I have made friends with a number of men who claim their wives, who they still care about have no interest in sex. Many of these woman would appear to be under 50 years of age and more than a few under 40. I do not expect most woman to be like me, but to live in a sexless relationship is just beyond my understanding.
Help me guys have I just met the unfortunate few or is this a common thead with our Lush Brothers. If it is true on Lush what must it me on Society in general. Please Help!!
what if I say true statement
It's true for me. Getting close to 2 years for us. My wife is 45.
When we were younger, we had an amazing sex life. Now that we have gotten into our 30's it has slowed down immensly. Once a month is a pretty common number. We have very busy lives and work different schedules now, but she mentions frequently how horny she is and then we can't find the time to be together. I miss sex!!!
Great topic; My wife and I were just talking about this exact thing. Married 16 years, kids, and completely manogomous, and We feel like oddballs in that we are 40/43 and our sex lives have never been better. Trying things we never thought of, sex at least 3-4 time a week and GOOD sex at that. I can't imagine not having sex for a year-or a month - or a week for that matter....if that's the case, it indicates bigger "issues" in the marriage/relationship to me...
DJ
Oh; and things improved greatly after I had my vasectomy at 37...no worry about suprises anymore.
I have a few mates that are in sexless marriages. They get the sex elsewhere. I do not see how a wife can be surprised if her husband has affairs if she won't have sex with him. What does she think is going to happen?
God, i couldnt end up in a marriage like that. I know its normal for the sex to die down a bit but to go completely without! There would definately be some bigger issues that would need sorting if that was the case
Since this is the 'ask the guys' section, form the guys' perspective it can be devastating.
I don't think many women realize what long term withholding does to a guy, the frustration, the loss of self confidence, how much it can hurt to see a sexy woman, or worse, a demonstrative loving couple.
It will likely end in one of two ways, serious depression, or desparately looking for a woman that will make him feel whole again.
It is very common issue whereby once reaching the age above 40, they tend to lost interest in sex.
Stayed married for 24 years...kids finally out and on their own...too young to live the rest of my life like this...next step was to just start cheating...got divorced instead...life is good now!
I think marriages where the spouses no longer have sex is a symptom of deeper issues (besides ones that are the result of some medical or physical condition). Maybe they didn't marry for the "right reasons", meaning it wasn't out of genuine love and attraction for one another. Maybe some people stay married out of a sense of obligation for their kids but the couple has fallen out of love and aren't attracted to one another any more. I think there are many other reasons why some marriages are sexless. I have several friends who have told me that their marriage is completely sexless and it was for all the reasons above.
Masters and Johnson, in their book Heterosexuality, state that on average men and women like sex equally, but how much one likes sex varies greatly among individuals.
There are many people, men and women, who are not very horny most of the time. That may seem odd to one who is always aroused, but I'm sure you can think of some men and women you know who just don't seem that interested in sex.
Some women need to have sex every day or more often, either with a partner or with themselves. Some women are only turned on by candlelight, wine, romance, talking, touching, and lots of foreplay, and many men don't have the patience for that or the skill to pull it off. Pulling themselves off is so much easier.
Having lived in a sexless marriage for quite sometime I know exactly what is being said here. It started off great sex was plentyful and exciting, we would often have sex 10-12 times a week and it seemed like it would never end. As time went by she started to "lose herself" a little and gained weight, to me she was just as beautiful as the day I met her - in her eyes she was fat and not that appealing. She cited the fact that she was self concious about her body and asked for the lights to be turned off and only to have sex at night due to the fact that she was embarresed about her body.
5 years in, it went from sex 10-12 times a week to once a month. I started to get frustrated but still wanted to support her with her self image, I started to work out more myself running 5 miles a day and 10 miles on the weekend in hopes that she would come out with me....that didn't happen.
10 years in, sex was now down to once every three months. Now I am a very sexual person and saw the writing on the wall, one day I had asked her what differentiates a marriage from a friendship. She was stunned and had no idea where I was going until I blurted out - SEX! We aren't having it anymore and I can't take it. I filed for divorce a few days later.
