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EttaDavis
Posted: Monday, February 03, 2014 5:50:29 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Curious to know if anyone else is in one. I have a primary and a secondary, we're kind of like a triadic situation. Would love to know if anyone is involved like this.

Polyamorous: Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
DLizze
Posted: Monday, February 03, 2014 10:58:21 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 4/23/2011
Posts: 2,552
I lived for seven years, from 1973 to 1980, in a polyandrous relationship. Like any marriage, it had its ups and downs. But as many will tell you, the relationship complications seem to vary as the square of the number of the people involved. A relationship of three people sometimes is more than twice as difficult than a relationship of two.

"There's only three tempos: slow, medium and fast. When you get between in the cracks, ain't nuthin' happenin'." Ben Webster
1nympholes
Posted: Monday, February 03, 2014 10:47:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/31/2012
Posts: 734
Location: Bare Beach USA, United States
Yes I have and as you say it can be complicated.

Even complicated to define the issues.






The girl who started early at this game of sexual pleasure, This girl that never seems to get as much as she wants, at least from the right people. But now certainly the woman that will test all the paths of pleasure with you.
EttaDavis
Posted: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 2:31:37 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Oh, it's the perfect situation. We don't have major issues within our relationships and if their is one we talk about it.
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 8:17:47 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
While the complications can get a bit hectic at times, the benefits are also squared. My girls and I are a Triad, not a 'V' - the support and love we share more than makes up for the few bumps in the road we run across occasionally.
dpw
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 4:47:59 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/15/2013
Posts: 3,218
Location: Liverpool, United Kingdom
EttaDavis wrote:
Curious to know if anyone else is in one. I have a primary and a secondary, we're kind of like a triadic situation. Would love to know if anyone is involved like this.

Polyamorous: Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Do you all live together?
EttaDavis
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 4:52:50 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
We have been for a year now, and soon we'll be moving to a different part of the country together:) I'm so excited!
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 5:55:45 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
I am not into something like that. Love should be not shared. I love only one woman. An amorous relationship with multiple partners is not comparable for me with the one true love I feel for the one woman who owns my heart.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 6:02:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
Some people aren't wired for it, Aragon

Just as some are wired for heterosexuality, some for homosexuality and some for bi-sexuality - people can be wired for monogamy or polyamoury

Doesn't make it wrong, just different.
EttaDavis
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 7:29:53 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Aragon2 wrote:
I am not into something like that. Love should be not shared. I love only one woman. An amorous relationship with multiple partners is not comparable for me with the one true love I feel for the one woman who owns my heart.


For the longest time I struggled with the fact that I was poly, just because I choose to live my life differently then you and have the capability to find true love with more than one person. If it doesn't work for you, great! I'm happy you found someone that you found true love with, just as I have with my two partners. Don't judge, just because I am different then you, opinions are opinions, yes...but I would never belittle someone just because they live differently then me. Stop ignorance, fight it and expand your self knowledge even if you don't have the same beliefs with some people. Ignorance is not bliss.
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 7:51:03 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
EttaDavis wrote:


For the longest time I struggled with the fact that I was poly, just because I choose to live my life differently then you and have the capability to find true love with more than one person. If it doesn't work for you, great! I'm happy you found someone that you found true love with, just as I have with my two partners. Don't judge, just because I am different then you, opinions are opinions, yes...but I would never belittle someone just because they live differently then me. Stop ignorance, fight it and expand your self knowledge even if you don't have the same beliefs with some people. Ignorance is not bliss.


Hello EttaDavis, I am far away to judge your way of life. It is your decision and that is not my problem at all. I said what my believes are and these are valid for me. We should respect each others way of life. with kind regards, Aragon
Liz
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 8:22:06 AM

Rank: Scarlet Seductress

Joined: 1/22/2013
Posts: 4,682
Location: In the sweet shop, United Kingdom
CeiranH wrote:
Some people aren't wired for it, Aragon

Just as some are wired for heterosexuality, some for homosexuality and some for bi-sexuality - people can be wired for monogamy or polyamoury

Doesn't make it wrong, just different.


Polyamory is a choice.

People don't consciously choose their sexuality, they are what they are.


jollylolly
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 8:33:17 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/24/2012
Posts: 367
Location: Texas, United States
EttaDavis wrote:
Curious to know if anyone else is in one. I have a primary and a secondary, we're kind of like a triadic situation. Would love to know if anyone is involved like this.

Polyamorous: Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.


