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Am I Just Crazy? Options · View
clum
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 2:59:36 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 3,749
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
It's now over three months since my girlfriend broke up with me. I took it really hard, probably harder than I even realised at the time, and wrote a mushy poem about how I still believe we'll end up together but now isn't the time. I've been dealing with it, or trying to, and I've even started dating someone else.

The thing is, I'm still madly in love with her. Not a day goes by when I don't think about being with her again or wishing that she'd somehow take me back. But nothing's actually changed in these three months so there's no reason why she would and, if she did, it would probably end in exactly the same way. I really thought I'd get over her by now but, if anything, it's getting harder over time.

We're still friends - good friends - and when I'm around her it's so easy just to be myself and talk about real shit, like we have since before we got together. When I'm with her though, I need to battle with every fibre of my being that wants to hold her hand and kiss her and, sometimes, throw her down on the bed and have amazing sex, like we used to. I've had no indication from her that she shares any of these feelings.

Part of me is still clinging onto the hope that we'll get back together soon; part of me is waiting for her. Because I feel like that, I'm finding it really difficult to move on, like it would be unfair to start seeing someone else when I'm sure I'm destined for this girl.

One of my best friends has told me I'm crazy to still be hung up on this girl and that I deserve better than to wait around on this girl who is, in some ways, toying with my emotions. Am I crazy?

There's a very real possibility of me having sex for the first time in a long time on Saturday and I have no idea how to feel about it. It almost feels like I'll be cheating on her (which is ridiculous, I know) and that, if I do have sex with someone else, that's really the end for us.

So, what do you think? Do you think I'm nuts and should forget about being back with her? Or do you think it's worth waiting for if I really love her?

Also, is it fair on anyone else for me to date them and sleep with them if I'm still seriously hung up on this girl?

Any general advice on the situation is welcome, too. This situation is becoming an obsession and my mind is so tired. I'm just at a loss and know that some of you lovely Lushies give some really sound advice. Thanks in advance.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 3:21:54 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,991
Location: In your dirty fantasies
I don't know why you broke up or how long you were together, but I've heard people say it takes about half the amount of time you were with someone to get over them. So if you were with her for a year, it might take 6 months before you feel totally 'over it'. Thing is - if you're still carrying a torch for her, it's impossible to emotionally heal if you're still friends and still hanging out all the time. This is why I feel like exes are better off apart for a cooling down period until both people have stabilized as separate people with their own lives and emotions aren't as intense. Maybe then you can try 'being friends'...

I did what you did once. Had a breakup, felt like I didn't want to be with anyone else and that it would be almost cheating to do so because I was convinced we would get back together again. Well, we did get back together. And the relationship was just as shitty as it was before.

I don't think you should throw yourself into another relationship until you're over this girl (it wouldn't be fair to the new girl), but casual dating, sex and all that is very healthy. It will help you see that there's life beyond this girl and give you some perspective, because right now all you're seeing is her. Once you're back out there and truly open to possibilities, you'll find connections with other people and what you had with your ex will start to fade into the background as just another chapter in your life.


overmykneenow
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 3:37:21 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 966
Location: United Kingdom
Right so she still gets to be friends with you but she doesn't have to do all the relationship rubbish and she sure as hell doesn't go through the whole sleeping with you stuff. Good for her.

Sucks to be you, however.

Seriously, she's taking you for a ride - and not the good type. Put some distance between the two of you, you pretty much already realise that she's no good to be around. If she's texting you or asking to meet up - it's just attention seeking. Avoid it.

I'm in full agreement with DD - get some rebound sex in - nothing heavy.


Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 5:27:19 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,817
Forgive me being a 20yr old trying to put across that she knows shit about anything....

