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Guest
Posted: Tuesday, April 30, 2013 4:15:21 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
No hope in hell of it returning to what it once was.... IMO an open relationship is the only type of relationship that could work.
VanGogh
Posted: Wednesday, May 01, 2013 12:15:42 AM

Rank: Sarcastic Coffee Aficionado

Joined: 2/10/2012
Posts: 3,047
Location: Vancouver, Canada
DandR4ever wrote:
can a couple rekindle after both were caught cheating???


I believe, not only by the responses here, but with people we all know who have had the situation of someone cheating .... no one is "cool" with it. Open relationships are an entirely different kettle than monogamous relationships.

I wholeheartedly agree that once a cheater, always a cheater. I have seen "reformed" cheaters, but you know, they are just looking for the opportunity to pounce again. Then they say, my bad. Forgive me.

People that I know that have not divorced in the cheating situation are those that put up with it because of financial or family obligations. I believe they never get that same spark back - so therefore the relationship is flawed yet may be long term.

It's one of the ultimate disrespectful and disloyal things a person can do in a marriage/relationship.



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AnLvr
Posted: Wednesday, May 01, 2013 7:46:09 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/10/2013
Posts: 9
Location: United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:


So she's justifying her cheating by making it your fault somehow? As if it's your fault you were born with a penis? As if she didn't know you had a penis going into the relationship? As if she weren't aware of the limited (no offense) abilities of said penis? Seems like she's just trying to get into your head and make you blame yourself, which is one of the most vile forms of manipulation. If she can feel justified in her cheating, then you should know where you stand. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Know your worth, and do what you need to do in order for you to be happy, because it seems as if her only concern is herself.


My thoughts exactly. I know from experience. Having been one who was "blamed" for their lovers cheating.
The lowest blow someone can take is to have the person they trusted in the most, say something like "well it really wasn't my fault because, you wern't there for me". or ie... "they can do something for me you can't do".

I can tell you this truthfully. Had my cheating lover come to me before her forray and expressed her desire for something different, I'd been far more willing to accept it, and perhaps even took the lead in making her fantasy an awesome reality!

Just my opinion. It's like an asshole (everybody's got one).

A~
AnLvr
Posted: Wednesday, May 01, 2013 7:51:32 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/10/2013
Posts: 9
Location: United States
CoopsRuthie wrote:


Regaining the trust that is lost when one partner cheats on the other in a relationship is harder for some people than others. I'm not sure that total trust can ever be regained. I've known couples who split up the first time one of them cheated, and I've known others who have stayed together and worked it out. It's hard to just give up on a relationship because of one incident of cheating. There is always the thought that maybe we can work it out.

For the people who are talking about mate swapping and threesomes, etc., I don't think that is quite the same thing as cheating. If both partners in a relationship want the same thing and agree on it, then there is no trust issue involved. What I mean by cheating is to betray the trust of the person you love. If you really love them, then you shouldn't even think about betraying them. It hurts to be the one being cheated on.
It's not just the sex, it's the deception and lying that go along with it. If cheating was just a sexual act, like masturbating, it wouldn't be nearly as painful. It's the emotional damage that's hard to overcome.




Well Said Ruthie. Well said.
It is all about the deception, lying & betrayal, not the sex.

A~
AngelHeart01
Posted: Wednesday, May 01, 2013 3:56:35 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/23/2010
Posts: 3,141
Location: ♥ Southern Style ♥, United States
Yes, a couple can rekindle after both, or just one was caught cheating. They can rekindle the relationship if they weren't caught, and actually just opened up about it. Hey, they can rekindle without either one knowing cheating has taken place.

The answer is Yes.

It takes genuine forgiveness and want.
scooter
Posted: Thursday, May 02, 2013 8:48:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,689
Location: Ohio
Flix,
the reason I used to like you is because you used to remind me of myself when I was just a a kid.

I've read you wife swapping, ass fucking stories. Your a sick little punk, in your fantasy world.

Come out and judge me you little bitch.


