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Getting pregnant in your 20s Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 14, 2013 8:38:32 PM

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Call me old fashioned, whatever.

I see so many girls/young women, getting pregnant and having babies in their early 20s. Isnt this the prime of their lives, having fun, living it up, not being tied to parents etc. My daughter is 21, soon to be 22 and most of her friends are with child, or pregnant soon to give birth. I am a teacher by trade and see this everyday. What is it with kids, having kids? Please! enlighten me. Are the condom makers going broke because no one uses them anymore? lol. When I was that age, the furthest thing from my mind was having a kid
.
Poppet
Posted: Sunday, April 14, 2013 9:23:01 PM

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I think if you make it to your 20’s now a days is saying something. I see and hear of so many people having babies in their teens! Yes, 20, 21, 22 is young but it sure as hell beats 16, 17, and 18. I’m 28 and I want to have kids, I’m in no rush to do so but would one day like to have them. I've wanted them for a while, but I’m not going to have them for the sake of having them.

I think a lot of it has to do with teens and young adults are so bored in life, can’t think of anything better to do, they have sex, and end up pregnant. Or, they think it’s what they should do.


KatR
Posted: Sunday, April 14, 2013 9:52:40 PM

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I got knocked up by my high school sweetheart the night of my high school prom when I was 18 and had my daughter when I was 19, she's 33 now. No regrets for having her. Had all 4 of my kids before I was 30.
overmykneenow
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 1:26:45 AM

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shanefalco16 wrote:
Call me old fashioned, whatever.

I see so many girls/young women, getting pregnant and having babies in their early 20s. Isnt this the prime of their lives, having fun, living it up, not being tied to parents etc. My daughter is 21, soon to be 22 and most of her friends are with child, or pregnant soon to give birth. I am a teacher by trade and see this everyday. What is it with kids, having kids? Please! enlighten me. Are the condom makers going broke because no one uses them anymore? lol. When I was that age, the furthest thing from my mind was having a kid
.


Isn't your early 20s the time when, biologically, you're meant to have children? Both men and women are at their physical peaks at that time.

Are you more concerned about the prospect of becoming a grandparent than of her having a child?

In the the UK at least, rising house prices and lack of employment opportunities are forcing young people to remain in an extension of their teenage lives: they finished university, can't use their degree, move back with the parents - they reach 25 and they're in the same situation they were in at 18 - only without the optimism.

A woman may not be able to have the career she wants or the house she always dreamed of but if she wants to be a mother there's not much anyone else can do to stop her.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

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agant
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 4:22:48 AM

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if you really wanna be old fashioned, girls wouldnt go to school and late teens would be an OK time to have kids. These days women have equal opportunity, but having a kid (in my opinion) should be equivalent to a full time job, so there isn't really any time to go to university or get a career going. It all depends on what the girl (or couple) feel is the right thing for them

_________________________________________
there is always a choice - make it a conscious one
janet_haney
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 6:10:49 AM

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I agree with Poppet. Working closely with lot's of young people I see it every day. They think it's fun having a baby to take care of, like playing dolls. What no one teaches them is how it will impact their life from the time of birth on. They learn pretty quick that it isn't all fun and games.
Poppet
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 8:19:47 AM

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overmykneenow wrote:
Isn't your early 20s the time when, biologically, you're meant to have children? Both men and women are at their physical peaks at that time.

Are you more concerned about the prospect of becoming a grandparent than of her having a child?

In the the UK at least, rising house prices and lack of employment opportunities are forcing young people to remain in an extension of their teenage lives: they finished university, can't use their degree, move back with the parents - they reach 25 and they're in the same situation they were in at 18 - only without the optimism.

A woman may not be able to have the career she wants or the house she always dreamed of but if she wants to be a mother there's not much anyone else can do to stop her.

That's the same here in the United States. To the T. Some don't even get a chance to move out at all.

janet_haney wrote:
I agree with Poppet. Working closely with lot's of young people I see it every day. They think it's fun having a baby to take care of, like playing dolls. What no one teaches them is how it will impact their life from the time of birth on. They learn pretty quick that it isn't all fun and games.


