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Another hopefully helpful tip from Sprite.

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sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
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don't start every sentence with the name of your character followed by a verb. it starts getting obnoxiously repetitive.

ie.

George sat at the piano and drink coffee while thinking of Fred. lots of other words.

George had once gotten a tattoo of Fred on his ass. lots of other words.

George decided to call Fred and ask him out. lots of other words.


etc.

now, picture a story with 40 paragraphs in it that all start just like that and you'll see what i mean...

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Wilful
Devil's Advocate
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Nah, you're full of shit, Man!

Will shoots. Will scores. Will does a dance. Will shakes his ass. Will looks over his shoulder as he slaps his ass. Will feels hungry. Will eats leftover baked cheesecake. Will feels sick. Will regrets his life choices. Will sits down and thinks about where he went wrong. Will eats more cheesecake. Will masturbates. Will comes on his chest. Will cries. Will goes to bed.

My latest story is a racy little piece about what happens when someone cute from work invites you over to watch Netflix and Chill.
simplyjohn
Site administrator
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Quote by sprite


Modified:

Person sat at the piano and drank coffee while thinking of Fred. lots of other words.

Another person (perhaps the same person that played the piano earlier) had once gotten a tattoo of Fred on his ass. lots of other words.

He decided to call Fred and ask him out (This may or may not be the person who played the piano earlier and was also thinking about Fred and had a tattoo of him on his bottom but thats for you to determine/guess). lots of other words.


etc.

now, picture a story with 40 paragraphs in it that all start just like that and you'll see what i mean...



Makes perfect sense to me. Score 5.

NobleStallion
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
Quote by sprite
don't start every sentence with the name of your character followed by a verb. it starts getting obnoxiously repetitive.

ie.

George sat at the piano and drink coffee while thinking of Fred. lots of other words.

George had once gotten a tattoo of Fred on his ass. lots of other words.

George decided to call Fred and ask him out. lots of other words.


etc.

now, picture a story with 40 paragraphs in it that all start just like that and you'll see what i mean...


Damn! I never thought of that lol. You're right about that Sprite. Thanks.
“What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist.”
― Salman Rushdie

Just_A_Guy_You_Know
Certified Mind Reader
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I'd like to draw your attention to this passage from one of the great works of American literature:

Dick said, "Look Look. Look up. Look up, up, up."
Jane said, "Run, run. Run, Dick, run. Run and see.
"Look, look," said Dick. "See Sally. See funny Sally and Father."
"See, see," said Sally. "Sally is up, up, up. This is fun for Sally."

Post-avant-retro-demelodicized-electro-yodel-core is my jam.

Buz
The Linebacker
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Sprite walked down the sidewalk, followed by forty cats. Sprite thought about getting a 'Buz' tattoo on her butt cheek. Sprite walked to the tattoo parlor. Sprite got 'Buz' tattoed on her butt cheek. Sprite showed the tattoo to the forty cats. The forty cats cheered!



Unknown User
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I hate repetitive sentences and probably spend more time tinkering with sentence openings than any other style issue in my stories. I hate repetitive...
apptobebad
Unfuckwithable
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And the more the Grinch thought of this Who ChristmasSing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!
"



You should first read this Looky Here!!

and then this Free stuff

then say 'Hi'
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
Quote by apptobebad
"





you're not to old to spank, ya know.

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

avrgblkgrl
In-House Sapiosexual
0 likes
Quote by sprite


you're not to old to spank, ya know.


Well if you are handing out spankings...
? A True Story ?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
Quote by avrgblkgrl


Well if you are handing out spankings...


taking them, too, in case you're interested. ;)

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

LikeToWrite
Active Ink Slinger
0 likes
I knew this thread had an eye catching title. I hope you ladies don't mind if I hang around for awhile; maybe hide under the coffee table so I'll have a good view of everything. I hope my innocent eyes aren't to shocked by what I see. smile Sounds as if things might get interesting.
If you're feeling bored during this Covid-19 epidemic I’d like to suggest
you take a peek at a story I collaborated with SueBrasil, a brilliant author.
It's about a mistake in judgment a lady makes concerning a friend, based
on the hurtful words of someone that only thinks of himself. Will that
conniving person succeed in ruining a beautiful friendship, or will she see
through his lies? It's gradually creeping up towards the 30,000 mark
and we’d love any votes or hearing whatever comments you may wish
to make. It is listed in my profile under ‘FAVOURITES’ as Apologize.

www.lushstories.com/stories/first-time/apologize.aspx
avrgblkgrl
In-House Sapiosexual
0 likes
Quote by sprite


taking them, too, in case you're interested. ;)


I will be keeping this in mind.
? A True Story ?
sprite
Her Royal Spriteness
0 likes
Quote by avrgblkgrl


I will be keeping this in mind.


*swoons*

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.

Guest
Lurker
0 likes
I think I might be guilty of that one...
browncoffee
Coco Pop
0 likes
Quote by sprite
don't start every sentence with the name of your character followed by a verb. it starts getting obnoxiously repetitive.

ie.

Sprite sat at the piano and drank coffee while thinking of Hannah. lots of other words.

Sprite had once gotten a tattoo of Hannah on her ass. lots of other words.

Sprite decided to call Hannah and ask her out. lots of other words.


etc.

now, picture a story with 40 paragraphs in it that all start just like that and you'll see what i mean...


fixed it. smile