You asked for my opinion. my opinion is: your a sore little punk, that can't really stand to hear the truth.
You apparently have never had true love. Therefor you'll never understand.

Felix, do you even understand what a person that assumes is?
It's a person just like you. You assumed from what I said, that I was a cheater.

Assuming is like telling a lie.
Pretty close to what we are talking about here. At least; pretty similar.

You assumed I cheated on my wife by what I said.
Hence, you called me a Stud, that likes to fuck sheep, and lord knows what else.
Other Words, your assumption was stated by you MajicalFelix, in front of over 2,500 members that may or may not believe you.
you tried your best to hurt me.
It's the same thing as lying.

You said: I despise liars.

Hows that for an opinion?
Magical_felix
Posted: Thursday, May 02, 2013 9:27:17 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
scooter wrote:
Flix,
the reason I used to like you is because you used to remind me of myself when I was just a a kid.

I've read you wife swapping, ass fucking stories. Your a sick little punk, in your fantasy world.

Come out and judge me you little bitch.


You asked for my opinion. my opinion is: your a sore little punk, that can't really stand to hear the truth.
You apparently have never had true love. Therefor you'll never understand.

Felix, do you even understand what a person that assumes is?
It's a person just like you. You assumed from what I said, that I was a cheater.

Assuming is like telling a lie.
Pretty close to what we are talking about here. At least; pretty similar.

You assumed I cheated on my wife by what I said.
Hence, you called me a Stud, that likes to fuck sheep, and lord knows what else.
Other Words, your assumption was stated by you MajicalFelix, in front of over 2,500 members that may or may not believe you.
you tried your best to hurt me.
It's the same thing as lying.

You said: I despise liars.

Hows that for an opinion?


You're either really stupid or really funny. I think it's the former... You make assumptions based on my erotic fiction then go on to say why assumptions are bad? What?

Judging by your lack of an ability to spell correctly, even though English is your first language, and also your inability to have noncontradictory thoughts I am going to assume you are a slow adult. I mean, you literally do all the things you are saying I do.

So you think the kids out there should give cheaters a chance. Good for you. Great advice. I am telling the kids not to listen to suckers like you. I think that is better advice.

Try not to hurt yourself when you go kick some shit.

Edit: I saw how you added a few things about feeding me to sharks? Are you telling someone over the internet you would kick their ass? haha..




scooter
Posted: Thursday, May 02, 2013 10:21:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,689
Location: Ohio
Magical_felix wrote:


You're either really stupid or really funny. I think it's the former... You make assumptions based on my erotic fiction then go on to say why assumptions are bad? What?

Judging by your lack of an ability to spell correctly, even though English is your first language, and also your inability to have noncontradictory thoughts I am going to assume you are a slow adult. I mean, you literally do all the things you are saying I do.

So you think the kids out there should give cheaters a chance. Good for you. Great advice. I am telling the kids not to listen to suckers like you. I think that is better advice.

Try not to hurt yourself when you go kick some shit.

Edit: I saw how you added a few things about feeding me to sharks? Are you telling someone over the internet you would kick their ass? haha..
scooter
Posted: Thursday, May 02, 2013 10:28:25 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,689
Location: Ohio
At what point does this become thread Jacking Jack?

Your pretty clever, I've been drinking, smoking marijuana, and cheating on my wife, all day ( because she's so naive)

Who gives a fuck about spelling you little pussy
nicola
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 12:30:37 AM

Rank: Matriarch

Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 25,562
Location: The Orgasmatron
sad1
WellMadeMale
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 12:51:06 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
nicola wrote:
sad1

Yeah, what you said....

Getting back to the OP's question...

I've cheated on a woman ( when I was in a monogamous relationship with her ) - I didn't come back and then have sex with her again afterwards. I didn't apologize in hopes that I could salvage the relationship. I took the easy way out. I knew she probably couldn't trust me going forward and I wasn't going to continue being a major dickwad.

