earlier, I had allowed myself to be used by a long-time teammate. Used like a fuck toy, to be exact.

And now here I was, in a car, allowing myself to be taken away to God knows where for God knows what. I couldn’t even look at him. I forced myself just to stare out the window.

Who cared if he was the only man I had ever been with before this past weekend? Who cared that before he came along, I had never once thought of being with a man? Nobody cares! Nobody fucking cares. Who was I kidding?

I cared.

What Thomas thought of me was the only thing that mattered to me. Right at that moment, I knew. I had fallen for a man and not just any man. I had fallen for a big strong-willed man, and right now, he was pissed.

We drove around for hours in silence; it must’ve been around eleven before we pulled over on some dusty road outside of the city. It was late. I was tired, afraid, hurt, and ashamed. Why did I care? I kept thinking to myself.

It’s not like there was a future for us. Come on; it was just a thing that happened. I thought to myself, he fucked you, get over it!

My mind had been drifting to this past Saturday night the entire drive. Thomas had already fucked me twice the previous night, but all day Saturday, we were just guys until we weren’t.

~ ~ ~

As we watched a basketball game on his nice big screen set, I somehow wound up next to him. There, on the couch with my legs pulled up against my chest, Thomas had his arm around my shoulder. As we watched the game, I noticed that he started to adjust himself.

That was all it took. I began to fixate on the outline of his cock through his workout shorts. Thomas noticed this, and it wasn’t long before he started instructing me on how to give a proper blowjob. I loved every minute of it. His voice, telling me what to do and how to do it.

Never mind that I’ve had my cock sucked many times before, somehow his instructions seemed like a new revelation, and I wanted to get it perfect. I wanted to please him, and I did. It didn’t take me long to master the technique that I was being taught.

Within a half-hour of starting, I was swallowing his creamy cum down my throat. Then I did what I liked done for me after I cum. I suckled his balls, licked his cock clean, and then ensured that every drop was milked and swallowed and his cock left glistening from my cleanup effort.

Until that moment, I had never tasted semen, so I have nothing to compare. All I knew was that I liked the way his cum tasted. No, I loved, I loved the way his cum tasted.

Then I slipped that large cock back in his shorts, and we went back to being just guys. After the game, Thomas went on a run, leaving me at home, instructing me to clean the place up and get myself ready to go out for dinner.

The entire time he was gone, I was bouncing around the apartment doing what I usually get paid to do, but somehow this felt different. I did everything with such care and detail. I was hoping that Thomas would approve.

I was showered and ready when he got home, all sweaty. When he came in the door, he made a straight line to me. He walked straight over to the couch where I was sitting and bent down and gave me a very sweet, soft wet kiss. His tongue was teasing mine for a brief second as he stood up, leaving me with my eyes half-closed and my lips pouting for his lips to come back to them.

Off he went to take his shower but not before looking around the apartment and declaring how nice it looked. At first, I could feel myself getting giddy and happy because of his praise, then, as he disappeared into his room, I suddenly felt like an idiot.

Could I be any more, what’s the word?

Gay?

Later that night, we wound up drinking a little too much and just came home to pass out. But in the late hours, I woke up to the sound of Thomas screaming. When I heard the scream, I woke up and laid there for a split second disoriented, half asleep. Then I shot up and turned to face him. Thomas was sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing hard, shaking, and sweating.

I waited, watching his back expand in and out with every deep breath that he took. Then, again, his scars. They caught my attention. Whatever it was that woke him and put him in that state of mind must’ve been really bad.

It took me a moment before I could gather the courage to move close to him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked in a soft voice.

At first, he wouldn’t answer me, and he just sat there. Gathering my courage up some more, I slowly moved over to him. Then I gently placed my hand on his shoulder. I cautiously leaned in.

“Babe, are you ok?” I whispered.

He turned around and didn’t say a word. He just kissed me. At first, it was a gentle soft kiss, but then he started getting intense. It didn’t take long for him to start pawing at me and kissing me hard.

I went from being in a deep sleep to suddenly being manhandled and pushed back on the bed. He started climbing on top of me, and I instinctively opened my legs, allowing him his place between them.

I was still sore from the night before, but I didn’t care. I wanted to ease his pain; I could feel that he was hurting, and if taking me the way he was about to take me eased his pain, then so be it.

But he didn’t climb on top of me. Instead, he lowered himself down, pushing my legs back and farther apart until I knew that he had a perfect view of my bruised hole. Then, before I could get a grasp of what he was doing, I felt it.

His tongue was slathering my hole. I would’ve jumped out of my skin if it was at all possible. But, instead, all I could do was tilt my head back and let out a loud moan. He was licking my hole and trying to shove his tongue inside. He was going down on me like I went down on pussy. It was overwhelming, and once again, my heavy breathing had transformed itself into heavy moans.

Another first for me, and it was driving me insane with lust. Finally, when I thought I would lose my mind, he slid up over me, placing the head of his cock against my freshly saliva-lubed hole.

One steady push and a big grunt from him, a big cry from me, and he was deep inside of me. I kept trying to spread myself as wide as I could, making his access easier, and in one strong push, he was all the way in.

I was in pain, I was in bliss, I was in pain, and I was overwhelmed and confused all at the same time with my body’s reaction.

A part of me wanted him to get off because I was still aching from the night before. It fucking hurt! The other part of me was telling me to shut the fuck up and spread my fucking legs so he could go in deeper!

As he started to fuck me, he didn’t even bother to ask me if I was ok. I realized quickly that this wasn’t like the night before, where he took his time and was gentle. How he had properly lubed me up with actual lubricant and fucked me gently before going hard.

