Julia had big breasts. She had melons, bazongas, and just plain big big ones. And she was so tired of it all.

For today, she was the object of yet another fight between two guys over which one she supposedly "belonged" to. At this point, there were two black eyes, two bloody noses, and, lying on the ground, two teeth and a lot of blood.

Julia sighed. Then, for no particular reason, she unbuttoned her blouse and exposed her acreage, brassiere and all, to God and everybody.

"But I have big breasts," she said.

The two men looked at her, then at each other. They smiled, shook hands, and walked away.

Hmmm… thought Julia.

==========

Julia was walking down the street in her neighborhood. A young woman was looking up a tree and frowning.

"Mittens, come down," the woman said. Julia looked up, and, sure enough, there was a kitten trapped on a branch about ten meters off the ground. The kitten looked scared.

”But I have big breasts," Julia said sweetly, and opened her blouse to the kitten.

The kitten mewed happily and climbed down the tree. The young woman thanked Julia enthusiastically.

==========

Julia was at a professional football game. A dispute arose over one of the referees’ calls. Neither of the coaches would accept the outcome of the appeal. Things got ugly on the field, and fights were breaking out between the fans.

Julia lifted her football jersey. "But I have," she shouted, "big breasts!"

The stadium went silent. Everyone—spectators, teams, coaches, referees—turned and looked at her. The score magically turned back to 0-0, and the scoreboard announced that the game would not count. The team members exchanged recipes.

==========

Julia saw on television that the Middle East was on the brink of war.

She got on a plane and quickly flew to the negotiations. As she got to the negotiating table, peace talks had just fallen apart.

The room was in chaos. "It’s war!” Everyone yelled.

Julia ripped open her blouse and shouted, “But I have big breasts!"

The negotiators all paused and looked at her.

Then one of the negotiators said quietly, "Well, maybe not a war. Let’s just hold it to a few skirmishes and let it go at that." Everyone else smiled and agreed.

Now was the time for the ultimate peacemaker. This time, Julia removed her bra. She put her hands on her hips.

"But I," she smiled confidently, "have big breasts."

"What was I doing here, again?" Someone at the table asked.

"Beats me," said someone else.

The two sides came to an agreement. There would be peace forever. Julia flew home.

==========

The years pass. One bright summer afternoon, Julia laid down for a nap, from which she did not awaken.

When she opened her eyes, God and the Devil stood before her. She was again about 25 or 30 years old.

"Welcome home, Julia," God said.

"And how!" said the Devil, "C’mon in."

"How nice to have you spend eternity with me. I mean with us. Eternity with me and all the angels," God said.

"Huh?" said the Devil. "No way."

"Why, she is the perfect embodiment of womanhood."

"She’s evil through and through. I once saw her committing all kinds of genocide and shoplifting."

"She is not evil," said God.

"Evil enough for me," the Devil replied.

"She will spend eternity in heaven."

"She will come to hell."

God and the Devil sneered at each other.

"It’s war in the Afterworld!" God proclaimed.

"For all of eternity!" The Devil yelled.

Julia knew just what to do. She untied the golden rope that held her gown closed, and showed herself to literally God and everybody.  She did not have to say anything. After a healthy clap of thunder, lights shone, and the angels sang, then God and the Devil joined in for the chorus.

"Week on, week off. Forever. Deal?" God said.

“Deal!" said the Devil, who blew a kiss to Julia and vanished in a puff of smoke.

==========

“Julia, for bringing peace to the Afterworld, you may have one wish," God said.

Julia thought for a moment, then walked to the edge of the cloud. She spread her arms and proclaimed, "I wish that every woman in the world could have big breasts."

All over the world, pairs of popping sounds began.

When the sounds ended, they were followed by a chorus of male voices, in many languages: "Thank you!"

Julia laughed.