I've had a few women cheat on me (while 'we' were supposedly in monogamous relationships) and I was never able to trust any of those women again, so I either ended the relationship during the conversational confrontation - or, a few told me to pack sand and that we were fucking over - effectively dumping my ignorant ass on the curb - then & there. I probably deserved to be cheated on, to be honest.

No biggie. It happens.

I've also fucked women I knew were married and I knew they were cheating on their husbands. I fucked a few girls who were screwing around on their boyfriends too -

And I've been involved in long term relationships with women (and neither of us cheated on each other with someone else).

So...

In the scenario posed by the OP - I don't think that once that page has been turned - either party can forget & forgive. There are reasons (or a good reason) why the physical cheating occurred to begin with...and just saying "I'm sorry, so sorry, please forgive me - isn't going to fix whatever was broken so badly that the cheating occurred.

So within a monogamous relationship - if trust breaking and emotional or physical cheating occurs... I think it's 'Stick a fork in it fucking doner then done'

Time to move on with each other's lives and find that person who won't cheat on you or you won't cheat on her/him. They are out there.

(incidentally - if you're screwing a woman or man who is already all hitched up to someone else - you are a fucking cheater, buddy...don't think you're not).

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
sprite
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 1:25:33 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 14,655
Location: My Tower, United States
why does everyone have problems with cheetahs? i think they're beautiful. :)



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overmykneenow
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 3:47:57 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 1,024
Location: United Kingdom
sprite wrote:
why does everyone have problems with cheetahs? i think they're beautiful. :)



It's because they can't change their spots... no wait, that's leopards.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

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kiera
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 5:09:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/23/2013
Posts: 10,484
Location: sipping tea , United Kingdom
No way in hell, they do it once they will do it again, thats why i divorced my ex husbands arse. One point tho for any other women who get scorned, remember that after being with someone for a while u know how to please them sexually, certainly alot better than some skank. When i found out my ex had cheated, (and after the yelling at him had stopped) i took his arse to bed (made him wear a rubber of course) and rocked his world. pmsl while he lay there gasping for breath i asked him if he had enjoyed it, he could only really nod, pratt thought id forgiven him. I told him gd cause he was never ever going to get to touch me again. I filed for divorce the next day and he never saw the skank he had slept with on a one night stand again :) I moved on, he was alone for years after :)
Magical_felix
Posted: Friday, May 03, 2013 9:33:55 AM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
scooter wrote:
At what point does this become thread Jacking Jack?



When I post things and you respond with nothing to do with the subject.. Why do you think they named it after me?





scooter
Posted: Saturday, May 04, 2013 9:44:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,689
Location: Ohio
Were you just fooling around with me again Jack?

Com-er you little bastardBig Hugs


scooter
DandR4ever
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 12:25:55 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/23/2013
Posts: 3
Location: United States
Thank u, I hear where u all r cumin from! I belive some 1 can change, when. They relize how much they really do love the 1 they hurt, Regaeman Man
DandR4ever
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 12:57:48 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 4/23/2013
Posts: 3
Location: United States
still, the closeness we had b4 is not their !
Jack_42
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 1:48:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/21/2009
Posts: 986
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Very difficult question to answer and one that in my opinion can't be generalized about. We are all human and situations can be unique there is no formula really or - morality we can all be hypocrites about everything. Look how many people go to a Christian church regularly yet have no problem having a war which contradicts everything Christ stood for (not that I'm a believer). From the standpoint of the cheated on it's really hard to live with the feelings of inadequacy whereas from the cheaters viewpoint it can be just a compulsive moment or it can be more complicated; these things are never one extreme or the other and I can feel a degree of understanding and sympathy for all parties.
doctorlove
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 2:18:44 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/11/2012
Posts: 562
Location: United States
I dont think the relationship would ever be the same. I want to know if you actually caught her in the act or if she told you about the affair and does the make a difference? It would not make a difference with me, cheating is cheating!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 12:18:44 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,774
As others have said, it depends on the couple. Real love forgives everything and wise people keep their emotional baggage light.
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 1:36:07 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,908
Location: California
scooter wrote:
Were you just fooling around with me again Jack?

