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Can a Guy "Nice" his way right to the friendzone? Options · View
JK87
Posted: Sunday, December 02, 2012 10:48:09 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 10/2/2012
Posts: 1
Location: United States
I've heard from so many other guys including some of my friends that they were so nice and kind and considerate to women and got put right into the friendzone. I've even heard some say "all women really want jerks" This has never been the case for me but I was wondering.......Can a guy be so kind, sweet, caring or whatever that you feel you have to put him in the friendzone?
Dani
Posted: Monday, December 03, 2012 12:36:12 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,708
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
JK87 wrote:
.......Can a guy be so kind, sweet, caring or whatever that you feel you have to put him in the friendzone?


HAVE to? Of course not. But if a guy is kind, sweet, caring or whatever and I'm not interested in him in that way, then yes, they usually get friend zoned. But I'm really not into friend zoning guys. If I'm aware of them showing more than just a little interest in me but the feeling isn't mutual, I let them know up front and let them make their own decision. I'm a strong believer that guys put themselves in the friend zone and get frustrated when they can't get out. What's wrong with telling a girl up front that there's a romantic interest instead of beating around the bush? Making yourself emotionally available with no strings attached is sometimes hard for us ladies to pass up. If you go so long being a girl's go-to guy and don't make it known how you really feel, then you're sort of asking for the friend zone. There's nothing wrong with being there for a woman, especially when you care for her. But don't be a doormat or a pushover, as this is the easiest way to get friend zoned. And don't be surprised when you don't make your true intentions/feelings known that you get put in the friend zone.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

xxLouisexx
Posted: Monday, December 31, 2012 2:41:20 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/24/2011
Posts: 20
My bf is a nice guy and he's not in my friendzone!
The reason someone's in the friend zone is solely because the other party has no romantic interest in him.
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 31, 2012 7:10:11 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,409
xxLouisexx wrote:
My bf is a nice guy and he's not in my friendzone!
The reason someone's in the friend zone is solely because the other party has no romantic interest in him.



It's logical to assume that's the only reason, but Some guys choose to be in the friend zone. I believe I have a good sense of humor and an outgoing personality, and love to talk to people. If I had a dollar for every guy that said to me "I love talking to you, I wouldn't want any sexy chats that might jeopardise our friendship"..... The ones that throw that line at me usually do so in the first or second tme we talk.

I will say though, I have a lot of gorgeously nice, polite and funny guy friends here.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, December 31, 2012 7:13:33 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,295
Location: West Coast
Good answers in this thread.

Guys put themselves in the friend zone either by not making their intentions clear (and thereby getting a clear answer) or by being rejected and thinking if they become friends with the girl and keep trying, eventually they will wear the girl down and she'll change her mind.

If the girl is not into a guy, but he's a nice/fun/enjoyable person to be around, then why wouldn't she consider him as a potential friend? A lot of guys fail to realize that it's about attraction and chemistry, not just about being a 'good person' and treating someone well.


oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:11:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Chemistry meaning the nice guy falls short of the edgy bad boy and if the nice guy were to try and step up he cant, because she loves her bad boy.
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:23:01 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
For the guys who are all butthurt because they are so nice to a certain girl and she STILL doesnt like you ask yourself this...

If there was a girl you are just not attracted too... Looks-wise, personality-wise or other. Will her being endlessly nice and "there for you" change your mind about that? Probably not. In fact, it would probably turn you off more and more and she would cross over from the realm of nice to pathetic.

If a girl puts you in the friend zone, either leave her be and do yourself a favor or just be her actual friend. You never know, she might have other friends that DO like you like that. But don't be a passive aggressive douche doing her favors then guilting her later on when she doesn't want to give you a kiss goodnight.



oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:29:19 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Butt hurt? How quaint. For those of us who are the bottom of the barrel, we havent had women as you described. And I dont guilt anyone into anything. Just very, very tired and needing to rant and rage. Sorry to offend the pretty people.
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:40:35 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
oldhound wrote:
Butt hurt? How quaint. For those of us who are the bottom of the barrel, we havent had women as you described. And I dont guilt anyone into anything. Just very, very tired and needing to rant and rage. Sorry to offend the pretty people.


Why are you apologizing? Why are you saying you're the bottom of the barrel? Why are you ranting and raging? Why are you assuming I'm pretty?

You make me sick.



oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:47:02 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
1) isnt that what you do in society when you offend someone?
2) my history dictates where I am in the ”barrel”
3) pretty people includes the witty, charming and socially attractive, not just physically appealing
4) yeah, I get that reactio. A lot
sprite
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:00:48 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,610
Location: My Tower, United States
oldhound wrote:
1) isnt that what you do in society when you offend someone?
2) my history dictates where I am in the ”barrel”
3) pretty people includes the witty, charming and socially attractive, not just physically appealing
4) yeah, I get that reactio. A lot


woman are also attracted to attitude. quite honestly, yours isn't helping you. not a criticism, just some friendly advice. you want a girl, you need to make her want you too. :)

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:11:29 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
oldhound wrote:
1) isnt that what you do in society when you offend someone?
2) my history dictates where I am in the ”barrel”
3) pretty people includes the witty, charming and socially attractive, not just physically appealing
4) yeah, I get that reactio. A lot


Look, I'm gonna waste some time on this, I don't know why, but I am.

