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Can hiding your lush activity from your wife/husband/partner be considered cheating? Options · View
Elling50
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 10:39:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2013
Posts: 117
Location: Norway
Well can it? Or does it depend on what kind of activity you have her?
sprite
Posted: Thursday, March 21, 2013 10:59:00 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,604
Location: My Tower, United States
it's being dishonest, but if really depends on what you're doing here. if your reading stories and jerking off to them, no. if your cybering with a partner, yep. :) just my opinion, btw.

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
CleverFox
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2013 4:18:29 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2012
Posts: 482
Location: United States
I agree for the most part with Sprite but I think it also depends on how your spouse would feel about you whacking off to pornographic stories. If you are a man and your wife would go absolutely bat shit-bug fuck crazy if she found out you are flogging your dong to fantasies that don't involve her then I think you are on some rather thin ice by being here and reading the stories. It could also mean that you have married the wrong person too.

I think the best thing to do is find how your significant other would feel before you visit any web-sites like Lush and act honestly. And by finding how your significant other feels I don't mean by asking, most people know already how the spouse would feel and just need to be honest with himself or herself. But then being honest to yourself and your spouse is really the subject of this thread.
Dani
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2013 5:04:02 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,707
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
sprite wrote:
it's being dishonest, but if really depends on what you're doing here. if your reading stories and jerking off to them, no. if your cybering with a partner, yep. :) just my opinion, btw.


What she said.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

janet_haney
Posted: Saturday, March 23, 2013 5:25:13 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 254
Location: United States
I have to say that if you do anything you know your partner doesn't know about because you know he/she "wouldn't understand and or appreciate" you are cheating. I have been on the wrong side of this and learned the hard way. I know this isn't going to be a popular sentiment but it is what it is.
Elling50
Posted: Sunday, March 24, 2013 11:42:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2013
Posts: 117
Location: Norway
janet_haney wrote:
I have to say that if you do anything you know your partner doesn't know about because you know he/she "wouldn't understand and or appreciate" you are cheating. I have been on the wrong side of this and learned the hard way. I know this isn't going to be a popular sentiment but it is what it is.


After a lifetime of reading erotic stories and porn in secret, I decided to tell my wife. She was hurt and felt betrayed and wondered if she was not enough for me. But it opened up communications and intimacy in a way that has wastly improved our relationship. I think you are right.
janet_haney
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:15:53 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 254
Location: United States
Elling50 wrote:


After a lifetime of reading erotic stories and porn in secret, I decided to tell my wife. She was hurt and felt betrayed and wondered if she was not enough for me. But it opened up communications and intimacy in a way that has wastly improved our relationship. I think you are right.





I am glad it worked out for you. As I said I learned the hard way
ByronLord
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 5:41:54 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 753
Location: Massachusetts, United States
Elling50 wrote:
Well can it? Or does it depend on what kind of activity you have her?


Judging from divorce filings, yes!

But so can looking at another woman/man. The fact that some things can be considered cheating does not mean that they are or should be.

janet_haney wrote:
I have to say that if you do anything you know your partner doesn't know about because you know he/she "wouldn't understand and or appreciate" you are cheating. I have been on the wrong side of this and learned the hard way. I know this isn't going to be a popular sentiment but it is what it is.


And judging by your age, well maybe your partner is from the era when sex was never mentioned and looking at porn was considered a really big deal. Views have thankfully changed.

If he couldn't even allow you to imagine being with someone else, well that is rather sad.

Plunger
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 8:10:43 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 11/14/2012
Posts: 80
Location: Lansing, United States
I think from a purely moralistic point of view it is cheating? But total honesty in a relationship is not possible or practical! Each person keeps secrets that they never share with anyone, it's there right to do so. If chatting sex on line helps relieve a desire that you feel would upset or offend your pardoner I feel it is a small deception.
Nikki703
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 10:38:31 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,675
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
sprite wrote:
it's being dishonest, but if really depends on what you're doing here. if your reading stories and jerking off to them, no. if your cybering with a partner, yep. :) just my opinion, btw.


This
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 10:46:53 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,409
ByronLord wrote:


And judging by your age, well maybe your partner is from the era when sex was never mentioned and looking at porn was considered a really big deal. Views have thankfully changed.