First of all: three months isn't that long. If you were head over heels for her, if you couldn't put fault (or not much, at least) to your relationship with her etc etc then it's hardly surprising you're still hung up on her. I split up with my ex over 6 months ago and it's only really been the last month, or so, I've known for sure I'm over it. Which is saying something - I'm really not the serious, crazy in love, soppy, moping around type. I just didn't realise it was going to get to a point, so suddenly, where I was going to have to break up with him. Normally I find there's a build up to breaking up...which gives me more time to get my head around it.

Secondly: I personally don't believe that 'being friends' is something that should happen unless it was a split you were BOTH mutually happy with...and where neither of you are harbouring feelings. Often, the one that caused the break up (and the upset of the other) is the one that really, really wants to be friends...it's a guilt thing. Although, to be honest, it sounds like you probably hope that being friends will, one day, lead to more.

Thirdly: no need to beat yourself up about it. It hasn't been that long by any standard regardless of how long you were dating her. Sex, dates etc are all good...just be careful not to go for people that are 'like' her. That shit doesn't help anyone. Go for someone different. Maybe they're kinkier, maybe they have a different hair colour, a different style, an opposite personality.

It'll pass!
Guest
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 6:48:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,817
In the wise words of Bob Seger -- Turn the Page. Move on with your life. Life is too short to wait around for someone that doesn't feel that same way about you. If she did feel the same way, you'd be together by now.
Aletheia
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 7:05:55 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/5/2012
Posts: 271
Location: Through the Looking Glass, United States
I'm probably the worst person to take romantic advice from, but the heart wants what the heart wants!
stephanie
Posted: Thursday, December 20, 2012 7:48:25 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,622
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
We know each other......

In DECEMBER of last year, an ex of mine who I had lived with for some years, (and then we didn't but remained friends who didn't fuck, seeing each other regularly, (UNLESS one of us had another thing which neither of us liked...) announced she was pregnant and to be married...

(I had NO IDEA.... She'd not told me for fear of it hurting me... If you can believe it, I found out on FaceBook... I'm aware of how fucked up that sounds.... She apologised later but I understood.... She was simply embarassed to tell me.....)

I ADORED her..... We'd see each other at least once a week, I'd buy her clothes, we'd do dinner and theatre, we slept together in each others' houses, cuddling, holding but never fucking... We were close.... But Not That.... (Anymore...)

I always dreamed she'd come around...

(She didn't....)

She's really happy now. Her new guy loves her. And she him. (It was a little girl she had....)

We haven't spoken in a year.

I've HAD to let her go, to understand that the thing she needs would never be something I could ever do for her.

That hurts.

But it is.

I miss her still. I think of her. BUT I owe it to myself and to her to realise that her new thing just doesn't include me so I have to just remember the good bits and move on.

I have no doubt that she, occasionally, might spare a thought for me.... But she's busy with a new thing right now and always....

It ain't easy....

But it didn't happen......

And I love her and wish her well.

I believe there very well might be a proper, loving, perfect girl I might love....

(But it wasn't Her.....)

xx Stephen


(At some point, she became an IDEA for me and not a real girl......)

Don't let that happen to you, Love......










"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
Mazza
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 3:28:54 AM

Rank: Mazztastic

Joined: 9/20/2012
Posts: 2,855
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
overmykneenow wrote:
Right so she still gets to be friends with you but she doesn't have to do all the relationship rubbish and she sure as hell doesn't go through the whole sleeping with you stuff. Good for her.

Sucks to be you, however.

Seriously, she's taking you for a ride - and not the good type. Put some distance between the two of you, you pretty much already realise that she's no good to be around. If she's texting you or asking to meet up - it's just attention seeking. Avoid it.

I'm in full agreement with DD - get some rebound sex in - nothing heavy.


I agree, C; DD and OMKN have said it best...

Time, distance and distraction are probably what's best for you right now...

I agree that less/no contact would make it easier for you to move on, get some perspective, because while you still have a close relationship with her, I don't think it will be easy to do that. It will just perpetuate the feelings of hope, loss, regret etc...

You'll always notice things that will remind you of her; songs on the radio, things that you see which you'd normally share with her, times of year.. all the usual stuff...

