Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

confused single dad question.... how young? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 28, 2013 10:59:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
I am going to be a single dad come june and the mother of my child is trying to tell me that i will have to watch the baby 100% on my own as soon as one month old. Does this sound right? I know i have a long road ahead of me but this just does not sound right to me. What do you think the right age to be having a baby on you own should be?
BelleduJour
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 4:21:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,509
Location: Canada
What's the difference between you having to do it and the mother of your child? Don't you think it's hard and scary and stressful for her? Did she ban you from seeking help from your family and/or friends to assist you when it's your turn to have the baby? If not, what's the problem? There is NO question that parenting is hard and scary and all-consuming and quite frankly, sometimes it just plain sucks but it also has so many wonderful and beautiful rewards. If the mother of your unborn child hasn't cast an invisible shield that prevents others from helping you if/when you need them, there is NO reason why you, as the father, can't take care of your child from the moment it's born.

Congratulations by the way and good luck :)

Coco
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 6:04:17 PM

Rank: Story Lover

Joined: 7/22/2011
Posts: 4,443
Location: Fantasy City, United States
You finally convinced her to have sex again and bam! Time to step up and bite the bullet. I'm with BelleduJour, time to put on your big boy pants and be a dad.

Is this the same girl you were talking about in this thread? http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst22725_no-sex-im-going-bonkers.aspx

kylie_kained
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 7:31:43 PM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 994
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
If you don't have the sense to have used protection in the first place then you have no excuse it's not a woman's job alone to bring up a child in this day and age. A Child is a lifetime commitment and enjoyed not to be ignored grasp the moments you get together and enjoy it.
















Dudealicious
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 8:09:43 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,414
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
You have created this situation yourself and now need to be a man and take care of your child. There is obviously a reason as to why the mother of your child is (or already has) leaving you.

Why does it not sound right that you have to take care of YOUR baby? You are old enough to have intercourse unprotected, why can you now not deal with the consequences?

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

keoloke
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 8:43:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 599
Location: United States
They say a child is a blessing.

What is the right age to be a parent? For some never and that is also a blessing. They get to live the life as they want, and the child that never came to life.. never came to life. Happy too.

You.. well, you will have the child now. If you do not want the child, think adoption. Lots of couples would love to raise one. If on the other hand you want to keep the baby, remember that puppies require about 15 years commitment, while with a human baby, it’s a lifetime. If all goes well, we as parents should pass before them.

What’s fair and what’s not about you and the child mother only you guys know and can establish. Ideally you and her raise the child..together or not.

What you can do regardless of anything (if you want), is to step up and be the best father for your child. You have an idea of how to do that, you have or had a father or a father figure in your life. You know what you liked and what you didn’t, start from there. Enlist all the help that you can from your family and just be there and manifest your love for your child. Lots of work but you’ll also reap rewards from day one.

Than no matter what the future will hold, no money and no one can ever take her/him from you.


Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 10:32:20 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
Ok first of i love and plan on being there for my kid every step of the way. We had a condom break on us and thats why we are were we are. What i was asking was more ment for the health of the baby. She will be breast feeding and isnt getting what im telling her about pumping if i take the kid as young as one month. She left me because she thinks "if love is not there from the start it cant be worked on" her words and i dont understand music as deeply as her and she cant be with some one that cant. I am just trying to be the best dad i can be.

no its not the same girl in that thread we split but remain good friends.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, January 29, 2013 10:35:04 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
Also found out today it is a girl! :)
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 5:02:13 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
To answer your original question, like most things, that depends. You are well past that beginning age though so don't worry about it too much. Babies don't break and normally just eat, poop, and cry... letting you know they need to eat or have pooped. ;) It is actually much easier to watch them when they are very young. It is when they get a little older and are interacting with the world around them. and then even older when they start exploring that world when things get a bit more interesting. So relax. Enjoy this time and remember it, there will be LOTS of other issues heading your way concerning this child (some good, some great, some not so much), but this one is not an issue at all. :)
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 6:39:31 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
cocokisses wrote:
You finally convinced her to have sex again and bam! Time to step up and bite the bullet. I'm with BelleduJour, time to put on your big boy pants and be a dad.

Is this the same girl you were talking about in this thread? http://www.lushstories.com/forum/yaf_postst22725_no-sex-im-going-bonkers.aspx


Sounds to a degree like Münchausen syndrome, eh?
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 6:50:14 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932


pinestate wrote:
Also found out today it is a girl! :)



CONGRATS!! Big Hugs


WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 7:29:12 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,302
Location: Cakeland, United States
chefkathleen wrote:


Sounds to a degree like Münchausen syndrome, eh?


