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Why do men tell you they love you when they don't have to, or mean it? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 5:40:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
I met a man on here, who's 10 years younger than me. We became friends, and after I broke up with my master a year ago, I started spending more time online with him and ended up falling madly in love with him. He is everything I ever wanted in a man, he's my perfect man, he even gave me the most perfect beautiful gift to prove to me how much he loved me not too long ago, everything was perfect until I asked him to officially change our relationship status to in a relationship. He went mad, told me that it was nobody's business that we loved each others, etc. and deactivated his lush account. But as soon as he did, he opened a second one, added only one person, the girl he had told me meant nothing to him, that he was just there for her because he felt sorry for her, etc.., and changed his relationship status to in a relationship, and she did too! (I know it is his account I confronted him about it, and he did not deny it). I begged him to talk to me again, but all he did was to send me an email on my birthday, telling me he was dumping me. I am not posting this so people can feel sorry for me, or tell me what an idiot I was to think I had found love on here, but I am trying to understand why some men, as I went thru the same thing with my ex master, have to tell you they love you, if they don't mean it? This is lush after all, it's not facebook. Lust rules, not love. I don't tell anyone I am in love with them, unless I mean it. I just don't understand, why some men do that, make you feel so loved, and then dump you over night. And guys, I don't mean to offend any of you, maybe some girls do the same to you, but I would not know. So feel free to enlighten me, thank you.
Irisheric777
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 6:00:36 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 6/8/2012
Posts: 2
Location: United States
So they can keep having sex
anonymouslylush
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 6:05:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/19/2012
Posts: 731
Location: Jersey, United States
I think lush is like every other aspect of life.. You have some great people and you have some whack jobs... Why do people do anything they do? They feel there is something in it for them. I personally don't love easily and keep that close to the vest. I am not one to judge anyone for finding love whereever it may come. I think lush is a place where you take from it what works for you and leave the rest. Some people are on here looking for relationships or whatever. And if they find it, thats great. I don't think men are the only ones that play that game. I am sure there are just as many women as men on here that do the same thing. I think some people are really good at manipulating people.. I know for me.. I have had a lot of men try to romance me since i put on my profile that i am recently single. I don't need the attention of anyone, but I think because of my profile, some see me as vulnerable and easily manipulated. I haven't read your profile or know anything about you, but look and see what vibe you are giving off... And remember, this is lush and Lust rules.. Take it for what it is... I probably didn't help at all.. but that is just my opinion on your post.. Cheers.

"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
— Gilda Radner

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 6:27:39 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
anonymouslylush wrote:
I think lush is like every other aspect of life.. You have some great people and you have some whack jobs... Why do people do anything they do? They feel there is something in it for them. I personally don't love easily and keep that close to the vest. I am not one to judge anyone for finding love whereever it may come. I think lush is a place where you take from it what works for you and leave the rest. Some people are on here looking for relationships or whatever. And if they find it, thats great. I don't think men are the only ones that play that game. I am sure there are just as many women as men on here that do the same thing. I think some people are really good at manipulating people.. I know for me.. I have had a lot of men try to romance me since i put on my profile that i am recently single. I don't need the attention of anyone, but I think because of my profile, some see me as vulnerable and easily manipulated. I haven't read your profile or know anything about you, but look and see what vibe you are giving off... And remember, this is lush and Lust rules.. Take it for what it is... I probably didn't help at all.. but that is just my opinion on your post.. Cheers.


when I met him he helped me get out of a bad relationship. Already then he cared about me, and wanted me happy. Well that's what he used to say. I don't usually fall in love easily, but this time, am really hurt, and feel like an idiot. Not a nice feeling. And you are right, am sure lots of men go thru the same thing too. Thank you for your input, I have revised my bio, so I don't look like, "c'mon guys, time to break my heart!" :)
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 6:43:00 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
Irisheric777 wrote:
So they can keep having sex

love the honest reply lol! well, he sure got plenty of sex, as I never cheated on him.
ArtMan
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 7:13:15 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/29/2011
Posts: 638
Location: South Florida, United States
This is playland my dear. Expect reality elsewhere.

