About Woman
Biography

Now wait. Stop right there. I mean it!!! Stop!!! If you are here to glean some insight as to who I am? Please! Please!!! Step right on in!!! Do you have your ticket?

For those of you who want to add me willy nilly to your friend list? In the words of someone, somewhere in a movie, you must first get three questions. Find the questions in the Monty Python movie "The Holy Grail". But do not ask... do you swallow? Cause then I'd just bop you on the head.

Name:
I AM NOT CHINESE!!! I just live here
Sex:
Female 
Age:
94
Sign:
Cancer
Relationship Status:
Slut
Location:
Stopping the war 'tween Harold and Kumar, China
Interests:
Harold. He's the hamster that lives in my brain. Sometimes; he does not run in his wheel all that fast. And sometimes??? He even runs backwards. Be warned. I've not fed him in a while. I am on strike. Right. I am on strike from thinking. Harold seems to have an infatuation at the moment with men's prostate glands and the need to outstretch my fingers to want to play with men's heiny's.
Favorite Books:
Stories. Stories about backsides. It is not a fetish I tell you. Just a phase!!! Honest!!! It is just a phase!!! Oh and masturbation mishaps. I find these very funny!!! Too bad more people do not write about sexual mishaps, cause we make tones of those!!! You know how many noses I have broken since I started? More than the fingers on both my hands!!! Some of them? twice!!!!!
Favorite Authors:
Diana Gabladoon, CS Lewis, FTFAGOS, Stephen King, Ian Rankin, and so many others all over the place!!! *Pauses for dramatical effect.... BUM BUM BUM!!! You can continue reading now.
Favorite Movies:
I melt every time I watch Brigadoon. And just recently discovered, "Cool Hand Luke". Classics are my favourite to watch, and I am a sucker for Adam Sandler. I think it is his egg shaped head. "What Dreams May Come", "The Myth" and anything with Danny Kaye in it. Science Fiction like Stargate... nothing gets my blood pumping than a space fight. And I want to have Danny Kaye dance and sing his way in my bedroom. But if he did, that'd be really gross. Cause he is dead. Ewwww.... nevermind. I take that back. Maybe I should invent a time machine. Yeah. Good idea. Then I can go back in time, pick up Danny Kaye, then let him dance into my bedroom. Cause that would make more sense then having me stay in the past now wouldn't it???
Favorite Music:
I adore pretty much all music. From Opera to garage, to classical to country, to swing to rock... I listen to it all! Favourite song... A kiss to build a dream on by Louis Armstrong.... such an amazing song!!!! My brain hurts. And I am hungry. Oh hello! Look!!! A kitty!!! YAY!!! Chicken balls!!!! Whoops! Wrong country.
Website:
Statistics
Date Joined:
21 Nov 2009
Last Visit:
02 Jan 2012
Page Viewed:
18,612 times
Friends:
27
Followers:
19
Days in Chat:
0
Forum Posts:
674
Stories:
11
Badges:
3

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Latest Forum Posts
Topic: If You Woke Up With The Person Above You What Would Be The First Thing You'd Say?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:36

LOL well we can forgive you. Then I will hope to give you at least 3 or 4 mind blowing orgasms

Just three or four??? Have you lost your touch??? LOL!!!!

Topic: Person above you is naked and tied to your bed?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:35

Yes I have where in the hell have you been. Then I would....

I have been haunting your dreams of course!!!!!!!

Topic: Let's talk about sex baby!!!
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:29

1) once or twice per week
2) six days ago
3) With her on top of me
4) Just about right

*woman suddenly falls for this Panther chap... mmmm... Morpheus....

Topic: Let's talk about sex baby!!!
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:29

*runs into the room stomping her feet... NO NO NO!!!!

Now I have this song stuck in my noggin and it never goes away!!!!!

*boogies and sings let's talk about sex babe-y let's talk about you and me.... oh la la!!! sex convo!!!!

1) Not near as often as I'd like
2) Had what? My sanity? Never. Had sex? I decline from answering that question seeing as I am not an American I cannot plead the fifth. Although I wish I were cause then that would just be neat to be able to walk abouts saying, I plead the fifth!!!
3) Ummmm... I am a slut. I like them all.
4) I refer you to my earlier answer above.