I'm jealous of people who are not as jealous as me when it comes to their partner, so I know I could never handle a polyamorous lifestyle.icon_smile

Do your primary and secondary have other people they see as well?
EttaDavis
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 8:48:10 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
My primary doesn't, as he is monogamous with the two of us, but my secondary does, both of them are amazing, she's a firecracker and he is my calming ocean:)
avrgblkgrl
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 9:07:53 AM

Rank: Story Verifier

Joined: 9/28/2011
Posts: 629
Location: Look up, I'm the one smiling., United States
Hmm...I sensed just a little judgement up there.

I know that one thing I have to keep in mind when I think about Polyamory relationships is that it is not sex for recreation, like say swinging is. Generally people that practice it are attempting to form meaningful relationships and connections. That's why so much honesty is involved. It's really hard work. I have to show respect for the fact that everyone involved has the knowledge and consent of the others. I think that absolutely beats out people who sneak around and have relationships outside of their "primary" ones--emotionally (spiritually if the term makes you feel better) or physically. Say, if you are here on Lush, you are in a serious relationship/married/living with a partner and then you form a close connection (you become emotionally/spiritually/physically bonded to the point that you say that you are "in love") with someone (or two or three) here, isn't that some form of polyamory?

That type of situation may be, however, without equal consent all the way around. So, I guess by definition, it is different. Not quite as honorable as say poly relationships.

I can't see myself being completely comfortable in a poly relationship; I'm pretty spoiled and selfish in that way. But, that's not really your question.

If consenting adults find love, they’re not hurting anyone and they are happy, it is a good thing. Happiness spreads happiness. Hats off to you for starting this thread and opening yourself up. Etta, you look and sound happy. I hope more people with and who have experienced poly relationships respond.

Hugs

My latest, a Supernatural story of want and need--An EDITOR'S PICK:




~Sit back and enjoy several voice readings of my poetry too~
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 9:18:14 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,425
I've had 4 such relationships over the years. I can't speak for other people, but when I'm in a relationship with a woman and we both allow each other to have sexual encounters outside of our immediate relationship, it's more like being the member of a club than an actual relationship with that partner. While I had a primary relationship with one woman and sometimes a third party would be engaged, whether for her or for me, for both my primary relationship and I, we always felt we had one foot out the door with each other. As if we were together, but only in an ephemeral, transitional way. I would suggest to those couples who are considering it, especially the married ones, that such triads often break up the primary couple who allow their partner to sexually interact with others. I've seen it happen to many others.
EttaDavis
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 10:18:26 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Liz wrote:


Polyamory is a choice.

People don't consciously choose their sexuality, they are what they are.


I wouldn't say poly is a choice...

At least for me it's not. I live the way I do because poly is a part of me, just as much as my pansexuality is. I've tried to be monogamous. I can't do it. I fell inlove with two people, who have fell inlove with each other as well.

Being poly, is not dating people to have a free sex card or a affair without all the negativity that happens with it. I am very blessed to have these two wonderful people that love, support and
continue to guide wherever life takes us together.

Maybe I should make a thread defining types of relationships...
EttaDavis
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 10:22:30 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Also it's not just about sex.

Swinging and open relationships are very different from being poly.
Alphamagus
Posted: Wednesday, February 05, 2014 11:32:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/19/2011
Posts: 162
Location: Camberley, United Kingdom
IMHO, The reason that we are all put on this earth is to love and be loved.

It matters not whether ones relationship is polygamous, monogamous, open, polymorphic or whatever.

It matters not whether a person finds themselves hetrosexual, bisexual, sapiosexual, into BDSM or just prefers a mirror so they can see their TRUE love and their right hand.

The one defining feature is love. That is all one can strive for. To give it and receive it.

But then maybe that's just me.
Dani
Posted: Friday, February 07, 2014 5:49:09 AM

Rank: Big-Haired Bitch

Joined: 12/25/2010
Posts: 4,712
Location: Under Your Bed, United States
I have no issue with polyamory as long as it's completely consensual and not something someone is forced into because of religion or brainwashing or any other circumstances. And as long as all parties involved are getting what they need 100% without someone completely taking advantage of the situation.

Unfortunately, in my limited experience, it's rare to find a solid polyamorous relationship. Everyone involved goes on and on about how blissful and perfect and advantageous it is, but it's obvious that someone is benefiting from it way more than someone else and is in it for all the wrong reasons.