I see the same thing. A lot of them do really see the babies as dolls, or they can pawn them off to their own parents, because they think it's their right to help take care of them because they are their parents.

swollen
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 10:11:54 AM

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Joined: 5/27/2010
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Imo - early 20's is the time to have fun, late 20's early 30's time to settle and breed, if you are so inclined. Leave it too late however, and the fun without them (and believe me you WILL look forward to it) has to be delayed. Worst thing in the world though - the thought of being without them. Wow! Does that make sense?
Guest
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 10:15:25 AM

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i think 20's is a woman's best time, so being pregnant isn't nice for 20
katieles91
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 10:20:37 AM

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Location: United Kingdom
I know i'm not going to get pregnant by the normal means but I do want to have kids and would like to start in my 20's, more late 20's but before I get too old. Alwasys wanted to be in a long term reltionship before I did have kids though, so need a few things to fall in to place first.
sarahdover23
Posted: Monday, April 15, 2013 10:21:44 AM

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im 23 and for me, its time to have fun, i can have little ones when im ready which will be at least 28 or older
Icarus32
Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 11:01:17 AM

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Location: Around, Canada
I'm twenty three, and personally I don't want children for at least a few years yet, though if it happens so be it.

I'm curious as to when this whole "you shouldn't be having kids in your twenties" thing came to be, for the vast majority of our history if a person didn't have children by their late twenties it was cause for concern. Now its the opposite, now don't get me wrong I'm not saying one or the other is right, I'm just confused as to why people talk about it as if its the way its always been.
EDWolfe
Posted: Friday, April 19, 2013 10:46:22 PM

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I think it depends on various factors. Of course, a lot of people feel that they're ready for the family life younger and younger.

I remember hearing a podcast episode where sex educators were lamenting the fact that more and more schools were going to abstinence-only sex ed and neglecting information about birth control. If young adults aren't aware of birth control (or worse, they think it's bad for them), then they'll be more likely to have unprotected sex (as opposed to protected sex).

In a paper I wrote for a recent composition class, I cited a study that stated about 1 in 3 sexual encounters between singles is condom-protected. (I don't remember if they mentioned other forms of birth control, though.) I also saw that the CDC had noted 1/3 of students were receiving insufficient sex education (either none at all, or abstinence-only). When Indiana University notes that half of 18-24-year-old people are using condoms, there is a problem.

Have to say, though, that I see having children as something that I have to be flexible about. I can say that I'd like three kids before I'm 35, but I realize that may not happen. Or, I might get my three kids all at once when I'm 29.
Buz
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 6:15:13 PM

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My wife & I are both 27. We start trying to get pregnant in 8 days.

Mazza
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 6:27:43 PM

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Buz wrote:
My wife & I are both 27. We start trying to get pregnant in 8 days.


Ooh Buz! That's very exciting!! Good luck xxx

I was 29 when I had my first daughter and that was just fine...
VanGogh
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 7:08:11 PM

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shanefalco16 wrote:
Call me old fashioned, whatever.


If you think waiting until a woman is over 35 ... upwards to 60 (no kidding, there are those who have!!) before getting pregnant, you are NOT old fashioned - you are part of the new thinkers that believe a woman doesn't have to have children in their twenties.

Myself and all of my friends had mothers who were in their early twenties when we were born. I had my children well before 30. I think that is more old-fashioned than your thoughts.

Here's a little material on age and having babies ....

Originally posted on Psychology Todays's blog:

Quote:
If you're in your twenties or thirties and don't have kids, a buzz of unspoken questions about your childbearing decisions might have hovered around your Thanksgiving table last weekend. Next time the would-be grandparents in your family start wondering about your plans, it will be helpful to have some ammo about what scientists are saying about what the "best age" is to have a baby.

Their answer depends, in part, on what you mean by "best."

The late teens or early twenties are "best" biologically, according to John Mirowsky, a sociologist at the University of Texas at Austin. That's when "oocytes are fresh and the body's reproductive and other systems are at a youthful peak," he wrote. Women in their twenties are least likely to have developed chronic health problems that would put them or their babies at risk, and they have the lowest rates of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, and infertility. But early pregnancy doesn't work well in today's society, which is organized around smaller families and more full-time employment for women. If pregnancy occurs too early, social difficulties often follow. At age 20 or younger, Mirowsky wrote, pregnancy is "more likely to happen out of wedlock, more likely to interfere with educational attainment, and more likely to crystallize a disadvantaged status."