You need space now, to get your own feelings in order, perhaps even to grieve, process and let go.

Perhaps once you've been able to do that, you'll be able to pick up a relationship with her? Perhaps you won't want to or maybe she won't. I think though, without taking a break from it, you won't be able to get to that good place...

Go have fun, get your end away! It gets easier, the more you do to fill the gap.

Good luck! xxx

freakycactus
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 3:39:39 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
Mazza wrote:


I agree, C; DD and OMKN have said it best...

Time, distance and distraction are probably what's best for you right now...

I agree that less/no contact would make it easier for you to move on, get some perspective, because while you still have a close relationship with her, I don't think it will be easy to do that. It will just perpetuate the feelings of hope, loss, regret etc...

You'll always notice things that will remind you of her; songs on the radio, things that you see which you'd normally share with her, times of year.. all the usual stuff...

You need space now, to get your own feelings in order, perhaps even to grieve, process and let go.

Perhaps once you've been able to do that, you'll be able to pick up a relationship with her? Perhaps you won't want to or maybe she won't. I think though, without taking a break from it, you won't be able to get to that good place...

Go have fun, get your end away! It gets easier, the more you do to fill the gap.

Good luck! xxx



Mazza says it best.

clum
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 3:39:43 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 3,749
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Thanks to everyone for their responses. You've shown compassion and given me a lot to think about. A lot of you have brought up the "being friends" thing so I wanna give you my perspective on that.

We were good friends for a long time before we got together and helped each other through a lot of hard times, as friends. From the first time we met, we just clicked and that, no matter what else has happened, has been a constant. After we broke up, the relationship reverted, by default, back to that. Yes, I still have strong feelings for her but I don't spend time with her to try to persuade her to get back with me. Likewise, she doesn't hang out with me because she feels "guilty" about breaking my heart. We're genuinely friends and we would spend time together like that even if the relationship had never happened.

I understand people saying that I should put some distance between us and give myself time away from her. Indeed, I recognised that as a good idea very soon after the break-up. However, it has gotten to the point where we now spend time together as friends again (I'm finding this difficult to put into words). I don't even know how I would now go about creating that distance - we have classes together, we share mutual friends, we are part of each other's lives. Do I just cut her out of my life? Do I start avoiding her in hallways and ignoring her texts? Do I tell her, "Hey, I'm still insanely in love with you so we can't hang out any more."?

We just are close and I don't know how to change that. People often say you can't be friends with your ex but it's more like I'm exes with my friend (if that even makes sense).

A little bit more information: We were together for nine months; not a terribly long relationship, I know, but my longest and it was, at one point, really going somewhere. We broke up after a miserable summer apart - something changed, we're not sure what, and she didn't feel the same about me physically (she felt awkward kissing me, holding hands, etc.). She felt it was unfair to me to carry on like that. So when I say "she broke up with me" it was more that her feelings had changed such that we both knew the relationship had to come to an end.

I know it sounds like I'm dismissing a lot of your comments but I'm not; I'm just trying to figure out how to actually best put them into action. There's part of me that really doesn't want to let her go and is even content to wait, however long it takes. I'm not unhappy about being alone, only about not being with her. I know that's not healthy but it's a very difficult internal battle for me.

Thanks again, really.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
crazydiamond
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 3:50:50 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,285
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
clum wrote:
Thanks to everyone for their responses. You've shown compassion and given me a lot to think about. A lot of you have brought up the "being friends" thing so I wanna give you my perspective on that.

We were good friends for a long time before we got together and helped each other through a lot of hard times, as friends. From the first time we met, we just clicked and that, no matter what else has happened, has been a constant. After we broke up, the relationship reverted, by default, back to that. Yes, I still have strong feelings for her but I don't spend time with her to try to persuade her to get back with me. Likewise, she doesn't hang out with me because she feels "guilty" about breaking my heart. We're genuinely friends and we would spend time together like that even if the relationship had never happened.

