Life is too Short to hate someone... Indeed the person with patience will achieve SUCCESS. Life has never been simple or easy but always believed in smiling and keep the world around me quite happy... Wished i could find a solution for the world for the memories that they carry... I am quite emotional so can be overly caring about someone... To know more about me, you can add me or ask me... Sometimes i might also need someone who would want to listen to me like i would listen to them... Hopefully the journey continues....
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In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people still have a difficult time buying them. Take Joe. Our local store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the salesperson to get them.So Joe went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could only ask where the straws were. So he bought the straws and left only to have to come back to buy his condoms.Again Joe came into the store and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so he bought a pair of tweezers and left.Joe once again had to go back and buy his condoms. He went up to the salesperson and said, in a low tone, "I need some condoms."The salesperson rang up the sale and said, "First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy condoms.""What I want to know is.... are you going to suck it, pluck it, or fuck it?"
A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.They drank a couple of beers and she asked if he'd ever had a "Sportsman's Double"?"What's that?" the guy asked. "It's a mother and daughter threesome." she said.As the guy's mind began to embrace the idea and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, "No, I haven't."They drank a bit more,then she said with a wink, "Tonight's your lucky night."They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs, "Mom... you still awake?"
1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!2. Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Petticoat, panties, pussy... No wonder men suffer from high B P!!!3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed. 4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction?What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life!
The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat.The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?"The driver said, "Sure."He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off.The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire."
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church.The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"The old man replied, "No problem at all, Priest.""Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it.""Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?""No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly."What happened?" inquired the priest."My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it" said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.""You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church" stated the priest."We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either."
He said to me: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.I said to him: You wear pants don't you?He said to me: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?I said to him: That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.He said to me: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?I said to him: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!He said to me: Why is it difficult to find women who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?I said to him: They already have boyfriends.He said to me: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?I said to him: A widow.He said to me: Why are married women heavier than single women?I said to him: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed... Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
On their way to Vegas to get married, a wife-to-be confesses to her guy that the reason they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat-chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is OK with her.The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.Several miles further down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession that he has a penis just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is OK with him.The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes, she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.After she became conscious, the guy asked, "I told you before we got married. Why did you still faint?"The girl said, "You told me it was just like a baby!"The guy replied, "It is 7 pounds and 13 inches!"
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary.The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand, He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it."The wife was out of control with anger. She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward.She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!""That's not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back."Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it "If you don't buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher."Don't worry, lady," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system:"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking arse."Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.Immediately, he apologized for his bad language."That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more arse this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."
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