Now see being in the lifestyle for 16+ years (just had my birthday April 16th so it had to change) this is by far one of the more interesting topics I have seen here in a while and brought me out of my self imposed non commenting hiatus on this board.

First thank you for defining RACK and SSC for those that might not have known what it meant. I think anytime we talk it is important that we make sure that anyone that reads the posts have a complete understanding of the terms being used as that is key in any level of communication.

As for me personally, I think all my slaves and subs, those that are mine, those I have trained for others and those I have rehabilitated know that it is always Safe (as defined by the guidelines of the relationship), Secure (with all safety precautions taken, including quick release in bondage situations) and in ALL CASES Consensual (hope I spelled that right).

That said there is always a Risk (if it were completely safe there would be no reason to take precautions), they are always Aware (they know what they are getting into from the beginning), Consensual (see above point as it can't be made enough. It must ALWAYS be Consensual) and I could have now misspelled that three times. And it would be hard not to admit that it is Kink (just by definition alone).

I would say that it is less one or the other and more a combination of practice from the SSC side and awareness from the RACK side and so both parties may be in the same relationship and see it from one side or the other.

Oh definitely the abusive guy. Who needs manners and chivalry when you can go out with a douchey & disrespectful wad of fuck?? I mean no self-respecting woman would ever put up with a guy that showed her the utmost respect. That's why it's called SELF-respect...we have enough for ourselves so other guys don't need to bother respecting us.

And as far as my best experience on a date? Well we went to McDonald's, and he got me the best meal the Dollar Menu could offer...and then he forgot his wallet, so I had to pay. After we got in MY car, he looked over at me and said, "You're cute. Let's fuck." And I was like, "Cool. Your place or mine?" He said my place because he lived with his mom, who locks him out if he stays out past his 10:00 pm curfew...so he ended up sleeping over because he knew she wouldn't let him in. And then we both got to my place, and stripped naked. He saw my boobies, so he came a little in his undies. But I have to give it to him, he was trying really hard not to, I saw it in his face. So then we finally got down to it...best 15.3 seconds of my life...well his life. One and a half pumps and he was done. He rolled over on his side, farted, and sucked his thumb...and about 5 seconds later I heard snoring. It was the cutest thing ever. The following morning (since he had to sleep over because mom locked him out) I woke him up with a BJ. And he said the sweetest words I've ever heard: "I'd return the favor baby, but I just don't do that." Of course it was just fine with me. I cooked him breakfast. It was intended for the both of us, but his appetite was ravenous after our rigorous lovemaking the previous night, so he didn't bother to leave any for me, which was so thoughtful because I was trying to lose weight. After that he asked me for my wi-fi password because he ran out of data on his cell phone. And he played on his phone for a while, totally ignoring me...and then I gave him a ride home. I thought everything was magical, but he never called back. But I call him every single day and send him text messages, but for some reason he hasn't received any of them. I assume this because he never responds. But I just know he's the one for me, so I'll let fate handle the rest. BEST. DATE. EVER!

Can I just say as posts go this was the funniest damn thing I have read in forever. I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair literally and hit the floor. Sorry, I know Sprite quoted this earlier, but it just needed to be done again. Incredible post.

Biggest hits in my book. Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actress in a leading role. Great character, great movie and fantastic to see her rewarded for that role. Also Anne Hathaway for Supporting Actress for her role in Les Mis.

I loved the speech by Ang Lee director of Life of Pi. That was an awesome moment as well.

As for flops. Christoph Waltz.... REALLY? That should have been Tommy Lee Jones all the way. The speech by Quentin Tarantino was just the most self aggrandizing I have heard in a while.

But the thing that pained me the most was the beginning. The whole bit with William Shatner and Seth MacFarlane call me crazy and old fashioned if you must but to say that a show sucked before it even really got started... that seemed to me to put a damper on the whole evening.

50 Shades of Whey - The Further Stories of Little Miss Muffet
50 Shades of Ben Gay - The Story of Shaquile O'Neal's Career
50 Shades of Stay - The True Story of Rin Tin Tin

I was really debating how to go about responding to this. Let me start by saying that I will not respond to certain things you have said. Such as commenting on my handle or taking shots at me. The reason is that frankly that adds nothing to this discussion but to distract from what I think the question was and the answers have been.

