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1nfinitesexuallity
Posted: Wednesday, October 09, 2013 7:39:50 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/10/2013
Posts: 151
Location: kissimmee, United States
Alright guys and gals I just have to get this out somewhere... and I figure what better place than here.
well I'm lonely like really lonely :/ I'm quite shy when it comes to going out alone and what not. also I can't really say I have much time to go out :/
I really miss having someone there to say good night to, or to wake up to.
anyone have advice on dealing with this little problem? thanks in advance
Dudealicious
Posted: Wednesday, October 09, 2013 8:52:47 PM

Rank: Wise Ass

Joined: 11/12/2010
Posts: 5,338
Location: The center of the universe, Canada
Joel,

I can tell you that this happens to the best of us. There is an ebb and flow in all of our lives where we feel lonely for some reason. At times it can happen when you are with someone you think you "love".

It's natural, as they say. Time heals all wounds, you'll be just fine.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

1nfinitesexuallity
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 2:24:42 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/10/2013
Posts: 151
Location: kissimmee, United States
Dudealicious wrote:
Joel,

I can tell you that this happens to the best of us. There is an ebb and flow in all of our lives where we feel lonely for some reason. At times it can happen when you are with someone you think you "love".

It's natural, as they say. Time heals all wounds, you'll be just fine.


Thanks for the reply..
Yea time heals all wounds... but I honestly am just bored/tired of being alone not only relationship wise, but socially as well. I'm not very talkative so that's my biggest problem.
dpw
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 4:53:43 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 2,721
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
1nfinitesexuallity wrote:


Thanks for the reply..
Yea time heals all wounds... but I honestly am just bored/tired of being alone not only relationship wise, but socially as well. I'm not very talkative so that's my biggest problem.

You remind me of me when I was younger, not very confident at all especially if I fancied someone. Before I go on, a couple of questions. Are you at college or work, do you have just a small group of friends that you hang out with, if so are they in the same boat? Let us know and maybe someone will come up with good ideas that will suit you. You might get lots of ideas but you have to be comfortable with them.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 6:19:27 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Dear, maybe it is time to contemplate. What do you really wanna be, and what do you really want in life? As the saying goes, to get where you havent been, you must be willing to do things you have never done. It is possible you have subconsciously thought that you need to change and you simply dont know where to start. Think of things that make you feel alive and do that. Stop being afraid. Become the better version of yourself until you become in touch with your best. Here, maybe this can help ? :) But really, have a talk with yourself first and decide what you really want, and whether you want to get it or not. That will determine a lot, and lead your steps. :)
TonyZ
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 6:51:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/1/2013
Posts: 231
Location: United States
dpw wrote:
Are you at college or work, do you have just a small group of friends that you hang out with, if so are they in the same boat? Let us know and maybe someone will come up with good ideas that will suit you. You might get lots of ideas but you have to be comfortable with them.


I agree with Derek, we as human beings are creatures of habit. If you tell us a little about your habits, we may come up with a suitable solution that would fit your lifestyle (busy or not). Also, if you tell us what you've already tried we may come up with alternatives. Lastly, like I told you in another thread we live close by, roughly about 4 hours away, and I am soon due to visit your area to meet other friends. It would be nice if when there we could meet to talk and hit a few of the local bars in hopes that you loosen up a little and find your perfect match :)
Poppet
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 8:03:56 AM

Rank: Sweetest Cricket

Joined: 10/5/2012
Posts: 5,143
Location: You Inspire Me, United States
Dudealicious wrote:
Joel,

I can tell you that this happens to the best of us. There is an ebb and flow in all of our lives where we feel lonely for some reason. At times it can happen when you are with someone you think you "love".

It's natural, as they say. Time heals all wounds, you'll be just fine.


I think this is the best answer, ever. As sad as it is, it's true without a doubt. Though, reading it can make one feel lonelier, the truth sucks, sometimes.

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Masturbation - Audio - Recommended Read - Phone Sex
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Supernatural – Audio – Recommended Read - My Life As A Genie
Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 8:58:08 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
I have lived alone since my divorce 5 years ago. I went through a time of loneliness. Even though I have lots of friends, I was even lonely when I was with them. I decided that I needed to make a change in my life. I now had the time to do the things I could never do when I was with someone.

One of my hobbies was photography, but I could never go out and spend any length of time shooting because my significant other would get bored. Now I can spend all day shooting. I wound up meeting other photographers. Even dating one or two. The lack of conversation was a non-issue. We had a lot to talk about because of our mutual hobby.

