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dpw
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 3:24:48 AM

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Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 2,729
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
"Procrastination is the thief of time", so they say!
Why does a bi curious man or woman wait so long to take the plunge?
I always thought that I was gay and apart from a disastrous night with a girl at 18 I only had sex with guys. When I went to uni I wasn't really out but I also wanted to know if I was certain I was gay so I slept with girls and even had 2 year relationships with a couple. After that I knew that I prefered guys but I was glad that I'd tried and enjoyed straight sex.
So what makes people wait, is it inhibitions, a lack of opportunity or something else. Why wait until it's possibly too late, nobody wants to die curious.
JohnC
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 4:39:17 AM

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Location: United States
I think that depends on the person, where they live, etc. It could be any number of reasons from cultural to personal. I think also it differs between men and women. I think it is still more acceptable (even on a personal level) for a woman to be bi-curious and then bi, then it is for a man. I think that society (and thus individuals) tend to think it is more acceptable for a woman to be broader (no pun intended) in where they fit in the sexualy scale than it is for men. I also think that for most men, the opportunities for a male/male encounter are far less than what women are presented with because of many factors as well. I could be wrong though, it is just what I think happens (or does not happen).

Ciel159
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 5:03:16 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 1/17/2014
Posts: 5
Location: United Kingdom
As a personal note. I spent all my life up until the age of 14 straight with no questions asked. However, my personality had always been questioned by others-even myself. Whilst much of the time I could seem very male in my hobbies, interests, activities, actions and thoughts about the world I often wanted to do more. I slowly became a big fan of clothes shopping, but, at the age of 15 when it started to kick off massively, I felt like I often knew nothing about clothing, what was cool, what was the best, who made what and what brands were good. This led to mistakes... Mistakes that often meant I ended up unknowingly selecting girl's attire that I thought passed of easily as male clothing with a slightly more feminine touch to it. Because of this, my sexuality was automatically pressured by my peers and soon after I had become Bisexual (cutting a long story short).

I'm not saying it was because of my choice in clothing that I became Bisexual, however-Because of the life I had leading up to the decision, I think this may have had a impact of what happened to me and the decisions I made. About now in my life and now I'm far more comfortable with it, I do cross dress and have found a unique talent for it. I'm not talking Saturday night bob down the pub who's found a green wig and some blusher. No. I say this with quite the big head, but I've always had a amazingly girly figure. My hips are thins, legs small, frame petite and overall complexion a lot higher quality and my height has never really been anything of an 'american basketball player'. Because of all of this (and time set aside working to get myself looking good) I can easily fool people and regularly do. In my late highschool years, my own friends failed to recognize me and it was only once I spoke I was able to give myself away.
It's a little big of a tangent yes, but I think what I'm trying to say is: Depending on how you live your life and the events that impact of you socially, I believe this can have a massive effect if any on how you turn out. Some people just have a harder time exepting it maybe? :'L
Dani
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 5:53:42 AM

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Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,050
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
Not everyone is the same. Some things are easier said than done. It takes a lot to get over one's inhibitions. And sexuality isn't something to be taken lightly. All sexual experiences have the ability to impact you for the rest of your life.

When you're out and proud, it's easy to say, "Just go for it! Get it over with already." But it's not that simple.

Some people don't want to have these feelings and try to suppress them. Is that healthy? Of course not. But neither is pushing someone into something that they're not mentally or emotionally ready for.

And this doesn't apply to just homosexuality or bisexuality. It applies to sexuality in general.

Everyone experiences sexuality differently and in their own time. And things usually happen when they're meant to happen.



We're tiny. We're toony. We're all a little looney. And in this cartoony, we're invading your TV.

dpw
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 12:37:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 2,729
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
JohnC wrote:
I think that depends on the person, where they live, etc. It could be any number of reasons from cultural to personal. I think also it differs between men and women. I think it is still more acceptable (even on a personal level) for a woman to be bi-curious and then bi, then it is for a man. I think that society (and thus individuals) tend to think it is more acceptable for a woman to be broader (no pun intended) in where they fit in the sexualy scale than it is for men. I also think that for most men, the opportunities for a male/male encounter are far less than what women are presented with because of many factors as well. I could be wrong though, it is just what I think happens (or does not happen).

I understand that people are different and location plays a part, although moreso in USA, Canada and Oz than most of Europe. I certainly wouldn't agree that it's easier for women to hook up in fact I'm sure that there are more internet sites for guys.
My question is more to do with willingness to take that step, walk the walk not just talk the talk. Why are people reluctant to make that move if they want to?
HotBttmInBriefs
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 1:53:19 PM

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Joined: 2/6/2013
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I think so many factors can play a part. Many that have already been listed.

