Topic How often do you expected me to contact, if I am dating you?
27 Feb 2014 11:01
I think I sort of fall into the same line of thinking as Mazza. How often did you want to talk to her? That's what you should have been asking yourself. There is so much game playing and counter measures in dating. It's stressful and confusing. It also leads to a lack of communication. Do you. If you want her to want you for who and what you are then "Do You". Wouldn't it have been nice if you had just called her because you were thinking about her and said exactly that? If she reacted negatively, then there is your answer. She just is not that in to you. But, to deny your natural urges only hurts you in the end. Eventually you are going to be you and if that is irritating to her then why not get it out of the way early.
Isn't it wonderful to just be with someone and just be yourself? Those are the type of relationships that last. I do understand that it takes a certain amount of confidence, but it saves so much time. If you still have an urge to talk to her, do it. Explain yourself if it is worth it to you.
HEY!!!! r u for real John? u say u cared for this girl? sooo have u turned that off?
if the answer is NO! then take all that stuff u wrote in yr original post.. minus the last paragraph .. and send it to HER!
then follow it up... but don't be verbose in yr follow ups .. just simple messages .. "thinking of u" or "wondering what u r doing right now?" ..
do u actually believe she has moved on?? sounds as if u two had quite a connection..
of course I am just a hopeless romantic.. but maybe she wants to see if u really care???????? omg we r complex creatures...
and sweet sweet john.. u sooo need to pay attention to ROMANCE... we may SAY we hate u contacting us all the time.. but if we do we will TELL u so... and with a :D ...
and as for all this baloney ... "truth is, I didn't see a huge future for us, so maybe just being happy with how things were going, isn't enough" ... what is this all about??..
do u care? and what's with "MAYBE"? ... u cared enough to bring yr pain .. yr loss ...here..
if u don't try and get her back.. well u will never really know will u????
These are two amazing answers, they put the whole thing in prespective. It's difficult to say how I feel, without either sounding like a chauvenistic pig or a player, two charicterists that as a gentleman, I never try to emulate. The more I think about it, the more it makes total sense that we are not together. When I got with her, my intial instinct was thinking that there isn't so much attraction involved, that this didn't have a realistic future, it was more like "this will be fun, for a while."
By that statement, I can immediate see some critics looking at me and thinking "so basically you were just using her for sex, or for your own validation". No, I think it was a medium ground. Attracted enough to want to see the girl, and have some fun together, not attracted enough to believe it was going to lead to a real long term relationship.
We live in a society that likes to make clear cut judgements; right and wrong, good and bad. But I don't believe the real universe works like that. The case not either 'in a relationship' or 'single', there is a grey areas involved that many people don't mention, which in the 21st century people should be mentioning. Call that grey area "fuck buddies", "Friends with benefits", "Open Relationship", "Dating", whatever you like. I think in many cases people get together, purely to chance if there is anything more there, if there is, cool, if not, move on. Even so, during this peroid I would be expecting to have sex. The sex before marriage days are behind us, or at least, should be.
I thought she was attractive, pretty, sexy, and a nice genuine person, and we had a laugh. However there was little deep connection on a personal level, and I think that is a base requirement, but I also think that just because that isn't there, doesn't mean we shouldn't be having fun at all. Sex is a many splendid thing.
It's not fair for people to say, well if you don't see this becoming a relationship, then you shouldn't be with her in the first place. Well you know what, I think I deserve to having sex in my life too, regardless of what 'status' you want to give the circumstances.
I was happy with how things were, but I didn't want a relationship, and I think it's totally fair that she has the right to move on, but I also think its totally fair, that I'm not judged for that. I'll get into a relationship on my terms, when I am totally sure I love the person I'm with. In a way, its a natural occurence, the dating phase has a limited lifespan, and once thats over with, general concensus seems to be move on to "relationship" OR "regress to friends".
In this case it's "regressing to friends" I believe it is for the best, but in future, it think it was important for me to know a healthy level what kind of limits and rules should you be placing around how often you contact, or how little you contact, in the event that I do find somebody I'm a hugely attracted to, and want to take it further ie going from dating to relationship. I can see the answer now. THERE ARE NO LIMITS.
I'm learning :)