I have become accustomed to being alone, and I enjoy my alone time without feeling lonely. My life is full of so many things I want to do, that I don't even think about being lonely anymore. You can sit and dwell on how lonely you are, but if you get out and do all the things that you enjoy doing, you won't be lonely anymore.
Ardentmale
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 9:29:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/22/2013
Posts: 4,427
Location: Jersey Shore, United States
There is some great advice here for you... The one thing I would add is this... You say your very shy, find it hard to talk to people and enjoy coming here because you can be who you want to be... I say be who you want to be in life... First and foremost work on your shyness... Consider taking a public speaking class or some type of class that will help you with social interaction... If you dont have the time for that, then do it on your own... Start simple... Make it a point to say hello to one stranger every day... Just be sure to make eye contact, smile and wish them a good day (You will not believe the power of a genuine smile, try it)... Once you get comfortable saying hello to strangers, conversation with complete strangers is just around the corner... Next thing you know you are making friends and talking to women :) ... Remember that people who are happy in life spread happiness because it is addicting!! Think about it... Do you like being around people who are happy or people who kinda mope around all day? Choose to be happy!!! =D Good luck!!

characterized by intense feeling; passionate; fervent

Intensely devoted, eager, or enthusiastic; zealous

vehement; fierce burning, fiery, or hot
peteyx
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 9:32:12 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 12/8/2012
Posts: 36
Location: United Kingdom
Been there before too. Lisa is quite correct you have to get out there and meet people join a club or try out some sports and you will make friends. Best of luck
curious3045
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 12:28:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/9/2012
Posts: 7,555
Location: Midwest, United States
Joel,

Dudelicious has made excellent points above. You have most of your life ahead of you so enjoy every moment, whether you are alone or with someone. We have all be there at some point, believe me, the only people that haven't are liars. Everything will work out, let it come to you.
Magical_felix
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 12:36:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,545
Location: California
1nfinitesexuallity wrote:
Alright guys and gals I just have to get this out somewhere... and I figure what better place than here.
well I'm lonely like really lonely :/ I'm quite shy when it comes to going out alone and what not. also I can't really say I have much time to go out :/
I really miss having someone there to say good night to, or to wake up to.
anyone have advice on dealing with this little problem? thanks in advance


How to immediately cure loneliness and end up having the most wild sex you have ever had in just one night in three easy steps.

1. Acquire an 8-ball of cocaine. Put it in an obvious baggie.

2. Head to the strip club and get a private dance. It must be a private dance so you can isolate one stripper.

3. If you like her moves and her in general accidentally drop the 8-ball right in front of her.

After you follow these three easy steps you will have a stripper following you home. It is like feeding a stray cat. They just keep coming back.



Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 2:07:34 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,959
Location: In your dirty fantasies
Magical_felix wrote:


How to immediately cure loneliness and end up having the most wild sex you have ever had in just one night in three easy steps.

1. Acquire an 8-ball of cocaine. Put it in an obvious baggie.

2. Head to the strip club and get a private dance. It must be a private dance so you can isolate one stripper.

3. If you like her moves and her in general accidentally drop the 8-ball right in front of her.

After you follow these three easy steps you will have a stripper following you home. It is like feeding a stray cat. They just keep coming back.


I actually know a few guys that swear by this strategy. And it doesn't just have to be with strippers. If you make a few cute partygirl contacts and let them know you typically have stuff laying around your place, you will be getting those post-midnight calls from Wednesday to Sunday to come over and 'hang out' on a semi-regular basis. The only rule is - never reveal your total quantity of stash or they won't leave until the glass coffee table is clean - and that could take days. :p

If this isn't your thing (and it probably isn't for most guys) - what about trying a bit of internet dating or getting on PlentyofFish etc. If your time is limited and really you're just looking for companionship, it might be an easy way of meeting new people that are interested in the same thing. If you're shy or introverted, it alleviates the whole bar-hunting and having to approach girls that will give you cut eye and tell you they're on a girl's night and just came here to dance. It's a bit of a hit and miss if your goal is meeting someone.

