Welcome Guest Search | Active Topics | Members | Log In | Register

SAMs Options · View
BlackTalon
Posted: Thursday, April 25, 2013 3:33:21 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
Seems every time I've used this term, at least one person asks 'What's a SAM?' so I will attempt to cover this here. SAM means Smart-Ass Masochist, many consider them subbies, but I will attempt to dispel that thought.

IMO a SAM does not fit in the sub category, they use manipulation to get what they desire, which in turn means they are taking control.

'What is it they desire?' They WANT to be punished, their main goal is to push their Dom/me into punishing them by any means necessary. Some may refer to them as "pain sluts"(I disagree and will expound on this later) as their desire is to be physically punished. They feel no remorse for causing their Dom/me to punish them. They may not behave this way all the time. They may behave as a sub most of the time even. The instant they let the SAM in them out they are no longer a sub until such behavior is gone, they are now "topping from the bottom". They have assumed control by forcing their Dom/me to take action, which if analyzed properly - Is non-consensual!

This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.

I won't even go into methods of breaking this behavior because it is different for everyone. Well, maybe a few pointers.
1) Try sitting them down and explaining how it makes you feel as a Dom/me to have to punish them. Them understanding that it hurts You to have to do so may change their outlook.
2) Let them know if that is what they want/need that they can come ask for/hint toward what they want.
3) Instead of physical punishment take away their 2nd favorite thing (their first favorite being punishment, is already gone lol) for a period of time -- internet access -- phone time with friends -- as I said different for everyone.

The difference between a SAM and a "pain slut" sub -- both are masochistic, but a pain slut will get what they desire in a positive manner. The mere idea of punishment for a pain slut kills their mood entirely, they go to a state of guilt for disappointing their Dom/me. They may find subtle ways to let their Dom/me know what it is they want -- Laying their favorite flogger on the bed so it can be seen by their Dom/me. They may come whisper erotically "i need it rough tonight Master", or even come out and beg for what they want -- and who would turn down such an offer? ;) It is their approach to getting what they want that makes the two different.


Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Thursday, April 25, 2013 5:31:40 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Wow. My parents did all of that to me growing up to break my bad behavior. I can't believe I was such a SAM.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

BlackTalon
Posted: Thursday, April 25, 2013 5:36:09 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:
Wow. My parents did all of that to me growing up to break my bad behavior. I can't believe I was such a SAM.


*shakes head* LOL Dani you goof :P

Sometimes it takes being treated like a child to make someone grow up. ;) (edited)

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Ravyn
Posted: Thursday, April 25, 2013 5:50:39 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,088
Location: Bend, United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:
Wow. My parents did all of that to me growing up to break my bad behavior. I can't believe I was such a SAM.


Haha Dani you are awesome :)

Dani
Posted: Thursday, April 25, 2013 9:42:48 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
BlackTalon wrote:


*shakes head* LOL Dani you goof :P

Sometimes it takes being treated like a child to make you grow up. ;)


I was treated like a child because I was a child. I am no longer a child, therefore I see no reason to be treated like one.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

positivetension
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 12:29:31 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/22/2011
Posts: 141
Location: West coast, USA
BlackTalon wrote:

This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.



Trying to change someone who enjoys a type of play that you find threatening to your "authority" is kind of sad.



The fear and the yearning
It's gonna eat you alive
sprite
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 11:34:39 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,514
Location: My Tower, United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:


I was treated like a child because I was a child. I am no longer a child, therefore I see no reason to be treated like one.


*pats you on the head and give you a lollipop, giggles and runs as fast as i can, hoping you don't catch me and push my face in the mud* clown

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
Dani
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 12:25:28 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
sprite wrote:


*pats you on the head and give you a lollipop, giggles and runs as fast as i can, hoping you don't catch me and push my face in the mud* clown


You can run...but you can't hide.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

sprite
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 12:26:35 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,514
Location: My Tower, United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:


You can run...but you can't hide.


can too - i have fairy magic - i can turn invisible if i need to! Regaeman Man

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/hardcore/west-coast-games-part-one-the-beach.aspx
BlackTalon
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 12:49:04 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
positivetension wrote:



Trying to change someone who enjoys a type of play that you find threatening to your "authority" is kind of sad.



