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It's not getting, it's keeping. Options · View
lifeafterdeath
Posted: Wednesday, January 02, 2013 5:45:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
So, recently I figured out the problem I had/have. In my enlightenment of my previous problem, a new one came to light as well.
I figured out that getting a girl isnt my problem, I did a little experiment and the response was quite surprising. Instead, it's keeping a girl.
I've always questioned myself about why my relationships have failed so hard in the past. Either I was too serious too fast, not serious at all, or didnt take a hint when I should have. All of which I did completely wrong with each single girl. So I'm wondering, is there something I do wrong all the time? Or am I just that bad-lucky to have the wrong types at the wrong time?

I'm halfway gone.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 2:16:24 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Are you just being yourself? if you are too serious too fast, I would take that to mean you really liked the girl. Not serious at all, you probably weren't that into her.. Not taking a hint when you should have.... you're not a mindreader, if she had something to say to you she should have just come out and said it.

As they say, communication is the key. if you feel something isn't going right, talk to her and ask her. Don't look at every date as a potentional life parter, just enjoy their company and see what happens.

Changing yourself or acting differently to please someone else just to keep them around is not the answer. In the end you would probably be very unhappy.

LYFBUZ
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 6:51:46 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/27/2012
Posts: 3,383
Location: 1st star to the left, Canada
If you are 19 I wouldn't worry too much about keeping, live in the moment, date different women and appreciate it for the journey of self-discovery it should be. Learn what it is you truly want and listen, really listen to yourself and the one you're with. Deep and meaningful relationships usually take time to develop.
Being yourself is the best advice I ever got...
blazestcyr
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 10:16:54 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/19/2011
Posts: 737
Location: where bugs die
at 19 you should be dating a bunch of people...i mean you are 19!!! your life thoughts hopes dreams jobs school life will all change..a ton in the next ten years!

however..make sure that you treat them how you wish to be treated...never lie well unless they ask you if they look fat and always be you
lifeafterdeath
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 5:43:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
I've read all three comments above and I've got something to say. Yeah, I'm only 19, but I disagree with you guys! I shouldnt be dating any and everyone. I mean, I'm sociable and everything, but I'm extremely picky on who I like and if I want to date them. As for being too serious........ I dunno, it's just been me to be that way. And yes, I really actually did fall in love with my ex girlfriends when we were dating. I dont date cause I just want a girlfriend, or cause I'm lonely or cause not having a girlfriend isnt cool. I date someone cause I have certain feelings toward them, and I'd like to know and see if they feel the same way about me, then make decisions from there. And if I really like someone, I'd want to keep them around. If I didnt like the person, I would barely even talk to them. I think it's better to be single than to be in a wrong relationship. I've always been this way, I have no idea why.
Btw, at 19 I've got 2 jobs, full time Mechanic and part time caterer (home job)......... So, I rarely ever have time to meet new people, hang out or even go clubbing (Actually I've never went clubbing before.)

But as you guys said...... Maybe I should ease up on the seriousness in the relationship. I dont think anyone has the same views that I do, at least not at my age.
This is tough....

I'm halfway gone.
Dudealicious
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 6:43:57 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,413
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
This could be a few reasons why you're having a hard time.

lifeafterdeath wrote:
Not all women are bitches. If you read the original comment I posted in that thread, you'll find that I said (and I quote) "No, I dont refer to every single female as a bitch, when they act it, I call it."


lifeafterdeath wrote:
I didnt say that all women are bitches, just that there's a high percentage. Clearly my studies are wrong. Apparently men can be bitches too, cause you're being one right now


The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

lifeafterdeath
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 6:48:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
Dudealicious wrote:
This could be a few reasons why you're having a hard time.




Dude, why you gotta go bitch up my post with your complete and utter lack of common sense?


I'm halfway gone.
kylie_kained
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2013 7:49:49 PM

Rank: Detention Seeker

Joined: 8/17/2010
Posts: 994
Location: Over your Knee Screaming and Kicking!, United King
Treat you lady with respect and do take them seriously but a 19 yr old should not be looking for someone long term just yet your life's only just beginning. Don't blame your work long hours wont stop a good relationship happening once the time is right.
















Dudealicious
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 6:24:03 AM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,413
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
lifeafterdeath wrote:



Dude, why you gotta go bitch up my post with your complete and utter lack of common sense?


Utter lack of common sense? I think it's you that lacks that.
If you treat women like this and are not afraid to call them a bitch, means you're an ass. That's why you're having a hard time keeping women.

