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101 Ways To Annoy People Options · View
Pixie
Posted: Monday, May 12, 2008 5:24:55 PM

Rank: Flutterby Pharie

Joined: 9/27/2007
Posts: 5,983
Location: Never, Never Land, United States
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

♥ Listen, touch, and look around in the air and on the ground. If you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wings. ♥
Batman
Posted: Monday, May 12, 2008 9:56:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2008
Posts: 1,909
Quote:
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.


And I get #1 WHY ?

Fine, I'm out of here.

Bat
nicola
Posted: Monday, May 12, 2008 11:29:45 PM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 25,481
Location: The Orgasmatron
Quote:
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.


I sometimes do that already to amuse myself evil4
ramrod32784
Posted: Friday, August 17, 2012 10:34:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/29/2012
Posts: 558
Location: Fl, United States
102 trying to log off on Lush and go to bed
Smoothtalkin_wolf
Posted: Friday, August 17, 2012 10:36:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/31/2012
Posts: 212
Location: Chi-town area, United States
102 trying to log off on Lush and go to bed

(yes I am repeating you Ramrod!) d'oh!
CleverFox
Posted: Saturday, August 18, 2012 12:35:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 480
Location: United States
#84. Point your hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down.

I work on highway asphalt paving projects and I have to carry an inferred surface thermometer that is shaped a little like a radar gun. I will point it at on coming traffic with me cell phone at my ear and it really does slow down traffic.
Moonflower
Posted: Saturday, November 10, 2012 10:28:40 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/10/2012
Posts: 75
Location: United States
be super nice to everyone especially the assholes....they will think you are up to something.
kylie_kained
Posted: Sunday, November 11, 2012 12:25:48 AM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 994
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
Copied pasted into my black book thinking some might be useful

















Guest
Posted: Friday, December 21, 2012 4:55:59 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
Scratch your balls before you attempt to shake someone's hand!!!!!!
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, January 23, 2013 10:13:25 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,288
Location: Cakeland, United States
666. Introduce fart to elevator on 1st floor at 7:55 am

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
_Crystal_
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 9:19:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/2/2013
Posts: 257
Location: United Kingdom
LOL @ 84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

~Crystal; PM Me.?
SittingBallerina
Posted: Sunday, February 10, 2013 11:36:44 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 7/15/2012
Posts: 2,431
Location: Under The Bright Lights, United States
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 11, 2013 1:58:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
When driving up at a fast food restaurant tell them that your order is to go!!!!!!!!
chileanbean
Posted: Friday, March 15, 2013 5:37:09 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/11/2013
Posts: 43
Location: Ain\'t nobody got time for that! , Canada
12. Sniffle incessantly.
This shit drives me insaneeeeee when i'm trying to write a test or exam!!
MasterJonathan
Posted: Monday, April 01, 2013 6:48:13 AM

Rank: Gentleman Master

Joined: 3/6/2013
Posts: 1,229
Location: God's Deep Freezer, United States
You could use the classic "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" while holding your finger an inch from their face!

Kitanica
Posted: Monday, April 01, 2013 7:38:11 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/16/2011
Posts: 881
Location: The Sprawl, United States
CAPS LOCK IS CRUISECONTROL FOR COOL.
Kitanica
Posted: Monday, April 01, 2013 7:54:26 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/16/2011
Posts: 881
Location: The Sprawl, United States
Wow quadruple post... ignore the last two
LOVES4PLAY
Posted: Monday, April 01, 2013 1:45:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 944
Location: JUST A CLICK AWAY, United States
Pixie , gave you a 5 score. for another 5 points , correctly identify this!


I have placed several women(standing) in front of you. In this order left to right.... facing away, facing toward you, away, toward you, away ,toward, away from, Etc..

IF IT WERE NOT FOR T6HE WHITE HORSE & THE MASKED RIDER, WOOD EWE HAVE GOTTEN THE, RUMP- TITTY -RUMP-TITTY, OF THE WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE?

LOVE YOUR WIT.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 02, 2013 12:48:48 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
OMG! Going to be laughing my arse off at this one for the next week. Go on - say it out loud!

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
Charlie_Freak
Posted: Wednesday, April 03, 2013 2:06:26 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/15/2013
Posts: 24
Location: United States
103. Take a drink to a meeting, gargle each sip before swallowing it.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 03, 2013 8:27:07 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
104,

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 03, 2013 8:29:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
105.

In any crowded space, incessantly pretend to suck food out of your teeth.
aldenbradley
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 8:17:18 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/22/2013
Posts: 57
Location: Willo\'theWhist Hollow, TN, United States
106. In any elevator count the floors out loud.

Alden Bradley

The zenith of sensuality occurs in sensitivity.
Caring matters more than achieving gratification.
cheeseball
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 8:58:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/19/2013
Posts: 167
Location: Chicago, United States
107. At the end of every sentence declaratively, "And that's a fact, Jack!".
EDWolfe
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 11:12:28 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/5/2013
Posts: 1,033
Location: United States
Pixie wrote:
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

If you want to be more annoying, follow the same large people around with a tuba or sousaphone a la Family Guy.
Pixie wrote:

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

If the framistan starts to pingol, purge the cache or the wingeye will explode. ^_^
Pixie wrote:

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

"It's his sled. He misses his sled. See, I just saved you two hours."
Pixie wrote:

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

For some people, it still won't help. I'm thinking of people who shoot people while hunting for a bird not even a foot in length.
Pixie wrote:

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Why stop there? Pay for your groceries with pennies, and piss people off while you count out 20,000 coins.
Pixie wrote:

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

Unfortunately, this one has been made obsolete thanks to digital TV. But you can try and watch pixellated programming and say the same.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:40:42 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,624
Take your full grocery cart and start unloading in the express/10 items only line.
Buz
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:47:34 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,769
Location: Atlanta, United States
Drive slowly in the left passing lane of the interstate and not get over. (That is actually illegal in Georgia and several other states.)

adagio_sabadicus
Posted: Friday, September 06, 2013 5:59:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/24/2013
Posts: 1,279
By asking, "what are you doing?"

[
CleverFox
Posted: Saturday, September 07, 2013 2:18:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 480
Location: United States
Sing "Rump titty rump titty rump titty rump Bonanza!
Rump titty rump titty titty titty rump titty rump titty rump rump rump!" Over and over.
Robz17
Posted: Saturday, September 07, 2013 2:39:06 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/28/2013
Posts: 221
Location: United Kingdom
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." Some of my previous co-workers did that, so-called Psychologists!!!
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