Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

leaving wife for an ex girl friend Options · View
capone312
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 5:17:57 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/15/2009
Posts: 12
i am thinking of leaving my bitchy wife of 9 years for the proverbial one that got away any advice
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 8:37:34 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Think it through. Think of all the pros and cons too.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 11:17:42 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,288
Location: Cakeland, United States
No guts...no glory. You'll never know, unless you take that step. You're either leaving the abyss or about to step into it.

It could be a trainwreck -or- The Love Boat!

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 11:59:30 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Hmmm, and who will she be happy to find waiting for her, I wonder?

If there is someone, just be prepared for it and dont get all holier-than-thou about it, and give her and her new or old lover a hard time.

What is good for the goose is good for the gander, after all.
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 12:58:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I read somewhere on Lush this question, "How much is your happiness worth". There are two issues here, one is leaving the wife and the other is going off with the ex-girlfriend.

It is rarely good to leave one relationship and jump into another. This is an advice topic, so I advise not to go with the ex girlfriend, right away, if your leave you wife of 9 years. Most people don't believe it, but you actually need time to heal and space to grow.

Leaving a marriage can cost a lot in terms of material things, never-mind the emotional complications. If you are under 40 you have plenty of time to recover and build a new life, older people have diminishing time limits on what they can do but a new life can always be built. If you split give her her due.

It all comes down to, "How much is your happiness (and well being) worth". How much are you willing to lose to be free? There are always losses.

Another thing, gypsymoth pointed it out, she has her side of the story, her life. She might very well have issues with you, therefore the bitchiness. Blaming her in total would be a disaster for you. One has to own their part.

The worst thing that can happen in these situations is to be like a friend of mine, who one day referred to his EX as "that bitch". They were divorced over five years ago. Carrying stuff that long will not do your heart any good, the physical and emotional ones.

If your marriage is a mess and you have interests in another woman it is time to leave.
Lisa
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 1:09:47 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 3/3/2009
Posts: 5,190
Location: Victoria, Australia
I think it's best to leave a marriage because you don't want to be married to that person anymore, not because you found someone better.

The grass isn't always greener. Do you have any idea why your wife is 'bitchy'? Was she always this way, or is it something that you can work on together?
LadyX
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 1:34:43 PM

Rank: Artistic Tart

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,827
Lisa wrote:
Do you have any idea why your wife is 'bitchy'?


probably because she knows he is about to leave her for his ex
capone312
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 3:07:17 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/15/2009
Posts: 12
she has been "bitchy" since i caught her cheating on me
stephanie
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 3:32:01 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,863
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland


I think KYLE is the guy who's makin' sense here.. Surely you don't live live with someone for 9 years without some kind of regard for the person that they are... And them for you also... 9 years involves quite a bit of sharing IMO... Relationships change every single day, but if we talk to each other about what's making us unhappy we can come to a compromise and protect the companionship we have with our partners... Dude, the mere fact that you visit this site means that you've got a facility with words and you enjoy communication...

Maybe things have come to a pass with you and your doll. You're obviously unhappy for A REASON, just like she's bein' bitchy FOR A REASON... For myself, I wouldn't walk away from 9 years unless I knew THE REASON why I was hangin' up my hat.


(But what do I know... (WINK!))

Best of luck, Man, Respect.

"Is there a PLACE in this city to always feel this way?" (The Blue Nile)
Head
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 5:25:11 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/24/2009
Posts: 297
Location: CYMRU AM BYTH
capone312 wrote:
she has been "bitchy" since i caught her cheating on me

I know how you feel mate, i'v been with my partner 23 years, she cheated on me a few years back, but of course it was my fault ?? and she has been a total bitch since, i want to finish it but i cant because i still love her so mutch, i'm sorry i cant offer you and advice, because i dont know what to do myself, but whatever you decide i hope you dont regret it. good luck
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 6:53:57 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661

an interesting problem - and one that you only know the answer to.

myself, I hate participating in a marriage that isn't happy and fulfilling (yes it takes lots of work - but you know when it's toast - there's a burnt smell in the air). life is far too short to waste a moment! and to get to a point where you "wish" you did (or didn't) is regretful.

try to be authentic to your own heart! if you make a change (regardless of the ex's situation) will your heart be happier?

good luck, Cap!