You are invited to read Passionate Danger, Part II, a story collaboration by Kim and ArtMan.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/passionate-danger-part-ii.aspx

Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 7:39:06 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
ArtMan wrote:
This is playland my dear. Expect reality elsewhere.


that was my point actually. It is playland, not the real world, and on here, you don't need to tell someone you love them to get into their pants, but people still do for some reason, and I don't get it. Unless they get a kick out of fooling women.. maybe that was it.. thank you for the reply.
Haineko
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 7:51:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/8/2013
Posts: 628
Location: my heart & soul is with my Mistress in, Greece
they think it's what a woman want's to hear and it will make her panties wet.


Almost sure the thought process goes something like this. "Hey I'm horny, if I tell her I love her she'll be horny for me"

at least that's been my experience

comp story: The Sweetest Number Thank you to everyone who read, voted and/or commened on my comp story. Wish me luck!

Collaboration
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Under construction
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my latest
My Dark Lover ch1 (supernatural)
Leiza350
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 8:34:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/22/2012
Posts: 413
Location: ft myers, United States
They want sex, und they feel that is what they have to do to get it ...just another men just another hardon talking .
keoloke
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 9:09:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/12/2010
Posts: 560
Location: United States
evexxx wrote:
I met a man on here..... I begged him to talk to me again, but all ......


You didn't ask for this but please allow me.

Never ever beg anyone for anything. It's like forcing someone to give you something. If it's not willingly given it's not worth anything.

I do understand your position, however digest the pain and deal with it. Your misfortune was going to end sooner and with honor.

About your post.
The word "love" must be one of the most overused word. It's used so much in anything just for the sound of it that people have became desensitized.

Myself, I have actually never told anyone that I loved them if I didn't meant it. But yes I had a friend that used it a lot to get what he wanted.. today he's the one still searching for it.


I have just looked at your avatar.... You're a LS member since.. 15 days ago? and you meet this guy here?



Choose n Practice Happiness

Life is simple; we are what we eat and what we read. Talk is superfluous.
1lush
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 9:31:27 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/16/2012
Posts: 560
Location: Eastern, United States
To get all the sex from as many women as possible as often as possible.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 04, 2013 10:30:25 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
keoloke wrote:


You didn't ask for this but please allow me.

Never ever beg anyone for anything. It's like forcing someone to give you something. If it's not willingly given it's not worth anything.

I do understand your position, however digest the pain and deal with it. Your misfortune was going to end sooner and with honor.

About your post.
The word "love" must be one of the most overused word. It's used so much in anything just for the sound of it that people have became desensitized.

Myself, I have actually never told anyone that I loved them if I didn't meant it. But yes I had a friend that used it a lot to get what he wanted.. today he's the one still searching for it.


I have just looked at your avatar.... You're a LS member since.. 15 days ago? and you meet this guy here?



I just wanted him to tell me why, I needed closure, and at the time I had not quite realized that he was just a player, I actually blamed myself for what happened. And I have been a member for over 2 years, but I deleted my account when I got dumped and reopened one a couple of weeks ago. I think I have learned my lesson this time.
overmykneenow
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 8:21:07 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 966
Location: United Kingdom
So that "in a relationship with" option has caused problems - wow, who'd have thought?

I've heard of similar problems about people asking stuff like "Why am i not on the top of your friend's list? lol" It's right up there on passive/aggressive lushisms with "wow. you have a lot of friends"

Lush is largely one-to-one, you can get away with saying any old shit to dozens of people at the same time and still come off as if you're talking to just one person. A lot of men of will just say anything they think you want to hear if it means they get what they want.

There are a lot of emotionally vulnerable people here, and unfortunately it's very easy to manipulate them. It's reprehensible but sadly it's also human nature to put one's own needs ahead of someone else's. The anonymity of online friendships makes disassociating empathy all the easier.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead
Ravyn
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 10:04:03 AM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,055
Location: Bend, United States
Why? That is the hundred thousand dollar question. The fact is this is a place full of different types of people. You learned the hard way as most of us at one point or another have. We are human and are all here for various reasons. The key is to realize that to most this isn't real, its fantasy land. Take what you are told with a grain of salt and hopefully you will be fine. With high walls and a skepitcal attitude towards what you are told on here will serve you well.

I'm sorry you had to be hurt to realize this, but hopefully, as in most things we learn from our mistakes.

Good Luck to you.

Guest
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 11:32:49 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
overmykneenow wrote:
So that "in a relationship with" option has caused problems - wow, who'd have thought?

