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Advice (Guys only please): Need BF advice! Options · View
Subintraining737
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 10:17:37 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
So when my BF and I first got together we were very open as far as sharing passwords to email accounts, computers, ect. The past few months he has been changing his passwords and will not allow me access to anything. Can I have some guys please comment and give me some insight as to why this has suddenly started? I am afraid of the worst but dont want to jump to conclusions. PLEASE HELP!
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 10:28:13 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
Subintraining737 wrote:
Can I have some guys please comment and give me some insight as to why this has suddenly started? I am afraid of the worst but dont want to jump to conclusions. PLEASE HELP!


I wouldn't fear anything, but I would jump. Your concerns are valid - if you wish to continue hanging out with him.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Subintraining737
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 10:32:54 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
Yeah. Well my biggest fear is that he wakes up, gets on his comp for awhile, then decides to come and wake me.... He takes it upstairs with him and hides away but when I ask he says he was in the restroom....
simplyjohn
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 11:06:33 AM

Rank: Chat Moderator

Joined: 11/24/2011
Posts: 6,480
Location: Eating bloody salad, United Kingdom
Well obviously for whatever reason he now feels the need to effectively hide some things, communications with others by the sounds of its, from you.

If it were me I would pick a moment to enquire as to why things have changed and you no longer have the access you did. If you dont do this its just going to bother/niggle you day in day out so nip it in the bud.

As is usually the case addressing an issue through talking about it and in a timely manner is the best approach to resolving issues.
lugls
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 11:16:25 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/14/2012
Posts: 43
Location: Wa state, United States
Well he is hiding something. Maybe he is looking at guys or has another girlfriend that he doesn't want you to know about. If he means something to you try to talk to him about it ,If he won't talk then either dump him or wait him out and see what happens
clayrider
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 11:21:17 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 5/31/2011
Posts: 6
Location: United States
SimplyJohn has some good advice. Communication is the key to good relationships. However, I must add that if he is really secretive, then your feelings may have some merit. I briefly looked at your profile and sorry to stereotype, but, he might be looking for some new conquest. Men need projects and conquests to make sure they are still needed. But i hope that I am wrong and that you can discuss the matter with him and find out his reasons.
Headsupmax
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 11:33:06 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/25/2012
Posts: 22
Location: Canada
You need to talk to him, ask him what he's hiding. If he won't you need to be brave enough to give him the ultimatum: You talk or I walk. And you need to convince him that you will. If he cares, he'll open up, if he doesn't you don't need him and he doesn't deserve you.
Subintraining737
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:12:56 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
Thank you all. I have tried to talk to him about it but we never really get anywhere in the talk. He never explains why or says its going to change. Like I said we had a very open relationship to begin, then the changes came. Once he changed his things, I changed mine as well, feeling it only fair and hoping it would make him open back up, but he didnt seem to care. This whole thing started when I found out he had changed MY email password without telling me. I dont understand it and it hurts me deeply. Just the other day he left his comp open and I took a peek, finding that he had been looking at porn sites, and confronted him about it. (Him and I have a deal that if he could prove he didnt NEED porn, that I would watch with him as an occasional thing). It turned out bad and ended in a fight. There have been things I have found on his phone as well.... More insight is appreciated =)
Alphamagus
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:13:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 162
Location: Camberley, United Kingdom
Well unless he has changed job recently and has started working in some military capability, then I can see no normal need to do so.
I would ask him outright. If he is still cagey, then I am afraid that it does sound highly suspicious and I would bail while you can. I am sorry for the blunt reply, but that is how I see it.

Good Luck
crazydiamond
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:26:48 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
I think a lot of us can answer this bluntly, because .... sorry we are all hiding it too. I would never let my OH anywhere near my 'puter.
Does he know you are on lush? Could he have perhaps found lush too?


EDIT- OOPS!! sorry i'm a girl ...apologies bunny

real69luvr
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:29:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/29/2012
Posts: 118
Location: United States
I agree with all that has been said so far. Openess is what a true relationship is all about. If he can not, or will not share then its time to move on.
Belthazor
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:33:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/8/2011
Posts: 301
Location: Florida, United States
I would suggest just asking him about it. Maybe someone got on him about his privacy (which he's entitled to). Could be innocent.
Subintraining737
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 12:36:53 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
Belthazor, you obvioulsy didnt read the whole post. We were open about those things and suddenly it changed. Do not assume I was imposing because you cannot read the whole posting.
OldGeezer
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 1:00:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 132
Location: Amersham, United Kingdom
The key is the change - why? So he's looking at porn, and changed his mind about letting you share the watching. And you can't get him to talk about it.

Has your sex life changed as well? doing different things? if so, then he might just be wanting to spice things up a bit more and take the credit.

