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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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I wasn't sure if I should put this under the "relationship" or BDSM forum. I was wondering if a sub can be jealous. Well... Not that they can't be but as in is it a bad trait? Would you have to work on sharing your Dom with others? At the moment I can't, I am very jealous. I have a feeling that I can't be the only one out there. But is it wrong of me to limit a Dom's power by telling them I am jealous, therefore I can't stand having an open relationship?
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/7/2012 Posts: 816 Location: United Kingdom
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If you feel uncomfortable with your Dom/me having more than one sub then tell them. If they understand they won't bring another one into the relationship, if not then it may be time to move on. As Dom/mes need to respect your needs and if bringing someone else into the relationship will affect you then it's perfectly fine to mention that. Teased and Tormented -My very first story and competition entry is now up!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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I am going to have to agree with MoonlightSerenity on this one. While it is a Dom/me's right to have more than one submissive if they choose to, it is also the responsibility of that Dom/me to take into consideration His/Her subs feelings and concerns. Personally speaking, if My sub had a problem with sharing Me and it became a serious issue, then I would have to consider and possibly relent on the idea. However, for my acquiescence, she may have to do something in return for Me. There may be some aspect of our relationship, playing, or whatever that she has been reluctant to engage in and because I let go of the idea of another submissive, she may be required to bite the bullet on another issue.
It is all about compromise and reaching an agreement. Sometimes you have to give up one thing to get another.
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Rank: Cock Connoisseur
Joined: 4/25/2010 Posts: 1,661 Location: Bend, United States
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Han you are not limiting your Dom's power by not wanting to share him with another sub. You as much as he have rights in the D/s relationship. If that is one of your limits then you have that right to speak up and tell him. Ideally this would have been established before the D/s relationship took place. As for it being a bad "trait" you have to realize that the dynamic of the D/s relationship is a very deep and emotional one. You as the sub give everything to your Dom and it is his job to see that you are safe, protected and that he is meeting all your needs as much as it is your job to submit fully to him and in doing so you give everything that you are to him. Its perfectly reasonable if not sharing him is one of your limits. And no you are not the only one out there, I to feel as you do about sharing my Master. Good luck to you.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 6/8/2010 Posts: 724 Location: United Kingdom
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Han135 wrote:I wasn't sure if I should put this under the "relationship" or BDSM forum. I was wondering if a sub can be jealous. Well... Not that they can't be but as in is it a bad trait? Would you have to work on sharing your Dom with others? At the moment I can't, I am very jealous. I have a feeling that I can't be the only one out there. But is it wrong of me to limit a Dom's power by telling them I am jealous, therefore I can't stand having an open relationship? While you think this shouldn't be under the BDSM forum, I think that this almost defines it! You're jealous because you given yourself to someone who hasn't given themselves to you. Decide what sort of sub you want to be. The sort that serves the leader of many, where you are one of many serfs? Or the sort of sub who dictates what their master does... the sort of master who likes compromise and agreement. To be honest, the healthiest thing is the second option. The first option really is only temporary and doomed to disappointment. The second is the vanilla, but rewarding, way ahead - as long as you play along. Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist. Why not read some stories instead
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 5/12/2010 Posts: 377 Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
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Han135 wrote:I wasn't sure if I should put this under the "relationship" or BDSM forum. I was wondering if a sub can be jealous. Well... Not that they can't be but as in is it a bad trait? Would you have to work on sharing your Dom with others? At the moment I can't, I am very jealous. I have a feeling that I can't be the only one out there. But is it wrong of me to limit a Dom's power by telling them I am jealous, therefore I can't stand having an open relationship? If they're a real dom, you won't be 'limiting their power', they would want to know that this is something you aren't happy with. I know I wouldn't be ok with it - I don't share. The best type of relationship has a basis in openness, honesty and trust. You should be able to discuss something like this and set it as a limit, as something you won't do, and trust that it's a line he won't cross. overmykneenow wrote:the sort of master who likes compromise and agreement I like masters and doms who are willing to compromise and agree things with their sub / slave, it makes them seem more human and stuff, much more appealing than one who has their unbendable rules that must always be obeyed, no matter what
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 6/8/2010 Posts: 724 Location: United Kingdom
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freakycactus wrote:I like masters and doms who are willing to compromise and agree things with their sub / slave, it makes them seem more human and stuff, much more appealing than one who has their unbendable rules that must always be obeyed, no matter what I'll deal with you later Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist. Why not read some stories instead
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 5/12/2010 Posts: 377 Location: On my cloud, United Kingdom
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overmykneenow wrote:
I'll deal with you later
Bless
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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Han135 wrote:I wasn't sure if I should put this under the "relationship" or BDSM forum. I was wondering if a sub can be jealous. Well... Not that they can't be but as in is it a bad trait? Would you have to work on sharing your Dom with others? At the moment I can't, I am very jealous. I have a feeling that I can't be the only one out there. But is it wrong of me to limit a Dom's power by telling them I am jealous, therefore I can't stand having an open relationship? You're definitely in the right section. Not sure if you wanted a sub or a Dom's perspective on this, but I'm a sub, and I have some input on this. I don't think it's a bad trait, but if you don't let your Dom know how you feel about it, it can become a problem for both of you. I understand as a sub that we are expected to respect each and every one of our Dom's wishes, but if it's a limit, they have the responsibility of respecting it and try to work something out. With my previous Master we clashed on this very subject because he wanted another sub, and it's one of my main limits, I think that might have been why he let me go. I am very jealous, especially when my emotions are so deep into the relationship. You're not the only sub out there who feels this way. I'm sure there are tons of them who can't bring themselves to be comfortable with the idea of sharing their Dom with another. I mean, you've given yourself completely to them, hoping they'll be able to give themselves to you. It's not wrong if it's something you're uncomfortable with. Whether you're able to change it or not, is completely up to you. If you can't, then I'm sure your Dom will understand and respect your feelings about it. I wish you the best with your Dom.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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Subs can feel jealously. I have/had a small jealousy streak going. Not so much b/c of my litter mate but due to my Mistress's hubby. I guess I am totally in love and it is hard to share even though that is what is required. I think it is natural to feel that way and we all want our Mistresses to ourselves.