I understand people saying that I should put some distance between us and give myself time away from her. Indeed, I recognised that as a good idea very soon after the break-up. However, it has gotten to the point where we now spend time together as friends again (I'm finding this difficult to put into words). I don't even know how I would now go about creating that distance - we have classes together, we share mutual friends, we are part of each other's lives. Do I just cut her out of my life? Do I start avoiding her in hallways and ignoring her texts? Do I tell her, "Hey, I'm still insanely in love with you so we can't hang out any more."?

We just are close and I don't know how to change that. People often say you can't be friends with your ex but it's more like I'm exes with my friend (if that even makes sense)

A little bit more information: We were together for nine months; not a terribly long relationship, I know, but my longest and it was, at one point, really going somewhere. We broke up after a miserable summer apart - something changed, we're not sure what, and she didn't feel the same about me physically (she felt awkward kissing me, holding hands, etc.). She felt it was unfair to me to carry on like that. So when I say "she broke up with me" it was more that her feelings had changed such that we both knew the relationship had to come to an end.

I know it sounds like I'm dismissing a lot of your comments but I'm not; I'm just trying to figure out how to actually best put them into action. There's part of me that really doesn't want to let her go and is even content to wait, however long it takes. I'm not unhappy about being alone, only about not being with her. I know that's not healthy but it's a very difficult internal battle for me.

Thanks again, really.

I'll give you what i always do...
Not much help , but i really can't give advice here , life is still that confusing xx. Either way we are here Sir .

*EDIT- So Clumeleon, the more i think the more I decide. Te more advice you get from here may not be the best.

From my experience ... we alll have yes experienced a lot but are still here cuz something is a miss xx.

That's not for all ... of course but still, think of conversations you've had. We as a group may not have the answer, but we as a group are certainly a good sound board of experience. We can't give the magic recipe of how to sort it , or we would have.
But you know what!!! This is lush, I think we will try, to do our darndest to help !

Damn i can talk in circles under a bombay sapphire light!


stephanie
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 4:21:51 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,622
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
clum wrote:
Thanks to everyone for their responses. You've shown compassion and given me a lot to think about. A lot of you have brought up the "being friends" thing so I wanna give you my perspective on that.

We were good friends for a long time before we got together and helped each other through a lot of hard times, as friends. From the first time we met, we just clicked and that, no matter what else has happened, has been a constant. After we broke up, the relationship reverted, by default, back to that. Yes, I still have strong feelings for her but I don't spend time with her to try to persuade her to get back with me. Likewise, she doesn't hang out with me because she feels "guilty" about breaking my heart. We're genuinely friends and we would spend time together like that even if the relationship had never happened.



Darling, my post was honest and I know you understand.... (But I wasted six years of my life waiting for my one to come around.... When she DID realise what she needed, it wasn't me... (If it had have been it probably would have worked itself out during that time...) I put MY WHOLE LIFE on hold, waiting for her to be a girlfriend again.... Frankly, I might just as well have chopped my cock off and put in in her handbag... She wasn't using it anyway.... (My cock, I mean.... ) She loved her handbags....

Live life, do new things; she's around of course, but try not to make her central to your existence...

Women are weird.

Devotion is good.

But no woman needs a puppy-dog as a man.... (I've DONE IT, I Know!!!!! CRINGE!!!!!) I wasn't that when we were together and working, how stupid I was to think that she might desire that in me afterwards.....

Calum, I write honestly and with regard for you.

A cynical person might say success is the best form of revenge.

(And in love, real love, even lost love, there should never be a desire for revenge...)

But take a lesson from one who knows.... DON'T try to be what she wants, (what you think she wants...) Just be YOU....

(We never know what they fucking want, that's half the fun....)

Live your life. Smile at her and be nice. Don't fawn. If she wants to come back, she will....

IF you remain the guy she came to in the first place....