Otherwise maybe see about joining a gym that does a lot of social events or maybe take up a hobby - train for a marathon and join a runner's group, try your hand at yoga (plenty of girls there) or if you want to meet new guy-friends maybe take some MMA classes or get involved in some kind of team sport. Also when you're just surfing the net, try to find a sunny patio in the city at a lowkey bar/restaurant or a Starbucks where you can set up camp with a laptop or your smartphone and have a coffee or beer and still feel like you're surrounded by people - some of whom might interest you enough to smile at or start a conversation with in a casual way. Especially around the holidays - lots of girls will be shopping en masse in the upcoming months and will be grabbing hot chocolates or coffees or drinks. Do your thing but stay socially visible - you never know when the right person might cross your path. It always helps to maximize your opportunities of meeting new people. :)


Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 3:59:47 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
You need a hug. *HUG*
Loneliness is a very painful feeling but it is a natural part of life. I travel a lot and I sit in hotels and it is lonely. Even though I am happy with my husband, he travels a lot too. So there are different types of loneliness.

But you have to get out and make it a point to be visible. You have to change your patterns and work on the things that are keeping you in this state. I also find, the more you get out there, the easier it will become. Do something new everyday that is different from what you usually do.
Guest
Posted: Thursday, October 10, 2013 4:59:59 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343


I'm Brian, and like you, lonely at times. I moved to Canada for a career job, and knew no-one outside work, and after 5 years, still don't know alot of single people outside work, just married couples. It's hard to find love when your single and never go on dates...since they all know married people, not single people.

Makes me miss being intimate too when they have more kids and I'm still waiting around for a date. :(

Wilful
Posted: Friday, October 11, 2013 4:43:49 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/15/2013
Posts: 674
Location: Digging a hole on the beach, Australia
I hear you, Joel, believe me. Loneliness sucks ass, big-time.

It's all really good advice here, even Magical_felix's. Dude, where the fuck were you ten years ago?! That's gold!

Joining clubs and hobby groups is a great way of meeting people who share similar interests, and it gives you something to talk about. What I found worked really well for me was dance classes. You're probably better off with Latin at your age, as you'll get cooler, younger women at salsa classes. Although ballroom is typically an older, nerdier, more awkward crowd, they're often a lot more friendly and welcoming.

There's nearly always a shortage of men. You don't actually have to talk too much, because you're both busy learning the steps. And there's something instantly bonding about it, because you're breaking the touch barrier.

We had a guy at one of our classes who was so nervous at the beginning, he literally trembled through every lesson. But as he got more comfortable, he eventually had no reason to be shy anymore. Now we can't shut him up.

Years later, even though I've given up dancing, I've still got those friends. Honestly, they saved my life.

Please check out my latest story, Girls Night.
stephanie
Posted: Friday, October 11, 2013 5:37:24 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,620
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
I think loneliness is something we all live with at some time(s)...

Indeed, I know several people who, although involved in a relationship, will still describe themselves as rather lonely...

I can't really add to the observations of previous posters except to say this. Not everyone is outgoing and 'chatty' in social situations. Very often, a person who will simply listen and allow another person to talk is hugely valued by those who feel more comfortable 'chatting' or talking. I've found that if one tries hard to remain positive in oneself while genuinely interested in others, others will respond.

The very honesty of your initial post suggests a person who is self-aware and willing enough to ask for opinion. (To me that suggests a really nice person...)

Positivity is all. Focus NOT upon the fact that you're not the 'life and soul of the party' type but rather that you have other, and perhaps more valuable qualities.

Above all, don't let it get you down. People are naturally drawn to happy, positive people. The most attractive attribute is confidence, even if that is the quiet confidence of a person who is comfortable and accepting of who they are.

Of course we're not always comfortable with who we are, nobody is, but we attract others by being ourselves. (Everyone dislikes a Player...) Explore and acknowledge your strengths and recognize that they make you special. (With true friends we later allow ourselves to discuss more complicated issues... If we're lucky...)

(Imagine if EVERYONE was an empty headed chatterbox! Or try that out by getting a job in Media... *Laughs!*)

Your best is often what you least understand.

Bon Chance, Ami...

xx SF

"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
Guest
Posted: Monday, October 14, 2013 11:37:10 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
hey buddy,
if u feel lonely, jus goto some dating site or some bar where people really hang out ... don't be afraid and don't over think about it ... jus don't have a second thought about it ... flirt with someone ... u remind me of myself ... date someone who really wants dating :)
1nfinitesexuallity
Posted: Friday, October 18, 2013 9:42:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/10/2013
Posts: 151
Location: kissimmee, United States
dpw wrote:

You remind me of me when I was younger, not very confident at all especially if I fancied someone. Before I go on, a couple of questions. Are you at college or work, do you have just a small group of friends that you hang out with, if so are they in the same boat? Let us know and maybe someone will come up with good ideas that will suit you. You might get lots of ideas but you have to be comfortable with them.