Not this night, not at that moment, this night it was about him, about his need.

I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck to hold on as he started pounding me. At this point, I was half moaning and half screaming. It seems that this only turned him on more because without hesitation, he reached down and put my legs over his shoulders, folding me in half.

He began pounding me mercilessly, and I took it. I took every bit of it. I just wanted him to be ok; I couldn’t stand that he had woken up like that. I didn’t want him to hurt. So, I took it. For hours, in multiple positions. I took it.

By the time he finished with me and had finally blown his final load deep inside me, the sun was coming up. Just like the night before, he rolled me on my side while his cock was still in me, spooning me.

I was a wreck and couldn’t speak, much less move on my own. I was full of cum, and even though Thomas was still inside of me, I could feel it trying to seep out of me. All I remember from that point is his cock still twitching inside me as I passed out, asleep.

The next day we didn’t speak about what woke him or the hard fuck that he gave me. Instead, I woke up to his gentle caresses and soft kisses. We laid in bed for over an hour after waking up, and in between the kisses and embraces, we talked about nothing and everything.

That must’ve been when I told him about my soccer match. Lying next to him, I felt safe. Here I am, five-foot-nothing against his massive six-five frame, the feeling of being adored and wanted by this large man was, intoxicating. I did manage to ask him if he was ok before we got up for the day.

“Yes, babe, thank you. I’m fine now.” That was all he said.

That was Saturday night. This is now…

~ ~ ~

Hearing the car engine turn off brought me back to my current situation. As Thomas parked, he lowered the windows. Then he reached over to turn on some music.

“Get out,” with those words, he opened his door and started to step out of the car.

I took a deep breath and stepped out with him. Thomas walked over to the back of the car and sat back on the trunk. Because of his size, the move seemed effortless.

Me? Not so much, but I did lean back against the car. As we both stared out into the night, I felt a chill, the same chill that had been on me all night. It was getting colder in the evenings, fall was ending, and the December cold was right around the corner.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that kid.” Thomas’s voice was still heavy, but I could tell that the anger was out of it.

“Sorry about what?” I asked. Before he could answer, I could hear the song starting to play from the speakers inside his car.

The sound of the slow, steady tap, tap, tap, on the high hat. That slow melancholy rhythm in the background leading into a slow, familiar guitar riff.

Looking up at the sky, we were far enough from the glare of the city lights that I could see the stars. It wasn’t quite a full moon, but it was enough of a crescent moon that it provided just enough light.

Thomas slid off the back of the car and took my arm, turning me around. Then, as he started to lower his face to mine, I could hear the song begin.

“Gravity…is working against me. And gravity…wants to bring me down.”

As I heard those lyrics, I instantly lowered my face and buried it into his chest. I could feel his massive arms wrap around me. He was holding me tight. Then something extraordinary started to happen. I began to cry softly.

Why was I crying? I kept thinking to myself. Why the fuck am I crying? That thought, badgering me over and over in my head before one last thought, you’re such a fag.

It was too much for me. The day had been exhausting, and my emotions were shot. My being was raw, and I couldn’t let him kiss me. Not after what I had done, not after losing control of my lust and fucking Larry. Thinking to myself, you don’t deserve Thomas.

“Shhh... It’s ok.” He’d repeat over and over as he held me.

His voice began to have a soothing effect on me. Maybe he thought if he said something, it would make things better, but it didn’t. It only made it worse. I had to say something.

“Oh Thomas, I’m so sorry,” I mumbled into his chest. “I was so stupid.”

He held me in his arms and gently rocked me with the song in the background. It was almost as if we were dancing. It was at that moment that I was forever lost in those arms. In my life, I had never felt the emotions that I was feeling right then and there.

“Hey, c’mon, stop crying.” His words were pulling me back from my emotional abyss. I slowly allowed myself to come back to our reality, out in the middle of nowhere.

Just as the song was finishing and going into its final guitar riff Thomas once again got me to look up at him. This time I kept my face where he wanted it, and I allowed myself to take in his wonderfully gentle kiss. A kiss that felt like it was never going to end.

When he had stopped kissing me, I came back to my senses. He stepped back and started to tell me how he’d found out about my little tryst with Larry, but before he could reveal how he’d done it, I stopped him.

I was still in his arms, looking up at him.

“I don’t care how you found out; I only care that you believe me.” I continued in-between sniffles, “I will never allow what happened today ever to happen again. I never should’ve let it get out of control. Don’t ever think that you weren’t my first.” Then it was his turn to stop me.

“Shhh, stop. You and I haven’t declared anything to each other. So, it’s none of my business what you were doing today. But I’m not going to lie. It pissed me off for a whole minute. But I’m a big boy; I’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”

He spoke a bit more about how he felt and how we were just getting to know each other. We agreed to take it slow and see where this went. I said I’m sorry, and he said he was sorry.

With that, it was settled. We had forgiven each other, although I don’t know what for. I know that he felt bad for losing his temper with me, insinuating that I was a liar. But, as he said, it was none of his business what I did.

He was right, but I didn’t want that. I wanted, no, I needed it to be his business. I needed to be his business.

I needed him to want me and only me. I had made up my mind that I wanted him and only him. I also made up my mind that he would be the only man I would ever desire or want.

When we started to leave, he walked me over to the passenger’s side door and opened it for me. I couldn’t help but look up and smile at him before I started to get into the car.

He couldn’t help sliding his hand down and cupping my ass for a gentle squeeze before I got into his car.

“Do you even know how fine you are, precious?” Thomas’s said to me as he closed the car door behind me.

I blushed, sitting alone in his car as he walked around to the driver’s side, I thought to myself.

Does he know how wonderful he is...?