Van
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 7:20:29 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,288
Location: Cakeland, United States
capone312 wrote:
she has been "bitchy" since i caught her cheating on me


Hell, this bit of information changes the equation about 180 degrees.

Do whatever the hell makes you happy. Got kids with this wife? Make sure you do what's good for them in the process too...and if no kids - get with the program and kick the wife to the curb.

Once a cheater - always a cheater, man.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 7:37:57 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I so agree WMM .... and you know, even those that don't "repeat offend" ... you will never trust them again and you know ~ it's always a thought that they "might" cheat again!
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, January 22, 2010 7:52:00 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,288
Location: Cakeland, United States
I've had three girlfriends cheat on me...I forgave all of them...then discovered them cheating again. Fool me once, shame on me, etc...

I tried - for many years - not to judge every woman the same...as I once felt that all situations and people - are different...

The last woman I caught cheating on me during what I understood was a monogamous relationship, about six years ago...I pulled out a twenty dollar bill from my wallet - right in front of her, and threw it on the carpet towards her feet, walked out of her house and never called her back.

She called me for a week, and sent me two dozen emails. I deleted 'em all and finally blocked her phone numbers.

Act like a whore and I'll treat ya like one.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
capone312
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010 3:28:06 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/15/2009
Posts: 12
the thing that gets to me is not only the fact that she says it was my fault that she cheated(she was lonely and i was working 16 hour days)
but after i found out she swore that it would never happen again and sure enough not even 2 weeks later it was happening again.
the part that really kills me is she remains in contact with the person she cheated on me with. ("she is my best friend")
i know the grass might not be greener on the other side but it has to be better than weeds and burnt soil.
as for loving my wife, i did until she told me that "she loved me but was not in love with me".
oh btw i forgot to mention that she planned to divorce me with money from my paychecks and shack up with her gf!!!
now normally every guy would love to be married to a woman who likes women too, but if she wanted to do it why hide it?
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010 6:53:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I like Kyle"s advice,, along with ChefKathleen's ,, and Wellmade's.
I was married to my first wife for 17 years ,, and 2 kids.
The first wife cheated on me before she become pregnant with or first child ,, and it was a long time before I was sure
that my son was really mine.
I tried the forgive and forget plan ,, I couldn't do it ,,I think it is BULLSHIT!!
Divorced my first wife after 17 years of just staying in there for my kids.
I got remarried to another woman ,,and it lasted about 17 years again ,, then with the problems with my 2 kids ,, and her 2 kids ,, the problem of too much time being spent with the kids ,, and ,, how our finances was always going down in flames.
We grew apart also ,, then I was divorced again.

To get back to your problem ,, I think I would take long hard look in the Mirror at myself to see if I liked what I saw .
If I didn't then ,, make the changes. ,, As far as hanging in there with your wife ,, I would send her packing ,, It seems as if She has made it clear that you are not the only person riding the ( Fur Burger ) now.
Do the 4T"s ,,, borrowed from ChefKathleens father ,, TAKE TIME TO THINK.
When you get into your next relationship ,,, forget everything that happened in your previous one.
You won't be able to be your true self if your new partner hears all the heartache stories ,, because she will be re-adjusting her part in the relationship to make you comfortable ,, when she might be getting uncomfortable .
This is a time in life when you put the Bare Naked Truth,, out there to be seen.
I wish you the best in this problem!!!

Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010 8:45:10 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Good advise Shameless.
blondemilf
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010 8:52:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/26/2009
Posts: 105
Location: kiss off
I think if she said she isn't in love with you any more and thought about getting a divorce then do it. Being in a loveless marriage isn't good. But i wouldn't rush back to your exgirlfriend. You need time to get over it . I hope it all works out for you.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, January 23, 2010 12:45:12 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I like all the advice. We simply don't know you, your wife, or the other girlfriend. The whole thing will affect more people than just yourself, and you need to think through all the dynamics.
irishcpl
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 2:04:17 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/17/2010
Posts: 26
shameless...great advice..shane and jenni
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 5:07:09 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Though only 23 I've known quite a few married guys - and most of them sexually. From my experience most ... if not all men ... find it impossible to be monogamous and invent excuses for their wander-lust feelings such as 'bitchy' for their wives behaviour. On the other hand wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp as their husbands retreat to the sanctity of their primeval instincts and no longer are seen as the 'knight in shing armour'.