I've also seen where one of them got sick...and the guy involved was more concerned about having someone to fuck rather than that particular person's health. I've also seen a member of the same group clearly in love with the guy in the situation, and she settled for the polyamorous situation because she knows the only way she can have him is if she shares him. Watching her blind devotion no matter how much he ignores her or dismisses her is just painful. I kind of feel humiliated for her.

I'm not saying all poly relationships are like this, just the few I've encountered. And I know one shouldn't judge from the outside looking in, but it's easier to make observations when you're not directly involved in a situation. And you can kind of tell when someone is saying they're in a blissful poly relationship just to convince themselves that they are.

It's not my cup of tea, and I know it's never something that would work for me. One-on-one relationships can get messy enough without adding others to the mix.

Of course all of this can apply to a monogamous relationship. You never really know what you're getting into until you've been there, but I digress.

To date, I've never seen a poly relationship where there was one woman and several men involved...it's always been the other way around. That's always been mind boggling to me.

But to each his (or her) own.




Baby put your arms around me, tell me I'm a problem...

EttaDavis
Posted: Friday, February 07, 2014 6:44:23 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 1/31/2014
Posts: 18
Every relationship has their tiffs, regardless of how many people are involved. But, just any other type of relationship, their is the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. I've been in other relationships as well that have been poly and people weren't totally honest about their wants and needs...and yes it sucks.

It's hard to find people who can honestly fall inlove with more than one person and to be 100% honest about it and make it work, with all the metamours. Sometimes, people don't know what they want, it is really hard to figure out!! As long as everyone is honest with each other, and knows about one another. A poly relationship can be beautiful. I've just been lucky enough to find one:)
Dancewithme
Posted: Friday, February 07, 2014 3:28:02 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/22/2013
Posts: 1,319
Location: United States
jollylolly wrote:


I'm jealous of people who are not as jealous as me when it comes to their partner, so I know I could never handle a polyamorous lifestyle.icon_smile

Do your primary and secondary have other people they see as well?


I agree with you and Aragon2 on this and I am not the jealous type.


But may I interject this idea without breaking the site rules about hijacking a thread?

As Aragon2 says: When you really love someone, it insulates you from anyone else. You kind of live in a spatio-temporal bubble. Granted.

But doesn't our imagination sometimes make us wonder what "Suzy" looks like with her clothes off? My answer is that I don't have those kinds of things happen to me when I am in love---but who says I normal?
On the other hand, do both people "step into" the bubble totally ALL the time, or does at least one person enter it to a lesser extent and still "dreams" of others. I mean, yes they "love" you, but they always seem to keep one foot out of complete commitment. Some people just can't do it.
So is there a sort of "in the middle state" here with some people?
I wonder what others think? Is true love restricted to dual pairing?




Talent is god given be humble. Fame is man given be thankful. Conceit is self given be careful.

John Wooden
UCLA basketball coach
Sandy2Moon
Posted: Saturday, February 08, 2014 10:32:20 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/24/2013
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
I love this discussion about polyamory. I know it is difficult for many to see your wife or husband loving someone else. Love should never be jealous. I read a book called Spiritual Polyamory and I've been posting quotes from this book on my profile. Here are some more important quotes:

"The possessive mentality permeates the planet. It seems that many people are questioning the possessive mentality that leads to wars over the possession of land. There is often a correlation between a society’s laws about the ownership of women and their tendency to exhibit aggressive, war-like actions. I believe that as we release ourselves from the possession that taints our individual relationships, a more peaceful planet will emerge...... When you go beyond codependence, you will find your true self. You will know that you are able to give and receive love without conditions. You will still set boundaries and take care of yourself, but you will no longer be a prisoner to “needing” another person to act a certain way for your happiness..... Polyamory is a philosophy that is about non-possessive love. Embracing this philosophy is non-quantitative and arises from a desire to experience the giving and receiving of love without conditions." (Life, Mystic (2003-12-21). Spiritual Polyamory Kindle Edition.)

I believe what he is saying because I have experienced it myself. One should never put a limit on love.
SexyTnMama
Posted: Sunday, February 09, 2014 10:18:04 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/14/2014
Posts: 172
Location: West Tennessee, United States
I've been involved in numerous poly relationships with people of both sexes when I was married. They can be highly erotic and a lot of fun, but they can also become a juggling act as well. Also, some folks who say they want to be involved in a poly relationship in the end really can't handle it. And that can causes problems for all parties involved. So, my advice is, be sure you know what you're asking for, as you may get exactly that and not like it in the end.
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