If not, and if you can't talk about this without fighting, and have really tried hard to get him to explain, keeping your cool, then what future do you have? It might be hard, but I think you have to face this down, unless you want a secretive bloke, one who you know you cannot trust.
Subintraining737
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 1:02:37 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 9
Location: United States
OldGeezer, that is really great advice. The insight helps me alot.
tender_cowboy
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 1:49:16 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/7/2007
Posts: 52
Location: South Dakota
Being married to the same gal for 44 years this month I do not know my wifes pass word nor does she know mine. Every one needs a certain amount of space and privacy in life. But if you do not trust him now I am sad to say you will not trust him later. Trust is a fragile thing and jealousy is the worst emotion one can ever have. If it is your desire to know every thing a man does every moment of the day good luck finding a man like that as you may find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow a much easier find. Sorry to be so blunt but that's how i see it.
BigRockCandyMountain
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 2:10:30 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 8/18/2012
Posts: 4
Location: The state of acceptance because I\\'ve crossed ove
He might just want some privacy. The openness might have been something he wanted to try, maybe try for the first time with you. Don't judge him, just let him know it's ok that he want's his space. Make a space, he will come back and fill the void if you let him and he wants to. Be ok with yourself, that's perhaps what he liked most about you and your openness??? I don't know, but talking without looking for a solution is a good start.
Naughtydude
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 2:24:46 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 11/7/2008
Posts: 9
Agreed, the best way is to talk about it. It could be nothing big, and maybe he just wants some privacy or isn't comfortable with you knowing what sites he's visiting. He might think you'll get angry at him for backing out and not being open anymore. If it's nothing major I think it'll work out by itself overtime, but you do have to talk about it. If he's taking secret calls, texts and going out to places he doesn't tell you about, then I would start to get worried.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 4:17:59 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,771
Subintraining737 wrote:
Thank you all. I have tried to talk to him about it but we never really get anywhere in the talk. He never explains why or says its going to change. Like I said we had a very open relationship to begin, then the changes came. Once he changed his things, I changed mine as well, feeling it only fair and hoping it would make him open back up, but he didnt seem to care. This whole thing started when I found out he had changed MY email password without telling me. I dont understand it and it hurts me deeply. Just the other day he left his comp open and I took a peek, finding that he had been looking at porn sites, and confronted him about it. (Him and I have a deal that if he could prove he didnt NEED porn, that I would watch with him as an occasional thing). It turned out bad and ended in a fight. There have been things I have found on his phone as well.... More insight is appreciated =)


I know I'm not a guy (well at least last time I checked, I wasn't) But from what you're saying, it could just be that he's unable to give up his porn and is trying to avoid another fight.

I'm not a porn addict or anything but I do like watching it. It's not that I need it or anything, but if asked to give it up, I could try, but I don't think I'd last very long. (The fact that a person uses porn doesn't necessarily mean that they're not attracted to the person that they're with). But like everyone else has said, the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it.
JesseS
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 11:49:54 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 119
Location: United States
It appears to me that the relationship is over. Obviously the trust is gone, that will not ever be restored, you know that. Right now you are most likely trying to somehow make it 'like it used to be' while knowing full well it won't. Moving on is tough, but it is better than continuing to flog your emotions through something you need to get away from.
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 5:24:14 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,771
it suggests he is looking elsewhere for something and needs to hide what he is doing
sexcapades
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 8:20:55 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/28/2012
Posts: 7
Location: strawberry belt, United States
My feelings , Who can say why he has clammed up , I have read everyones comments and they are all very well put. He may be like me and didn't want to put you off by telling you that is his Business . Men are afraid sometimes to be blatantly honest to the women in their lives, Thus when a women asks if she looks fat in something ? WTF are we going to say ? wrong either way. I think he has things he feels are private to him and you may not accept, He may be hiding something or someone else. You can ask him if he woant's his privacy on those matters and see what he say's. You must respect what he tell's you. Good luck. I would never give anyone my passwords, Not even if I was Married . People get Divorced and then you have real nightmares. Hope this helps, Good Luck GYLF
kylie_kained
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 9:07:38 PM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 994
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
It may well be because of his new line of work but it would still be a good thing that you both spoke openly about why.
















Driver1963
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 10:21:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/4/2009
Posts: 81
Location: United States
There is something else to consider I have not seen here yet. Your guy may be bipolar. Sudden behavior changes are common in such people. Better to find it out now than later. If he does suffer from this, keep in mind he is in a sense, two or more different people in the same body. Be careful! The man you thought you knew may become extremely violent and aggressive toward you. Do some looking into this elsewhere besides here on lush.
Good luck...
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 11:34:36 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,771
Subintraining I went through a phase exactly like yours when I was married. I would change my passwords so my wife couldn't find out what I was up to. I was searching all types of porn especially gay porn. Most men go through that phase and don't want their partners knowing anything about it. It's very hard for alot of men to fess up to their partners if they are having gay feelings. I kept it hid quite well until she was finally able to access my email when I forgot to close down a page. She was very hurt and I did it to her because she cheated on me the first year of our marriage with her ex. You may think that is a bit immatue but when I went to a support group to help deal with my dishonesty thats when I found out how men think. So many others in the group thought the exact thing I did. I also had several internet affairs with other women and was going to leave her for someone else. The thing is, I finally woke up and realized what I was doing was very damaging to my family, i.e., wife and kids. Hopefully he'll see the light and share with you what's really inside. I hope this helps you and I wish the best for you both.
Tazzeddude
Posted: Sunday, January 06, 2013 11:47:19 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/11/2012
Posts: 26
Location: United States
Looks like you got lots of good advice here. May I ask a few questions of you please? Has your 'activity' changed, become less exciting or not as frequent? Others have mentioned this as well, communication is the key and if that has failed and you have given it your honest efforts...then maybe it is time to cut our losses. It is difficult to walk away but in the end, love, your happiness and trust in the person you are with is what matters the most.
budwilliams
Posted: Thursday, January 17, 2013 11:09:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/17/2011
Posts: 494
Location: United States
I agree that it sounds a bit suspicious, but do yourself a favor and don't let your imagination run away with you. If you do, it's like having a cop follow you everywhere you go, and it will probably turn out badly for both of you: Believe me, I know.
I look at porn from time to time, I look at pretty girls whenever I get the chance, and I occasionally get into some pretty hot chat sessions on-line ....
But none of that means I'm looking for an affair; I have only touched one woman in the past 25 years
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