You know I've always liked and respected you, ex-Mod colleague.....

I wish you well, Honey....

xx Stephen

(Actually Mod-On-Sabbatical, 'cos we really need you back.....)











"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
freakycactus
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 4:49:11 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/12/2010
Posts: 409
Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
clum wrote:
Thanks to everyone for their responses. You've shown compassion and given me a lot to think about. A lot of you have brought up the "being friends" thing so I wanna give you my perspective on that.

We were good friends for a long time before we got together and helped each other through a lot of hard times, as friends. From the first time we met, we just clicked and that, no matter what else has happened, has been a constant. After we broke up, the relationship reverted, by default, back to that. Yes, I still have strong feelings for her but I don't spend time with her to try to persuade her to get back with me. Likewise, she doesn't hang out with me because she feels "guilty" about breaking my heart. We're genuinely friends and we would spend time together like that even if the relationship had never happened.

I understand people saying that I should put some distance between us and give myself time away from her. Indeed, I recognised that as a good idea very soon after the break-up. However, it has gotten to the point where we now spend time together as friends again (I'm finding this difficult to put into words). I don't even know how I would now go about creating that distance - we have classes together, we share mutual friends, we are part of each other's lives. Do I just cut her out of my life? Do I start avoiding her in hallways and ignoring her texts? Do I tell her, "Hey, I'm still insanely in love with you so we can't hang out any more."?

We just are close and I don't know how to change that. People often say you can't be friends with your ex but it's more like I'm exes with my friend (if that even makes sense).

A little bit more information: We were together for nine months; not a terribly long relationship, I know, but my longest and it was, at one point, really going somewhere. We broke up after a miserable summer apart - something changed, we're not sure what, and she didn't feel the same about me physically (she felt awkward kissing me, holding hands, etc.). She felt it was unfair to me to carry on like that. So when I say "she broke up with me" it was more that her feelings had changed such that we both knew the relationship had to come to an end.

I know it sounds like I'm dismissing a lot of your comments but I'm not; I'm just trying to figure out how to actually best put them into action. There's part of me that really doesn't want to let her go and is even content to wait, however long it takes. I'm not unhappy about being alone, only about not being with her. I know that's not healthy but it's a very difficult internal battle for me.

Thanks again, really.


I can understand how difficult it is and I hadn't realised how much you're forced together through your everyday life.

Maybe you need to tell her that you're struggling with things as they are, if she's as good a friend as you say then she should understand. I guess you just have to treat her as one of the gang and avoid too much extra contact. It'll be difficult and awkward for a while but if it helps then surely it's worth it.

clum
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 5:01:53 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 3,749
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
crazydiamond wrote:
From my experience ... we alll have yes experienced a lot but are still here cuz something is a miss xx.

That's not for all ... of course but still, think of conversations you've had. We as a group may not have the answer, but we as a group are certainly a good sound board of experience. We can't give the magic recipe of how to sort it , or we would have.
But you know what!!! This is lush, I think we will try, to do our darndest to help !


Thanks for this, CD. I'm not expecting to find the solution to my "problems" in a Lush Forum; I'm just hoping to be able to take away enough from some of the comments to be able to take at least one positive step forward. I value highly the experience and advice of many Lush members but, naturally, this is something I ultimately have to figure out for myself. You're all wonderful for even taking the time to read this thread.

stephanie wrote:
(Actually Mod-On-Sabbatical, 'cos we really need you back.....)


I'll be back, in good time (assuming Nicola lets me back in).

freakycactus wrote:
Maybe you need to tell her that you're struggling with things as they are, if she's as good a friend as you say then she should understand.


She would understand and I think you're probably right - I need to talk to her about where I'm at. I think I'll get Christmas out of the way first...

