Life is too Short to hate someone... Indeed the person with patience will achieve SUCCESS. Life has never been simple or easy but always believed in smiling and keep the world around me quite happy... Wished i could find a solution for the world for the memories that they carry... I am quite emotional so can be overly caring about someone... To know more about me, you can add me or ask me... Sometimes i might also need someone who would want to listen to me like i would listen to them... Hopefully the journey continues....
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A man and his wife decide to book a hotel room for the night of their 25th wedding anniversary.As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks like I did a pretty good job!"
Pedro was conjugally a very experienced man when he got married to Maria, but she was totally naive.On their wedding night, when Pedro removed his clothes, Maria asked, 'Pedro! What is that?'Pedro, a quick thinker, said, 'Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these.'And then he proudly proceeded to demonstrate to her what it was for. Maria was pleased. After their honeymoon was over, Pedro returned to work. On returning home in the evening after his first day at work posthoneymoon, Pedro found a very upset Maria waiting on their front porch.'Pedro, you said you were the only man in the world with one of those and yet today, when I saw Gonzalez changing his clothes behind the shed, he had one, too!'Ever a 'Fast Thinker' on his feet, Pedro said, 'Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my best friend. Since I had two, I gave him one. So he is the only other man in the world with one.'A skeptical Maria accepted this answer, but when Pedro returned home from work the following evening, an agitated Maria was waiting on the porch.'Maria? Now what's wrong?''Damn it, Pedro. You gave the better one to Gonzalez'
A bride stepped out of the shower on her wedding night wrapped in a robe. Her husband said, "You don't have to be shy now - we're married." So she took off her robe to reveal her naked body."Wow," said the husband. "Let me take your picture.""Why?" said the wife coyly."So I can carry your beauty next to my heart for ever."He took his photo and then went to have a shower himself. A few minutes later he emerged wrapped in a robe."Why are you wearing a robe, honey?" she asked. "Remember, you don't have to be shy now - we're married."So he took off his robe to reveal his naked body."Let me take your picture," she said."Why?" he asked, grinning."So I can get it enlarged."
A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now completely nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears." Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere, so how can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?!" Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone cuming, that was me...
One day in class, the math teacher Mrs. Brown noticed that Little Johnny was not paying attention to what she was saying. So she called Little Johnny to recite in class. "Little Johnny, answer this math question," she said. "If you have 500 dollars and you gave 100 dollars to Susie and gave 100 dollars to Jeannie and gave 100 dollars to Mary Ann, what do you have ?" "An orgy," answered Little Johnny.
A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."
A young man went into a sex shop to buy some condoms, and a sales girl approached him. Sales girl: Can I help you, Sir? Young man: Yes, I want to buy some condoms. Sales girl: What size do you need, Sir? Young man: I didn't realize they came in different sizes. I don't know what size I would need. Sales girl: May I hold your penis to tell what size you would need? As she was holding the penis, she called for assistance: "Give me a small one... Wait! Make it medium...Wait! Make it large... Shit! Give me a tissue !!!"
A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment. "Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor." "It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection." "Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but maybe I can squeeze you in."
A couple were recently married, when the husband arrived at his house he found that his new bride was nowhere to be found. Understandably, he got deeply worried and contacted all his friends and asked where she might be without success. However, two days after his wife disappeared, the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she has been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long. She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for an entire week!" The husband answered, "But it's only been two days, so how could it have been a week?" "Oh sorry! I mean they will hav wild sex with me for a week, I just came home to get something to eat!"
Dorothy and Edna, two widows, are talking. Dorothy, "That nice bloke from next door asked me out. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to ask you about him before I give him my answer." Edna, "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my place punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs. And what's there: a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner; a marvellous dinner with lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show. Let me tell you Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my place and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me three times !!!" Dorothy, "Goodness gracious! Are you telling me I shouldn't go ??" Edna, "No, no, no... of course not... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
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