I finished school so that's my biggest problem.. and It isn't that I'm always lonely perse but as of around 6 months back I just started feeling like this you know breaking away from a relationship sucks lol. I had closure with the break up and I'm fine but in between those 6 months of going through it I became closed off from everyone and now I honestly don't know how to start over.
do you understand what I mean?
1nfinitesexuallity
Posted: Friday, October 18, 2013 9:47:37 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/10/2013
Posts: 151
Location: kissimmee, United States
Magical_felix wrote:


How to immediately cure loneliness and end up having the most wild sex you have ever had in just one night in three easy steps.

1. Acquire an 8-ball of cocaine. Put it in an obvious baggie.

2. Head to the strip club and get a private dance. It must be a private dance so you can isolate one stripper.

3. If you like her moves and her in general accidentally drop the 8-ball right in front of her.

After you follow these three easy steps you will have a stripper following you home. It is like feeding a stray cat. They just keep coming back.



Believe it or not this was a good strategy a couple years back when I was in high school only not coke but really good weed I didn't smoke myself but it was always good to have. :D
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, October 28, 2013 3:20:31 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,545
Location: California
1nfinitesexuallity wrote:



Believe it or not this was a good strategy a couple years back when I was in high school only not coke but really good weed I didn't smoke myself but it was always good to have. :D


I was semi joking about that but it does work but you may feel more lonely afterward.

The best way to deal with your feelings would be to just get used to the feeling, to realize it's a normal feeling. In the end you're the only person you should count on. It's the counting on others to be there that will fuck you up. Once you realize that you're the only person that will always be there for you the lonely feelings will start to go away. It's like this, if you don't expect it to be sunny tomorrow then you won't be disappointed when it rains.



Broccck
Posted: Wednesday, October 30, 2013 8:00:34 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/22/2013
Posts: 1,056
Location: United States
Poppet wrote:


I think this is the best answer, ever. As sad as it is, it's true without a doubt. Though, reading it can make one feel lonelier, the truth sucks, sometimes.


I could not agree more with both of you. I have lots of experience in this area! No lol.
Oceanic_Love
Posted: Thursday, October 31, 2013 11:30:43 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 9/18/2013
Posts: 21
Location: India
Love urself and u'll never feel lonely..
1nfinitesexuallity
Posted: Sunday, November 03, 2013 5:44:09 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/10/2013
Posts: 151
Location: kissimmee, United States
Magical_felix wrote:


I was semi joking about that but it does work but you may feel more lonely afterward.

The best way to deal with your feelings would be to just get used to the feeling, to realize it's a normal feeling. In the end you're the only person you should count on. It's the counting on others to be there that will fuck you up. Once you realize that you're the only person that will always be there for you the lonely feelings will start to go away. It's like this, if you don't expect it to be sunny tomorrow then you won't be disappointed when it rains.


Ha!
well sometimes jokes turn out to be the real deal :)
Yea It does suck to know that I'm the only one I can really count on but oh well... I'm starting to realize I can't really do anything about it.. I took some advice and went back to the gym I started Boxing again.. Fighting always kept my mind busy or my body sore so its all good at the moment.. I actually went on a couple dates around two weeks ago.. good times and all but I don't like smokers. soo its obvious it wasn't gonna work.
I'm slowly but surely going back out there just gonna take some time. :) thanks guys
dpw
Posted: Tuesday, November 05, 2013 4:59:03 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 2,721
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
1nfinitesexuallity wrote:


Ha!
well sometimes jokes turn out to be the real deal :)
Yea It does suck to know that I'm the only one I can really count on but oh well... I'm starting to realize I can't really do anything about it.. I took some advice and went back to the gym I started Boxing again.. Fighting always kept my mind busy or my body sore so its all good at the moment.. I actually went on a couple dates around two weeks ago.. good times and all but I don't like smokers. soo its obvious it wasn't gonna work.
I'm slowly but surely going back out there just gonna take some time. :) thanks guys

You sound like a really nice guy and you'll find along the way that you'll atract people because of it. Just carry on being yourself and keep your chin up, but not in the ring.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 06, 2013 9:57:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
It may be cliche to say be yourself, but it really works.
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