1) You didn't offend anyone. You made me sick watching you act like this. Just don't apologize in general for things you shouldn't need to. I was being sorta abrasive, if anyone is offending anyone it's me offending you. Why are you saying sorry? Shit is weak.

2) Your history may dictate that.. So why are you saying it for people that don't know your history? You might as well wear pussy repellant. Instead focus on good qualities you have, NOT that no girls like you. Why would anyone find that attractive?

3) Oh my god...

4)Well than switch it up. It's insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.

Man up, believe in yourself, show those bitches who's boss and stop whining.



NaughtyNicola
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:11:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/9/2013
Posts: 129
Location: LA , United States
As long as the girl isn't sexually attracted to any guy he is going into the friend zone. If I can't see myself with you romantically then I'm not going to put you in anything other then just friends. Nice, ass hole, jerk, nerd what ever you label yourself as, as long as there is no chemistry there is nothing other than friend zone.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:23:39 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,295
Location: West Coast
oldhound wrote:
Chemistry meaning the nice guy falls short of the edgy bad boy and if the nice guy were to try and step up he cant, because she loves her bad boy.


OR... it could mean that the self-professed nice guy is boring as fuck, bitter, has nothing in common with the girl he's pitching to, not enough life experience, lacking in social intelligence, unappealing outlook on life and love, lame sense of humour. The list of possibilities goes on. People want to spend time with people that they naturally vibe with. It has nothing to do with how 'nice' a guy is (or claims to be). That's one of the weakest ways to describe a guy's personality, in my opinion.


oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:45:18 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Well I guess you described me to a tee then. Socially retarded, thats genetic I think on my part. Boring...I thought my life experience would have nixed that, but my luck...nope. Bitter out look on life...call it repetitive trauma reaction. You beat a dog so long, sometimes they get mean.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:49:20 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,295
Location: West Coast
oldhound wrote:
Well I guess you described me to a tee then. Socially retarded, thats genetic I think on my part. Boring...I thought my life experience would have nixed that, but my luck...nope. Bitter out look on life...call it repetitive trauma reaction. You beat a dog so long, sometimes they get mean.


Oh god. *sigh*

I'm not describing you. I'm describing reasons why someone might not have 'chemistry' with someone outside of the variable of just being 'nice'.

You boiled my original comment about 'chemistry' down to nice guy vs bad boy. It's a lot more than that.


oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:59:33 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Sorry, limited frame of reference on my part
Tranquil
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:08:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/31/2013
Posts: 2,196
Location: Curled up in front of a beautiful fire
JK87 wrote:
I've heard from so many other guys including some of my friends that they were so nice and kind and considerate to women and got put right into the friendzone. I've even heard some say "all women really want jerks" This has never been the case for me but I was wondering.......Can a guy be so kind, sweet, caring or whatever that you feel you have to put him in the friendzone?


Can i say here i think this is an age thing... i think you get to a point in your life. where a nice caring considerate man seems to good to be true . when you are feeling wild and young (not necessary are young) but feel it, nice sometimes doesn't cut it... but sometimes the nice is all a girl wants well. Of course Nice does not mean holding back.

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BelleduJour
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:25:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,509
Location: Canada
I don't think it has anything to do with the guy 'being so nice and kind and considerate' that it GETS him in the friendzone but more that the girl just isn't attracted to him in THAT way right from the start.

Having said that, I also agree that age may play a part in it as well - most young women tend to spend their youth experimenting, sowing their oats and searching for wild adventures which often times includes dating bad boys while older women who've been-there-and-done-that, are more interested in settling down with a nice guy this time around.

To say that being kind automatically puts you into the friendzone is not only not accurate but not fair.

Nikki703
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:31:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,675
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
oldhound wrote:
1) isnt that what you do in society when you offend someone?
2) my history dictates where I am in the ”barrel”
3) pretty people includes the witty, charming and socially attractive, not just physically appealing
4) yeah, I get that reactio. A lot


Based on the way you are acting in this thread, you could be the hottest guy in the world and the "bottom of the barrel" seems like it will remain your home. You want people to like you, maybe you should start by liking yourself first and not just making excuses why they dont!
oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:37:22 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Well atleast I know now, knowing is half the.battle. Thanks, making my choice easier. After 45 years, I dont think liking myself is gonna happen.
Nikki703
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:45:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,675
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
oldhound wrote:
Well atleast I know now, knowing is half the.battle. Thanks, making my choice easier. After 45 years, I dont think liking myself is gonna happen.