I would have probably been longer if circumstances didn't just fall into place one day (well with a little help from the guy). Due to the area we lived in, my shyness at the time, etc. I would have never made the effort on my own. I would have just sat back.

Later I got married. And I was raised that cheating was wrong. So for the five years we were married other than my fantasies I was faithful to her. Yes I was still curious about the other side, but if I was still married today I would have still just been curious about that part of my life.

It is weird when I think about it, because I was raised and taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong too. I never have followed that one. LOL But the part of fidelity and cheating in marriage stuck.

dpw
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 2:28:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 2,729
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
HotBttmInBriefs wrote:
I think so many factors can play a part. Many that have already been listed.

I would have probably been longer if circumstances didn't just fall into place one day (well with a little help from the guy). Due to the area we lived in, my shyness at the time, etc. I would have never made the effort on my own. I would have just sat back.

Later I got married. And I was raised that cheating was wrong. So for the five years we were married other than my fantasies I was faithful to her. Yes I was still curious about the other side, but if I was still married today I would have still just been curious about that part of my life.

It is weird when I think about it, because I was raised and taught that sex outside of marriage was wrong too. I never have followed that one. LOL But the part of fidelity and cheating in marriage stuck.

I know your story and I think if I'd have been in your position I might have been the same, I'm monogamous even when my partner has cheated. I've even had chats on here with guys that are curious and warned them that they might be opening a can of worms. I think it is so much harder for a "straight" guy to become bi than to become gay. With gay there's little confusion, you know what you are and tend to accept it. With bi then you're attracted to both sexes and it can be hard to understand. I wonder if the confusion is part of the reason to be reluctant?
seeker4
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 3:42:26 PM

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Joined: 10/17/2012
Posts: 2,879
Location: In the great, beautiful Cosmos, Canada
dpw wrote:

With bi then you're attracted to both sexes and it can be hard to understand. I wonder if the confusion is part of the reason to be reluctant?


I think it is. I could never be gay, at least not without some internal conflict. I am just too attracted to women to focus totally on men. Men don't have tits, for one thing, and I luv me some tits. boobieflash2

Really, though, the main reason I haven't done it is that I am married. While I have strayed with women a few times, the need for discretion and my ongoing internal battle over the fact that I have strayed are what have kept me from pursuing an affair with a man. Not saying I've given it up, but I am increasingly looking at my life and thinking I need to get back to loving (including physically) the one I'm with and even give up my occasional dalliances with ladies, let alone starting to have them men.

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dpw
Posted: Saturday, January 18, 2014 4:44:00 PM

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Joined: 9/15/2013
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Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
seeker4 wrote:


I think it is. I could never be gay, at least not without some internal conflict. I am just too attracted to women to focus totally on men. Men don't have tits, for one thing, and I luv me some tits. boobieflash2

Really, though, the main reason I haven't done it is that I am married. While I have strayed with women a few times, the need for discretion and my ongoing internal battle over the fact that I have strayed are what have kept me from pursuing an affair with a man. Not saying I've given it up, but I am increasingly looking at my life and thinking I need to get back to loving (including physically) the one I'm with and even give up my occasional dalliances with ladies, let alone starting to have them men.

Two questions and one piece of advice.
When did you become curious?
Where you already married?
Unless you are prepared to face the possibility of your whole life being turned upside down, then I'd keep to being curious. The biggest problem would be liking it a bit too much! The other thing is that I'd never advocate cheating but that's just me, may be if a partner has gone of sex I'd think differently.
seeker4
Posted: Sunday, January 19, 2014 2:36:21 PM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 10/17/2012
Posts: 2,879
Location: In the great, beautiful Cosmos, Canada
dpw wrote:

When did you become curious?
Where you already married?


It's hard to pin down where the curiosity began. I certainly can go back to my twenties and know for sure I had occasional wet dreams involving men. At the time, I was still recovering from high school bullying that included being taunted for being "gay" so I just pushed them aside as aberrations caused by too much time with no action. I just did not want to consider that the bullies may have been on to something.

They continued to pop up, though, but it has only been within the last few (maybe two years) that I have seriously started wondering what it would be like to make those dreams reality; that I have let them move from un/subconscious to conscious thought. This does, in fact, coincide with a serious dry spell at home and that may be a factor. While the dreams do predate marriage, the serious curiosity is recent and there definitely after getting married.


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