I think most women have two choices when it comes to wanting to have children:

1. Have them young ... you'll have lots of energy and not so set in your ways to deal with the ever changing needs of young children going into the fun teenager years.

2. Wait to have children until you are set in your career, have some money and feel you have much more worldly experience to raise your children.

Neither are right or wrong. There are drawbacks to each ... and it's very personal.

Personally, I am very happy that I had my children in my mid-twenties .... I'd be too freaking tired to raising young children in my 40's ... I'd be spending my money on Boarding School!!




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sexyblonde91
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 7:54:16 PM

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Im almost 22 and i had my son this past November and i wouldnt trade him for the world....Just because someone is considered young doesnt mean they cant be mature for their age....No my son wasnt planned but that doesnt mean i wasnt being careful or anything like that....And just because someone has a child doesnt mean they cant still have fun...you may not be able to go out and get wasted every weekend...but who says thats all that fun anyways? I plan on having another baby before im 30... I dont see what age has to do with becoming a mother...As long as you grow up and do everything you can to provide for that child it shouldnt matter how old you are when you become pregnant,
WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, April 22, 2013 10:14:20 PM

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Or you can be like me and not want to have kids until you had the career well under way, with income rolling in. Then you hope to meet the right woman, and if you never meet her, once you've reached your late 20s or early 30s...that window starts sliding shut til you wake up at 39 or 40 and then you start seeing yourself at 57-59-61, etc... with a 17, 18, 19 yr old daughter or hell-raising son...

Meh

I had my time, and missed the window of opportunity. Funny thing is, I can go on Facebook now, and do some scoping around and none of the six women who I might have wanted to have children with from the mid 1980s to the late 1990s - ever had kids themselves with any other man, so...

There is that too.

Gotta have the right partner who wants children. I suppose there was always the bar skank route, but I declined with that option too.

Procreation is one of those personal choices which I do not rail on anyone about. Most of us have that choice in our lives. As we should.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Naughtygrl73
Posted: Monday, April 29, 2013 6:33:08 AM

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I was 27 when I had my first son, 3 more followed quickly. Personally, it was a great age to have them..
I'd done the club scene, enjoyed myself, but was wanting more out of life.
My husband and I had set ourselves up in a financial position that we could enjoy the children, without the stress of trying to survive.

It's all a personal decision and i respect every womans right to live their life as they choose, but when having children your life alters drastically. They become the focal point. If you haven't lived your life and experienced many of its highs and lows, I think you deprive yourself of so many wonderful opportunities to grow and learn.

I can look back now and I have no regrets, no thoughts of...I wonder or I wish.



Nikki703
Posted: Monday, April 29, 2013 8:13:49 AM

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I had my first child when I was barely 21 and had all 3 before my 25th birthday. I was very happily married at the time so it all seemed right. But to be honest I wasnt really ready for it. Neither was my ex so that is part (be it a small part) of why the marriage turned bad.

You are right, the 20's is the time to have fun and not worry about the responsibilty of caring for a child. But on the bright side, I am now 43 and my youngest will be 19 in a couple of weeks. So now its MY time and I am making the most of it.

Either way, having a child is wonderful!! I have no regrets or think I missed someting. And I am very lucky to have the 3 best kids any mom could wish for!!
Nikki703
Posted: Monday, April 29, 2013 8:16:38 AM

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Buz wrote:
My wife & I are both 27. We start trying to get pregnant in 8 days.


That's wonderful!! Good Luck!
cougarcub58
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2013 3:28:05 AM

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My partner and I have had 2 daughters in our mid 20's and now have 7 grandchildren and treasure each and every minute with all and each of them
clum
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2013 3:42:05 AM

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I'm of the impression that, actually, it's becoming more common for couples to wait until their late 20s/early 30s to start having children. I'm from a very "young" family—my mother had me when she was 23 and I'm the youngest (at 22)—but many of my friends have parents in their fifties and sixties.

I think the phenomenon you're observing is the increased number of "accidental" pregnancies, not usually deriving from a want to start a family. Young people these days are, in general, much more education- and career-driven than they perhaps once were and thus postpone the "settling down" thing. However, young people are also more reckless and, dare I say, sexually promiscuous than even twenty or thirty years ago, so bairns are popping up all over the place.

