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Relationship after group sex

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DakotaKid
Advanced Wordsmith
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Can some of you tell me what your relationship was like prior going into a threesome/group sex and what is/was it like after. What was the jealousy factor the first time you both watched each other with someone else? Did it make your relationship stronger? Or did it ultimately destroy it?
acecruiser
Active Ink Slinger
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With my wife and i she wasn't that into it to begin with and didn't want to be around the guy anymore. He was probably an ass and wanted some on the side so the act didn't produce what I wanted.
DakotaKid
Advanced Wordsmith
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I was hoping to get more of a response
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
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It works well if you're in a good place in your relationship (ie. you're emotionally and sexually in synch) and looking to add some variety and adventure into your sex life.

The problem is that a lot of people turn to threesomes and group sex when their relationship is on the downslide or in an unfulfilling place and they think that this will improve their sex life or connection by kick-starting things again.

As long as your relationship isn't in a vulnerable place it can be very hot - the other people are merely props that come secondary to what it's doing for your primary relationship. Otherwise, yeah - you can leave yourself exposed to all kinds of unexpected jealousies. You might also deal with uncertainty and suspicion after the fact.

A friend of mine did this and she felt like she'd created a monster because after their first couple of times playing, he was *constantly* on the look-out for more. Rules and boundaries are important to establish. You want to make sure you're on the same page with this.

I've had both positive and negative experiences, pretty much related to what I've just said above.
Guest
Lurker
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What Dancing_Doll said about rules is extremely important, so I think I'll elaborate from my own experience and the experiences of my friends.

Additional people becoming involved in a previously monogamous relationship can be extremely negative. It can also be extremely positive, but communication is what's truly important. You know how you have to learn to communicate on a whole new level when you first start dating seriously? The first major/long term relationship you find yourself in is usually new territory, and you have to learn to express yourself both directly and subtly on a daily basis in a way you never had to before. Then it happens again, when you take big steps like moving in together, engagement, marriage, and so forth, right?

It's no different with including another player or other players in the bedroom (or wherever you're doin' it). You and your partner need to establish clear rules and guidelines with each other before you even look for somebody new to include. First you have to decide how you might select your other partner or partners. Somebody you both know? Somebody one of you thinks is a great choice (I do NOT recommend this direction, mind you) for the both of you? Or should you find a local "swingers" community or something similar?

Before anything actually happens with your new friends, you need to define the parameters of how far things are supposed to go. I suggest that rule #1 is always "anyone can stop the whole endeavor, at any point, for any reason, that he or she need not disclose should they not wish to." Other things to discuss are what specific sex acts are on the table and which aren't. Is there anything that's just for you and your partner? These kinds of issues. Of course different couples are secure in their sexuality to different degrees, but I always recommend extreme caution in this area, because while it can be amazing for a relationship, it can also be a disaster.

Once all that is taken care of, you need to discuss with your guests what they're comfortable with. This conversation usually has two parts. The first is informing them of the rules you and your partner have established, and the second is to ask them what they're comfortable with, and what they aren't. Once everything is in place, it's time to have fun.

Other tips: Like Dancing_Doll said, it's important to be in a good place with your relationship already. My best recommendation is to find another couple you connect with who's looking for the same sort of thing. It helps when the guests in your relationship aren't available, per se. Especially if you aren't in a poly or open relationship. These are important things to keep in mind, but have fun.

My girlfriend and I actually got together out of a threesome when we were all single. The guy was a catalyst for us and we're all still friends, but she and I fell in love and it worked out amazingly for us. For the moment we are monogamous, but we know that's flexible in the right scenario. The end of the story is that multi-partner sex is fucking fantastic, but it's important to be careful when you're in an existing relationship. I encourage you to have fun, but be careful.
DakotaKid
Advanced Wordsmith
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That sounds like it would work if you make sure and talk about it. What guidelines did you talk about? No making out? No oral? Did you get a dp?
Dancing_Doll
Alpha Blonde
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Quote by DakotaKid
That sounds like it would work if you make sure and talk about it. What guidelines did you talk about? No making out? No oral? Did you get a dp?


No kissing is a common one - there's a certain intimacy involved in that.

Other things to consider are - is this a 'one-of' moment? who is going to be involved in and who is setting things up? do you both have to agree on the person(s) to be involved or do you get vetos if one of you doesn't feel comfortable. Do you want to be friends with these people or see them after the fact? Who keeps the contact info?

I will say, I have been a third party to threesomes before and in two situations, it started out as the girl setting things up and making sure everything was cool, and then the guy contacting me after-the-sex to 'chat' and see if I was interested in another go and if not, how about just one-on-one with him or meeting up for drinks etc . Pretty sure the girl had no idea in both situations. The guys just seemed to become more 'proactive' after the sex on the sly and while I rejected those situations because I didn't want to be 'that girl', people should know that it does happen and I've heard a lot of stories along these lines. Once you've already had sex with a green light from your partner, the concept of actual cheating starts to become a gray zone for some people.