Which seems ro me like a recipe for on-going marital disaster. The only way is to not get married .. definitely not have kids ... and the worlds over population problem will be sorted at a stroke.

I really hope Capone312 doesn't find he's jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 7:31:57 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Laurenxxx wrote:
Though only 23 I've known quite a few married guys - and most of them sexually. From my experience most ... if not all men ... find it impossible to be monogamous and invent excuses for their wander-lust feelings such as 'bitchy' for their wives behaviour. On the other hand wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp as their husbands retreat to the sanctity of their primeval instincts and no longer are seen as the 'knight in shing armour'.

Which seems ro me like a recipe for on-going marital disaster. The only way is to not get married .. definitely not have kids ... and the worlds over population problem will be sorted at a stroke.

I really hope Capone312 doesn't find he's jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.



I agree, but...wow, Lauren...nice picture.

(forgets the point he was going to make...got distracted)
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 7:35:23 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Oh yeah, I remembered again. With all due respect to the 'think about it before you jump' crowd (as it's always good to think before acting- I should more often), your wife has played you for a mark, and will continue to do so as long as you stick around. Whether it's with this other woman or not, cut the tumor from your life and give yourself a chance to not be bitter about life, or at least about women.

I do hope the other lady is all you imagine her to be for you, as I know that's what you want.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 7:44:32 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Laurenxxx wrote:
Though only 23 I've known quite a few married guys - and most of them sexually. From my experience most ... if not all men ... find it impossible to be monogamous and invent excuses for their wander-lust feelings such as 'bitchy' for their wives behaviour. On the other hand wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp as their husbands retreat to the sanctity of their primeval instincts and no longer are seen as the 'knight in shing armour'.

Which seems ro me like a recipe for on-going marital disaster. The only way is to not get married .. definitely not have kids ... and the worlds over population problem will be sorted at a stroke.

I really hope Capone312 doesn't find he's jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.


I disagree. Men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotional companionship. A monogamous marriage can work (mine has lasted 19 years) through good times and bad if both parties want it to. We are humans - not animals - and we can choose to control desires.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 12:59:55 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
Laurenxxx wrote:
Though only 23 I've known quite a few married guys - and most of them sexually. From my experience most ... if not all men ... find it impossible to be monogamous and invent excuses for their wander-lust feelings such as 'bitchy' for their wives behaviour. On the other hand wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp as their husbands retreat to the sanctity of their primeval instincts and no longer are seen as the 'knight in shing armour'.

Which seems ro me like a recipe for on-going marital disaster. The only way is to not get married .. definitely not have kids ... and the worlds over population problem will be sorted at a stroke.

I really hope Capone312 doesn't find he's jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.


Well, you're only 23, you're not married, you've stated that you've "known" quite a few married guys, most of them sexually, so basically, you are the "other woman". If you believe everything that those married men have told you, without hearing the woman's side of things, then you're only getting half the story. That is called being naive, and it will leave you open to being hurt one day, either by a relationship you have invested in, or by a hurt wife, who will find out you are getting it on with her husband. She will then hunt you down and hurt you. Thus her lying cheating husband will have hurt his wife and you, as well. Do you really want to have that happen to you?

As for saying that "wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp", that just made me laugh. Is that a typo for 'familiarity breeds contempt' or did you really mean that the familiar, everyday grind leads to contentment? And please, as a 'wife', let me ask you to cease making such broad general statements based on your own selfish sexual escapades and what those lying cheating men have told you in order to get what they wanted -- sex, from you, or from some other woman who would listen to and fall for their stories.

Many of those 'wives' you are referring to are working their asses off at two jobs, at home and outside of the home, and you, my dear, do not know the half of it or the intimate details of a couple's life, especially if there are children involved.