Your use of the word "play" would indicate that it is agreed upon by all people involved, as this situation is non-consensual...it is not.

If discussed, negotiated and agreed upon beforehand, then it doesn't fit in this topic.

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Peter242
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 1:53:34 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/4/2008
Posts: 55
It takes two to spank. In my experience when a sub plays up it's because the dom likes it that way. You have to be able to inter-react to enjoy your relationship.

BlackTalon
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 2:56:23 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
Peter242 wrote:
In my experience when a sub plays up it's because the dom likes it that way.



Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.

Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.

Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 3:24:43 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
BlackTalon wrote:


Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.

Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.

Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?


Oh please. If the sub likes it and the dom doesn't, instead of trying to change what the sub likes by means of reinforcing YOUR desired behavior, why not get yourself a new sub? If this is what the sub desires and you're not willing to provide it, then it looks like it's time to move on. Not time to make her/him into what you want them to be. As with any relationship, BDSM or not. If I see something I don't like after I've expressed it and my partner doesn't wanna change, I practice the Law of Two Feet and walk away. No one's forcing you to do anything against your will. Bringing up extremes of rape, abuse, child molestation, and thievery to support your case is absolutely ridiculous, and so is crying, "My sub is making me punish her against my will!"...especially when you totally have the option of ending things, in fact more so than in any other relationship.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

positivetension
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 6:35:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/22/2011
Posts: 141
Location: West coast, USA
BlackTalon wrote:


Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.

Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.

Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?


You go on about consent and what is agreed upon, but started this thread listing ways to "break" someone of behaviors they enjoy and seek out. Seriously?

If you're in a relationship with a brat and she wants you to tame her, then that would be totally fine and consensual. But the situation you outline is one of you just not liking the way she plays. If you can't agree upon the game, leave. She isn't violating you by inciting you to spank her...you can just NOT do it.

But staying with someone who has obviously differing interests and then trying to mindfuck her into the correct docile state you approve of borders on abuse.



The fear and the yearning
It's gonna eat you alive
BlackTalon
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 7:53:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States

what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.

You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??

In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.

As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Friday, April 26, 2013 8:23:49 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
BlackTalon wrote:

what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.

You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??

In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.

As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.


Just because it's something she enjoys and you don't, it doesn't make it a problem. A problem for YOU perhaps, but not for her. If she's a masochist that likes to be punished, that's a psychological as well as a physical need. It's something that brings her pleasure. It's a big part of who she is and what she desires. Who are you to correct it? Why not just let her move on to someone that's willing to accommodate this need instead of someone bent on "fixing" her?

And as far as that first bolded bit, didn't you just go from forced slavery to child molestation to attempt to drive your point? So how are the apropos terms of mindfucking and borderline abuse so far-fetched?



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, April 27, 2013 9:25:08 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,288
Location: Cakeland, United States
I was going to chime in here and kill four birds with one stone, but a couple of the ladies are already paving a six lane superhighway with fresh, hot, tarred ass.

I'll wait til it cools and maybe come in to paint some lane dividing stripes and rumble-alert strips.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
MistressS
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 7:23:40 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 5/31/2011
Posts: 65
I've personally not had much experience with SAM's, only seen and heard stories about some. Some seem to enjoy being punished by their Dom/mes but don't want to admit that to themselves, so will subconsciously act out to get the punishment without needing to admit that they like it. This often leads to them being rather upset as they realize they are upsetting their Dom/me, but seem unable to stop what they are doing. The other kind I have heard of, rather than enjoying the punishment, instead enjoy angering or upsetting their Dom/me, I can only assume that those SAM's realize what they are doing.

In the case of the second kind the relationship doesn't last very long, and the SAM will likely try to find a new Dom/me who hasn't heard of them before, which may be why I have heard of the second kind more.

