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Love is beautiful,however Men can separate sex and love.Why cant women? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 2:28:03 AM

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Both Women and men would could find true love from 1 person and true sexual satisfaction from another. There is a saying .. It takes 3 to make a marrige work.( i mean a mistress) I think it should be changed to "it takes 4 to make a marriage work" women should have a lover too.of course if u want to have more lovers u can.. But a husband and a wife is necessary for kids and to do all the stressful things... Lovers are for fun and it helps marriages work happier
CurlyGirly
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 7:37:51 AM

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Tomas69 wrote:
If women had a husband and a lover ,The world would be a much better place to live. There would be more love and less fighting .Women and men would find true love from 1 person and true sexual satisfaction from another. There is a saying .. It takes 3 to make a marrige work. I think it shoulbe "it takes 4 to make a marriage work" women should have a lover too.



Ugggh, I can't stand these types of sweeping generalizations. Both men AND women fall victim to this. I have no problem separating the two. In fact, when I first joined Lush I was surprised how quickly and how many men said they loved me within just a few conversations. They were definitely confusing lust and love.

Also, when you use that quote about it taking three to make a marriage work. Do you know who the third is in that equation? It's faith/god. So, reading your manifesto, you think that a healthy relationship should include a man, a woman, faith/god, and the woman's lover? You know what? I think you're really going to be able to sell this concept. It's about damn time. Women will be all over it.

Also, what if I don't want a husband and just want a lover? I don't want an old ball and chain again. Can I l just love my lover? Does your manifesto allow for that? Get back to me.



It won a potato. Aren't you intrigued?



Andee
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 7:48:57 AM

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I consider myself a modern woman ... why should I only be allowed to have one lover and a husband?

"If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored."

Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 9:06:03 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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This is an interesting topic. It's difficult to separate the two for me. To have sex was the same as being in love with someone and loving that person. I know it is due to the way I was brought up. My husband has taught me that they can be separated and I have eperienced that separation. Sex for the physical pleaure of sex and sex for both pleasure and LOVE. It still is difficult and I am not totally there yet. It's a journey.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 9:17:56 AM

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I might just be old fashioned here, but I think it's called making love for a reason and more than 2 people in a relationship is unnecessary.
Sweetaboo
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 10:22:11 AM

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I think the answer to that question is anatomical. A man gets his climax from sticking his member into something (whether it be a hand, a pussy, an ass, or a hole in a tree for that matter). He busts his nut and it's done. There is no vulnerability involved, and therefore emotions can easily be separated. For a woman, sex is an entirely different experience, as it requires something to be inserted into her body. This means that sex for a woman is by definition a surrender to vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires emotions. So, for a woman, sex and love are intertwined for this reason.
Leiza350
Posted: Saturday, March 16, 2013 10:51:48 AM

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Location: ft myers, United States
CULTURE ..................it the environment und beliefs about sex that you are brought up with. If your up bringing ruled that sex was not some thing you were only to share with the only person you loved ..then thats how you will be ..... I was differant in bring up... that sex was was to be enjoyed ...und often , so some thing you did for your self, und love und sex are too differant things .you kan have both together or one with one person... like love with some one ...uns sex with some one that you like und are turned on by ....not always the same person ....that you love.3some 3some 3some 3some
Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 7:18:33 AM

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one_winged_angel wrote:
I might just be old fashioned here, but I think it's called making love for a reason and more than 2 people in a relationship is unnecessary.



Each to their own, but I agree with you on this one.
Nikki703
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 11:13:16 AM

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one_winged_angel wrote:
I might just be old fashioned here, but I think it's called making love for a reason and more than 2 people in a relationship is unnecessary.


I agree with you. But there is also a big difference between sex and making love. Some people are very happy with the traditional one on one relationship, while others may be more open to having others involved. It is possible for a couple to be totally in love with each other but still want to enjoy sex with others. But sex with others would be just that, SEX. Sex with each other would be MAKING LOVE!

There are many ways to have happy relationships!!! Could be 2 people, or 3, or 4, or................................!!
Ravyn
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 11:28:15 AM

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Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,088
Location: Bend, United States
Your question is one that has been asked for centuries. Since people are all different in what they are looking for you will get a variety of answers. No two people are identical in their wants and desires and I am sure there are many out there who will jump at having more than 2 people in a relationship. It all boils down to what kind of relationship you are after. As a general rule I think that women have a tougher issue with this then men do (and this is just my opinion here). We as women are or can be very emotional and without a connection, sex or making love doesn't work well. Some need emotional intimacy as well as physical to make it all work. There are some men I am sure who fit that description as well. Mine is not to judge, there are so many types of relationships out there and it all boils down to whatever works for those involved.

TransitionalMan
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 12:12:12 PM

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The issue is best explained by the mix of biology and culture. Sex is inherently riskier for women then men. Men enter women's bodies. Men can't get pregnant, and until recent decades paternity was difficult to establish at best. Safe, reliable contraception is less then a century old. And men can, in theory, impregnate a vast number of women while a woman can have only a limited number of offspring. While culture of mating and reproduction extends back many centuries.

