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bbman
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 6:48:28 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 1/17/2012
Posts: 9
Location: dumfries, United States
My wife, for medical reason, can no longrer have intercourse. She still give the greatest oarl in the world but feel bad about not being able to fill my other needs. She has said I couls go outside and find some to fill my other needs. There is my problem. I have the drive but Ipromised to be faithfull till death do us part. I am to old fashion ? I have brought up the idea of bringing some in for both of us an that did not go over to well. Some help please or advise ???
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 6:54:23 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
I am not a gal, but my views are this......

If she has told you to look outside your relationship to fill that need, you are not being "unfaithful" to her. In fact, you are doing as she asks you to do. However, if YOU have an issue with that, then that is another story. Just also know that unless it is a prostitute, there will be the chance that you may become emotionally attached to this other woman.

If she didn't like the idea that you bring someone in for both of you, IMO she is not comfortable with you being with someone else, but if you don't do it in front of her, she can deal with that. Or at least she may think she can. This is a dangerous thing IMO and could lead to other relationship problems.

This was all just short and quick given the lack of any other information to go on.... good luck.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 8:58:11 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
bbman wrote:
My wife, for medical reason, can no longrer have intercourse. She still give the greatest oarl in the world but feel bad about not being able to fill my other needs. She has said I couls go outside and find some to fill my other needs. There is my problem. I have the drive but Ipromised to be faithfull till death do us part. I am to old fashion ? I have brought up the idea of bringing some in for both of us an that did not go over to well. Some help please or advise ???


What are some of your other needs?

Do you feel badly because you cannot pleasure your wife (thus fulfilling your emotional need to do so) via penetration?
Do you feel badly because you cannot penetrate any pussy at all (fulfilling your physical/carnal/personal need), due to those wedding vows you wish to honor?
If you go outside your loving/trusting relationship where you apparently have at least decent communication to fill your particular needs - are you 100% sure that you won't begin to destroy that trust with your wife, immediately or slowly and piecemeal?
Does your wife wish for you to be very discreet in the pursuit and fulfillment of your needs - (she doesn't want to know if you've tried to or even succeeded?)
If you were to start getting some strange pussy all over your cock, is your wife willing to continue giving you oral...in the future?

Forgive me for being nosy.


We require a bit more information (and so will many of the Gals, I assure you).



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 9:31:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
bbman wrote:
My wife, for medical reason, can no longrer have intercourse. She still give the greatest oarl in the world but feel bad about not being able to fill my other needs. She has said I couls go outside and find some to fill my other needs. There is my problem. I have the drive but Ipromised to be faithfull till death do us part. I am to old fashion ? I have brought up the idea of bringing some in for both of us an that did not go over to well. Some help please or advise ???



I wonder did the rest of your vows include "For Better or for Worse, in sickness and in health". IF they were, and If your marriage vows are that important to you, wouldn't you want to honour all of them and not only "faithful till death do us part"? Meaning, that no matter what accident/illness might befall your wife, you accept all and any consequences of that illness. If you are struggling with what your religion would say about it, maybe you need to seek some counselling through your church.

I don't think it's too old fashioned to take wedding vows literally, but is it too convenient to pick and choose which ones? As a person who took their marriage vows very seriously, I have the outlook that whatever accident/illness might befall him, he has peace in the knowledge I would always be there for him, and vice versa. there would be no question in my mind that I wouldn't do what your wife suggested. That's just my opinion, that doesn't mean it's the right answer for you, and of course I haven't walked a mile in your shoes......
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 9:49:28 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
I have to also add though, that most Religions consider sexual obligations as just that, obligations. They are things we expect from our partners and are commanded to provide. If we can not, this does not eliminate the obligation. And often times taking a sexual partner outside a marriage because of a need to fill a physical requirement (both for purely sexual as well as for child bearing) is not unheard of, nor expressly shunned. Just another twist to it that a lot of folks don't seem to realize. And this outside partner/experience is not a blemish or contradiction to the vows taken, but a way to fulfill them.... in a not so traditional way.