You must be famous for your tactful approach and impeccable manners.

(I'm sure you didn't mean it, but it really comes across as insulting.)
Magnuson
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 11:02:09 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2013
Posts: 26
Location: In the wilderness , Canada
If I had a wife I should not have time for this place, we should be too busy together, if not then there is already something wrong.

As far as cheating, that to me means actually screwing someone else, I have never done that.

I am Magnus a single man, straight, 55.
Leiza350
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 12:06:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/22/2012
Posts: 415
Location: ft myers, United States
Yes its cheeting .....
deviantlover
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 1:00:13 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 2/25/2011
Posts: 14
Location: United Kingdom
I'd say just coming onto the site isn't cheating, but cybering with members of either sex, in my opinion is cheating
Magnuson
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 1:03:39 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/25/2013
Posts: 26
Location: In the wilderness , Canada
Ya, cybering would be cheating.

I am Magnus a single man, straight, 55.
LOVES4PLAY
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 2:07:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 944
Location: JUST A CLICK AWAY, United States
If one feels guilty enough that He / She has to hide their actions from a SO.then Yes it is IMO.
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 2:34:40 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,409
I kind of agree with all of you all, but if enables you live out your inner desires and fantasy's? Why not? In some cases I have been told it actually took undo pressure off a married couple. I mean as bartender I hear both sides. Kind of like being a priest lol.
curvygalore
Posted: Monday, March 25, 2013 4:48:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/22/2010
Posts: 193
Jass28 wrote:
I kind of agree with all of you all, but if enables you live out your inner desires and fantasy's? Why not? In some cases I have been told it actually took undo pressure off a married couple. I mean as bartender I hear both sides. Kind of like being a priest lol.


This is wise advice! We all need inner freedom and self expression in some shape or form. On this site I've found myself a keeper of other people's secrets (or at least privacy) but in my own life my guy knows I'm on here and what I do and don't do (listed publicly on my profile) and if he's ok with that then that's enough for me.
BelleduJour
Posted: Friday, April 12, 2013 3:48:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/13/2011
Posts: 1,509
Location: Canada
Elling50 wrote:


After a lifetime of reading erotic stories and porn in secret, I decided to tell my wife. She was hurt and felt betrayed and wondered if she was not enough for me. But it opened up communications and intimacy in a way that has wastly improved our relationship. I think you are right.


HALLELUJAH!! Finally someone that showed courage and maturity to actually C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E with his partner!! I can't tell you how long I've been waiting to hear someone do this. Congratulations for taking the leap and especially for how it ended up 'vastly' improving your relationship. LOVE IT!
hello1 occasion9 thumbup clapping

crazydiamond
Posted: Friday, April 12, 2013 3:58:40 PM

Rank: Clever Gem

Joined: 7/17/2011
Posts: 2,286
Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada
yes, yes it can.

paul_moadib
Posted: Wednesday, April 17, 2013 6:28:48 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/31/2013
Posts: 498
Location: Docking bay 94
I'm on here for the stories , ie to write some, and the chat.

I don't see it as cheating. I expect I will show the stories to my wife at some point.
EDWolfe
Posted: Wednesday, April 17, 2013 10:42:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/5/2013
Posts: 1,033
Location: United States
I think it depends on your relationship. Some relationships would find even masturbation to be cheating, while other relationships can involve extramarital sex--so long as all partners involved were aware of the situation.

If you're hiding it, it definitely can't be good. After all, if you feel that your spouse can't accept you being on Lush, then you have to ask yourself why.

Basically, yes it could be considered cheating. But it isn't cheating by default. Only you and your partner(s) can say for sure.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 12:11:01 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,409
if you have to hide anything from your partner I believe its cheating
purpleshade
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 12:45:59 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/25/2012
Posts: 146
Location: Hearts and Minds, United Kingdom
Elling50 wrote:
Well can it? Or does it depend on what kind of activity you have her?


There are certain fantasises that I have to hide from my partner , is that cheating?

I fantasise about her mother and sister but admitting to it would be suicide , so I say no , being on Lush secretly is not cheating unless you physically have intimacy.

