Mmm x is a hard one.... But an X is a cross, so how about being cross with your lover?

Pee all over the bed....



Well, following on from Naughtyannie's theme, it has to be: to shit on the bed! I hope no one finds that a turn on!

I'd prefer plunge or thrust, but I hear what you're saying... And as long as it's not nostrils, ears or eyes...




And I thought you enjoyed nasal sex....? (or is my dyslexia showing again? )

A wet pussy on my warm tongue

Come over here, please race,
I need your fanny on my face,
Your delightful soaking gash,
I need on my mouth in a flash,
Hurry quickly, sit right here,
Cum on my face my darling dear!


Challenge: Double Penetration

50 Sheds of Grey

This is a parody of the 50 shades trilogy, apparently it's been out-selling the original in recent weeks.

There are some classic lines, such as:

" She stood before me, naked in my shed. ‘I’m yours for today,’ she gasped, ‘You can do whatever you want with me.’ So I took her to Nando’s.

We tried various positions- round the back, up against a wall, but the bottom of the garden was the only place for a really good shed.

By the time I’d finished, her bottom was bright pink - I’d mixed up the baby oil and Thousand Island dressing again. "

http://upload.lushstories.com/515567204-lq8azdpx3uk4qih2w1z0.jpeg

How do we really know thats coming out of her flower? Could be her arse! From that angle....we'll never know!

A valid point Ms Diamond, although if it is hanging from her ass she still does have a certain talent: a talent which maybe has more appeal to us men for fairly obvious reasons .

However you are right, at that angle it could even be hanging from her pubes: assuming she has any...

It would be rude not to!

A song from my student days... Have edited in the censored bits now!

Engineers Song
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
An engineer told me before he died,
Ah-hum, ah-hum.
An engineer told me before he died,
I have no reason to believe he lied,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum,
Ah-hum, titty-bum, titty-bum, titty-bum.
An engineer told me before he died,
And I have no reason to believe that he lied,

(Chorus) That no matter whatever he tried,
His girlfriend was never satisfied!

(Chorus) That girl she had a Cunt so wide
She could never be satisfied,

(Chorus) The engineer was a designer,
Measured the bore of her vagina,

(Chorus) Then he built her a Cock of steel,
Powered by a bloody great wheel,

(Chorus) Yes he built a bloody great wheel,
Two brass balls and a Prick of steel

(Chorus) Two balls of brass were filled with cream,
And the whole bloody issue was driven by steam.

(Chorus) He tied his girl to the leg of the bed,
Tied her hands above her head,

(Chorus) There she lay demanding a Fuck,
He shook her hand and wished her luck,

(Chorus) Round and round went the bloody great wheel,
In and out went the Prick of steel,

(Chorus) Up and up went the level of steam,
Down and down went the level of cream.

(Chorus) Till at last the maiden cried,
"Enough! Enough! I am satisfied!"

(Chorus) Now we come to the tragic bit,
There was no way of stopping it,

(Chorus) It went like the piston of a train,
He should have fitted a gearing chain,

(Chorus) Clouds of steam blew out the top,
There wasn't a way to make it stop,

(Chorus) She was split from ass to tit,
And the whole Fucking thing was covered in shit,

(Chorus) It jumped off her, it jumped on him,
And then it buggered their next of kin,

(Chorus) It jumped on a departing bus,
And the mess it made caused quite a fuss,

(Chorus) The last time, Sir, that Cock was seen,
Was in Buckingham Palace Fucking the Queen,

(Chorus) There's a moral to the story I tell,
If you see it coming better run like hell,

(Chorus) Nine months later a child was born,
With two brass balls and a bloody great horn,

(Chorus) The warning in the story is,
Always fit a safety switch,

(Chorus) The crux of the matter is plain to be seen,
You should never trust a fucking MACHINE!

We've goat hauners

Aye, mebbe thoosan's o' us Jocks oan here....