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
Mazza
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 5:50:16 PM

Rank: Mazztastic

Joined: 9/20/2012
Posts: 2,855
Location: Scotland, United Kingdom
clum wrote:
Thanks for this, CD. I'm not expecting to find the solution to my "problems" in a Lush Forum; I'm just hoping to be able to take away enough from some of the comments to be able to take at least one positive step forward. I value highly the experience and advice of many Lush members but, naturally, this is something I ultimately have to figure out for myself. You're all wonderful for even taking the time to read this thread.

She would understand and I think you're probably right - I need to talk to her about where I'm at. I think I'll get Christmas out of the way first...


You have friends here, same as anywhere else, C... We're not here to blow smoke up your ass and the comments you've gotten so far, as far as I can see are genuine and helpful (that's because we care about you as the person we've come to know)

I think that after Christmas, if you can talk to her and explain how you feel/are struggling still with the situation, I reckon that the two of you will be able to work things out to a point where you're both comfortable.

You obviously can't cut her out of your life, that would make things worse for everyone by the sounds of it; you, her and the group of friends and fellow students you spend time with, but maybe a little distance of the more personal kind would afford you the space to collect your own feelings, become grounded again (because goodness knows, affairs of the heart do have a way of bringing out both the best and worst in us).

One thing I would like to say though... Do be very mindful of this other, new girl, if you're still dating her. Please be careful with her feelings if you're still emotionally tied to your ex. It's very easy to hurt someone unwittingly in a situation like this. Be honest with her, don't lead her on or let her think that there's a chance for more... It's easily done, but also easily avoided...

Practice your meditations, find ways to nurture yourself at this time. You know yourself that you'll feel better with a quiet mind and more able to know what you want, need and also to deal with more stressful stuff...

I wish you well and please do keep us posted...

Big Hugs Big Hugs

(I would have a cider with you, but I'm not allowed... Oh fuck it, it's Christmas!)

Guest
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 9:29:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,817
I'm quite possibly the worst person to give advice, so I won't (sorry if that sounds harsh), but I will say one thing: it sounds like you two are quite the soul mates and that you'll always be close. Hopefully, given time, you can move on. Just remember that, yes, you are crazy, but as Buffy said "Love makes you do the wacky", so don't feel so bad about being crazy, you're in good company and I'm sure most Lushies are either, crazy in love or crazy from the heartbreak of lack of love.
Buz
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 10:58:56 PM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,189
Location: Atlanta, United States
You ain't crazy Callum and damn you're one of the really good guys. She's lucky as hell you feel that way about her. Unfortunately she just doesn't realize it or she is stringing you along.

You might give it a little more time and if she doesn't pick back up with the romantic part you should try moving on. Go out with someone else. If she does have real feelings for you she will respond somehow. She might just tell you or do something to get your attention. If she is really good with you going out with someone else, then you know all she is going to be is a friend.

Good Luck with all that's going on. I hate to see you hurting because you don't deserve that. The heart can feel like our own worst enemy sometimes. Time does heal the heart or someone new makes you forget.

I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

clum
Posted: Monday, January 21, 2013 7:29:44 AM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 3,749
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
I did a bad thing.

I went to London this weekend and spent a night at my ex-girlfriend's house. I was really tight with her family and I wanted to visit them. I know I shouldn't have stayed there, I know it's not healthy considering how I feel, but I just... I'm weak!

The worst thing was that I couldn't even build up the courage to tell her I was still in love with her (despite the perfect opportunity presenting itself on numerous occasions).

On the plus side, I had a lovely time. It was great to see her family again - I always feel really welcome in their home. I also spent a lot of really good, quality time with her, as friends. We talked until the wee hours about almost everything and it was so natural and nice. I wasn't constantly distracted by how much I want her.

So, yes - I'm crazy. But it's becoming less consuming day by day and I still get to have this amazing friendship. For the first time I felt like I'll be okay if we never end up together.

Thought I'd update y'all.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
Shylass
Posted: Monday, January 21, 2013 8:23:57 AM

Rank: Gingerbread Lover

Joined: 1/6/2012
Posts: 3,593
Location: Trumpton, United Kingdom
clum wrote:
I did a bad thing.

