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Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,078
Location: United States
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And its like the number one rule in any kind of warfare probably. I'm not a fan of war, or a military strategist, or one of these weirdos that whacks off to history channel specials about General Patton, so you tell me. But I am guessing that near the top of the "don't fucking do this" list in a war is: take you wall down. Ya, I'm thinking that any overt dismantling of defensive barriers is a pretty fucking bad idea. But in my defense, I only do that shit when I think the war is over. The war is never over. Life is a war, love is....fuck, I got no idea what love is anymore. I got nothing. Here's what I do have: a pretty fucking good idea about life. And that idea is: never fucking take your walls down. I got good friends, here, and other places, and they're fucking smart about shit. Ya, they lament that "oh, I have a hard time with commitment" and shit like that, but they got it made compared to those of us that actually undo years and years of instinct and actually willingly make ourselves suckers, only to then suffer for it. I don't know what bleeding heart asshole came up with the theory: it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. But that guys a fucking idiot. Either that or he has some kind of mental disorder, where he enjoys pain. I think that's fairly common, and so are mental disorders, so I don't want to disrespect the poor bastard too badly, but what the fuck is he talking about?
It's way motherfucking worse to have loved and lost. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU LOST THEN!! IF YOU NEVER HAD SHIT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LOSE SHIT. THEREFORE YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW SHIT, BUT IGNORANCE IS BLISS, BITCHES.
Okay done yelling but I made my point. i'd much rather be a stupid bitch, wondering about shit, daydreaming about love and other bullshit. Then, when it don't happen, I know no better.
I'll give you an example. When I first showed up here, I saw all kinds of people, mainly older ones but not always. And when I say older, I mean bitches in their thirties and shit. Not really motherfucking old, just old to ME. You get what I"m saying. And I really like some of them, don't get me wrong. But I"m making a fcuking point h ere its not about the people. So I'm saying, I show up here, I see these poeple and they are answering the stupid fucking "is it better to fuck or make love" threads, and theres like 10 of them all the time, but I'm just sahying, this is one of them. And these people, these seasoned people LOL, they are all like, "Oh, once you have love, sex is so different!" And I'm like, bull fucking shit. Sex is sex. Good dick, a good mouth that knows its way around my clit, and we are all good to go. Fucking trying to tell me sex is better once you look at the same motherfucker day after day. Like how is that better? What a fucking lie. This is what I thought right? I have to add, I was a stupid strung out little cunt a lot of times. I'm serious LOL. I didn't handle shit right. But I had things going on. Not an excuse I'm just sahying. Fuck, I was a stupid newbie that didn't know how to handle things without drugs. The drugs make things easier, let me tell you. Most cases, anyhow. So anyway, this whole "making love is SOOOOOOOO much better." I called bullshit. Maybe even publicly, I was probably that bitchy and stupid at the time. I was convinced, this is boring old bitches trying to be like "no, really, my life its awesome, sex is so much better when it's exactly the fucking same day after day." seemed laughable to me. But remember, I was a dumbass.
I fell in love. With all my heart. The walls, those walls that are the worst fucking idea to take down ever, well I took them down. I gave him my heart. I had his baby, I married him. It fell apart. When I'm sober and filtering the shit I say as if I was the LadyX news network, I say shit like "oh there's still hope" and shit like that. Fuck that, I think tis dead. You face facts eventually or you are living in a fools dumbass paradise. So I face the facts. But I did fall in love. And you know what?
The sex was fucking better. It wasn't just sex. I made love, with my whole body, and my soul, and my heart. Like, all my hopes and dreams all wrapped up in that magical, wonderful, life-affirming action. It was sacred. Hell its still sacred when I think about it, think back on it. That's painful to do...because it was that fucking good! It was sacred. Can't fuck with it, and regular sex holds no candle. All those people, they were right. I guess that makes me one of those people LOL. But I get to talk about it in past tense now.
You know what it's like? It's like having the purest drugs ever. The kind that leave no hangover, no sore nose, no sick stomach, no scrambled brain. Like, the cleanest, best shit ever concocted. Imagine having that. Even if you never did drugs, and you read this now thinking "I knew it, that fucking druggie bitch" (and I know who you are! You judgemental cunt! You don't think I know?? we all got flaws, struggles, unique histories, don't you fucking judge me you little piece of shit!). What I'm saying is, you don't need to know what drugs feel like, but just imagine. Imagine something that makes you feel whole, the way you never have. Imagine searching your whole teenage years for that one thing that makes everything make sense. Imagine finding that one thing you search for. That's what making love with the love of your life is like. And even now, this sounds so fucking haughty, and bullshit. Like I'm a fucking know it all talking down to the great unwashed. I would fucking hate somebody like me, saying this shit. But I have something to say, and its this:
Making love, is way better than just fucking. You know what I'll do now? I'll chase that dragon, like a dumb fuck. The way junkies chase the memory of that first heroin high, I'll chase the sensation of making love, the way I once did. I know, sad sap shit right? Fuck you. Move on or keep reading.
You ever had sex with a stranger? Not the kind where they answer your ad on craiglist for a hookup. Not the kind where you go out on a blind date and then act hard to get so that he won't think twice about buying that decent wine, shit like that. No, I'm talking about a true stranger. A hookup. A one night stand. Done that?