The early morning sun poured in through a small gap in the curtains. Mandy blinked as her eyes grew accustomed to the bright light. For a moment she was disorientated, unsure of her surroundings. As she woke, she realised John was lying close to her; she felt the heat radiate from his body and luxuriated in it. She lay watching him as his big chest rose and fell with every breath. Mandy...

Added 22 Dec 2012 | Category Oral Sex | Votes 1 | Avg Score 5 | Views 1,390 | 1 Comment

The Wager: Part 3 John and Mandy kissed passionately as they lay on the bed. He caressed her curvaceous body in an intimate and sensual, but not overtly sexual way. He admired her pretty face and large breasts, with their huge dark nipples. Her waist was not slim, but that was OK in John’s eyes. He didn’t really like skinny girls. Her delightful derrière was large, well rounded and...

Added 22 Nov 2012 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 4 | Avg Score 4.5 | Views 1,211 | 1 Comment

“Och” exclaimed Mandy in her Scottish brogue. “So I lost the bet and my forfeit is that you get to choose what we do for the rest of the night, but what exactly do you have in mind?” "Well, first I think you need to undress me,” said John. “All right, whatever you say!” replied Mandy and proceeded to unzip John’s jeans, struggling to move the zip down over his erect cock. John sat up...

Added 19 Nov 2012 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 6 | Avg Score 5 | Views 2,538 | 4 Comments

Thanks to "Mandy" (you know who you are) for her valued opinion and input. John relaxed in a corner seat of the hotel foyer, enjoying the busy hum of the place and watching the constant stream of people passing through. He’d been at the hotel for an hour or so; had checked in, gone up to the room, shaved, showered and changed into a crisp white shirt, jeans and Timberland shoes before...

Added 08 Nov 2012 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 4 | Avg Score 5 | Views 1,465 | 3 Comments

Iain sat back in the rowing machine to rest, he wasn’t really a gym regular: he preferred mountain biking, skiing or walking, but the weather had been so bad over winter and he’d signed up to a fitness challenge at work: he really had to get in shape. Of course there was one reason he still enjoyed going to the Gym even though the weather had improved in the last week or two: Just on cue...

Added 14 Sep 2012 | Category First Time | Votes 4 | Avg Score 4.75 | Views 3,704 | 1 Comment

John was at a business dinner in London last month, one of 600 drunken men drooling over the dozen or so females at the event. He was away from home, had a nice hotel room upstairs and not a chance of tasting some pussy, or so he thought.   Bored of the endless business chat from a bunch of guys who were even more drunk than him, John wandered through to the main bar and ordered a beer....

Added 22 Jan 2012 | Category Anal | Votes 8 | Avg Score 4.88 | Views 5,271 | 5 Comments

Iain looked across to the passenger seat again, the traffic had slowed and he was finding it difficult to concentrate with the distraction of the gorgeous woman sitting next to him. Mandy crossed her legs again and the little black dress she was wearing rode up another inch or so. He savoured the sight of her long legs encased in sheer nylon, with just a glimpse of naked flesh showing at...

Added 12 Feb 2012 | Category Group Sex | Votes 6 | Avg Score 4.33 | Views 3,576 | 3 Comments

Iain knocked gently on the door of her flat, he was nervous as hell, like a teenager on his first date. He’d chatted on line with Mandy dozens of times, but this was their first meeting. His mouth was dry in anticipation, he didn’t even know what she looked like: all he’d seen were those two photographs of her beautiful breasts. He had a vision in his mind based on the photographs and...

Added 28 Jan 2012 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 5 | Avg Score 4.2 | Views 2,311

It was a hellish journey: 200 Kilometers of Dutch motorway covered in a thick layer of snow, a diesel hire car that could barely pull the skin off a rice pudding and a Sat Nav that kept telling me that I was late.  Incredibly I made good time, as the evening got later, the roads became deserted: everybody in their right mind was tucked up at home by now, but not me: I was on a mission! ...

Added 14 Apr 2012 | Category Anal | Votes 1 | Avg Score 3 | Views 2,211