My question to you lovely kinky friends is: When did you realize that you needed/wanted more from your relationships and sex life?
For me, I realized it after my first big break up that I needed a partner who could dominate not only his life but mine too and guide me through life. Plus I was always a masochist..
I guess I was in my late teens, more than a few years ago. The trip has been fantastic, I would not change a minute of it.
"When its too kinky for everybody else, its just gettin' good for me."
(Kinky Freedman)
When I first came on Lush and made some friends here, I was talking to a few of them who were into BDSM. I described myself to them as vanilla, and there began to ask me if I liked this or that. After about the fourth or fifth thing that I said I liked or wanted to try, they said ''Cas, you are not as vanilla as you think you are."
I was in my early 40s dating a lady that to me was a bit kinky, she liked to be spanked before having sex, I thought that was fine but a bit kinky, the longer we dated, the more she asked for, the more I thought this lady had something wrong with her but also found that I was liking what she was asking for. Needless to say she taught me lots and life has been great because of her.
I discovered the 'my me' at an early age. There are those would could never understand what the meaning of 'my me' is. There are those who read this who may think they do, but they would not know. Vanilla is nothing but an extract of a Vanilla Bean. I like to think that 'my me' is Ambrosia... Enough said
I was the cliched "late developer" who (for good and bad) spent my formative years watching pornography before experiencing real flesh. I would be the first to admit this wasn't the best way to begin developing kinks and fetishes and unfortunately it has left me sexually frustrated with the real thing ever since. The good part would be that's it left me with a very open and honest attitude to sex, the bad part would be that the real thing rarely measures up to what my teenage porn obsessed self expected it to be!
I was still at school and was on a bus looking at an older woman (probably early 20's judging from my age) and thought how great it would be to be put across her lap for a spanking.
I've been interested in things that would be called "kinky" for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know what they were until I was older and was introduced to this lifestyle.
I was 17 and had a very loving Domme
I was 17 and had a very loving Domme
I didn't really think about it until one of my friends mentioned the BDSM scene, and my interest was piqued
After that, I never had to question my sexuality again! I am a businesswoman at heart, and I suppose I have always been tune with my dominant side ;)
About a year ago I fell into a relationship with someone twice my age (18,36) who introduced me gently to the world of sub/dom... and the rest is very recent history. I wasn't as innocent as I previously believed...
If anyone asks you how the perfect satisfaction of all our sexual wanting will look, lift your face and say,
Like this.
Rumi
My first experiences were very polite, respectful vanilla experiences. I just had this innate feeling there was more to sex than this. If there wasn't I would be very disappointed and wonder what the big thrill was. My current bf answered all those questions the first night we were together. I wrote two stories about that first weekend together. Fucking Perfect and Still Fucking Perfect. Changed my sexual life forever.
I think I always knew, I’ve always been domineering. Though I do have such a submissive side, but it seems it can only be pulled out by certain men. Many have tried, and many have failed. I’m much more domineering, controlling, much the stronger one. I also really like having the control. I’m hard to explain, I think, even to myself.
I can come off very submissive, but turn in a blink of an eye. It all comes down to whom I’m around. The controlling side grows with me with age though.
I always knew I wasn't Vanilla when I became a teenager. I always been into very kinky things but kept them to myself, but when I came here it brought it out more. I love BDSM because it's so much more. I'm a switch: I'm a sub with men certain type of men and I'm a dom mostly to women. Mostly I come off as being submissive but I have a very Dominant side to me.
I've always had a thing for kink and light BDSM since I was young :P thank god for my first girlfriend hahaha she showed me who I had the potential to be in the bedroom :P
An ex and I would take it in turns spanking each other and tying each other up. I always preferred to be the one who was spanked and tied up. I realise now that he was a sub too. He started pulling away from doing those things to me and the less he did them the more I craved them.
After him I met someone who was capable of taking charge during sex, once I'd been with him I was incapable of gaining sexual pleasure from any act where I had to take charge. From there I found a love of BDSM and started exploring it.
The first time I ever had sex was with an older, experienced boy. He really knew what he was doing and even though my first experience with sex was not in some luxurious bed someplace, it was still pretty amazing for me. We soon explored BDSM and I really enjoyed the loss of control and having someone dominate me. He went away to school and I found another lover who was only into plain vanilla sex. I was sexually bored with him after only a couple of months and we broke up. I eventually found a man that could dominate me the way I needed. He could bring me to sexual highs that I would never have thought I could reach. We went on to explore many other fetishes and the ones I enjoyed the most were exhibitionism and public sex. All three bring me such a sexual and adrenalin rush that I could never go back to plain vanilla sex.
:d/ what do you mean kinky?:d/
I thought putting a women in a collar, pulling at her leash to draw her close, ordering her on your lap, rubbing the leash across her breast, inserting varies anal toys into her ass as you whispered sweet somethings in her ear, and making her sleep at your feet was vanilla.
Wait till i start getn kinky
The perfect women is flawed, needy, hungry for more, sometimes needs to be put in her place, often needs a light spanking or two. Knows what she wants, melts at your fingers, and sharing isn't even an option. Sit, Stay, Rollover, Moan, Where did i put those handcuff keys?
Damn last one wasn't an order, i really need to keep a spare key.
I've always been interested in the more exotic aspects of sex. I think that once I got over the romance idea of sex the possibilities became more intriguing. I can't say that I've always been interested in beam, that's a more recent development, but things that would shock the vanilla community were always to the fore in my mind. I like to push my limits and keep things interesting.
The first realization should have been when I realized I can almost orgasm from being bit super hard in certain areas (mostly the muscly part of my neck/shoulder) and how much I relished the big black bruises it left. The next one would have been when I would subtly try to get my ex who was way too delicate with me for my tastes to choke me, by pressing my neck into his arm during sex, but I had to be careful to not let out the choking noises or he'd pull back (drat!). Then I learned some of my limits from a fairly brief relationship with someone much older who was a little too sadistic for me, he relished my fear and pain too much, and I began to resent him, besides the fact that we weren't that great of a match outside the bedroom either. Now I'm with someone who treats me a lot more like his sex doll, and far less like porcelain, we're still learning together, but it has so far been extremely fun and I think it will only get better. :]
Absolutely none of us are pure Vanilla!
I discovered mine many years ago. Mostly I'll do anything that doesn't involve real pain. I do not like to hurt, but some like a little sting in it. I'm not crazy about it to me, but I've given it to others and it worked well. Emotional damage is the worst. The hardest to get over and I avoid doing that with a passion.
We all have quirks and like and dislikes. Finding the match is the bitchy part. We go through a lot of chaff before getting to the good stuff. A lot of pain and emotional damage.
A proposal:
Pass a law that prohibits marriage unless you've corresponded with many others on a site like lush. By that time you'll have a much better idea about what you are and what you want. You'll also have probably found someone that matches you pretty well.
I realized it when it I liked when I first slapped my girlfriend's ass when I was younger. She loved it and our relationship changed over time. We explored it and she was a natural sub that brought out my dominant. From there I just kept exploring.
I didnt realise and then one evening a friend who i occasionally had something going on with, bent me over the bonnet of his car and spanked me. I instantly liked it and he started taking charge. Now i find vanilla sex boring and find it does nothing for me without a nice firm hand to keep me right!
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