I believe that BlackTalon is referring to the first kind of SAM I mentioned, where they do want to change, but find themselves unable to, though I would always recommend talking to the Sub and asking why they are misbehaving so much, rather than trying to make them change.
BlackTalon
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 4:24:00 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
I have avoided this topic for a couple days as it was becoming a battle instead of discussion. I stepped back allowing us all to cool off, reorganized my thoughts and now offer this:

In no way have I suggested that upon meeting someone with this behavior, that someone should step in and force that person to change..yes, at that point, move on if you don't like it.

In a committed relationship however, sometimes things can distract any of us allowing unnatural behavior to appear. It may be a Dom/me with too much on their mind from work, leaving their submissive feeling unwanted/unneeded - simply craving attention of any kind. Could be a submissive with family problems, having trouble trying to deal with things and acting out to get some relief from stress.

If My slave suddenly started drinking to excess, it would be a similar situation. A need to find the root of the problem and try to fix it is only natural. Just because at that point she is drinking that way, doesn't mean it's a constant need or that she even enjoys it, it means she's using it to deal with something else. In such situations it's better to deal with it than kick her to the curb just because of a problem, it would be cold and callous to discard her in her time of need.

Thanks MistressS for seeing my point... and the first 2 suggestions for solving this problem, talking is exactly what I suggested. The 3rd is a way of reinforcing the talk by showing them that in times like that, you aren't willing to give them what they want (physical punishment) as a reward for bad behavior.

Seems too many people pick out 1 word and focus on it...such as "break" .. solving a problem is breaking it. Seldom have I heard "dealing with", "changing", "fixing" or "solving" a bad habit. Being one familiar with breaking horses..I understand the difference. The difference being - I'm not going out searching for a free-willed SAM to drag back to My corral, saddle, whip and ride into submission, effectively breaking their will to be independent. I'm helping to solve a problem presented by the one who has submitted to Me freely and completely, and who trusts that I will step up and take the reigns when problems arise (whether hers or Mine), to not do so would be a break of her trust.

{(edit) For those familiar with breaking horses... my approach there is unconventional..always choosing a gentler more humane method. Seldom using a crop, never using spurs, and always using a hackamore bit over those which can hurt or cause damage.}

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 5:29:43 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Now it just seems like you're back pedaling. Sure issues may arise in a relationship out of no where that may need to be worked out. That had nothing to do with your original point. The way you describe it now, you make it sound as if you were having a happy, blissful dom/sub relationship up until your sub suddenly decided to be a masochist. I highly doubt that's the case with the "SAM" you discussed in your original post or any sub in general, for that matter. I don't buy that it's not something the dom hasn't known all along. There's no way a masochist would enter a BDSM relationship without making it known that they were a masochist that craved punishment and pain in a relationship. And if it's not something you recognized early on, I believe it says everything about the skills and perceptiveness of the dom. As I said before, masochism is a psychological as well as a physical need, and instead of breaking it, you should embrace it. If it threatens you as a dom or it's something you're not willing to accept, then, as I've been saying all along, it's time to let go. The ONLY time it's acceptable to break said behavior is if the masochism is something the sub no longer desires.

While MistressS makes an excellent point, I don't think it's applicable to the situation that you previously described. I think it sounded good so now you're standing behind it. Which is fine....I guess. When you first described "SAMs" in general, you said nothing of them willingly wanting to change, but of how to break/change/curb said behavior should you come across it. Instead of recognizing it as something they needed and desired, you immediately set out to encourage others to stop it. Not once did you acknowledge the fact that this is something they NEED. Instead you put a funky label on it, made it sound as negative as possible, and made it known that it MUST be stopped as it is challenge to the domhood of all doms everywhere.

So, as I've been saying all this time (because my opinions don't falter when challenged) if the "SAM" has expressed a desire to change, they'll show you, because change will take place. They'll recognize the fact that it bothers you and ALLOW you to put a stop to this behavior. But it doesn't occur overnight. No one wakes up and decides to be a masochist or a "pain slut" as you so eloquently put it in your original post. It's something they've known all along and something you've known all along but perhaps ignored because you figured you could break it. But making someone deny the very essence of who they are as a submissive is definitely NOT the way to go. And if putting a stop to it seems to be the only plausible action for you as a dom, then perhaps it's time to let go and move on and let your "SAM" find someone willing to cater to this need and desire and this huge part of who they are.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

BlackTalon
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 5:40:45 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
didn't ask you to "buy" anything Dani ....just quit twisting what's said to fit how you chose to understand it

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 5:47:25 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
BlackTalon wrote:
didn't ask you to "buy" anything Dani ....just quit twisting what's said to fit how you chose to understand it


I'm not choosing to understand it in any particular way, I just look at what's presented to me, and I interpret it as such. Excuse me for possessing a modicum of intelligence...enough to question things and and not simply take them as is. It's not my fault it's something that makes you feel threatened.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.