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  Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/5/2012 Posts: 3,655 Location: Where Dreams Come True, United States
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I don’t think it’s wrong that you’re jealous. I think that you need to be with a Dom that isn't just your Dom but also a boyfriend/husband something more serious in the vanilla aspect of it all. I’m also a sub, and I’m also a jealous type. When I have a Dom, He’s not just my Dom but also my boyfriend. I would never feel comfortable enough to want to share my Dom with someone else. I’m lucky enough that my current Dom doesn't want anyone else involved. We have talked about bringing in a girl for me to play with as He watched or even joined as long as He didn't touch her. I would play with her as He played with me. But, we’ve never gotten to that point and I’m fine if we never did. I like having Him all to myself and I am sure He feels the same.
Want To Read My Lush Competition Piece? Click Below To Find Out <3
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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Poppet wrote:I don’t think it’s wrong that you’re jealous. I think that you need to be with a Dom that isn't just your Dom but also a boyfriend/husband something more serious in the vanilla aspect of it all. I’m also a sub, and I’m also a jealous type. When I have a Dom, He’s not just my Dom but also my boyfriend. I would never feel comfortable enough to want to share my Dom with someone else. I’m lucky enough that my current Dom doesn't want anyone else involved. We have talked about bringing in a girl for me to play with as He watched or even joined as long as He didn't touch her. I would play with her as He played with me. But, we’ve never gotten to that point and I’m fine if we never did. I like having Him all to myself and I am sure He feels the same. Yeah. In my case at least my Mistress is also a friend. Well girlfriend in a way. Hard to explain all of the complex dynamics and interpersonal interactions. We are all human for the most part and jealousy is a part of our personality.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006 Posts: 327,241
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The most intense part of this lifestyle is the trust and communication. You must be honest enough to tell your Dom your limits and issues. If He is a good Dom for you, he will consider it. it is give and take. There may be more he expects from you if he gives up having other subs. If he truly respects you it will matter to him. Im not typically jealous. However, as Warlock and I got closer and deeper it flared its ugly head. i was honest about it and in the true nature of Dom/sub he does everything he can to protect me and us from jealousy. I will not discuss what I have to give in return.. Lol
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 4/9/2012 Posts: 63 Location: close to you, United States
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Perfect answer, Hot Mama
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 6/24/2012 Posts: 119 Location: Marietta, United States
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Han135 - This hits very close to home as I have had on several occasions had subs that were not comfortable with others in the relationship. In all of those cases I was more than willing to discuss the feelings with my subs and done what was suggested above. We compromised. I gave up having additional people involved and they relented on something that allowed us to both feel comfortable going forward.
I wouldn't call the feeling jealousy. Because if the relationship is right with your Master/Mistress, their want to have others involved is not because you are not pleasing to them or have any type of deficiency, at least in my case. It is about having each sub in their place.
I will use a perfect example, Princess who recently parted with me would not under any circumstance take on a "pet" persona. This was because of things in her past. So we discussed and decided that if we were to stay together we would have to find a little "pet" to keep around with us. That of course would have meant another sub, but for a specific purpose.
If you have read 50 Shades of Gray and think that you are ready to be a dom or a sub. Then you have a lot to learn.
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/10/2012 Posts: 503 Location: in a play house :D, United Kingdom
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i thought i would be jealous, but some people can just offer things your not willing to .....
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 10/23/2012 Posts: 56 Location: United Kingdom
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Han135 wrote:I was wondering if a sub can be jealous. I'm not sure if most subs would use the word "jealous" in BDSM, but I'm sure the feelings they have are identical. Let's face it, many people who are drawn to BDSM are drawn into it because of their affinities for "extreme" sex, and "extreme" sexual fantasies, such as menage à trois, quatre, etc. I don't define myself as "jealous", however I refuse to enter a harem situation or "play" with other people. This is because of my mindset, not because I'm "jealous". Being submissive requires an intense level trust. If you remove the emotion "jealousy" from the equation, what level of trust are you having when you offer your complete trust, but the reciprocal trust is being divided amongst several individuals? Not just trust, but time, consideration and devotion? Does that equation work for you? You give everything, they give only something back? Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere. Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
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  Rank: Clever Gem
Joined: 7/17/2011 Posts: 2,003 Location: Exactly where I should be!, United Kingdom
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littlebitnaughty wrote:i thought i would be jealous, but some people can just offer things your not willing to ..... Huh??
Now with audio!!!!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 1/31/2013 Posts: 793 Location: United States
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Jealousy is an emotion even subs can feel. A good Dom/me will be willing to listen to their feelings about it.
You seem sweet, mind if I lick you to make sure?
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 2/1/2013 Posts: 266 Location: Canada
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I am so glad I saw this thread. I am interested in becoming a sub but I was afraid I would be jealous if my Dom had more than one sub. Now I realize that this would be a limit for me. Thanks everyone for being so helpful and clear.
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