Lurker
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hose every single employee down with breast milk
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How to lose your job... ABC style
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Active Ink Slinger
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Intrude into board meetings with very visible sound equipment, saying it's for "the good of the people."
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J- jogging and joking all around the office
Lurker
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K - Kill 'em all, listen to the voices
Active Ink Slinger
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Look into peepholes that lead into the bathrooms.
Lurker
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M - magic. Perform magic tricks during contract negotiations for the biggest job your company has ever undertaken
Lurker
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N - Never bother turning up until one minute before you clock off
Constant Gardener
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Harass your coworkers by watching porn on your work computer with the volume blasting bad muzak and worse dialogue.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Cheeky Chick
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Openly admit you have had intercourse on everyone's desk.
Lurker
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Pull everyones trousers or skirts down each day during the lunch period
Active Ink Slinger
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Quit doing your work and start running a phone sex operation from your office
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner
— Gilda Radner
Lurker
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Rip your clothes off at the next board meeting.
Active Ink Slinger
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Sell your coworkers for sex.
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner
— Gilda Radner
Lurker
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Tie up your boss and hide him/her in a cupboard all day
Lurker
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Unleash a torrent of abuse at all the customers who enter your building
Cheeky Chick
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Voice you opinion about how shitty the job is in front of all your co-workers.
Active Ink Slinger
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Wash your sex toys in the office kitchen
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner
— Gilda Radner
Lurker
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X - cite your co workers by giving them an eyeful of your private parts and slow their productivity to a halt.
Cheeky Chick
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Yell and scream up and down the work place that you're pregnant with the boss's baby.
Lurker
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Zoo - turn the office into one, literally
Constant Gardener
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Abdicate your job responsibilities in the middle of a network-wide router upgrade.
The same GQP demanding we move on from January 6th, 2021 is still doing audits of the November 3rd, 2020 election.
Active Ink Slinger
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Bathe in the sink in the employee lounge every morning
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Lurker
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Cunt - At the end of every sentence, say the word cunt, as if you genuinely think it's the person's name.
Lurker
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don't show up at work for days cause you're partying hard
Lurker
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ooops, double post 
Lurker
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Exhume the bodies of dead employees during the night, and put them in the seats of your colleagues.
Lurker
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fuck the bosses daughter
Cheeky Chick
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Give everyone in the work place food poisoning and put it on YouTube.
Lurker
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Hump: When you're in the queue at the dining hall Hump the air and pretend it's a nervous twitch. When someone doesn't believe you, hump them. In fact, just hump everything.
Lurker
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Incite a flash mob in the office - every day