Lets say your lady friend wants to go to a movie and you're tired from a long day of mowing lawns. You want to stay home and sip on some iced tea, but she starts to get impatient and pressures you to go.

You're thinking in your head (based on your previous posts) "what a bitch". So you get off the couch and ask your parents if you can borrow the Oldsmobile to get to the theatre. The whole time you can stop thinking "you're such a bitch, but I want to fuck you tonight".

The movie ends and you start getting intimate in the car and start kissing. She breaks it off to talk about the movie, asking you about the love scene. You roll your eyes thinking "Ahhh just shut up bitch". She feels you pulling away and presses her head against the window and says she's tired, and wants to go home.

Poof relationship done, and all you can think of is "she's such a bitch, we could have been good together!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sucks when people actually remember what you post doesn't it?



The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

CurlyGirly
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 10:21:01 AM

Rank: CurlyFries

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 1,778
Location: United States
lifeafterdeath wrote:
Dude, why you gotta go bitch up my post with your complete and utter lack of common sense?





Dudealicious wrote:


Utter lack of common sense? I think it's you that lacks that.
If you treat women like this and are not afraid to call them a bitch, means you're an ass. That's why you're having a hard time keeping women.

Lets say your lady friend wants to go to a movie and you're tired from a long day of mowing lawns. You want to stay home and sip on some iced tea, but she starts to get impatient and pressures you to go.

You're thinking in your head (based on your previous posts) "what a bitch". So you get off the couch and ask your parents if you can borrow the Oldsmobile to get to the theater. The whole time you can stop thinking "you're such a bitch, but I want to fuck you tonight".

The movie ends and you start getting intimate in the car and start kissing. She breaks it off to talk about the movie, asking you about the love scene. You roll your eyes thinking "Ahhh just shut up bitch". She feels you pulling away and presses her head against the window and says she's tired, and wants to go home.

Poof relationship done, and all you can think of is "she's such a bitch, we could have been good together!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sucks when people actually remember what you post doesn't it?



Completely agree. Sort of along the lines of what I was thinking, Dude. OP, you come off as very disrespectful to women (actually, just disrespectful in general), and I'm sure that boils over into your real life as well.



It won a potato. Aren't you intrigued?



lifeafterdeath
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 6:49:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
Dudealicious wrote:


Utter lack of common sense? I think it's you that lacks that.
If you treat women like this and are not afraid to call them a bitch, means you're an ass. That's why you're having a hard time keeping women.

Lets say your lady friend wants to go to a movie and you're tired from a long day of mowing lawns. You want to stay home and sip on some iced tea, but she starts to get impatient and pressures you to go.

You're thinking in your head (based on your previous posts) "what a bitch". So you get off the couch and ask your parents if you can borrow the Oldsmobile to get to the theatre. The whole time you can stop thinking "you're such a bitch, but I want to fuck you tonight".

The movie ends and you start getting intimate in the car and start kissing. She breaks it off to talk about the movie, asking you about the love scene. You roll your eyes thinking "Ahhh just shut up bitch". She feels you pulling away and presses her head against the window and says she's tired, and wants to go home.

Poof relationship done, and all you can think of is "she's such a bitch, we could have been good together!"
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sucks when people actually remember what you post doesn't it?




So, you're completely sure that the date would have gone like that?
Let's not even mention that I love movie theatres and romantic comedies. Or the fact that I'd be spending time with someone I'd think is awesome. Plus, getting laid isnt my #1 priority, get your head out of your pants cause I'm not like other guys who just wants to fuck anything that moves. I'm that mushy kinda person normal people might mistake to be on the other side. And dude, I know what I posted, yeah it kinda does suck that people took that serious. But I guess it's just unfortunate how I managed to actually be played by more than one (and I'll use the best substitute I've seen in my previous posts) undesirable partners. And even more unfortunate to let that warp my judgement on the entire human race, and the gender we all know as female. But in my attempt to get better at being 'nice' and a 'good guy' and even a 'desirable partner' and not to forget 'respectful', I'll not argue and at least try to listen.

And to the post below that guy's one, and actually this applies to everyone though I think it wouldnt affect you people much, but, If you people actually knew me, you'd have different views on me. But you dont, so I guess I cant blame ya.

Pleasant evening, everyone. I hope everyone enjoys it.

I'm halfway gone.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 7:08:30 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
lifeafterdeath wrote:
Either I was too serious too fast, not serious at all, or didnt take a hint when I should have. All of which I did completely wrong with each single girl. So I'm wondering, is there something I do wrong all the time? Or am I just that bad-lucky to have the wrong types at the wrong time?


