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lustone
Posted: Friday, February 01, 2013 6:30:55 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/28/2011
Posts: 18
Location: Over there, in the place with the people and stuff
So, I've been to a party recently and I had loads of trouble talking to the girls that I didnt know. I know I have major confidence issues, can anyone give me some tips on how to overcome my situation?
Note, I have trouble starting conversations, not so much as continuing one. For example, if a girl starts to talk to me, I'm completely normal, but if I start to talk to a girl.......... I have pet pasta and right now it's not talking to meatball for some odd reason.
overmykneenow
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 11:11:00 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,022
Location: United Kingdom
Parties are generally easier to strike up a conversation with a girl than say, a club. The classic ice-breaker at a party is "So how do you know [party principal]?", which gives her the chance of asking the same question in return. It's a classic because it works so well - you can discover common ground, shared friends you can talk about, interests and work etc

There might also be opportunities for friends to introduce you to people - this is even better because, essentially, your friend is vouching for you.

Of course you can't use these with complete strangers in a club environment but it should help you build up your confidence.

Also remember that some girls can be just as lacking in confidence; don't automatically assume that a stilted conversation is a sign that you're not doing well. There are plenty of other signs that will tell you that.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
pernellkim
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 11:46:19 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/8/2011
Posts: 36
Location: United States
Let me just say I do only make love with girls,But, I am not a bitch and most girls are not. If you just walk up and introduce yourself, most of us respect that and will say hello and be kind back. It will or willnot progress from there. Now If you were to walk up and give me some cheesy pickup line , then I might just say sorry im Lesbian and move on. I guess In other words just be yourself and if she is a bitch then you would not want her anyway.
sprite
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 11:51:59 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,551
Location: My Tower, United States
i'm shy - no, really, it's true - shut up, you - ANYways, i find that it's easier if i listen a little first... like, if a girl/guy i want to talk to is having a conversation and it doesn't seem closed, i'll listen and if it's something i feel comfortable joining in, i will and pretty soon i'm involved - like art, or a good book, or a movie, just anything you're familiar enough with to have an opinion about. :)

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
DLizze
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 5:19:42 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,552
I tend to have trouble with shyness in "party" or "club" situations too, when I am a stranger. Here's what gets me past the shyness, and nearly always evolves into some sort of conversation: "Hi, I'm _____________. I know this sounds like a pickup line, but I find you attractive, and would like to get to know you in the normally accepted sense of the word."

You'd be surprised at how many women will respond with, "As opposed to the Biblical sense?" and laugh.
I think because it is honest, and because it gets all the sexual agnst out of the way upfront, we can easily move on from there to real conversation.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
curvygalore
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 6:06:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/22/2010
Posts: 191
Its awfully hard to feel comfortable talking to someone in a sexually pressurised situation, but women tend to reasonably good at small talk, so if you just introduce yourself and try to smile and give her the chance to reply. And if she's not forthcoming, she might just be shy too, so unless she's being really indifferent (or already snogging someone else) its worth trying to keep the conversation going. You may not get lucky straightaway, but you will get more confident in your approach!
lustone
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 3:40:44 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/28/2011
Posts: 18
Location: Over there, in the place with the people and stuff
As most of you said in the previous posts- "Just be yourself, kind and respectful, introduce yourself and start from there"..... I've tried that, it didnt work. Sometimes, they look at me like I'm insane Nutbag
Me being the socially impaired person I am just end up raising my cup to my mouth, drink something and walk away Whistle
overmykneenow
Posted: Tuesday, February 05, 2013 6:44:58 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,022
Location: United Kingdom
lustone wrote:
As most of you said in the previous posts- "Just be yourself, kind and respectful, introduce yourself and start from there"..... I've tried that, it didnt work. Sometimes, they look at me like I'm insane Nutbag
Me being the socially impaired person I am just end up raising my cup to my mouth, drink something and walk away Whistle


You need to sell yourself and you're just like any other product - get your message right and your target audience right and you will sell.

At the moment you're confusing Attention with Interest - they're two separate steps. Getting attention is easy. Getting interest is much harder and requires work and skill. Effort here will yield rewards.

AIDA - Attention - Interest - Desire - Action

Learn basic marketing and apply it yourself. Granted, it's not very romantic, but you don't have to tell anyone your secret.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead

NEW! Want a quick read for your coffee break? Why not try this... Flash Erotica: Scrubber
blazestcyr
Posted: Wednesday, February 06, 2013 5:56:29 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
honey most people love to talk about themselves

a person who is generally interested in THEM is sexy

but you have to make the effort..if you dont talk to any one..they wont talk to you

so brush up on current events, music, movies, sports and go get them!

you can do this!
lustone
Posted: Thursday, February 07, 2013 5:54:11 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/28/2011
Posts: 18
Location: Over there, in the place with the people and stuff
blazestcyr wrote:
honey most people love to talk about themselves

a person who is generally interested in THEM is sexy

but you have to make the effort..if you dont talk to any one..they wont talk to you

so brush up on current events, music, movies, sports and go get them!

you can do this!


Sure, I know I can do this because I've done it before. It's just different this time, like you said, I showed interest in them, and still nothing.

I think I know my problem, though. I'm looking for someone who probably doesn't even exist.
Here's a list, just so you people can tell me what you think. It's kind of a standard for me, which has gotten a bit higher over the years. I can't imagine how, though.

Smart
Funny
Beautiful
Fun
Shy
Sexy
Inquisitive
Passionate
Determined
.............

That's just what I got off the top of my head in the list of things I look for in a potential partner.
angelic2thief
Posted: Thursday, February 07, 2013 6:29:42 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/9/2011
Posts: 7
Location: United Kingdom
Having a list isnt such a good idea it means your going into things with a narrow mind. Just talk to people, any people, all people..............your talking to all these people on here arnt you?? its no different out there
lustone
Posted: Thursday, February 07, 2013 6:34:24 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 8/28/2011
Posts: 18
Location: Over there, in the place with the people and stuff
angelic2thief wrote:
Having a list isnt such a good idea it means your going into things with a narrow mind. Just talk to people, any people, all people..............your talking to all these people on here arnt you?? its no different out there



I know, that's why I said my problem is that I'm looking for someone who doesnt exist.
But I dont think having standards is bad, it's just bad when it's either too high or too low.
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