Sounds more like a case of whole cloth fiction, or... a bored & immature man in Maine, fucked some available woman in Maine...pregnancy resulted. Neither one ever heard of abortion or they are against the concept, and the woman is giving up her accidental child to the accidental biological father. Neither of whom is mentally mature enough to deal with the ultimate ramification of fucking and ejaculate inside a vagina.

pinestate wrote:
Ok first of i love and plan on being there for my kid every step of the way. We had a condom break on us and thats why we are were we are. What i was asking was more ment for the health of the baby. She will be breast feeding and isnt getting what im telling her about pumping if i take the kid as young as one month. She left me because she thinks "if love is not there from the start it cant be worked on" her words and i dont understand music as deeply as her and she cant be with some one that cant. I am just trying to be the best dad i can be.

no its not the same girl in that thread we split but remain good friends.


I almost felt some empathy for you back in April 2012. Now, I just find humor. What, pray tell do you know about breast feeding or pumping? You don't even know how to use the proper sized or aged condom to prevent spillage of fertile sperm into the vagina of a fertile female.

If this is a true situation, I pity the unborn child. It's not funny, but troubling indeed. There is nothing erotic about this, nor even sexy in a smart and intelligent manner.

Ultimate answer to your question posed here? You're too fucking young to be fucking.



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 7:47:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
That was rather harsh. I thank every one else for your reply's. Please do not reply if all your going to do is belittle.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 8:04:06 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,302
Location: West Coast
I can kind of understand where you're coming from. If you don't have much experience with newborns, it's a scary thing. I don't either and when my girlfriend left me alone with her newborn one day to go pick up lunch for us, all I could do was anxiously stare at it and pray he didn't wake up and start crying. lol

I've heard it's pretty intuitive though and you learn the ropes pretty fast.

If you're on good terms with her, you should go spend a couple of days with her when the baby arrives so that you can watch what she does and ask questions along the way. You'll probably feel better prepared. Treat it like a job and write things down and take notes - there will be that initial learning curve, but you'll probably get into the swing of things quickly.

If you're able to - maybe see if your mom or aunt or an experienced baby person can spend some time with you during the first couple of weeks you have her, just until you feel more comfortable.



clum
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 8:38:08 AM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 4,639
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
Lucky son of a bitch. Why won't anyone have a baby with me? :(

Every day is a school day.
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 1:34:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,683
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
Am I missing something here, is the mom giving 100% custody?

If so, be prepared for a total change in your lifestyle. I was married when I had my children and was really scared but it is very instinctual. Even my ex for all his faults was a pretty good dad back then. But it will be no more drinking with the boys, no more going out to watch football. And forget about sleep!! The baby comes first and it has to be your #1 concern. Hopefully you have a good family support system to help out.

But there is nothing in the world better!!!! Good Luck!!
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 3:04:47 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,302
Location: Cakeland, United States
pinestate wrote:
That was rather harsh. I thank every one else for your reply's. Please do not reply if all your going to do is belittle.


Maybe you simply don't tell a story, very well. Perhaps you've left out a few pertinent facts and I jumped to assumed conclusions ... if so, please accept my sincerest apologies. You are right, that was harsh of me.

How about filling us in on events in your life since your April posts? Paint the picture for us. The mother of your child, for instance...what are her circumstances? What are yours? What happened to the woman you cared a great deal for last April...what does she think about all of this - can she assist you, will she?

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
janet_haney
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 4:47:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 254
Location: United States
First of all I wish you the best. Raising a child on your own is tough but you can do it. Millions of us have. The first is always the toughest. Get a good support group to help you and you will be fine.
LadyX
Posted: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 5:23:47 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,827
pinestate wrote:
I am going to be a single dad come june and the mother of my child is trying to tell me that i will have to watch the baby 100% on my own as soon as one month old. Does this sound right? I know i have a long road ahead of me but this just does not sound right to me. What do you think the right age to be having a baby on you own should be?


Without clarification, I'm going to assume that by 'watch the baby 100% on my own', you mean that you'll be tasked with caring for it alone at times, as opposed to being a single parent with no help from her whatsoever. Otherwise, 'watch' is a very weird word to use here, if the kid's going to be under your sole watch from then to adulthood. I'm also going to assume that you don't live together, thus 'single parent'.

If she's saying that she needs you to care for the baby on your own starting at one month, then it sounds like that's when she's having to go back to work. And as a mother who gave birth seven months ago, I really feel for the fact that she's having to return to work so soon (again, assuming that's the significance of the one-month mark). :( That's just not enough time by any measure.

So, having said that, your responsibilities as a man and as the father of her child is two-fold: 1)care for the child and 2)support her. They go somewhat hand in hand, as you can't properly do one without keeping the other in mind. And you can support her without being with her by doing what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it, and when she asks for your help, move heaven and earth to come through for her. I know it's a lot on your shoulders, but it's even more so for her. If she knows you can be counted on as a willing, attentive parenting partner, her emotional burden will be so much less. I speak from direct experience here.

