Forum posts made by susan

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(Because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(They don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(They don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor
lock)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7! HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(Don't know.....it never happened)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Very funny

I'm with you chef. i have lived in FL all my life been through more hurricanes than i can count. and when you are told to leave you pack up what you can and get the fuck out. Is it scary wondering if you home will be there when you get back, of course it is but my life and the lives of my loved ones are more important. i dont understand why anyone would risk "riding out the storm". When they tell you to leave, you leave and pray your home will be there when the storm is over. You cant stop mother nature when she is in a mood all you can do is get out of her way.

I'm with Lush it's just plain wrong.

75% for me

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her
sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her
groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and
enlarges what is given to her.


So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit

Keep honking, I am reloading!

Your honor student deals the best drugs.

Stupidity is not a crime so you're free to go

Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car

All men are idiots, and I married their king.

They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass!

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting
it done.

Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. - Dorothy

Avoid Hangovers; Stay Drunk

Before giving someone a piece of mind be sure you have enough to spare!

Buy a gun support the constitution.

Buy a gun. Piss off the liberals.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Don't judge a book by its movie.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and then the suffering...

Go Braless! It will pull the wrinkles from your face.

Gun control is a steady hand.

I can't go to work today. The voices told me to stay home and clean the
guns.

If you have something to say, raise your hand. and place it over your mouth.

Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!

The squeaky wheel is often replaced.

I suffer from a sexually transmitted disease: Children

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.

Very cool

too funny

LOL

that was hysterical. Loved the gremlins!

93% in 34.8

Would that not be the coolest fucking thing in the world? To meet someone BIGTIME on here.
Lessee. Sen Kennedy, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Harrison Ford, hell, how bout Jesus? ROTFLMFAO!!!

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I would wear even Jesus out with all the questions i have, he'd send me to hell just to shut me up

LMAO......ohhh the possiblities are endless.......


To trying to get this

too funny and oh so very true

Maple Tree for me

"Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto."
by vera donavan in one of the best movies of all time, Dolores Claiborne

I like it because it is a very true statement.

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men, and one was a woman. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the woman gave a very touching speech about how she would give up her life to save the others because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

And all of the men started clapping....

but sadly true

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

Well you can't leave it open....what would be crazy.....LOL!!!

and if he tries to come back in shoot him, then call the police and tell them he was trying to break in.

Maxine is a riot. I worked at a Hallmark story for a few years. i think i have read every card, calendar, joke she has ever done.

uh.. Z I'm not kidding. I own four guns.

i have a key chain that reads "I have PMS and a gun. Excuse me. did you have something to say?"

that is definitely true

" have a happy period" are they crazy! Someone tells me that, my only problem would be deciding which of my guns to shoot the bastard with.

How funny!!

good one

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

maggie may by rod stewart for me

hey dont pick on us bankers. We wait until you leave before we laugh at you.

sorry i am late but reinforcements are here, i brought a garbage bag full of water balloons.

Love guitar hero too.