Com-er you little bastardBig Hugs


scooter


No.



Ravyn
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 4:43:29 PM

Rank: Cock Connoisseur

Joined: 4/26/2010
Posts: 2,091
Location: Bend, United States
scooter wrote:
Were you just fooling around with me again Jack?

Com-er you little bastardBig Hugs


scooter


You know, you might come across a little more credible if you were to curtail your name calling. Intelligent adult conversations can and should occur without the use of profanity.

Dani
Posted: Sunday, May 05, 2013 6:43:54 PM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,719
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
yourmisterdark wrote:
As others have said, it depends on the couple. Real love forgives everything and wise people keep their emotional baggage light.


False.

If I can stay faithful to you, you damn well better be able to do the same. I shouldn't have to forgive your infidelities. That places everything on MY shoulders, ME the one who was cheated on. How come everyone just expects you to forgive and forget? That's so much pressure. On top of dealing with being cheated on, I now have to be the one to determine whether or not the relationship is salvageable. It's so unfair. They go out and do the deed. Comes back with their tale between their legs once you catch them or they say, "Hey baby, I fucked around on you. Forgive and forget?" Suddenly it's up to me. When the relationship ends, it's "Oh, I cheated on her. And she couldn't forgive me."

Forgiveness is heavy shit. And I shouldn't have to give it just because you demand it because you fucked up what we had. Just to save our relationship...and frolic in a field of daisies. Fuck everything about that. There's never an excuse for cheating. Sure, people have their reasons. But cheating says: To hell with talking things over. Or working things out. She's better, so I'm gonna go dip my spool in this sweeter honeypot. But when things go to shit, as they always do, I want you to forgive me. Because I love you. Even while repeatedly dipping my spool in this honeypot I once thought was sweeter than yours. And our love is strong enough for anything...EXCEPT keeping me from betraying that love and shitting all over it by sleeping with someone else. But even still, our love should be strong enough that if that should occur, you should be able to forgive me and move on.

See how dumb that sounds?



Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

WellMadeMale
Posted: Monday, May 06, 2013 8:31:16 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,301
Location: Cakeland, United States
slipperywhenwet2012 wrote:

I shouldn't have to forgive your infidelities.




If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
scooter
Posted: Monday, May 06, 2013 9:08:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/24/2010
Posts: 2,689
Location: Ohio
Ravyn wrote:


You know, you might come across a little more credible if you were to curtail your name calling. Intelligent adult conversations can and should occur without the use of profanity.


Thank You Raven.

I know your right and all, but felix offended me first.

He most definatly threw the first name.

I hate appoligising time after time,

but sorry Lush, for my poor drunkin behavior.


scooter
Dani
Posted: Tuesday, May 07, 2013 6:56:19 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,719
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
WellMadeMale wrote:








Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

biguy2play
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 8:08:17 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/1/2012
Posts: 37
Location: Southeastern, United States
We started our relationship with complete openness and trust. It started purely sexual and we experimented a lot with swapping and threesomes and just fucking others. Technically, it's still an open relationship because we would not impose restrictions on each other but it's our PREFERENCE not to screw around ... most of the time. When we do, it's usually together, i.e. a threesome or group party thing and nothing in secret. As long as we remain adults and are honest with each other there is no chance of 'cheating'. Besides, neither of us has EVER found anyone better than the other so what would be the point? Trust and honesty, if it's complete nothing can break it down!
biguy2play
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 8:12:59 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 10/1/2012
Posts: 37
Location: Southeastern, United States
I've always wondered how being bisexual was supposed to work with being monogamous. We found it works as a threesome or with her watching. My ex would never have understood.
janet_haney
Posted: Monday, May 13, 2013 9:55:51 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/7/2013
Posts: 254
Location: United States
biguy2play wrote:
I've always wondered how being bisexual was supposed to work with being monogamous. We found it works as a threesome or with her watching. My ex would never have understood.



It's easy! You just stay out of committed relationships.
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