This probably the best decision I have ever made. I started to resent her for not being sexual with me and it took it's toll on our overall relationship.
To date I know have an amazing sex life (one I never knew existed) and still think back as to why it took me so long to realize that I needed a change in partners.
I was in a sexless relationship for seven years and it nearly destroyed me. But I was still in love with the guy and hoped some miracle would occur. It never did. We broke up - not because of this, but because I found out he had initiated an affair with a 21 year old.
There is no pain on earth quite like lying next to someone you adore with your heart and soul, and yet know they will not touch you.
It's only years later after talking to him he admitted he found my sexual preferences a turn-off. But at the time, he refused to discuss it.
I still harbour a great deal of resentment towards him for this.
It does not just happen to men.
Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't
Love blindsides us all.
Thank you to all of you who have provided a response. Sex is such a basic instinct and should be carried long into the senior years. This is a subject that should take further study. Not why couples become sexless, but how get them beyond the issues that caused the problem.
We women do become overly sensitive in the changes in our body as the years pass. But it seems to me that men get something hanging over there belt in later years too.
Some people have health or emotional conditional that may contribute to the problem, but that should certainly be the minority in this issue.
Please continue to send your contributions.
Thanks again
It seems to me the emphasis is on men being deprived. Although I guess the question was asked of the guys. But I gotta put in my two cents worth. Over the years, I've talked with a considerable number of women, mostly 45 plus. These women and I include myself, are all deprived to some extent. Some complain of once a month to anywhere up to none for "the last few years." The majority of us all agreed we still loved our husbands, and tried to get things moving again, but as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but......
Women stay in a sexless marriage for a lot of reasons, stuck in their comfort zone, fear of loneliness, financial security, guilt, family ties...the list goes on. It seems a lot of men just grow old and get stuck in a rut. Women, those who often rediscover themselves once children are independent, start taking stock of their lives. They find a lot of empty spaces to fill, pardon the pun.
The women who look for sexual fulfilment outside the marriage, I know four who are honest about it, still love their husbands. They're all having affairs with much younger men. They enjoy the passion, excitement whatever, but still go home to their man.
Perhaps marriage licenses should be like drivers ones, renewable every five years.
Whitney, I think heaps of guys would fail the test. I had two conversations with a couple of friends overnight on this topic. I posed the hypothetical question..If you left the marriage tomorrow, what did they think their husbands would miss the most. These ladies, 48 and 49, gave almost identical answers. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, designated driver of drunk husband. I asked what about sex? Both replied similarly....what sex?, don't tell me you still get it.
I have been in a semi-sexless marriage for going on 30 years. We marrried young, ironicly because she got pregnant. Without going into mind numbing detail, she wasn't faithfull in the first few years. Citing the fact that I was working too much. Since the bills we got didn't pay themselves, I worked 2 full time jobs. She also worked full time and slept with her co-workers.
A few years later she told me all about it. . . . at that point, we had 4 kids. I decided that I could get past the affairs, and thought staying together would be best for the kids.
We've gone long periods of time without touching eachother in spite of sleeping in the same bed. At other times, the gaps aren't as long. Most of this in-activity is because I've never really been able to get past what happened.
Our youngest just turned 18, and I look back and feel like I've wasted 30 years. I look around, and feel like I have a couple bad roommates. I look forward. . . . not sure which way I'll go.
All that, Is my way of agreeing that there are always deeper issues!
My sex life suddenly went from three times a week to zero in 1996
The reasons vary:
Sometimes it's because of her meds
Sometimes it's because she wants no part of any situation she doesn't have 100% control over
Sometimes it's because one of her councilors told her that sex is degrading and has no place in a loving relationship
When I was 20, it was 10 times a week
When I was 40, it was once a month, IF I was lucky
The last time was around three years ago
And yes, we have both been known to go elsewhere looking for it
lol Thank god for erotic stories and porn at least i know what I'm missing
Id say its true when we were engaged we had sex anywhere and every where now were married im lucky if we have sex 4 times a year
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