Sorry to disappoint, but all of my ideas are very feasible and not at all silly:

1. Shock therapy:

Find an elderly chap with an exhibitionist streak, dress him in a trench coat and a hat (and nothing else) and have him flash the unsuspecting visitors when they open the door.

Not silly because: It's a doorway, not a public place.
Not impossible because: How hard can it be to find an exhibitionist?

2. Reverse psychology:

Get someone to parade in the street in a jacket with a charity name and have them chase passers-by: 'Do you have two pounds a month to spare for charity? Let's go there (point to the door) and talk some more'.

Alternative:
'Oh, you're just in time to join us for our prayer. Come in! Today's topic: How to save your soul and abandon alcohol forever.'

(No insult to charities or religious institutions intended, I'm only assuming drunk people not to be interested.)

Some more alternatives:
'Have you been injured recently and it wasn't your fault? Come, we'll find if you're eligible for compensation.'
'Want cheap international calls? Come in and we'll give you gazillion free minutes!'

Not silly because: It wouldn't exactly be a rare sight, would it?
Not impossible because: You only need one person who's willing to exercise their marketing skills, you could even offer it as an apprenticeship.

3. Sensory overload and confusion:

Have at least five burly men stand in the doorway in police hats and red leather thongs and have 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate played as soon as the door is opened, the blokes swinging their hips to the music and then gently guide the intruders out of the building, but not before giving them a gentle warning slap on their bum.

Not silly because: A little silly, but I'd like to see it (I'm incredibly serious, so anything I come up with is sensible by definition) :)
Not impossible because: You only need to go to the local gym to scout for candidates (I could take that task off your shoulders...)

4. Low budget, practical and worth a shot: A big 'Beware of Dog' sign (or five of them).

At the very least, have some really funny and silly music play while you're scrubbing.

Nobody? I'll play.

But first you need to clarify. Are we talking books or TV show?

Of the characters that appeared in the TV series (being a reader, I'm thinking of the characters as they appear in my mind, rather than the actors), I'd be interested in Hound, Jorah, Stannis. And I'm some random girl they pick up on the way...

If books, then I have some more suggestions.

And judging by your age, well maybe your partner is from the era when sex was never mentioned and looking at porn was considered a really big deal. Views have thankfully changed.


You must be famous for your tactful approach and impeccable manners.

(I'm sure you didn't mean it, but it really comes across as insulting.)

I've been quite a few times, not a big deal, but there is nothing sexual about it.

I don't have any issues seeing bodies that are supposedly imperfect and not-so-young, I don't giggle, don't really look, it's only about the feeling of sun, water and the liberating nakedness. For me, it's a wonderful selfish indulgence. The same goes for naked saunas.

That said, I do have an issue with people who go there and spend the entire time commenting on other people's bodies. Nudism is a culture with a few simple rules and respect is one of them.

Head librarian at the Library of Alexandria.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Oh, to know it all!

P.S. Is there something wrong with me to read a sex stories forum and that's the most exciting thing I read all week?

I can see this is a bit of an abandoned theme, but I'm new here and until I have an articulate thought on female ejaculation, I'll stick to what I know. This is a quote form Hamlet that sums up what I feel:

''There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.''

If the definition of an alien visit is a ship landing in Central Park in front of news crews broadcasting the whole thing live, metal doors open loudly and out comes a bunch of humanoids (insert interesting colour), waving and saying ''Greetings!'', then we might all be disappointed.

If you allow for non-carbon based forms, like the aforementioned silicon-based forms or conscious nebulaes etc. ... then things become much more interesting.
Like the extremely clever people above said, Star Trek infrequently explored some of those ideas (but it was much more important for Kirk to have all that interspecies sex, using the universal translator for that all-important question: 'Where is your vagina?'). Some sci-fi stories I can't remember anymore also tackled very alternate life forms.

In other words, someone might be banging on that fishbowl we live in and we don't know how to recognize or understand them. That's all before you even start doubting what you're told.

It feels very impertinent to choose this as my first post but it looks like too much fun to resist.

I'm really trying to see you side, Mr Hugecock (giggles).

I get some of it: I was once a sex-crazed teenager going out with a would-be poet (he did and does get published, non-sex stuff, about nature and ravens, I'm pretty sure he's still human). He was 19 and I was his official girlfriend so I thought there was some sex on the cards. He rebuffed all my less than subtle advances. It's still a trauma.

I'll ignore how you attack intellectual snobbery while dishing it out, other people have done that.

But you make this big distinction between the wonderful, sophisticated world of everything but and then treat sex like something icky and horrible. Not an uncommon condition but still. It's as if you are ashamed you want it. Only in school holidays, no, it's too dirty, oh, I feel guilty, oh no, but I want it... You feel angry and guilty that you want to go to a dingy little chat room to do an icky cyber. So what! There's nothing wrong with that.

Make friends with your little Mr Hugecock! Don't treat him like an embarrassing cousin. Tell him he's alright, that you're happy that he feels alive.

How about that?