Topic: If You Woke Up With The Person Above You What Would Be The First Thing You'd Say?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:25

LOL!!! I got my threads mixed up!!! But I'd still say... did you miss me? then hump you silly.

Topic: Person above you is naked and tied to your bed?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:24

I'd just whisper and ask... did you miss me?

Topic: Have you ever masturbated at work?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:20

To answer your questions...

Yuppers.
Teacher. Often as possible.
Been there done that, got the toys and wrote the stories.

Have you? Tisk tisk tisk... trying to get the info without sharing the info....

Topic: If You Woke Up With The Person Above You What Would Be The First Thing You'd Say?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:18

I'm old enough to be your grandmother!!!!! If we lived in a very oldfashioned time that is.

Topic: What does the avatar above you make you want to do?
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:18

Give MericanNight a wedgie.

Topic: Looking For Handsome Men
Posted: 05 Apr 2011 06:14

ME! I am an uber handsome MAN!!!!!

*looks down... crap. I knew I forgot to buy something while I was at the hospital!!!! I forgot my penis at the chemists!!!!!!

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Stories Published By Woman
Sharing is Caring at School

“You do know I have to get my arse out the door to work?” I said while laughing into the camera of my computer. He looks at me and smirks, while I jump off my bed and reach for my clothes on the edge of the bed. “So. I want to watch you get dressed. You can get ready and still talk. And I get a show.” Again laughing at him, knowing he still had plans to get me back for all the countless...

Added 13 Mar 2011 | Category Voyeur | Votes 4 | Avg Score 4.75 | Views 7,168 | 2 Comments

Sharing is Caring at Home

I dare you… turn on your cam. Looking at myself one last time in the mirror before setting down my phone. Nervous. That text message now out. He had called me a slut this morning, and tonight? I wanted to show him just how much of a slut I could be. I had on a red lacy demi cup push up bra with just a low cut white tank top over it and a pair of black lacy knickers, more of a thong than...

Added 29 Jan 2011 | Category Masturbation | Votes 6 | Avg Score 4.83 | Views 5,235 | 4 Comments

Sharing is Caring... when you're at work

I wake with my pussy drenched. My fingernail lightly dragging over the lips of my mound. My bedroom bathed in an eerie green neon light from the building across the street from my apartment. The frost on the window catching all the lights, making intricate patterns that my mind cannot make out.  I’ve other things on my mind this morning than light patterns.  A rouge finger slips between...

Added 09 Jan 2011 | Category Exhibitionism | Votes 15 | Avg Score 4.6 | Views 7,583 | 7 Comments

A Morning's Frustrations

Smartballs. The things of legends. A tight poonani is a happy poonani. Or a happy man. A happy someone!!! Who cares!! Tell me you aren’t saying that line out loud while at work. Wait a moment, who am I kidding!!! I hope to hell you are! Well lets go back a few days shall we? I was getting ready for work the other morning when I discovered there was a friend online. For some...

Added 07 Nov 2010 | Category Masturbation | Votes 6 | Avg Score 4.33 | Views 8,622 | 2 Comments

Masturbation Blues

I am not a novice when it comes to masturbation, I’d actually be very embarrassed to share with you exactly how long I’ve been tickling my own fancy. Yup. Even when there is someone occupying my bed for a time, I find that I still masturbate for various reasons. Proud accomplishments? I’ve discovered that if my mind is properly stimulated, I can orgasm in just under five minutes. I timed it...

Added 09 Oct 2010 | Category Exhibitionism | Votes 10 | Avg Score 4.4 | Views 9,550 | 7 Comments

Self Discovery

Chapter One They say that university is the place you go to discover who you are. To experiment with life to see what you like, what you don’t, your tastes, your desires, what you have a flair for or just an inclination for. Well, let me tell you. Experimenting? I thought I'd been there, tried that; got the proverbial t-shirt. I did the drug thing and discovered it just wasn't my thing....