I've heard of similar problems about people asking stuff like "Why am i not on the top of your friend's list? lol" It's right up there on passive/aggressive lushisms with "wow. you have a lot of friends"

Lush is largely one-to-one, you can get away with saying any old shit to dozens of people at the same time and still come off as if you're talking to just one person. A lot of men of will just say anything they think you want to hear if it means they get what they want.

There are a lot of emotionally vulnerable people here, and unfortunately it's very easy to manipulate them. It's reprehensible but sadly it's also human nature to put one's own needs ahead of someone else's. The anonymity of online friendships makes disassociating empathy all the easier.


I knew something was not right when he started following that girl and she wasn't even an author, so that's the same as being on top of the list. After lots of thinking I consider myself lucky now as I don't have to deal with his lies about poor him working 2 jobs, etc.. I was really stupid lol! But I do feel sorry for the two other girls he was playing too as they haven't seen the light yet, hope they don't get hurt. Anyhow, I learned my lesson, I will never get close to anyone on this site again.
Guest
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 11:36:48 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
Ravyn wrote:
Why? That is the hundred thousand dollar question. The fact is this is a place full of different types of people. You learned the hard way as most of us at one point or another have. We are human and are all here for various reasons. The key is to realize that to most this isn't real, its fantasy land. Take what you are told with a grain of salt and hopefully you will be fine. With high walls and a skepitcal attitude towards what you are told on here will serve you well.

I'm sorry you had to be hurt to realize this, but hopefully, as in most things we learn from our mistakes.

Good Luck to you.


Thank you, Ravyn, I am starting to feel better about the whole thing already. Never realized that a forum post could help me so much
ByronLord
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 12:01:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 720
Location: Massachusetts, United States
overmykneenow wrote:
So that "in a relationship with" option has caused problems - wow, who'd have thought?

I've heard of similar problems about people asking stuff like "Why am i not on the top of your friend's list? lol" It's right up there on passive/aggressive lushisms with "wow. you have a lot of friends"


It happens in real life as well.

I watched the marriage of my wife's best friend fall apart after she told her husband she was going to start sleeping with other men. Then after the marriage broke up the man she was sleeping with walked off.

There are many of reasons that it happens and they are not always the same. Men are just as prone to engage in fantasy as women. Telling a woman you love them is easy. Knowing what love is, rather harder. Knowing what you mean by love is what the other person does, harder still.

If you don't believe defining love is hard, try this, describe what the colour red looks like to someone else. By which I don't mean tell me what something that is red looks like, I mean what is the sensation of redness like for you. It is completely impossible as there are no intersubjective frames of reference.

That is why telling someone that you are thinking about them, or that you hope something happens for them, or that you want to spend time with them means rather more than 'love'.

Another reason is that sometimes you thought you were in love with someone right up to the moment you tell them you love them. And that is the exact moment you suddenly realize that you don't. Hey, I was 16 at the time and we were Saddlebacking. Sue me.

Urbabygirl_1978
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 3:41:32 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 2/27/2013
Posts: 56
Location: Canada
Such a fantastic question!!! Super interested in this answer men
curvygalore
Posted: Friday, April 05, 2013 4:46:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/22/2010
Posts: 176
I'm so sorry that you've been hurt Eve, and as others have said, people are on here for many different reasons, but as this is an erotic site, sex is a major motivator. Also. although we all enjoy a safe, anonymous place to enjoy different aspects of or sexuality on Lush, it makes it that bit harder to spot a player for what he/she is. And now you know, you'll use that experience to spot the same signs in a new online friend. Its just the same as in real life, where we just all have much more life experience. If you'd met him in a bar, you'd have had him sussed in 10 minutes...
Guest
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 5:23:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
A lot of men are pigs. You need to find out more about them before you let yourself get involved. Finding out about a mans friends is a good way of finding out about him.
Andee
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:11:41 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/7/2013
Posts: 123
Location: Mostly the couch, Canada
It's already been said, for the most part ...

Men know women are more emotionally motivated, therefore telling her that you love her appeals to her emotions in hope that it will open her thighs

"If you knew what you were doing you would probably be bored."

SexySophie
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:24:24 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/10/2012
Posts: 185
Location: United Kingdom

No man has ever had to tell me they loved me in order to get me into bed. If I was attracted to a man he'd know that was my intention ... maybe even on our first date.