Because women have much more at risk then men, they logically ask for a higher standard before becoming comfortable enough with someone to have sex. The premium placed on virginity in many cultures is intended to assure paternity, and thus the man's continuing support in the rearing of children. Human civilization grew up with those biases built in. Slut shaming, the 'groping' and even the burqua all grew up as ways to assure paternity rights. And the bias in those rights was reinforced by both men and women.

This also changes the sexual balance between men and women and how our politics broke down. Except for prostitutes, no man wanted to be with a loose woman. A woman who was willing to say yes, was relatively rare and that balance is reflected her on Lush. How many potential cyber partners does a woman enjoy in a chat room. How long does it take before a man hits on a woman? Minutes. But for men the situation is reversed.

In essence, sexual condition for women is Pavlovian, for men Skinnerian. In Pavlovian conditioning, every time the lever is pressed (or the bell rung) the reward is given. It's easier for most women to find sex, if that's all you're going for is sex, Animals trained under pavlovian conditions press the lever only when they're hungry. Because sex is easy, women naturally aspire to more.

For men the situation is often reversed. Except for a few rock stars/celebrities, sex isn't so easy. My presence in a chatroom is a matter of no interest until I stand out in some way. I could spend hours in a chat room and its iffy if a single woman would initiate conversation, sexual or otherwise. Men face a more Skinnerian situation, where you have to press the lever to get your reward, but you never ever know if a reward is coming, It is random and intermittant. Animals conditioned that way press the lever constantly because they can never have confidence a reward is coming.

Now that's sort of basic biology, but remember the biology of men and women has derived over centuries. For a man, finding a woman willing to have sex with him is difficult, so success is self-affirming in and ove itself. For a woman sex is easy, so they want more, they are more invested before they admit a man to their body. For women it is often the cementing of a pre-exiting bond. For men it's often that way too. We aren't unaffected by sex. But rather, we don't require the emotional commitment before saying yes.
Sweetaboo
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 12:38:13 PM

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TransitionalMan, that's essentially what I was trying to say, but you put it so much better.
hotgirluk26
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 2:09:10 PM

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Location: Greater Manchester, United Kingdom
who can't? Sex and love are totally different seperate things, no connection.
Jack_42
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 3:18:12 PM

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Not that I necessarily agree with the following view but feel it has some merit to be considered. And that is that women are naturally promiscuous (we're not talking culturally here ) because they want to have sex with as many partners as possible so that a sperm war can be initiated within them so that the 'fittest' sperm is victorious. Thus perpetuating the survival of the fittest.
janet_haney
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 3:37:24 PM

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Location: United States
Who says we can't separate the two, but I'm not going share my half of everything I do and own with a mistress, so why bother with marraige at all. Imade that decision 25 years ago when I unloaded the ball and chain and decided to live my life to the fullest. But that was my decision I don't recommend it for everyone.
hornyyethappyman
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 3:59:14 PM

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sex can be a release, sometimes your hormones are boiling, you need release.
love is much deeper, its what's inside, its knowing someone is there, good times and bad.
I'd like to think they can be separated, but I like to think the person I would have sex with is at least a good friend, but it seems like my female friends want to possess me, just like my wife, so at least with my relationships it doesn't seem possible.
KatR
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 5:21:44 PM

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Location: United States
love and sex when they meet in one relationship is amazing. I have had love without sex and sex without love and both together in one relationship, and marriage without love OR sex, i understand the difference and I think most of us do, but I love the magic that happens when you have both, the real question is, why don't more MEN want that too?
1nympholes
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 5:29:47 PM

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Joined: 5/31/2012
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Location: Bare Beach USA, United States
Andee wrote:
I consider myself a modern woman ... why should I only be allowed to have one lover and a husband?


I agree completely with Andee, but I am not sure lover is the term I would use. Sex Partner works very well for me.






The girl who started early at this game of sexual pleasure, This girl that never seems to get as much as she wants, at least from the right people. But now certainly the woman that will test all the paths of pleasure with you.
Dirty_D
Posted: Sunday, March 17, 2013 5:40:44 PM

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one_winged_angel wrote:
I might just be old fashioned here, but I think it's called making love for a reason and more than 2 people in a relationship is unnecessary.


I'll agree with you O_W_A, but then again, I'm also old fashioned.

SoCalSweetie
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 12:26:27 AM

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Because there is an emotional attachment with sex, at least for me. Ha...emotional attachment seems to be my phrase of thecweek....

