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Relationships-More trouble than they're worth Options · View
BelleduJour
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 10:13:53 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,508
Location: Canada
Wow, intense post - I hope I won't get my hand slapped for giving my two cents but here it goes...

The bottom line is that a relationship, ANY relationship, takes work and it takes two people for it to be successful and fulfilling. As already stated by many on here, there are ALWAYS going to be good days and bad days, nothing in life is perfect or guaranteed unfortunately especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

Are they worth it? Only you can answer that. Personally, I think they are. I was married for almost 20 years and it ended and it broke my heart. I went into a funk and questioned the same things you are...why bother? Was it really worth it and will it ever be again? I had those questions and doubts while in the thick of a depression and black clouds seemed to follow me everywhere. When I finally got out of that funk, I realized that it's not the end of the world. I realized that I have control over my emotions and my life and have the power to choose to be happy and positive or remain angry and bitter. When I chose to live more positively, I realized I STILL believed in love and happily ever after no matter what happened to me in my past or will happen in the future.

Was it worth it? I would say so because I learned a lot about myself during all of that and more importantly what I want and don't want from my relationships - all very valuable lessons that only helped me grow into a better, more evolved person. Anything would have been worth it if it meant I got to have my son - he was created and born out of love even if that love changed along the way.

Do you have to be in a relationship? Is there something wrong with wanting to be single? Absolutely NOT! Amen to you if that's how you truly feel. Who gives a shit what your friends have been through and/or what they say to you - it's your life to live, not theirs. Don't let their bad experiences or biased words sway you in what you really want and how you truly feel. If you don't know what that is yet, no problem - go out and live your life and you will figure it out - I promise you! You have so much life to live and you should live it with gusto and forget about men and relationships and if they are worth it :P You don't NEED a man/realtionship (I hate women who think they do), it's a matter of WANTING one. It's that simple. If you want it enough, you will indeed feel like it's worth it but until then, tell everyone else to just f**k off :)

Perd - msg me if you want to talk more about this or anything else. My door is always open xx

Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 10:47:04 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Most definitely -- That's why I'm divorced and enjoying life much more.
DLizze
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 10:14:37 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,501
freakycactus wrote:
Yes, like that. Don't let the bad things stop you from enjoying the good things.


And I would respectfully posit that we need some bad things in our lives. If everything was always good, how could we appreciate it?

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 10:50:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
DLizze wrote:


And I would respectfully posit that we need some bad things in our lives. If everything was always good, how could we appreciate it?


So... like that? Are you sure? That sounds...idk strange to me
sprite
Posted: Tuesday, December 04, 2012 12:41:56 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,608
Location: My Tower, United States
we are who we are because of our experiences, both good and bad. do i wish i'd never had some of the bad ones? yes. that said, i will never know how things in my life might be different, how i might be different, without them. bottom line, i can't change them, so i live with them and look for the silver lining, sometimes i have to look REALLY hard, but i usually find one...

are relationships worth it? yes and no. a good one is. the one i have with my girl is. any amount of pain or hurt i may have gone through would be worth being able to spend my life with her, to be in love with her. others i've been in, the answer would be sometimes yes, sometimes no. i've been in a several so-so relationships and one really bad one. the so-so ones helped me figure out what i wanted, what was important to me. the really bad one almost destroyed me, but in recovering from it, i fell in love with the woman i am now with - it took a while and a couple more relationships to figure that out, but i did...

