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RoseOfDesires
Over 90 days ago
Female, 154
Canada

About

I am an 18 year old MTF transsexual who is still undergoing he process. I hope for surgery in the near future as I hate my body. I will not cyber with random people, and especially those who wish me to play as a tranny or worse, a male. I'm here on Lush to write stories, to be in an environment where I can truly be myself, and to explore my sexuality as I hunt for the feminine sexual pleasures that are forbidden to me. My interests and tastes rapidly change from becoming obsessed to repulsed to confused and back again, and its all part of the conflict between my morals and my desire for a pleasure I cannot have.

Besides wanting to be a woman, my other wish is to be a mother. I know I'll never be able to be a true mother, as I can never bear a child of my own. There has only been 2 successful womb-implants to date (that I know of) and not a single MTF transsexual woman has lived through child-birth. At the moment, I've only partly succeeded on my motherly goals. I have a daughter in name only, as her real mother does not even fill her role in the slightest. I'm elated to be her mother and we love each other dearly. There is no secret or thought that I keep from her, as in order to keep this relationship alive I need to be as honest with her as I possibly can.

I may never undergo the full surgery to remove my cock and gain a pussy, for many reasons. The main one being both me and my daughter fear for my life as there have been many fatal failures in that department. The other is I fear that by getting one, I lose the potential for any form of pleasure down there, I'd rather not risk my life just to lose something, just to end up becoming abstinent.

Interests
I enjoy walking, it helps me think over problems. I contribute my knowledge of what I want in terms of gender and sexuality to thinking while walking. Sometimes I think about how to solve a problem my daughter has come across. Or I could spend the walk fantasizing about getting fucked senseless. At other times when none of the above topics strikes me, I drift towards science and start creating theories out of thin air for fun. The topics that frequently occur are: astro-physics, quantum-physics, the nature of the universe, the causes of transsexuality and the causes of other psychological problems.

Favorite Books
My favourite book so far would have to be Self by Yann Martel, purely because I connected with it in such a way that I've never before experienced in any other book. Besides that, other books that I've really enjoyed: Dirty (and) Broken by Megan Hart, Discovery of Witches (all-souls trilogy) by Deborah Harkness, Healer by Carol Cassella, Tiger Eye (and) Eye of Heaven by Marjorie M. Liu and finally A Cup of Comfort for Mothers (compiled) by Colleen Sell.

Favorite Music
Anything Jazz. Marionette Purple by Daisuke Ishiwatari, Tank by The Seatbelts, Waffle Jazz by Trondor (good luck finding it) and Now You Has Jazz by Cole Porter just to name a few.

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