Perhaps that's why no man has ever told me he was in love with me.
Buz
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 7:44:01 AM

Rank: The Linebacker

Joined: 3/2/2011
Posts: 5,186
Location: Atlanta, United States
I've only ever told one girl that I loved her and it wasn't in order to get her into bed. She seduced me first. It took me awhile to get the nerve to tell her that I loved her, though she told me a lot, and I am now I'm married to her.

I have written a new poem. It is called 'Long Twisty Woman.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/erotic-poems/long-twisty-woman.aspxx
Also, if you wish, check out my co-authored a story with the wonderful DanielleX. It is called 'Focus on Sex.'
You can read it at: http://www.lushstories.com/stories/quickie-sex/focused-on-sex-1.aspx

Kiki
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 3:34:20 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/20/2012
Posts: 368
Location: Where they still believe in Magic...
Buz wrote:
I've only ever told one girl that I loved her and it wasn't in order to get her into bed. She seduced me first. It took me awhile to get the nerve to tell her that I loved her, though she told me a lot, and I am now I'm married to her.


Hugs This made me smile..


LOVES4PLAY
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 6:50:16 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 944
Location: JUST A CLICK AWAY, United States
My first thought after reading the posted question, simply MORE SEX.
I'm surprised that any relation ship, would survive on this site.. Ok I'm 70yrs young. & what I see on Lush: Almost everything written here is erotic,Most of you are young, The vast majority of you very attractive,A lot of well toned bodies , both Male & female, And there is a lot of lovely skin displayed..

Now the BAD;Distance to travel between you,Ease of interacting with others= probably leads to insecurities, or jealousies, then lack of trust, controlling the others friends. & Lack of PERSONAL TOUCHING / Holding / kissing . IF you are in a relationship , Then I wish you the very best..joel
beowulf69
Posted: Saturday, April 06, 2013 11:05:08 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/24/2011
Posts: 200
Location: Cocoa Beach, United States
I wouldn't say that unless I meant it, so I've never said it. Never!

Saying that frivolously could be hazardous to your health. You could be saying it to another Jodi Arias.

Saying "I love you" could get you shot & stabbed in the shower!!!!

My first story for Lush is posted, The Goodbye Fuck.
http://www.lushstories.com/stories/straight-sex/the-goodbye-fuck.aspx
ByronLord
Posted: Sunday, April 07, 2013 7:01:14 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/14/2010
Posts: 720
Location: Massachusetts, United States
BettyBoop4U wrote:
Such a fantastic question!!! Super interested in this answer men

I think in this particular case the guy was two timing with two different women and did not want to choose between them. When one of them forced the issue he went for the other one.

I don't think working out the motives of this particular guy is very difficult: Some men are a-moral bastards and always will be.

What I find rather more mysterious is why women who otherwise seem to be quite sensible seem to fling themselves at such men against all the advice of their friends (both male and female) and stay with them long after their true nature is acknowledged.

Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 07, 2013 9:01:05 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
ByronLord wrote:

I think in this particular case the guy was two timing with two different women and did not want to choose between them. When one of them forced the issue he went for the other one.


Yes, that's what happened, but I know now that he was intimate with the other woman first, so, he cheated on her with me. Makes me sad as he knew how much I take relationships seriously, and can't stand liars and cheaters. I am glad now it is over, but can't help and feel sorry for her, she's a young single mom, and doesn't deserve to be played either. What hurts the most is that it took us months before we both used the L word, so when he finally said it, and then gave me the gift, I believed him. Anyhow, I am glad it's over now, and consider myself the lucky one as I can move on now. Thank you everyone for your input xx
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 11, 2013 9:25:50 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,806
There are many emotionally vulnerable people on this site, I am one of them. We are manipulated very easily, and talking from past experience, some people will tell you what they think you want to hear, mostly its to get into your pants.
frogman1
Posted: Saturday, August 24, 2013 11:19:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/23/2011
Posts: 135
Location: United States
For many guys use the word “LOVE”, to get in a woman’s pants it’s sad but true. This four letter word encompasses so much power, emotions to one’s heart and hopes and dreams. It took me a few years to say that word to my girl and she knew how I felt beforehand when she told me way before I told her “I love you”. Yes as a fellow man I want to say am remorseful that so many of us use the word “LOVE” for sex with ladies. So when I tell her "I Love you" i mean it and dont expect sex for it but will take a beatuiful smile from her and sparkle in her eyes!!!
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