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Bed size and relationships. My thoughts, what are yours.

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As my profile on my page says, I'm divorced. I was married 26 years when she decided the changes I needed in my life didn't suit her. After some reflection of our life together I came to one decision about our sleeping arrangements that may sound odd, but I'll explain my thoughts below.

When you are young and first married, money is tight so you make due with what you have. That means one of you bring your bed along to the relationship or may have somebody else's hand-me-down given to you. Generally this will be a bed no larger than a full size one. Because of it's size you sleep close together, often entangled as young lovers are in desire for each other.

The years go by and the relationship grows with time, but so does your ability to buy nice things. The day comes when that old bed needs or is desired to be replaced. So, now you have the money to buy a nicer bed, do you buy another full size bed or to you go to a queen size in thoughts of more comfort? Most couples buy the queen size thinking comfort.

In reality you've created space between you in bed and in your physical relationship. Now instead of being close while sleeping, you spread apart. You'll find fewer mornings of being cuddled together or even being close to each other. She'll have her side and he'll have his. So the relationship goes on like this, that little separation in the physical side that may not seem so large.

Then the day comes years down the road when it's time for a new bed again. Again with time and prosperity you go looking for the nicer things in life. You find that perfect king size bedroom suit and home it goes.

Now you've created even more space in your physical relationship. With such a large bed it is very easy to find your own space and lose touch with your partner.

Then you add in the other life changes that happen between you and that king size bed becomes ocean of separation.

I think this ever increasing bed size contributes to couples having less physical intimacy in their relationships and in turn creates problems outside of the bedroom too.

So that is my whacky theory. Feel free to poke holes in it or fun at it.

Just know, if you share my bed, it will be no larger than a full size ever again.

R_R
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OTOH, as one ages (I am in my fifties), you sometimes need more space. Moving around in bed with a bad back or arthritis or whatever is a lot easier when you aren't crashing into your partner or having to adjust your position to accommodate them. Sleep is the primary function of a bed, whatever we may think around here, and comfort and sleep quality are the first considerations for a good mattress, IMHO. Lack of, or poor quality, sleep can lead to mental and physical health problems. And, trust me, lack of sleep is NOT good for your relationships.

We do use a full right now but are considering a queen for our next mattress since our frame and headboard can take it and a bit more space would be nice.
Active Ink Slinger
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We started out way back when with a Queen size but quickly determined it too small.

We upgraded to a King which was better, but still required more room. Now we have a custom over-size King.

It has a sturdy, multi-slatted wooden head board for good grip and no side or toe-boards. It's plenty big enough to hold several people at once in highly pleasurable comfort.
Active Ink Slinger
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On the flip side of things, I grew up with a hand me down queen and stayed with a queen even when married. Very seldom would I have a good night's rest and would wake up ill as a hornet. Should I have had a king size to give me the space I needed I might have slept better and been happier upon waking up. I'm now divorced and I let her keep the queen size bed and know have a king for my self and whomever I share it with.
Rainbow Warrior
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Okay, here's my bedtime story... When I moved in with David in 2009, my girlfriend came with me, and we had a full-size 4-poster antique bed that Nicole and I shared in our bedroom. When either (or both) of us slept with David, it was in his queen-size 4-poster bed in his room. Then a few years later, Nicole broke up with me, and I started sleeping with David in his bed. David and I never cuddled for long after sex because he likes to stretch out and roll around a lot, and I usually got crushed or crowded out of bed. Then 3 years ago, we moved my FWB Seth in with us, and for awhile, I took turns sleeping in their beds, but since David isn't a cuddler, and Seth and I are, I started sleeping mainly with Seth. Now, I'm not sure which of them is my boyfriend, because I sleep with Seth way more than I do David, even though David is supposedly my 'life partner' and Seth was just supposed to be my boytoy. Anyway... After sex, Seth and I cuddle up together and fall asleep in each others arms and sometimes sleep the whole night tangled up with each other. We've been sleeping like that for over 3 years in a double bed, and even if we got a California-King, I think we'd still stay cuddled up close cuz that's just the way we are. I think it's not so much the bed size, but just your personal sleeping habits. If you're a cuddler, you'll cuddle no matter how big your bed is, and if you're not a cuddler, you'll keep buying bigger beds to get more room.
Rookie Scribe
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Agree with Bethany here.

It's not the size of the bed. We have a queen size bed, and plenty of space to be far apart with a dog spread out in the middle.

Our habits are always wait for each other to sleep, we just get a book or our phone and wait until the other one is ready and tucked in to turn the lights off.
Also works the other way, if one of us is really sleepy, we'll stop what we are doing - either reading or on the laptop so the lights can go off.

We always cuddle and he plays with my hair, and as we start to drift to sleep each get a little distance, I'm the kind that moves around a lot and he's the kind that just falls asleep in whatever position he's in.