being in love, going through life with someone who completes you (sorry for going all hollywoody with that, but it's true) is like nothing else. it's worth all the pain in the world. will you find that one person? maybe yes, maybe no. you might meet them tomorrow or you might never meet them. but really, if they are out there, it's worth taking a chance and trust me, when you find them, you will understand why it's worth it, you'll get it. good luck. :)
Tazzeddude
Posted: Tuesday, December 04, 2012 1:56:36 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/11/2012
Posts: 24
Location: United States
Perd, I would say to you that you are going to have to make that decision for yourself and not putting you down at all, but you are 20. Granted I have met some mature 20 something and also some immature 40 something...my point being, no 2 people are the same and how we each deal with our life experiences is based on our own life experiences. While we can all offer answers or our opinion on what you should do, we can't really answer this question for you. For some relationships are great, for others it is the worst thing. This could be because they found the right person or because others are not right for each for lots of different reasons...I'm not to judge. What works for me or others may never work for anyone else because they have not gone through my life experiences. you are young which means that you have lots of life yet to experience and don't need to worry about answering all of your questions 'today'. Just enjoy life and don't be in a rush, it will come. Whether it is a relationship or not, really only you can answer if it is all worth it in the end. You mentioned you are around others that don't appear to be happy or struggle with their relationship...learn from that so that if you do find someone, don't make those mistake or errors that you see others have made, learn by observing, go and have fun with friends, ok...I'll say it...go and get drunk if you want but not because I said so or because others pressure you to...do it or not do it if that is what you want. As someone that is older, life will come at you fast enough so live for the day and enjoy each moment as it comes by. In the end, as I've mentioned...only you can answer if it is right for you or not. I do wish you all the best of luck and hope you find what you are looking for, whether it be with someone else or by yourself...just be well, be safe, be happy!
Jack_42
Posted: Tuesday, December 04, 2012 10:31:38 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/21/2009
Posts: 978
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
You have to take a chance - ok it's a big risk but anything worth having is never easy. We're a social animal - admittedly there are 2 sides to that coin - but we are all we've got- if we were totally reclusive we would be very peculiar indeed. And don't think I am some naive freak with no bad experiences some have been so bad I don't even want to think about them and even just writing this evokes the memory and the pain but despite that I'm still taking chances.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 17, 2013 10:15:13 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
I don't know...I don't want to be alone. But i don't want someone to act like they're better than me or use me or hurt me.
NymphWriter
Posted: Thursday, January 17, 2013 10:28:23 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 8/1/2012
Posts: 691
Location: Las Vegas, United States
You must be willing to work with those you allow into your life. That being said, don't for one second settle for anything less than what you deserve. A good man (or woman) will work equally as hard to bring you joy and happiness. The reason you must endure the shitty ones first is so you appreciate the good one later.

I know you probably didn't want to hear that... but as a woman on her 3rd (and final) marriage... I had more than my share of jerks and it really makes me appreciate my wonderful husband even more. Is he perfect... no... but he's as close to perfect as I'm ever going to get... he treats me like a queen... spoils me rotten... and never makes me question his love.

I hope you don't give up on relationships... they are really worth it.

Remember...

“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, champagne in one hand, chocolate bar in the other, in a body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... FUCK YEAH! What a ride!”

NymphWriter
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 3:53:49 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
so...I think I might try dating. But what do I do? I want to be with someone, to trust and love on them without all the drama. How do I do that?
Leiza350
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 5:14:30 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/22/2012
Posts: 405
Location: ft myers, United States
beat_deadhorse no comment.....
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:20:56 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Leiza350 wrote:
beat_deadhorse no comment.....
i don't get it
oldhound
Posted: Tuesday, February 05, 2013 9:40:30 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
There is no love without drama. I think that is the point being made. If you dont want drama, dont enter a relationship. If you want one, then deal with the drama. I got sick of trying, but I dont wish my life on anyone...well maybe pedophiles and terrorists. Anyway, Im not wired for this stuff, and I really hope I am that rare and that you are just going through....being 20. Thats all Ill say on the matter
Milly
Posted: Monday, February 11, 2013 6:19:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/17/2012
Posts: 294
Location: Wherever I lay my head, United Kingdom
To answer your question...

I think it's human nature.

I do, however, understand where you're coming from.

But you know, you'll probably meet someone, someday, who won't leave or do something "god-awful".
You might just have to go through a few wrong 'uns to realise who'll give you what you need and you'll want to give them what they need and you won't just be bothered about "MY life" but someone else's too.

If bad things never happened, how would we appreciate it when it's good?

oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 11, 2013 7:04:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
And whatever you do, get all the info before losing it and writing out all your issues...here lol
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 12, 2013 4:15:08 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
sorry everyone. this was the only place I knew I could ask and pour my heart out. friends and family wouldn't understand me.
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