Added 08 Oct 2010 | Category Bisexual | Votes 11 | Avg Score 4.27 | Views 11,028 | 6 Comments

Contemplations on a Train

She pulls back hard on her cigarette, the smoky tendrils gently fill her lungs. Her cheeks pull in while her full red lips pucker around the soft orange of the filter. Her nostrils flare, her eyes close. Pure bliss washes over her face as she sucks back the nicotine of her first smoke that day. Her index and middle fingers holding that precious stick. Her chest heaves while she inhales,...

Added 07 Jun 2010 | Category BDSM | Votes 9 | Avg Score 4.67 | Views 4,705 | 4 Comments

Inner Workings of a Woman

To You; thank you… for everything…. me Sittingthere at her desk, her long auburn hair flowing over her shoulders. Her hand holding up her head, her green eyes glaze over behind the brown metal frame of her glasses. Her chest heaving when she sighs. In her right hand, her red marking pen falls to the desk, breaking the silence of her class. Her full red lips curl into a knowing smile as...

Added 26 Feb 2010 | Category Masturbation | Votes 10 | Avg Score 4.8 | Views 13,578 | 4 Comments

The Story of a Milkmaid

I walk into the barn, tired. My Sunday best, feeling confining in the humidity of a hot August heat. Beads of sweat collect on my forehead and between my breasts under my cool cotton blouse. I walk in feeling the stillness and the calmness of the barn overwash me and smile, remembering the night before. And Henry. My body tingles at just the tiniest thought of him and our actions of the...

Added 20 Dec 2009 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 14 | Avg Score 3.93 | Views 11,075 | 7 Comments

First Encounters of a Three Legged Man and Tequila

I walk into the bar, and I know people see me. Tallest woman here, I know I'm seen. Seeing my friends waving, I waltz on over. Greetings are exchanged, flaky as usual. I drop my coat and purse and head towards the bar. Ordering five tequilas and knocking them back flat, order a tumbler of bourbon, kiss the bartender in thanks, pay and head back to the girls. The music is playing. I start...

Added 14 Dec 2009 | Category Straight Sex | Votes 7 | Avg Score 4.71 | Views 2,777 | 5 Comments

Image Gallery
Image Gallery
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Friends Comments
Friends Comments
Lush
Posted: 18 Jul 2014 00:20
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.

WellMadeMale
Posted: 02 Sep 2013 05:12


Everyone should receive a sexy image now & then. Even if they never can get out from behind the great firewall.
Lush
Posted: 18 Jul 2013 00:20
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.
Java
Posted: 14 Feb 2013 09:15
Happy Valentine's Day!


WellMadeMale
Posted: 15 Jan 2013 20:35


Thinking of you...


WellMadeMale
Posted: 18 Nov 2012 00:33
Lush
Posted: 18 Jul 2012 02:00
Happy Birthday from the Lush team.

WellMadeMale
Posted: 01 May 2012 13:16
Magical_felix
Posted: 18 Dec 2011 13:05
Merry XXX-Mas!

Java
Posted: 23 Aug 2011 14:12
Java
Posted: 07 Jun 2011 21:36


Harold?

GemGeekett
Posted: 16 Feb 2011 08:01
Happy Spring Everyone... a favorite from my fav photog, Seige

FicklePickleTickle
Posted: 14 Feb 2011 07:43
Magical_felix
Posted: 13 Feb 2011 18:50


No you can't have my cock... But here's this nice necklace for you. Happy v-day!
lovely_lady
Posted: 13 Feb 2011 14:44
Magical_felix
Posted: 07 Feb 2011 19:03
Bahahahhaha I crack me up!!!!

SirLoin
Posted: 07 Feb 2011 06:30
It's alvin the Chipmunk here on a fly-by! xxx
Magical_felix
Posted: 07 Feb 2011 05:41
They're attached to the cocks duh!
Magical_felix
Posted: 07 Feb 2011 05:27
What do you expect!? Teddy bears and sparkles when you go to my profile!? It says right there at the beginning... Moral less whores, dirty boys and big booty...

Wacky broad!
MrNudiePants
Posted: 30 Jan 2011 20:05
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