Now, have you done that after having lived through the best, most loving sex imaginable, with the love of your life? Chasing that dragon. And its not like you don't want it. The pussy gets wet, you look at that body, you buy the verbal bullshit as long as it falls within the very loose "as long as you don't totally fuck up or reveal yourself to be a psycho, I'm fucking you". So, you fuck. You might orgasm, maybe more than once. Or maybe not at all. Either way. You are detached. Its almost like you're watching yourself get fucked, but from the inside, not outside like a dream. You're feeling that dick pound int you, into that place, and his body smacks against your ass, and that's preferable really. You don't want to do it mish and have to look at the guy like you actually give a fuck about him. Fuck, he's hard and pounding away, I know he's having a good time. He's a guy having sex, big fucking deal. My contribution is having a wet vagina. So fuck him. No, what I'm saying is, with doggy, I can look back and play seductive and vulnerable. I'm good at that, and if I really work it, I can speed things along, and make him cum faster when I know that all I get after that is more of the same. There aint' joy, just body reactions. Lubrication, penetration and enough under surface aggression to mask whats missing. But not really.
But its hollow, folks. Its good because sex is good. Sex is a like a drug. I want sex a lot, and sometimes all it takes is a hot body and a little charm to get me there. Hell thats the case most of the time, the fuck am I kidding? I am here with a site full of people like me. Or so I like to think to help me feel less like a slut with a huge ass hole in my soul.
Fucking. Hard emotionless fucking, maybe lots of positions, lets check them off shall we? Fucking. It Helps me forget, helps me sooth. I dont do real drugs aymore, I have bigger things I am responsbile for. Sex is a drug. But these drugs...they are not as good as the drugs I once had. So I chase that dragon. And the guys dick invades, and he has his own thing,and grips my hips. Maybe that extra vigor is his hatred of me for being so easy. Guys can be fucked up like that. Or maybe he's just a fucking guy. Thrust until you empty your balls, procreate, spread the seed. Well sooner or later he will, and maybe spray it on my back, and then its over. And then, only then, do I have yet another reminder that sex is nothingl ike it once was. But its still sex.
Chasing the dragon.
Okay I guess since this is the rage cage I shouldn't just fucking piss and moan right, so here's some rage for you: For all you who have your ideal life, who say to themselves in the morning, 'damn, this here's pretty good, I've got the love of my life, and a great little family, I'm loving this'. If that description fits you, and you have the perfect little life with the one you love, then fuck you. Seriously, fuck you, and your happiness, and getting what you wanted. Part of me is happy for you because I'm not a fucking psychopath all the time, just some times, and I will say hang onto this thing you call love, you've got lightning in a bottle, so don't fucking take the lid off. But...rage cage, so, fuck you and your happiness. Let me kick down your stupid fucking picket fence. Enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't. One day, it will be gone. All your fucking bliss, and security and trust: gone. What's that they say about the best case scenario, that the love of your life, your other half, the best you can ever have in life is that one day, they fucking die on you! LOL. Yep, that's the ideal goal in life apparently, that one day they fucking turn to worm food and you get to stand there like a sucker and just eat that shit, and say stupid fucking things like "I know he/she is in a better place now, I look forward to seeing them in the afterlife', which is all bullshit. We all know they're gone forever, and so will you be when you kick it too. Bitch please. But, we all like to bullshit ourselves, so its to be expected. Who really wants to admit that at the end of the day, when their "other half" dies, they're left to hold their dick, and there's no fixing it? Who wants to admit, 'yes its gone now, and I'm alone, they're not coming back and when I die, I know I'm fucking extinguishing, and I'm dying alone. It's over. life and love's bankroll: gone, son. That's it. Alone. Well, at least I got there early. I got time to get fucking used to it.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/1/2012
Posts: 154
Location: United Kingdom
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Yes our relationship has been a little strained of late, I know that we don't "hit it like we used to", that is just an age thing.
I remember our first outing, you all shiny and bright, I remember thinking, "Yes I am a man tonight", you looked so good that night, with the belt and stuff...
The times they change, and yes i must admit, it was so much easier to, well, get someone in...as lady gaga said, I was born this way.
Yes there are some other kinds of men, and some of them have real good techniques, it simply isn't me.
I neglected you, I know, I regret that now, and not just because times are hard, but I see the error of my ways, I should have been more than a weekender, when I took you out, admired you, worshiped you, and well, wishing I could be all that you wanted me to be, other guys I know take more time with theirs , they take more care of theirs, they admire, of course and yet they do the things your meant to do, the things your were made to do! I get that now, I am truly sorry that I let you down, that i left out in the cold, exposed and raw, I am sorry, please give me another chance, I promise I won't get another man in, I promise to care for you, to cherish you and to learn everything about you, to take you out, every day, not simply on a bank holiday here and there, when the other men are more expensive. I solemnly swear to be there, be there for you, but you have to change too, heck I only held you for one moment and you were at it, banging away about not wanting to do it, you even hit out violently...yes it hurt damn it...
So, my faithful old HAMMER, {solid wood shaft and metal head}, will you please resist from fucking hitting me on the thumb every time I try to bang in a flaming nail...please and thank you....sheeeesh! Fucking hammers...can't live with them, can't live without 'em.
You're the truth, not I...
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