I clearly have no great solutions to you considering I'm barely out of my teens...so I shan't pretend to give any legit advice.

But have you tried specifically *sexual* counselling for the pair of you or just couples counselling? I volunteer at an establishment that offers both these forms of counselling and they are quite different forms indeed.

I hope someone here can offer you something! All the best..

You are not alone my friend, I am in similar situation married over 35 years known each other since she was babe in arms, love her and hate her cannot live with her or without her life a bitch.
Have considered dating sites even registered but cannot cope with the being disloyal so stick. Have a few Ideas and my hobby of photography is helpful, have been a bit of a voyeur all my life but at the moment it appears all there is, may just have to find a girlfriend who is in the opposite camp husband lost interest or cannot perform and wants to keep wife happy.
Can ever live in hope.

Man, this is bad, and i personally think this relationship is on borrowed time. I could not be in a sexless relationship, but thats just me, but tell me, if you're not having sex, to me, your not in "love". Heres simple, whats the difference between loving each other, and just being very close friends? Sex, right? I have friends, im not "in love" with them, but i do love them, you know...i a siblingy sort of way, how is this different? Your not having sex, which is my mind is the phsysical act of being in love (others are welcome to dismiss this as, this is on my own view point on "in love"...), this fizz has gone, so now, to all intents and perposes, your just two very good friends, who show light emotional connections, and happen to live together...i could say the same about friends that i've never had sex with at all....

Ok, solutions, i reckon this is tricky, very tricky, you might not even want to hear about it....So....the worst case scenario...move on? Stay friends, strike up a new love with somebody else. Sounds heartless in essense, but, your already being fair to her as you are, but....are you being fair to yourself? You deserve to be happy. It also sounds quite awful, that your masturbation sessions have to be kept on the low down, i think her self-esteem could be to blame, but really, is it fair that you have to carry the emotion burden for two people? Ironic that you masturbating, makes her guilty for knowing thats the only option of fulfilment you have available, which in turn, makes you feel guilty for making her feel guilty.....c'mon she's backing you into a corner and you're running out of choices.

I understand if you confirmed to stay with this woman, the breaking up is definately not an option, if thats what you have decided, which leaves, convincing her to become sexally active again (which is sounds as if all effort on that score has already been exhausted), or having sex with somebody else while staying emotionally in love with her (a very risky path...)

I think you need to sit down together and really dig into this problem, be firm but fair, dont try to force anything from her, but, do make sure that she knows down to a T, exactly how you feel. Tell her that you swore to defend your honour in marriage, but that untimately, the full picture of the relationship at present, does not meet your needs. I think from your post, you wont be keen on having sex with somebody else, which means, your commiting to unfulfilment with your current wife unless she changes her stance, then, unless you are prepared to move on, your going to be doomed to your once-every-six-months-no-foreplay-dull-as-hell sex session.

Its such a bad state of affairs, i really feel for you man, because i know i would hate, and couldn't personally, be in your situation. Its on you, but i only see a couple of choices (because you've already tried counselling). a)Move on and try to stay friends b) Stay emotionally involved and married, but have another sexual partner c) Do everything in your power to make her sexually active again, and make sure she is aware your marriage is at stake, and, encourage her to masturbate when you aren't there (you could even buy her some lingerie or a sex toy). I cannot, by principle, give you advice to encourage you to stop neededing sex, we have instincts and requirements which should not be hindered, in fact they should be encouraged, to me, a sex life is as important as eating and sleeping, therefore, it is against my every fibre, to tell you to stop needing sex, i just dont roll that way.....

So, its on you, are you going to commit and stay doomed, or change something....?

Thanks for the responses. Sorry to hear that I am not alone in this. It is definitely a difficult situation. I think you summed up the options pretty well. For now, the plan is to try to find some solution to bringing some desire back for her. I am working on getting her and I to a sexual counseler.

Coincidentally, we just rented and watched the movie "Hope Springs". Very interesting movie about a husband and wife that found themselves roommates after years of marriage. The wife wants sex, but the husband does not. They end up at a counseler and it comes out that she was the one who stopped the sex years earlier.

Movie had a happy ending with the counselor helping them work it out.

The movie led to some good conversation between my wife and I.

We'll see where this leads, but I am cautiously optimistic right now.

Thanks again for the comments. The support is appreciated.

I feel your pain. Although we're not in the no-sex stage, it's definitely heading that way. We used to have fun two or three times a week. Now, it's down to once a week. Usually has to be a Saturday or Sunday night. During the week, forget about it. Adding to our fun, she decided she no longer enjoys French kissing. I've explained how that kind of gets me fired up, but it doesn't matter to her.

I wish I had a solution for you regarding your situation. You've talked. You've seen a counselor. Nothing changes. I guess I'd suggest the tried-and-true, talking with her listening. etc. Sort of move in baby steps, I guess. Maybe she'll come around. I'd give it a year. If nothing changes, may be time to cut bait.

oops missed the vagina being atrophied

but here is the thing on that is the VAGINAL canal still pliable??

or has her uterus atropied???

is she on hormones either bioidentical or real??

have you pursued that route too as well as a sex therapist which was a really good sugggestion for a teen you rock honey

sorry went back and re-read this after i vented as she does have sex with your 1 or two times a year

this so sounds like a hormonal issue if everything else is good

also is she on any med that might inhibit her sex drive..so many drugs have sexual side effects

just a few thoughts..ok

I will just say this your are not alone..... can relate totally..... after years of no sex or even any affection of any kind.... I left. Now Divorced and alone but at least I dont have to deal with the stress.

Even if the vagina is atrophied, her clitoris should still be doable, right? And her mouth? So shift to oral pleasuring. But, dude, seduce her all over again, every single time. You have to show her you want HER, not just the sex.

Incredible lady..... I can so relate to your story.... a marriage in which there is no loving, intimacy, affection, tenderness, caring, sex.... is absolute misery! You try and do everything you can and get no response. What else is there to do but part ways!