I went to London this weekend and spent a night at my ex-girlfriend's house. I was really tight with her family and I wanted to visit them. I know I shouldn't have stayed there, I know it's not healthy considering how I feel, but I just... I'm weak!

The worst thing was that I couldn't even build up the courage to tell her I was still in love with her (despite the perfect opportunity presenting itself on numerous occasions).

On the plus side, I had a lovely time. It was great to see her family again - I always feel really welcome in their home. I also spent a lot of really good, quality time with her, as friends. We talked until the wee hours about almost everything and it was so natural and nice. I wasn't constantly distracted by how much I want her.

So, yes - I'm crazy. But it's becoming less consuming day by day and I still get to have this amazing friendship. For the first time I felt like I'll be okay if we never end up together.

Thought I'd update y'all.


Why is that a bad thing? Only you know what is right for you, and even then, you don't always know until you actually do it.

You've clearly shown yourself there is a positive way forward, and spent some time with people you deeply care about. I can't see that being a bad thing, personally. Perhaps it wouldn't have been a good thing for others, but it seems this was for you. Big Hugs


Ut incepit fidelis, sic permanet.

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blazestcyr
Posted: Monday, January 21, 2013 8:32:21 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
you cannot be friends with her right now..if she has ended it and YOU still love her...you will FAIL at all your new realtionships to come

cut it off....do NOT see her for a couple of months

this is JUST hurting you...

why would you want to hurt???

you can be friends LATER after you fall in love again

which you will..if you allow yourself to

but seeing her is like keeping a drink in an alcoholics hand

your ex is your drug....quit cold turkey

am sorry...i know it hurts..so bad...

hugs
clum
Posted: Saturday, February 09, 2013 12:38:54 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 3,749
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
You know, everything else in my life is going wonderfully just now. I have such gratitude for the course my life is taking and I thought that this situation was about to go the same way, too.

But my love life continues to be the smudge on the windscreen that drives me to the edge of insanity and threatens to crash the car. I wish I could understand my karma. Why is it that a guy who wants nothing more than to settle down and raise a family is one of the most hopeless fuckers in the world when it comes to relationships?

She knows how I feel, by the way. She didn't really respond to it. Last night was weird—a surprising amount of shit went down that I just did not see coming. Friendships hung in the balance; some are still shaky. I should have taken that last bus but I can just never help myself. It's like I have an out-of-body experience where I can see myself making bad decisions, but instead of trying to stop me, I just cross my arms and knowingly say, "You'll regret that," while shaking my head.

The upshot is, I'm painfully sleep-deprived, no more enlightened by the situation, and I start training for a half marathon on Monday (don't ask).

In other news, I've given up alcohol (except maybe tequila).

No need to reply. I know.

The lion is most lionlike when he roars.
latinfoxy
Posted: Saturday, February 09, 2013 1:30:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 816
Location: Here
clum wrote:



We just are close and I don't know how to change that. People often say you can't be friends with your ex but it's more like I'm exes with my friend (if that even makes sense).


I was once in a position really similar to yours, me and one of my closest friend ended up been in a relationship, we were together for almost 3 years and then we brake up. We staid friends and i was still head over heals for him. We would still hanged out together all the time, and kind of staid having a relationship but without the relationship if that makes sense. Because of this, i wouldnt move on i just didnt need to move on. After a while we did got back together. The second we did, i realise that my feelings for him where more because it was comfortable and a i was use to been with him, more than real love. To make a long story short we broke up again and then he was the one that couldnt let go of the relationship. So i decided to put some distance between the two of us.

After sometime apart we started talking again, and im proud to say that after 7 years we are still really great friends. I even went to his wedding last year and i adore his wife!

Im not saying that your situation is exactly like mine, or that all relationships work the same way. Im just saying that for us, giving us sometimes apart, let us realise that we are great friends but thats all we are.
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