Also - if scouting for new people starts to become a priority in the relationship, it can definitely lead to trouble. Boundaries are needed so it doesn't become a free-for-all. It's like putting a kid in a candy store... you start to want more and more, and inevitably one partner becomes unsettled with the whole thing and wants to scale back and normalize the relationship. You want to communicate so you're on the same page and not letting subtle resentments build.
ErinDcup34
Active Ink Slinger
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There are two types of group sex that I've been involved in - one is the group of young men and women, in college, sitting in someone's room, probably dancing and drinking too much - someone starts a game, like strip beerpong, or strip poker or strip bridge or really x-rated truth or dare -- basically anything to get someone's clothes off. Drinking continues, maybe pairing off and serious making out starts, then other people start joining the couples. This happened to me - we were playing bridge, lots of beer, my bf and I lost and I was topless in my thong. We went off and weere making out - I had his cock in my hand stroking it on the couch. Someone tapped my shoulder - I looked up and saw two other guy friends standing there, cocks "staring" straight at me. I had fantasized about these guys since I met them. I reached over and grabbed each one, smiling. Things got steamy, juicy and sexy from there. There were 3 other girls and 3 guys hanging out with us - over a few hours of drinking and partying and dancing - I think I had every one of those cocks in my mouth and pussy - they didn't all cum in me, but just came in for a visit during the fun. The other girls had the same experience.

Next morning - very interesting, looking at each other. I enjoyed the evening - what we did certainly wasn't cheating , but it was mind-expanding. I'm still friends with all the guys - 3 of them have never been back inside me, but the others and I have had flings where the sex is real and fun. Same with the girls -- no one was forced to do anything and no one got really hurt, other than maybe our opinions of ourselves dropped for a while - I never thought that I'd go in for that kind of mindless sex and drinking, but the fact that it was mindless made it almost OK.

The other group is the repeated threesome. You can be part of the couple, the outsider, or one of the three loners who are "getting together". The couple and the outsider is the most common, and I have been in those threesome, I have been the girlfriend in the threesome, and also the girl invited in to participate. Not going into the details, but they are really fun, with the caveat that everyone - EVERYONE - has to trust everyone else. There is so much of a chance for jealousy to rip the groups apart, and for the loner to rip the couple apart. You want these groups to function as friends and associates during normal day to day stuff, as well as to be a working and fun threesome when the clothes hit the floor. The wife or gf in the couple has to trust me when she sees me "interacting" with he husband or bf's dick, just as much as I have to trust the husband or bf doesn't pay too much attention to me while wife or gf looks on, wondering. It works well if people are very good friends ahead of time.

But - TRUST and friendship are important.

Beffer
Rainbow Warrior
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David has watched me with other guys a lot more than I've watched him with other girls, but we're both cool with it. It was his idea to share me with other guys, so he had no jealousy about it. He got off on it. By the time I got to see him with another girl, I'd been with so many guys, I could hardly be jealous of sharing him with another girl. We both realized our relationship was strong enough not to be threatened by other lovers.

ErinDcup34
Active Ink Slinger
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Looking over some of the answers to this and other questions is a real turn-on for me, and as to this question, its put me in the mood to contact the other two people in my favorite threesome.

But here is another thought - this happened with a boyfriend ( pretty serious, early in freshman year in college), me and a girl that we were talking to at a club in Boston that first night - I though she was just some really nice "stranger" that we met and hit it off with. We went back to my room for drinks after last call, and ended up in a very steamy threesome after drinking probably too much. But, we all had so much fun, we got together several times for more of the same, and even went away for a camping weekend.

It turns out, however, that my boyfriend actually knew her and recognized her in the club that night, and convinced her to act like they were not acquainted. I still don't know if he had arranged to be there at the same time as she was, but it was really a classic stalking situation - she had been his girlfriend - very briefly - in high school, and he had fantasized about being with two girls (he told me this a lot even before this 3some happened, and I was not against it).

I actually liked her - she was a great playmate - but I felt totally betrayed by my bf. If he had only been honest right at the beginning, I would have had no problem inviting her into our bed - but the fact that he felt the need to lie and hide the truth - I ended the relationship.

Bottom line - honesty, trust and no jealousy are what make for good and fun 3somes. But they can so easily be like playing with lit fused dynamite ....

Reagent264
Advanced Wordsmith
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I would add (I’ve only read the last several posts, so this may have been covered elsewhere) that aftercare is incredibly important. I had long fantasized about threesomes with another man. It took lots of years of exploring the fantasy before we defy to give it a go. I wanted it to JUST be sex. The idea that my wife (we play together) would have another man in her bed was a huge turn on. The idea that she would have another man in her heart was crushing.

So we chose a very non-threatening guy for our first go. Met him at a munch (fetlife) on one occasion and just chatted. Hung out together another night with some handsy exploration but no sex. Then finally did the deed on our third encounter. It was amazing. We talked about it for days.

But it definitely set me on edge. I needed a little more attention, a few more “I love yous” and touches than normal for a couple of days.

But the jealousy, in whatever dosage you can tolerate, is part of the pleasure. In my case, we’ve been married for a long time. Long enough that I hadn’t felt jealousy in decades. That ache pulled me closer, clarified my vision, reminded me just how sexy she is.