Looks like someone should take his own advice.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

BlackTalon
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 5:55:25 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/19/2013
Posts: 55
Location: United States
My point is that you are adding things you implied yourself and saying that is what I meant. You obviously haven't grasped yet what I intended and continue harping on something I never said or implied to begin with. ...but ....have fun

Knowledge is nothing if not shared, with your slave, your community, and those wishing to enter into it. So I will continue to look for topics to give My opinion about, yes opinion.

*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Dani
Posted: Sunday, April 28, 2013 6:11:11 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
BlackTalon wrote:
My point is that you are adding things you implied yourself and saying that is what I meant. You obviously haven't grasped yet what I intended and continue harping on something I never said or implied to begin with. ...but ....have fun


I have neither added nor taken away anything from your words. In fact, all of my responses have simply been a rehash of things you've said. The following are YOUR words:

Seems every time I've used this term, at least one person asks 'What's a SAM?' so I will attempt to cover this here. SAM means Smart-Ass Masochist, many consider them subbies, but I will attempt to dispel that thought.

IMO a SAM does not fit in the sub category, they use manipulation to get what they desire, which in turn means they are taking control.

'What is it they desire?' They WANT to be punished, their main goal is to push their Dom/me into punishing them by any means necessary. Some may refer to them as "pain sluts"(I disagree and will expound on this later) as their desire is to be physically punished. They feel no remorse for causing their Dom/me to punish them. They may not behave this way all the time. They may behave as a sub most of the time even. The instant they let the SAM in them out they are no longer a sub until such behavior is gone, they are now "topping from the bottom". They have assumed control by forcing their Dom/me to take action, which if analyzed properly - Is non-consensual!

This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.

I won't even go into methods of breaking this behavior because it is different for everyone. Well, maybe a few pointers.
1) Try sitting them down and explaining how it makes you feel as a Dom/me to have to punish them. Them understanding that it hurts You to have to do so may change their outlook.
2) Let them know if that is what they want/need that they can come ask for/hint toward what they want.
3) Instead of physical punishment take away their 2nd favorite thing (their first favorite being punishment, is already gone lol) for a period of time -- internet access -- phone time with friends -- as I said different for everyone.

The difference between a SAM and a "pain slut" sub -- both are masochistic, but a pain slut will get what they desire in a positive manner. The mere idea of punishment for a pain slut kills their mood entirely, they go to a state of guilt for disappointing their Dom/me. They may find subtle ways to let their Dom/me know what it is they want -- Laying their favorite flogger on the bed so it can be seen by their Dom/me. They may come whisper erotically "i need it rough tonight Master", or even come out and beg for what they want -- and who would turn down such an offer? ;) It is their approach to getting what they want that makes the two different.

**********************************************************************************

Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.

Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.

Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?
**********************************************************************************

what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.

You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??

In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.

As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.
**********************************************************************************

Now lump all of that together and tell me how it was supposed to be interpreted. Because in the grand scheme of things, it all seems very arrogant and immature and it makes everything about the dom in the situation, not once acknowledging or accepting what the sub may need. So don't you dare attempt to write me off or question my credibility and thought processes simply because I have the ability to see things as they are.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

Red_Dragon
Posted: Friday, November 08, 2013 1:39:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2011
Posts: 741
Location: Charleston , United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:


I have neither added nor taken away anything from your words. In fact, all of my responses have simply been a rehash of things you've said. The following are YOUR words:

Seems every time I've used this term, at least one person asks 'What's a SAM?' so I will attempt to cover this here. SAM means Smart-Ass Masochist, many consider them subbies, but I will attempt to dispel that thought.