In the mornings, we're cuddled again, with the dog sleeping over our heads taking the pillows to himself.

I just think you don't have to let the extra space get in the middle when it matters. It's in the small things.
Active Ink Slinger
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I don't think anyone's mentioned the extra room to have many forms of sex and that's what I like about my king. With other beds (I had a queen for many years) I was always partially hanging off the sides or foot of the bed and since I got a nice king sized bed that's rarely a problem.

I'm a cuddler and I still cuddle before and after sex.

Just one man's experience and opinion.
Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together.... ;)
Lurker
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You all have to much time on your hands. If a bed DETERMINE the level of your relationship status, then you HAVE DEEPER ISSUES. MY. Husband and I have a Queen size bed and are actually closer now and seem to end up spoon more often. Also I notice he ends up slipping inside me more now .
Active Ink Slinger
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I am tall (6'4"), so I need a King, otherwise my feet hang off the end. Plus, having very active 28 month old twins, who are prone to show up at any time, the King gives us more room. As far as the relationship is concerned, the more room the better.
Lurker
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We prefer queen size.
Active Ink Slinger
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I prefer a king size bed... only because when one side gets wet we can spoon on the other side.... IF YOU know what I mean
Unfuckwithable
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I have a double. I think I have always had a 'big' bed. The only downside is the the dog thinks the other half if hers!
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Thanks everybody for your thoughts and comments. And yes, my marriage had a lot more issues than sleeping arrangements, but those aren't for here.

R_R
Troublemaker
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Has to be a king. I dream of a huge custom made bed. I love my bed and I love sleeping. As for distance in bed, in my experience most nights I end up entangled with the women I have dated so I don't think it matters how big the bed is.
Lurker
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I'm little and I usually sleep alone in a king right in the middle of it. I love the biggest bed I can get, don't ask to explain that.

As for relationships and beds, I don't think you can blame the bed. It's not their fault. They are just innocent, doing their thing being all comfy and warm and cozy. Then they have to take the abuse of sweaty people farting in their sleep and all that. Plus, who knows what other fluids they have to put up with. No, its definitely not the bed's fault.
Active Ink Slinger
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Have had full, to queen, and now a king. Cuddling was great until I had a back injury and can no longer lay in comfort long flat on my back with her head resting on me. That said she has no problem spooning together. The space with my restless sleeping made getting a king better for us both. An old friend told me before my first marriage that no matter how many blankets you put on a bed if the love is gone it will always be a cold place.
Forum Player
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Quote by 1lush
Have had full, to queen, and now a king. Cuddling was great until I had a back injury and can no longer lay in comfort long flat on my back with her head resting on me. That said she has no problem spooning together. The space with my restless sleeping made getting a king better for us both. An old friend told me before my first marriage that no matter how many blankets you put on a bed if the love is gone it will always be a cold place.



Your old friend had it right!
The Linebacker
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We have a king size bed... you can fit more people on it.
Lurker
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We prefer queen size. We often get a king size bed in hotels and both of us feel oddly detached from each other. Full size is a bit tight since both of us tend to toss and turn on occasion.
Lurker
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I've never had anything other than a queen.

And sometimes I sleep on the couch when my husband's snoring is way too loud - or he's having spasms in his sleep - or his arm is like a bar across my side of the bed (usually happens when I'm up late working/studying and he goes to bed). Or, if he falls asleep on his recliner, I don't feel inclined these days to wake him up and urge him into the bed. I just go to bed and sleep peacefully.

But the main cause for a lot of this is his health (declining) and my inability to tune out his many issues in order to sleep.

If we had room for a King that would be awesome because we could actually sleep together more comfortably.
Active Ink Slinger
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For me the size of the bed is insignificant, but the size and the duration..........
Lurker
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Bunk beds, and I prefer to be on top
Active Ink Slinger
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Quote by Road_Runner
As my profile on my page says, I'm divorced. I was married 26 years when she decided the changes I needed in my life didn't suit her. After some reflection of our life together I came to one decision about our sleeping arrangements that may sound odd, but I'll explain my thoughts below.

When you are young and first married, money is tight so you make due with what you have. That means one of you bring your bed along to the relationship or may have somebody else's hand-me-down given to you. Generally this will be a bed no larger than a full size one. Because of it's size you sleep close together, often entangled as young lovers are in desire for each other.

The years go by and the relationship grows with time, but so does your ability to buy nice things. The day comes when that old bed needs or is desired to be replaced. So, now you have the money to buy a nicer bed, do you buy another full size bed or to you go to a queen size in thoughts of more comfort? Most couples buy the queen size thinking comfort.

In reality you've created space between you in bed and in your physical relationship. Now instead of being close while sleeping, you spread apart. You'll find fewer mornings of being cuddled together or even being close to each other. She'll have her side and he'll have his. So the relationship goes on like this, that little separation in the physical side that may not seem so large.

