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Breaking the subject of submissiveness Options · View
Lady1234
Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 11:39:48 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/27/2013
Posts: 1
Does anyone have any advice on how to introduce the subject of a little Dom/Sub play to my boyfriend? He is an excellent lover and enjoys doing anything he can to make sure I enjoy myself, but I am usually the one who is in charge of how our sexual encounters play out, and I would really like to hand over the control to him, as I suspect he would be a great Dom and me a good Sub.

The problem is that when it comes to talking about sex, I think we both find it difficult and I feel like I'm too reserved to fully explain to him what I really want. We are deeply in love so I'm not worried that I'd push him away, I just can't seem to approach the subject of introducing something new! Any advice?
jennybbaduk
Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 11:52:28 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/15/2013
Posts: 67
Location: bolton, United Kingdom
buy a SOFT core bondage mag, just a few pics of girls tied, leave it lying around. Mention casually that it looks fun when he asks about it.
Or, how about a film with a bit of harmless bondage? Not a porn film, but a normal film in which the female is tied, even if that is just for a few scenes or so. the Bruce Willis film, REDS, or Miss Congeniality 2, or something similar. At the right place you could innocently comment, "mmm, that looks fun". Just a thought. Just to let him know the subject interests you.
CurlyGirly
Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 2:44:54 PM

Rank: CurlyFries

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 1,778
Location: United States
Watch "Secretary" with him and let him know how worked up you get while watching it? Email him some links to your favorite BDSM stories on Lush? If you can't talk, sometimes it is hard to open up that door, maybe you can start some BDSM sexting to him? Light at first, and see how receptive he is. Good luck!



It won a potato. Aren't you intrigued?



Ravyn
Posted: Wednesday, March 27, 2013 8:17:12 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,089
Location: Bend, United States
Try reading up on the subject as much as you can. There is a thread here in the BDSM section that might help you out a lot. Try mentioning some specific thing about the D/s relationship that you wish to try and see how he reacts to it. He might be more open than you realize and you two can learn and take this journey together. An open line of communication is key in any relationship but even more so in this lifestyle. It might something as simple as you telling him that you want him to take control of the nights activities and see what he comes up with. Just keep that line of communication open and do it as safely as possible. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can. Good luck to you both.

eocpez2
Posted: Friday, March 29, 2013 5:37:49 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/16/2012
Posts: 72
Location: United States
Ravyn wrote:
Try reading up on the subject as much as you can. There is a thread here in the BDSM section that might help you out a lot. Try mentioning some specific thing about the D/s relationship that you wish to try and see how he reacts to it. He might be more open than you realize and you two can learn and take this journey together. An open line of communication is key in any relationship but even more so in this lifestyle. It might something as simple as you telling him that you want him to take control of the nights activities and see what he comes up with. Just keep that line of communication open and do it as safely as possible. Arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can. Good luck to you both.


As always you have excellent advice. Its what I would have said as well :) I wish I could add on that thought.
Peter242
Posted: Saturday, June 01, 2013 8:41:11 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/4/2008
Posts: 55
If you are happy the relationship is solid, why not play a "secrets" game - each telling the other a secret. After a couple of soft ones go for it. Have it written down word for word and just say it. He ought to react to that.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, June 01, 2013 11:35:16 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
There's always the old plot of "I was reading some erotica and stumbled on this D/s story. It really got me worked up. Can I read it to you? What do you think?" You can also play up more of your submissive side to give him hints and the time to get more domineering. Make a joke of it, perhaps and say "Yes, Sir" when he asks for something. Play the geni game "Your wish is my command" Build that part of his personality up a bit.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, June 02, 2013 12:17:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,383
You can always try some subtle or not so subtle hints when you are making love.

When you are lying down and he is either caressing you or you are actually having sex, you can reach up and clutch the headboard. Works even better if there are posts on it and you can grab one in each hand with your arms spread.

Try taking a long silk scarf to bed with you or left nearby. Start by using it to caress and tease and later as things intensify, your can,apparently unconsciously wrap it around your wrist where he can see.

If he still doesn't take the hint, remember that in the throes of passion otherwise problematic statements can be forgiven or conveniently forgotten. Simply ask him to hold your hands over your head, and then let him know at the right moment how much it turns you on when he does that.

If he's not getting it by now, there may be some insurmountable issues here.

Good Luck!!
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