18 Nov 2013 04:24
Today I was beaten up by a woman. I was in the elevator when a busty lady got in.
I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press 1?
So I did.
I don't remember much afterwards!
05 Nov 2013 11:16
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
-- I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
04 Nov 2013 07:12
One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on...
So He called His angels and sent one to earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.'
So God called another angel and sent her to earth for a time.
When the angel returned she went to God and said,
'Yes, it's true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good...'
God was not pleased.
So HE decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
16 Oct 2013 05:04
Two Irish nuns have just
arrived in USA by boat,
and one says to the other,
"I hear that the people in
this country actually eat
"Odd," her companion
replies, "but if we shall
live in America , we
might as well do as the
As they sit, they hear a
push cart vendor yelling,
"Hot Dogs, get your dogs
here," and they both
walk towards the hot dog
"Two dogs, please!," says
one. The vendor is very
pleased to oblige, wraps
both hot dogs in foil and
hands them over. Excited,
the nuns hurry to a bench
and begin to unwrap their
The mother superior is
first to open hers.
She begins to blush,
and then, after staring
at it for a moment, leans
to the other nun and in
a soft brogue whispers:
"What part did you get?"
02 Aug 2013 12:54
Two engineers were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
31 May 2013 11:41
Occasionally, as we all do, I ponder and fret and, generally, come to no conclusion on any subject.
Life can be lonely and frustrating when the one you cared about for so long is snatched away.
Now, with the means to enjoy life I look around and simply say to myself “what life”.