Love and regards.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 1:02:09 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,409
I agree with the majority on here, if you need to hide what you are doing on here, i consider it to be cheating.
Naughty_Nurse
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 6:59:32 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/29/2012
Posts: 597
Location: Netherlands
It depends on what you are doing here.
Even if you are married you still have your own privacy I think.
If you just read once in a while here and that's it, why should you bother your partner with that? Especially if you know he or she will not appreciate it.

If you create a complete Lushlife in here, or start having something special with somebody, then I guess it's time to tell it.

I'm surprised by how many people hide their lush live away from their partners and find it a pity for some. It tells a lot about the trust and openness in a relationship I think.

My newest story: Monica's Birthday turns into an unexpected orgy

Lessons from a Naugthy Nurse: Scott learns all about oral sex from his nurse
Mari84
Posted: Saturday, May 04, 2013 9:40:08 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/27/2010
Posts: 81
Location: The Bronx
What partner?
MetalZombieChick
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 11:00:09 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 5/4/2013
Posts: 4
Location: Fort Sill, United States
I'm always 100% honest with anything I do. I DON'T delete text messages, I don't have anything to hide. I don't sneak around and do things either. Never have, never will. But, I'm not sexting either, at least not with anyone other than my husband. On the other hand, my husband is completely opposite. I'm not saying he cheating though, I don't know what to call it.
buttercup2u
Posted: Wednesday, May 15, 2013 2:54:03 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/13/2012
Posts: 429
Location: lost in paradise, United States
I think it depends on where your head is at. If you are merely reading the stories and enjoying them, using them for self pleasure, you're not cheating *on* your spouse, but you may be cheating them, denying them the opportunity to share the pleasure with you.

You do cross the line in my opinion once you begin to cyber or have phone sex. If you feel guilty, then its a sign that what you are doing is wrong for you on some level. If you are one of those cold people who don't feel guilt, then you have deeper issues and should probably take some time to examine your heart.

That being said, we all stumble and fall, but we don't need to stay down. We can choose to change at any time. If you are cheating (or even feel as if you are) you can change what you are feeling by changing your actions.


PhareDuFour
Posted: Thursday, May 16, 2013 6:43:45 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/23/2012
Posts: 57
Location: United Kingdom
I find some of the answers given here amusing.

You ask about cheating. In what regard and by whose standards?

Do you refer to traditional Christian morality? If you abide by traditional Christian morality, what in God's name are you doing here, man?

Or do you pick and choose your Christian morals? For instance masturbation and anal sex are acceptable with your wife, but coveting another's wife or girlfriend is amoral?

Or do you want to take on the morality of any given woman who writes or reads about incest fantasies, but grows indignant over the idea you would seriously desire anyone save your own wife?

If you cyber (though you touch no one but yourself) you are cheating, but if you read your potential cyber partner's erotica and wank off to that, then you are not cheating.

In other words if you read my words in live chat messages and they make you hard, that is cheating on your wife, but if you read my erotica and that makes your hard, then that is not cheating on your wife. Sounds like hypocrasy to me.

No wonder the Christians refer to the passage where Jesus said, "If you sin in your hearts, then it's no different that if your really committed sin in real life."

Try to see it practically: If you are here at Lush, then this site has something to offer you that your wife does not. That is a fact. Real life is always more entertaining than vicarious life. It's not a bad thing you are here. It's not reproachable. But it is an undeniable fact that Lush has something you are attracted to that your wife cannot offer you. That is not your problem. That is a fact.

It might be a problem in telling your wife you engage here. It could be because you are ashamed. It could be because you feel guilt. It could be that you worry she might feel inadequate and insecure because you are here. So it's both of your problems if you want her to understand, but make no effort to get her to understand why you are at Lush.

It might be that you already know that she cannot overcome her feelings of inadequacy or jealousy of other women. It that case you keep it secret so as not to hurt her feelings. In that case what you are doing is risky. She might find out. Then what?

I would say, if you find yourself feeling guilty for coming here and covering it up, then you need to resolve something: your guilt/shame issues, your communication/relationship problems with your wife, or your (in)ability to rationalize your behaviour as most prudent compromise between your personal needs and the needs of your relationship.

Si vos postulo me, sed non vis me, oportet me manere.
Sed si vis me, sed non vos postulo me, oportet me abire.
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