Personally, I can't wait to start a family. If it had been entirely up to me, I'd already have two or three kids by now. But that's me and, from what I see around my, I'm not typical.

In a sense, it makes a lot more sense to have kids young, when you still have the energy to do it. For all the negative impacts my sister and I may have had on my mum's lifestyle/prospects, she has always said that it would have been a lot more difficult physically if she had waited ten or fifteen years.

Every day is a school day.
Jack_42
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2013 4:18:05 AM

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I never had an overwhelming urge to have kids but when they came along I was in my late 20's I don't think it was a planned thing as such that was just about the time they started to arrive.
ThisOldHippie
Posted: Wednesday, May 08, 2013 8:01:28 PM

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Over the last three decades, women have been waiting longer to start having children. In 1970 the average age of a first-time mother was about 21. In 2008 the average age was 25.1.

It's probably even older today.

Statistically, your experience is atypical, to say the least.
Metilda
Posted: Wednesday, May 08, 2013 8:45:45 PM

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LOL - They DID have fun. They lived it up - and got KNOCKED up. Duh - hello!

They did this: 430-128
and this: 204-oral
Some of this: b229
and maybe this: Water Sports
and of course this: t1517


And ended up pregnant - and for many the party doesn't stop there.

So - you should be asking 'why are kids more irresponsible when they DO have fun, these days'


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SweetPenny
Posted: Thursday, May 09, 2013 9:22:16 AM

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This really depends on the person. There are some mature women in their early 20's. I had my fun during my college years from age 17-22. Then I got married and had my first child at age 23. I think it was a great time to have children. My husband and I had lots of energy to care for them.

I have several friends and relatives who waited until their 30's to try to have children. Many of them ended up with fertility issues and regretted waiting. There's a flip side to everything.
Dani
Posted: Thursday, May 09, 2013 3:07:08 PM

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Actually, in your 20s is the ideal time to have a baby. From your middle-late teens to a little after your mid 20s is when your body is in prime baby-making/carrying form. The older you get, the riskier and more complicated it becomes. Women get that settle-down bug at around 25, while men get it in their 30s. So this may also contribute to the mid 20s baby boom.

What's with kids having kids, you ask? They do it because they can. There are very few teens who purposely get pregnant. And, ask any of them who didn't expect it, and they'll almost always tell you they didn't think it could happen to them. Bottom line, teenagers do dumb shit just like adults. They drink irresponsibly, smoke, have sex irresponsibly. Adults just get away with it more because they get to play the "I'm grown" card. How many of us as adults have had pregnancy scares? Or STD scares? Or drank irresponsibly? Or other dumb shit? So why then is it a shock of the century when teenagers do the same dumb shit? The only difference is, teenagers generally aren't responsible for their own well being as we adults are. When they fuck up, someone else has to clean up the mess, and it falls on someone else's shoulders. When we fuck up, it's on us. Do we really expect people much younger than us to behave more responsibly and with more restraint than we do? As adults, our parents don't generally go "Oh God! Why me?!" when we do ridiculous shit.

Is it sad when teens do dumb/hurtful shit? Absolutely. But we should be no more surprised than when adults do it.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

Guest
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2013 6:08:32 PM

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I guess I was a "kid, having kid's"... I'm 25 now and will have a child free home by the time I'm 43 and I am NOT complaining about that. It's not about age, it's about maturity! I was married and felt ready, I couldn't imagine it any different. I didn't want to do the bar scene, getting slammed in the bathroom wasn't my thing(might be now). I love the domesticated life of a wife and mother! I do agree it is NOT for everyone, there are some pretty shitty people that shouldn't have kids period, not when they're 18, 25 or even 35.
3601
Guest
Posted: Friday, May 24, 2013 8:01:57 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,641
Children have a lot of energy, so they need parents who can keep up with them. Who here thinks they have more energy at 35 than 25? Who here has had similar injuries in their 20s and 30s, and at which age did you heal faster? Pregnancy is a big change to the body. Studies may be showing that the longer you wait, the older you get, the more likely you are to have weaker or damaged sperm or eggs.

Another thing... Those who wait until the mid 30s or even 40+... You're missing out on a lot of time to spend with grandchildren.
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