That being said, it does sound like there are some hesitations involved, and this is on both parts. While she may be saying to go do it, it is clear that she does not want to KNOW about it or be involved (from what I am reading into it... I could be wrong). These situations can be tricky, but I have heard of them many times.
Jack_42
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 11:02:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/21/2009
Posts: 986
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
As Wellmade Male has said - not enough information - is the problem going to be permanent or not for instance? It only temporary then things could get very complicated. But I am not speaking from a moral point of view as most morality is just a convenient method of control and full of hypocrisy, what matters is how you and your partner organise your relationship for your and her comfort not what any social norm dictates.
BelleduJour
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 11:30:02 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,509
Location: Canada
I will agree that there isn't enough information for any of us to give you a thorough and well rounded answer, however, from a woman's perspective, the apparent permission granted by your wife to take on lovers outside of your marriage, I fear is an empty one not to mention a loaded one. I'm going to assume from your post, albeit pretty vague, that you both love each other very much and, up to this point, had a good or decent sex life. Being the loving and dutiful wife I would assume her to be, she probably feels tremendous guilt that she may not be able to please you in the ways you may come to need at some point - an awesome blowjob only goes so far after a while - and feels amost 'obligated' to offer up the free pass. The fact that she does not want to know anything about it and/or want to include a third person in your bed, screams out insecurity and fear as well as a deserpate need for denial in order to make peace with her decision to allow this in the first place. I suspect that deep down, she doesn't want this at all and perhaps in some way may even be testing you to see how you will handle things. It's a very tricky and difficult and complicated situation and ultimately, no one here can really give you a 'right' answer as to how or what to do. It must come from you and your wife and perhaps further discussion even if it's to find other more creative ways to stay sexually connected and faithful at the same time. I sincerely wish you the very best.

Aletheia
Posted: Thursday, January 31, 2013 9:44:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/5/2012
Posts: 275
Location: Through the Looking Glass, United States
The mere fact that you are conflicted and asking the question shows that you feel it's cheating...and that's really all that matters. Please don't do anything that violates your core values and beliefs.
bbman
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 6:18:51 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 1/17/2012
Posts: 9
Location: dumfries, United States
I thank you all for coments and insights. Once I take a vow or make a promise, I keep it. I know she wants me to be able to have my freedom when it comes to this part of my sex life but, with they way I am made, I just do not think I can stray off the homestead. Again, thanks and any other comments are welcome.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 6:56:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
bbman, I can't imagine what it's like to go through something like this, I wish you and your wife much peace, love and happiness for the future.
blazestcyr
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 7:01:37 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
i would not... for one can say that you may stray but in actuality it may end your marriage

so unless her vagina has been sewn up i would suggest both of you keep looking for medical help..please..please get a second opinion

but as others have said you have not given us the whole story...

so no one can give you advice that will help you...

except this..do not stray ok...i have a feeling that she WILL care...

Smoothtalkin_wolf
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 7:36:38 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/31/2012
Posts: 212
Location: Chi-town area, United States
trinket wrote:



I wonder did the rest of your vows include "For Better or for Worse, in sickness and in health". IF they were, and If your marriage vows are that important to you, wouldn't you want to honour all of them and not only "faithful till death do us part"? Meaning, that no matter what accident/illness might befall your wife, you accept all and any consequences of that illness. ...

I don't think it's too old fashioned to take wedding vows literally, but is it too convenient to pick and choose which ones? As a person who took their marriage vows very seriously, I have the outlook that whatever accident/illness might befall him, he has peace in the knowledge I would always be there for him, and vice versa. there would be no question in my mind that I wouldn't do what your wife suggested. That's just my opinion, that doesn't mean it's the right answer for you, and of course I haven't walked a mile in your shoes......


I agree Trinket. Sage advice.
Tranquil
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 9:46:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/31/2013
Posts: 2,196
Location: Curled up in front of a beautiful fire
bbman wrote:
My wife, for medical reason, can no longrer have intercourse. She still give the greatest oarl in the world but feel bad about not being able to fill my other needs. She has said I couls go outside and find some to fill my other needs. There is my problem. I have the drive but Ipromised to be faithfull till death do us part. I am to old fashion ? I have brought up the idea of bringing some in for both of us an that did not go over to well. Some help please or advise ???


if i was your wife, i would have offered, and hoped you took me up on it but i wouldn't want to hear about it. i would only ask you never do the same woman twice, always use protection. Nor would i want you to bring someone in, who could do for you that i can not...i wouldn't want to see the joy on your face while you take her...

Talk to your wife more,, ask her for reasons.. only she is in her shoes and knows why she has suggested

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