I think these are things we all typically do wrong when we fuck up relationships. It takes time (and plenty of dating and relationship practice) to figure out how to play things. And honestly - some of us never learn. I wouldn't get too worried about it. If you're self-aware about these tendencies already, you can obviously be on the watch for it with the next girl that you're into.

Several people mentioned that 19 is too young to get really serious about someone. A lot of people feel this way... So, one thing might be that you're falling for people that aren't ready/interested in a serious relationship. Like if you're dating girls around the same age as you are, they might just be the type looking for casual fun or short-term situations and maybe they're acting accordingly. If a girl is really into a guy, we will forgive a lot to make it work. If they're just breaking it off or drifting away and blaming it all on some random thing you did or didn't do, I think they're basically excuses because they weren't looking for anything too serious or just weren't into it overall.

It takes a while to figure out if you really like someone enough to make the effort a relationship requires. The majority of the time, one or both parties will probably take a pass.


lifeafterdeath
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 7:29:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:


I think these are things we all typically do wrong when we fuck up relationships. It takes time (and plenty of dating and relationship practice) to figure out how to play things. And honestly - some of us never learn. I wouldn't get too worried about it. If you're self-aware about these tendencies already, you can obviously be on the watch for it with the next girl that you're into.

Several people mentioned that 19 is too young to get really serious about someone. A lot of people feel this way... So, one thing might be that you're falling for people that aren't ready/interested in a serious relationship. Like if you're dating girls around the same age as you are, they might just be the type looking for casual fun or short-term situations and maybe they're acting accordingly. If a girl is really into a guy, we will forgive a lot to make it work. If they're just breaking it off or drifting away and blaming it all on some random thing you did or didn't do, I think they're basically excuses because they weren't looking for anything too serious or just weren't into it overall.

It takes a while to figure out if you really like someone enough to make the effort a relationship requires. The majority of the time, one or both parties will probably take a pass.



Hmmm..... Those things you said seemed really familiar. "You're a good guy, but you're just not my type" is the one I've heard the most.
From what I've gathered, I gotta loosen up on this "relationship" thing and just have more fun with potential partners (one at a time, I'm assuming)

I'm halfway gone.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 7:44:11 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
lifeafterdeath wrote:



Hmmm..... Those things you said seemed really familiar. "You're a good guy, but you're just not my type" is the one I've heard the most.
From what I've gathered, I gotta loosen up on this "relationship" thing and just have more fun with potential partners (one at a time, I'm assuming)


Yep. In these cases we will look for excuses to bail and random reasons we can blame it on.

We all end up shopping around for a while before settling on someone that we feel we can really make it work with. By doing this, we get a clearer understanding of what we really want in a partner too.

It'll happen eventually (relationships) but just enjoy the journey in the meantime and have fun dating and figuring out the kind of person you're most compatible with. It's kind of like trying things on before making that final purchase. Or in guy terms - test driving different cars before buying one. It's best not to rush things. Relationships are a lot of work.


lifeafterdeath
Posted: Friday, January 04, 2013 8:29:38 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:


Yep. In these cases we will look for excuses to bail and random reasons we can blame it on.

We all end up shopping around for a while before settling on someone that we feel we can really make it work with. By doing this, we get a clearer understanding of what we really want in a partner too.

It'll happen eventually (relationships) but just enjoy the journey in the meantime and have fun dating and figuring out the kind of person you're most compatible with. It's kind of like trying things on before making that final purchase. Or in guy terms - test driving different cars before buying one. It's best not to rush things. Relationships are a lot of work.


Well this is a new one I've never heard. A test drive....
Well then, I think I'm gonna observe the speed limit and start driving.
Better late than never.

I'm halfway gone.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 1:21:12 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 02, 2013 1:22:30 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
Always observe the girls mother. It's not written in stone, but there's a decent chance that your girl's gonna turn out a lot like, if not exactly like her mother.
lifeafterdeath
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 5:48:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 162
Location: Places, United States
lovewhenuswallow wrote:
Always observe the girls mother. It's not written in stone, but there's a decent chance that your girl's gonna turn out a lot like, if not exactly like her mother.


...... So, what would I do in the case that her mother is 'not here' anymore?

I'm halfway gone.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 04, 2013 8:22:23 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
lifeafterdeath wrote:


...... So, what would I do in the case that her mother is 'not here' anymore?
Well i guess you're screwed and you'll have to take your chances and hope for the best. Unless you grab a ouji board and try to reach her mother that way.Think
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