I'm not sure that parenting know-how is instinctual for men. It might be, and I just don't know it, so don't get upset with me if anyone out there says I'm wrong. It was, and is, instintive and intuitive for me to a large extent, but I'm his mother. His father, on the other hand, learned on the fly, from me and from his sister, how to care for an infant. There are books too, and I suggest you go that route as well, since unlike my husband, she won't be over your shoulder after four weeks of age (and if you don't live together, you might not get that much time w/ her before that, either).

So study up, don't be intimidated. It's your child, and she will learn to be a little person as you're learning to be a parent. :) There's no magic to it. If she breastfeeds then you'll feed her bottles. If she doesn't, then you'll feed her bottles. She will nap for you just like she will nap for her, and here's what you'll get early on that even my husband didn't get with our child at that age: uninterrupted daddy-time. She will bond with you in ways that dads with full-time moms for their kids don't alawys get, because for those times, you're her whole world. After a while, you'll get the hang of it. Now, because of circumstances, my son gets a lot of time with his just his Daddy, the same as you'll be getting with your child. I trust him completely, because I know how seriously he takes it, and how much he cherishes that time. If you're "all in" as a parent from day one, then everything about your role in your child's, and it's mother's, life will benefit, and bloom, as time goes by.

If you have questions, feel free to contact me. I read this late, late last night, and thought about it, and kind of felt compelled to answer as soon as I got my thoughts together on it. It's just my take on things; feel free to take or leave anything you might glean from the insight. And last but not least: congratulations!
Guest
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2013 2:45:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
ok i will try to make this more clear. i do struggle with details. the girl back in April moved out after she broke up with me (i found out later she did it before we started hating each other and could still be friends) i started seeing this new girl and we had a brake (i should have looked better at the condom). A little while ago she broke up with me because she did not see us as compatible couple and i tried to work things out with her but she did not want to any part of it. what i meant by 100% s that she plans on dropping our daughter off to me and for a day or weekend. i was worried that i dont have the right stuff to take care of the child so young on my own. thought the baby had to be with the mother for more then a month but i may be wrong. this is what im trying to find out. The custody is gong to be 50/50. i guess it comes down to in nervous big time.

I have been there for my ex from my post in april she just found out she has a mild case of cancer and other painful medical problems. she has been there for me as well with my child on the way.
please ask any thing if it helps make more sense of this.
Nikki703
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2013 3:54:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,683
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
pinestate wrote:
ok i will try to make this more clear. i do struggle with details. the girl back in April moved out after she broke up with me (i found out later she did it before we started hating each other and could still be friends) i started seeing this new girl and we had a brake (i should have looked better at the condom). A little while ago she broke up with me because she did not see us as compatible couple and i tried to work things out with her but she did not want to any part of it. what i meant by 100% s that she plans on dropping our daughter off to me and for a day or weekend. i was worried that i dont have the right stuff to take care of the child so young on my own. thought the baby had to be with the mother for more then a month but i may be wrong. this is what im trying to find out. The custody is gong to be 50/50. i guess it comes down to in nervous big time.

I have been there for my ex from my post in april she just found out she has a mild case of cancer and other painful medical problems. she has been there for me as well with my child on the way.
please ask any thing if it helps make more sense of this.


OK. Now this is a world of difference from being the 100% care giver for your baby. A lot of the advice already given will still work. Ask her for advice on what to do, watch what she does. Ask family and friends with young children for advice. You can do it. It will be easier than you think. And just love your precious gift!!!
BallChinian
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2013 9:54:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/5/2013
Posts: 252
Location: NorCal, United States
I remember leaving the hospital with my first child. It felt like my wife and I were stealing something since we couldn't believe they were just letting us leave with a baby we didn't really know what to do with. Don't worry, you will do fine. There are great formulas out there if the mom isn't breast feeding. Raising a kid is a ton of work and your daughter will need you. Although it is scary, you can handle it by yourself. Enlist any family you have locally if possible. Best of luck!

"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free." -Michelangelo


Please Enjoy: The Beach, The Workout, The Hike
CenterLine
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2013 10:35:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/19/2012
Posts: 541
Location: Cuddling with friends,, United States
I don't understand the original post. The way I'm reading it suggests that the mother is going to just give the child to him to take care of and then bail altogether. If that's the case, then you have my sympathies, sir. I wish I could offer you advice, but I don't think I know what's going on here.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 2:45:32 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,932
clum wrote:
Lucky son of a bitch. Why won't anyone have a baby with me? :(
Shooting blanks?evil4
clum
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 2:49:01 PM

Rank: Clumeleon

Joined: 5/13/2011
Posts: 4,639
Location: Edinburgh, United Kingdom
lovewhenuswallow wrote:
Shooting blanks?evil4


I sure hope not; that would make me sad.

Every day is a school day.
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.