πίστις
BelleduJour
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 3:49:10 PM

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If you enter into a marriage where you vow to love, honour and protect one another before friends, family and God, you shouldn't be looking for anyone else outside of that union. Jesus Christ! If that's the case, why fucking get married in the first place? What is the bloody point in commiting to one person if you intend not to be faithful? Not everyone needs to seek out sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage so to make such a generalized statement that it takes 3 or 4 people to make a marriage work is ridiculous and immature to say the least. What happened to old fashioned values and morals? You want to play the field and throw your pussy or cock around like it's a party favour - wonderful - go crazy! To each their own. But don't use an unfulfilling marriage or an unfulfilling relationship as an excuse to do it. It's cowardly at best.

To answer your original question, I think women are just as capable of separating love from sex and it has nothing to do with marriage.

Guest
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 3:54:53 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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BelleduJour wrote:
If you enter into a marriage where you vow to love, honour and protect one another before friends, family and God, you shouldn't be looking for anyone else outside of that union. Jesus Christ! If that's the case, why fucking get married in the first place? What is the bloody point in commiting to one person if you intend not to be faithful? Not everyone needs to seek out sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage so to make such a generalized statement that it takes 3 or 4 people to make a marriage work is ridiculous and immature to say the least. What happened to old fashioned values and morals? You want to play the field and throw your pussy or cock around like it's a party favour - wonderful - go crazy! To each their own. But don't use an unfulfilling marriage or an unfulfilling relationship as an excuse to do it. It's cowardly at best.

To answer your original question, I think women are just as capable of separating love from sex and it has nothing to do with marriage.


hello1
clum
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 4:35:45 PM

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I want to jump in on this because I'm actually a man who has issues with separating love and sex.

To be honest, I only really want to have sex with someone I love. That hasn't always been how it has happened, but certainly the best sex I've had has been based on love.

In an ideal world, I would only ever sleep with women I'm in love with. Hopefully, that will be the case for the rest of my life.

My point is, don't generalise or assume that men think one way and women another. It irks me.

Every day is a school day.
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 4:40:26 PM

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clum wrote:
I want to jump in on this because I'm actually a man who has issues with separating love and sex.

To be honest, I only really want to have sex with someone I love. That hasn't always been how it has happened, but certainly the best sex I've had has been based on love.

In an ideal world, I would only ever sleep with women I'm in love with. Hopefully, that will be the case for the rest of my life.

My point is, don't generalise or assume that men think one way and women another. It irks me.

I agree. While I CAN (or could) just have sex without loving the person, it was not my ideal situation.
1nympholes
Posted: Monday, March 18, 2013 4:58:06 PM

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Nikki703 wrote:


I agree with you. But there is also a big difference between sex and making love. Some people are very happy with the traditional one on one relationship, while others may be more open to having others involved. It is possible for a couple to be totally in love with each other but still want to enjoy sex with others. But sex with others would be just that, SEX. Sex with each other would be MAKING LOVE!

There are many ways to have happy relationships!!! Could be 2 people, or 3, or 4, or................................!!


Nikki my love you are so right.

For those who do not know me as well as Nikki does. I have been married to the same man for over 20 years and have two adult daughters.

We make beautiful love together most nights were are both home. And I cherish every minute of it.

But there are other people that I have just hot sex with and one does not seem to conflict with the other. Do I love any of these sex partners? I do not know if that is the right word or not. There are a couple or more that I do care about, but it is just not exactly the same.

Are we committed to only loving one person?






The girl who started early at this game of sexual pleasure, This girl that never seems to get as much as she wants, at least from the right people. But now certainly the woman that will test all the paths of pleasure with you.
Delphi
Posted: Tuesday, March 19, 2013 10:07:44 AM

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Joined: 6/30/2012
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They can. They're called swingers. It works for some couples, not for others. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Straight up cheating is another story.



The Delphi/Dirty_D collaboration - a winner of the Series Award!
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, March 19, 2013 10:46:06 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,741
Totally agree with JohnC and Clum. One can always fuck, but with the emotional attachment it's so much better.
lindseyaggie
Posted: Tuesday, March 19, 2013 3:23:51 PM

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Sometimes I fuck. Sometimes I make love. It depends on who I'm with.
Kimasa
Posted: Wednesday, March 20, 2013 2:15:57 PM

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Location: Narnia, United Kingdom
I think many women can separate the two but we will always be more selective than men because we have more to lose and are generally more inhibited.

Which is why some men will use the word "Love" or ply a girl with drink to get their end away

My latest story:

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-school-reunion.aspx
mrick
Posted: Wednesday, March 20, 2013 11:58:09 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/29/2009
Posts: 19
Location: Ind., United States
Sweetaboo wrote:
I think the answer to that question is anatomical. A man gets his climax from sticking his member into something (whether it be a hand, a pussy, an ass, or a hole in a tree for that matter). He busts his nut and it's done. There is no vulnerability involved, and therefore emotions can easily be separated. For a woman, sex is an entirely different experience, as it requires something to be inserted into her body. This means that sex for a woman is by definition a surrender to vulnerability. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable requires emotions. So, for a woman, sex and love are intertwined for this reason.
wow like your answer and think your right too
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