Relationships are hard work, and it takes work from both partners. You may or may not discover just how much it takes, given your last statement, but if you do attempt it one day, I wish you the best of luck. You will need it, as we all do. I suspect you won't appreciate hearing me say this to you now, but perhaps one day you'll think differently. Good luck with it all. And try and open your mind and stop being so judgmental, before it is too late.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 1:08:42 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
I have a question, why is the ex girlfriend you want to go back to an ex in the first place?

My advice, if your unhappy waking up in the morning, you should do whatever it takes to start off the day happy again.

If your not happy with you wife, leave her, find someone that does make you happy. But maybe you should find someone completely new instead of going back to an ex girlfriend.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 1:09:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
gypsymoth wrote:
Laurenxxx wrote:
Though only 23 I've known quite a few married guys - and most of them sexually. From my experience most ... if not all men ... find it impossible to be monogamous and invent excuses for their wander-lust feelings such as 'bitchy' for their wives behaviour. On the other hand wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp as their husbands retreat to the sanctity of their primeval instincts and no longer are seen as the 'knight in shing armour'.

Which seems ro me like a recipe for on-going marital disaster. The only way is to not get married .. definitely not have kids ... and the worlds over population problem will be sorted at a stroke.

I really hope Capone312 doesn't find he's jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.


Well, you're only 23, you're not married, you've stated that you've "known" quite a few married guys, most of them sexually, so basically, you are the "other woman". If you believe everything that those married men have told you, without hearing the woman's side of things, then you're only getting half the story. That is called being naive, and it will leave you open to being hurt one day, either by a relationship you have invested in, or by a hurt wife, who will find out you are getting it on with her husband. She will then hunt you down and hurt you. Thus her lying cheating husband will have hurt his wife and you, as well. Do you really want to have that happen to you?

As for saying that "wives subscribe to the 'familiarity breeds content' camp", that just made me laugh. Is that a typo for 'familiarity breeds contempt' or did you really mean that the familiar, everyday grind leads to contentment? And please, as a 'wife', let me ask you to cease making such broad general statements based on your own selfish sexual escapades and what those lying cheating men have told you in order to get what they wanted -- sex, from you, or from some other woman who would listen to and fall for their stories.

Many of those 'wives' you are referring to are working their asses off at two jobs, at home and outside of the home, and you, my dear, do not know the half of it or the intimate details of a couple's life, especially if there are children involved.

Relationships are hard work, and it takes work from both partners. You may or may not discover just how much it takes, given your last statement, but if you do attempt it one day, I wish you the best of luck. You will need it, as we all do. I suspect you won't appreciate hearing me say this to you now, but perhaps one day you'll think differently. Good luck with it all. And try and open your mind and stop being so judgmental, before it is too late.


Well said! 3601
Guest
Posted: Sunday, January 24, 2010 1:13:02 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,661
ali2teaseu wrote:


Well said! 3601


Thank you.
capone312
Posted: Monday, January 25, 2010 3:24:48 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/15/2009
Posts: 12
Necho wrote:
I have a question, why is the ex girlfriend you want to go back to an ex in the first place?

My advice, if your unhappy waking up in the morning, you should do whatever it takes to start off the day happy again.

If your not happy with you wife, leave her, find someone that does make you happy. But maybe you should find someone completely new instead of going back to an ex girlfriend.


because i was stupid when we were together and left
capone312
Posted: Monday, January 25, 2010 3:37:18 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/15/2009
Posts: 12
the thing is that i loved my wife and was devtoed to her no matter what until she cheated on me.
it's not like just once it was going on for over three years. finally i told her that if she wanted this other relationship that i was ok with it and even offered to let her girlfriend move in with us so my wife could have the best of both worlds but that was not good enough.

as far as my ex goes i loved her with everything in me. i was a stupid impatient jackass and walked away. to which i have kicked myself in the ass for for about 16 years.
it's not like i'm jumping into something that i don't know about already, but what do you do when you have to question every action and word of the person your supposed to live the rest of your life with?
i can see everybody's point but when i do look in the mirror i get pissed because i have tried everything to make this marriage work but all it does is get worse. case in point imagine coming home from work and getting greeted with hey bastard where is your check? i know the idea of leaving my wife for my ex makes me look like an asshole but there is only so much a person can do to fix a marriage and i've come to the conclusion that it's time to get out.
Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.