Like if a sub is too emotionally fragile for bdsm sexual releases then they shouldn't be participating to begin with. Especially if words are enough to scar them mentally. I mean if words are too much, how are they gonna do with physical pain which scars both mentally and physically? In real life the physical pain is accompanied by words as well. It's like an alcoholic staying away from bars. A war vet with PTSD not watching overly gory and realistic war movies. etc.

I find it irresponsible for a master to try and introduce such a fragile mind to this sort of activity. And yes I know it's the sub trying to please the master but what exactly is the pleasure a master gets from putting a fragile girl through this? Reminds me of a bully and a victim.

You bring up physical scars and PTSD. But the mind for anyone whether a submissive or a Dominate can be manipulated with the right touch (both physically and metaphorically speaking) to bring about a negative or positive change in a persons behavior.

You talk as if the solution to online bullying or people that are of a weak mindset getting taken advantage of is to remove them from the world, limit their choices or protect them from themselves.

I would say that is as harmful as the bullying itself and really the same thing in a different form.

Safe words are just what they say. "Safe". There is nothing weak about having a safe word in place and ANY real dom or Master understands that having one in place is not to make it so they don't have to communicate, but to make the communication that much better.

See I know that my girls will let me push their boundaries as far as they can take it. Because they know that if at any point they feel that something is happening they are not able to handle, they can stop it immediately, enter a mode of conversation that takes place on a very even base that allows us both to understand where, why, how and what to do in the future to make sure this doesn't happen again OR to make it so they can proceed more comfortably.

This is needed online and in person. Especially if you are on cam with someone.

My answer stands as it did in my first post that a safe word is a safety net. Protection and a way to enhance the consenting communication between the two parties in the relationship so that they can both get 100% out of it and feel that both parties are respected.

Lastly, my thanks to Ravyn was not because I felt that I needed someone to defend me. Trust me, I have no problem defending myself, opinions, beliefs and status. It was because I read her response and saw someone who understood what I was saying and gave a very good explanation of it.

Thank you Ravyn.

Safe words online are a must if you are doing serious play. Because the mind is a very fragile thing and you can damage it psychologically with play that you can't stop. As for closing the window of course you can. But then you have to avoid Online Messages and all the other possible ways you have let that person get in touch with you. Just set up a safe word. It is "SAFER"

I choose the top in a heartbeat. I prefer tits and ass. And the top has both. The dick is something that is completely additional.

Top and I think the name says it all.

By the way I think that imitation is the greatest form of flattery. I like your tag line findingnichole.

Wow, this is a huge question. Not just rambling I think, but the flowing thoughts of someone who has truly been hurt deeply. As I read through that, I get a stream of consciousness mentality that almost cries for help. I won't have any guaranteed answers. But I can give my opinion based on the 15+ years I have and maybe somewhere in there is something that will help.

First, when you put time and effort into something that shows a level of caring and passion. I would say that means it was something that in the very heart of you, you cared about. Not just with the person you were with but as a whole. In BDSM just like in a 'Nilla relationship, things happen. In my case it was twice this year. I lost a former slave named Lindsey, when she passed away. She was truly the first slave I ever really truly loved, then I recently lost a slave named Princess who I started mentoring, but now she is talking with others and she may end up being mentored by someone else.

Why? Because that is what she needs. And while I would love for her to stay. She needs to grow. That might very well mean casting off the very person who introduced her in the first place.

Would that feel good? No. BUT.... If it is what is for the best then by all means it is what needs to happen. I say all that too let you know I can sympathize and if you will let me even at some level empathize with you.

But my concern is not in the way you will deal with the loss. Why? Because loss while tough, is something that we overcome a lot in life. What I am concerned with is that it is driving you back to where you "were before it all".

That to me, and once again this is an opinion.

Seems like it is throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak. I mean if you still love anything about this lifestyle there is going to be someone else in it for you. If you have doubts, I can speak again from experience. I never thought I would ever care about a sub/slave again when Princess left. I was hurt to the core. And then a chance email from someone who read my posts. Sent a friend who had experienced a loss to me. And a Master deserted another incredible sub/slave and once again we began to talk. Now I have two incredible girls that I care deeply for, that both love me and I them.

Two that I think most people might have never thought would end up with *takes two thumbs and points at himself* this guy.

I do not know the extent of the loss and so I was a little hesitant to post, but then I figured, if you were truly trying to get some sort of focus back that maybe just a few opinions offered here and there and you might find the words that speak to you and allow you to move forward.

As always if you want to talk on a more personal level feel free to send me a PM.

I hope this helped a little.