Never too late to change!
oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 12:48:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Hahaaa , oh youre serious, in that case...ouch. Sincere thanks for trying. This site was my last hope for advice, but I truly seem to be ”that” guy, the one truly beyond redemption or help.
oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 1:14:06 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Re reading this, I see, thanks to many bullets of advice, that I have left out a lot and should have phrased or put my issues into a different format. So Ill address a few responses and hopefully I will see clicks of comprehension, not sighs. Ms doll, u just happened to describe me, thats all. Im old, retiring from a job that for the last ten years should have gotten me in contact with all kinds of women, no, I was the DD, the safe guy, etc. First marriage ended because she didnt like my work anymore, I was gone too much, when I handed her the paperwork that said I was done, going to be home, she told me she was having an affair with a guy ten years older than me, 50 pounds overweight and had a heart condition. Big ego boost there. Second marriage, less than one year after the first was final, threw me out for things like not making coffee in the morning. Used me for medical benefits. Hadnt been intimate with her for more than a year, her choice. I wasnt allowed to touch her, I disgusted her. Ive been asked to put my shirt on at pool parties, many times. Im not a physical slouch, bench 320, leg press 1000,(once). I hike, swim etc. but I am ALWAYS the guy that is never, ever good enough.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 1:46:15 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,299
Location: Cakeland, United States
Geezus...the downward spiral pity party just keeps twirling down the drain.

You've been married twice, apparently chose wrong both times - but, you did make those choices...things didn't work out and for whatever reasons (there's 3 sides to every story, incidentally), now you're licking your balls in a public forum for anyone who has a braincell... to read.

You're 45 and old? I'm 53 and my life is still kicking ass & taking numbers. What.The.Fuck?

It is truly all attitude, dude. You should know that by now. Hell, I knew it at 23!

Give us all a break will ya?

I've friend-zoned myself almost as often in the last 35 years as I have bad-boy-bluffed my way through the pussy buffet...and there's a lot to be said and thankful for having and enjoying friendships with women (sane and slightly insane ones) evil4 I've zero complaints, a few missed connections that weren't meant to be...and dodged a small handful of female chainsaws.

And it's been a blast. I'm sure as hell not the top shelf prime filet of beef to be had...but guess what? I could give a shit...that's not how it's supposed to be either. Get comfy in your own skin, man - it's the best way to live this life.

Bottom of the barrel? Only in your own mind, Hound.

Please carry on, you've been hilarious today. What kind of cheese do you prefer with your whine though?

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 1:49:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
In reply to.Felix notes:
I apparently have no good qualities TO offer a woman, this is actually based on a recent conversation I overheard between females in my work place. They didnt know I was there, I dont make much noise when I walk
Due to my profession, we tend to apologize and fix the issue, rather than continue because usually we get charged for a variety of things.

Switch what up? Im a hippy redneck geek, no chance Im gonna be James bond. And Ive.passed all my psych evals
oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 1:56:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Any cheese with hemlock thank you.
I tried to use this forun because I had nowhere, noone to talk to. Last time it got like this, I racked up an excessive force charge. Om,, youre 53 and you have my respect as an elder, but I gather you didnt go through what I have. I needed to rant, maybe find that grain of wisdom I hadnt seen yet. Tough it up, man up, theres a girl out there for you, stop working the 30 th time you get nuked. But that may be out of.your frame of reference., no offense intended, just mean you havent walked in my boots
crazydiamond
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 1:59:21 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
Jesus H Christ, Lush was fun once, I thought we came here to escape. Dude perk up!!!



oldhound
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 2:02:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 201
Location: Colorado Springs, United States
Sorry, maybe yer right
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 2:08:07 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,299
Location: Cakeland, United States
oldhound wrote:
Any cheese with hemlock thank you.
I tried to use this forun because I had nowhere, noone to talk to. Last time it got like this, I racked up an excessive force charge. Om,, youre 53 and you have my respect as an elder, but I gather you didnt go through what I have. I needed to rant, maybe find that grain of wisdom I hadnt seen yet. Tough it up, man up, theres a girl out there for you, stop working the 30 th time you get nuked. But that may be out of.your frame of reference., no offense intended, just mean you havent walked in my boots


You're right. I have not walked in your shoes/boots/sandals.

I've enjoyed & endured my own set of issues (most of my own creation)...and most of us create our own issues, Hound. You simply play the victim card very well.

Nothing is your fault.

Everybody picks on you.

Now you're old, broken down emotionally, tired of being trashed/nuked/heart ripped out.

BFD man. You're not going to find the answer(s) to what is ailing you on an internet forum board, let alone on this one. You still have excellent veterans' insurance?

Make some shrink appointments ... and start choosing your ladyfriends a bit differently, cuz whatever you've been doing in the past...obviously ain't working to your hearts content.

There is one constant in your equation - you

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
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