IMO a SAM does not fit in the sub category, they use manipulation to get what they desire, which in turn means they are taking control.

'What is it they desire?' They WANT to be punished, their main goal is to push their Dom/me into punishing them by any means necessary. Some may refer to them as "pain sluts"(I disagree and will expound on this later) as their desire is to be physically punished. They feel no remorse for causing their Dom/me to punish them. They may not behave this way all the time. They may behave as a sub most of the time even. The instant they let the SAM in them out they are no longer a sub until such behavior is gone, they are now "topping from the bottom". They have assumed control by forcing their Dom/me to take action, which if analyzed properly - Is non-consensual!

This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.

I won't even go into methods of breaking this behavior because it is different for everyone. Well, maybe a few pointers.
1) Try sitting them down and explaining how it makes you feel as a Dom/me to have to punish them. Them understanding that it hurts You to have to do so may change their outlook.
2) Let them know if that is what they want/need that they can come ask for/hint toward what they want.
3) Instead of physical punishment take away their 2nd favorite thing (their first favorite being punishment, is already gone lol) for a period of time -- internet access -- phone time with friends -- as I said different for everyone.

The difference between a SAM and a "pain slut" sub -- both are masochistic, but a pain slut will get what they desire in a positive manner. The mere idea of punishment for a pain slut kills their mood entirely, they go to a state of guilt for disappointing their Dom/me. They may find subtle ways to let their Dom/me know what it is they want -- Laying their favorite flogger on the bed so it can be seen by their Dom/me. They may come whisper erotically "i need it rough tonight Master", or even come out and beg for what they want -- and who would turn down such an offer? ;) It is their approach to getting what they want that makes the two different.

**********************************************************************************

Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.

Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.

Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?
**********************************************************************************

what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.

You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??

In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.

As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.
**********************************************************************************

Now lump all of that together and tell me how it was supposed to be interpreted. Because in the grand scheme of things, it all seems very arrogant and immature and it makes everything about the dom in the situation, not once acknowledging or accepting what the sub may need. So don't you dare attempt to write me off or question my credibility and thought processes simply because I have the ability to see things as they are.




Damn Girl what are you writing the Bible here

Dani
Posted: Friday, November 08, 2013 1:49:14 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,648
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Red_Dragon wrote:




Damn Girl what are you writing the Bible here


1. This post is old.
2. I was quoting the words of someone else.
3. I can't write something that's already been written...thousands of years ago.



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

1LovelyKinkyKitsune
Posted: Wednesday, April 09, 2014 1:19:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/5/2014
Posts: 923
Location: ♥
This is very Interesting.

I did not know about any of this.

I am seeing more and more variations in D/s relationships as time goes by, (even when I already knew how each person has their own mix) and how very much everyone is different in BDSM.

As grown-ups we should not need to be treated like little children, but there is a great difference in childish and child-like or adult "play" and adult problems that in reality we KNOW that there are adult consequences to our actions, (yet, truly there are a great many adults who have issues and problems and are not so grown-up or even as they pretend and that is evident in more things than a outward appearance). Just because someone is of an adult age, does not mean they are mature in their actions or decisions. I do not think that "attention seeking" or any number of things like that is Mature. Talking about it, and trying to work out is the first thing you do, unless it is so obvious that it will not work out that EOTHER person sub or Dom could choose to discontinue. In BDSM a D/s is a specific relationship (and yes, it varies), the dom has responsibilities, and so does the sub. In any relationship BOTH have a responsibility.

I can see the OP was very serious and it helped to educate me.

I did not read it all. Sorry. I read a good part and may come back to finish.

All I know is that a "Dom/me" is "DOMINANT" lol, so of course they discipline how THEY see fit and ALL is supposed to be consensual and fit with the sub or they are not a good match, eh? I am still wondering if I do ANY of those things, and I think not. I am very creative in methods, sooo, I will have to read on.


Users browsing this topic
Guest 


Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Main Forum RSS : RSS

Powered by Yet Another Forum.net version 1.9.1.6 (NET v4.0) - 11/14/2007
Copyright © 2003-2006 Yet Another Forum.net. All rights reserved.