Then the day comes years down the road when it's time for a new bed again. Again with time and prosperity you go looking for the nicer things in life. You find that perfect king size bedroom suit and home it goes.

Now you've created even more space in your physical relationship. With such a large bed it is very easy to find your own space and lose touch with your partner.

Then you add in the other life changes that happen between you and that king size bed becomes ocean of separation.

I think this ever increasing bed size contributes to couples having less physical intimacy in their relationships and in turn creates problems outside of the bedroom too.

So that is my whacky theory. Feel free to poke holes in it or fun at it.

Just know, if you share my bed, it will be no larger than a full size ever again.

R_R


Regardless of ones situation, this is a wonderful observation, R_R. I like it. It makes a lot of sense.
WooHoo!!!! 27,000 views! Could I dare to hope for a famous story...


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Gravelly-Voiced Fucker
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Quote by Road_Runner
As my profile on my page says, I'm divorced. I was married 26 years when she decided the changes I needed in my life didn't suit her. After some reflection of our life together I came to one decision about our sleeping arrangements that may sound odd, but I'll explain my thoughts below.

When you are young and first married, money is tight so you make due with what you have. That means one of you bring your bed along to the relationship or may have somebody else's hand-me-down given to you. Generally this will be a bed no larger than a full size one. Because of it's size you sleep close together, often entangled as young lovers are in desire for each other.

The years go by and the relationship grows with time, but so does your ability to buy nice things. The day comes when that old bed needs or is desired to be replaced. So, now you have the money to buy a nicer bed, do you buy another full size bed or to you go to a queen size in thoughts of more comfort? Most couples buy the queen size thinking comfort.

In reality you've created space between you in bed and in your physical relationship. Now instead of being close while sleeping, you spread apart. You'll find fewer mornings of being cuddled together or even being close to each other. She'll have her side and he'll have his. So the relationship goes on like this, that little separation in the physical side that may not seem so large.

Then the day comes years down the road when it's time for a new bed again. Again with time and prosperity you go looking for the nicer things in life. You find that perfect king size bedroom suit and home it goes.

Now you've created even more space in your physical relationship. With such a large bed it is very easy to find your own space and lose touch with your partner.

Then you add in the other life changes that happen between you and that king size bed becomes ocean of separation.

I think this ever increasing bed size contributes to couples having less physical intimacy in their relationships and in turn creates problems outside of the bedroom too.

So that is my whacky theory. Feel free to poke holes in it or fun at it.

Just know, if you share my bed, it will be no larger than a full size ever again.

R_R


Yeah, I don't know if this holds true for all couples, but it is a nicely observed detail of marriage and relationships.

I love giant beds. I am told I sleep like a chalk outline, all splayed out, so the more room the better. Plus, more room for sex! That said, I only go into chalk outline mode after my SO is asleep. We are pretty cuddly before sleep.
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It doesn't matter about the size of the bed so long as everyone is present and correct and is not selfish with sheets.
Active Ink Slinger
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Hubbie and I got married a month before he left for Air Force flight training school. I joined him about a week later after he found us a furnished apartment which had a double bed. About a year after we were married I became a shared wife with Hubbie's best friend Steven who he met in flight school. He was also from the New Orleans area. After flight school they were both stationed at the same base. They finished as the top two in their class and got to choose the aircraft and their first duty station.

Then Hubbie and I went to the Philippines and Steven went to Germany. In the Philippines we rented a furnished apartment with a double bed. I continued to be a shared wife along with a few more erotic ventures. But those new adventures will be for another forum at another time. Then we returned back to West Texas and Steven returned to West Texas shortly after we did. This time we rented a furnished half of a double house with a double bed.

When Steven arrived we picked up where we left off. I introduced Steven to Kim who was one of my classmates in college in West Texas. I had told her about being a shared wife and she liked the idea. We decided it was time to start buying our own furniture. Our first purchase was a king sized bedrom set. We did not buy a king so Hubbie and I could have more room because we were always cuddling after sex and usually slept that way, and we still do. We bought the king so we had enough room for Steven and Kim who spent most nights of any week with Hubbie and I. If either one was off on a mission the other three shared our king bed.

Steven and Kim got married. Then Hubbie and Steven accepted an offer to transfer to the Air Force Reserves. All four of us returned to New Orleans. We bought our first house and put a king bed in the guest bedroom. Steven and Kim live with in a few miles of us and they have King beds in their bed rooms too. The four of us are co-founders of a private swing club. The five couples and several of our single members all have king beds, because we need big play areas.

Brandie
Active Ink Slinger
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I've had a king size bed in my condo forever. I've always loved big beds, and that didn't change when I got into a serious relationship. Both of the women who have shared that bed with me long term were women with whom I cuddled every night. I also enjoyed cuddling with my hook ups, if they ended up spending the night. So for me, bed size has never influenced relationships, or been a reflection of my relationship.