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Flirting with other guys? Options · View
SereneProdigy
Posted: Thursday, June 26, 2014 9:16:45 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/16/2013
Posts: 1,653
Location: Lost And Astray


Flirting with other guys?

At times while doing random activities (eg. groceries, running, hanging out in town, drinking in a bar, etc.), it happened that young female strangers flirted with me even though they were in a couple, while the other guy was nearby. This doesn't happen to me all the time of course, but it definitely happened on occasions and I can assure that these girls really were flirting, sometimes even in an overly obvious way.

A lot of times, it seemed like the couple were having an argument or the girl was dissatisfied with her man. One time while running shirtless in my neighborhood during the summer, I saw a couple coming out of a car in the near distance. The girl seemed pissed off at the guy (ie. ignoring him, displaying an upset face), as if the couple just came back from somewhere and the guy hasn't been up to the girl's expectations. As I approached them and eventually passed by them, the girl noticed me and started ogling me in an excessively apparent way, leaning on the car with her hips placed in a provocative way, while smiling at me and turning her head as I passed by her; the guy just observed the scene with a 'what the fuck!?' attitude. I swear, I'm really not making this up and the girl obviously made sure that her flirtatious attitude would be noticed by her man.

Similar experiences occurred in my life where the girl was obviously trying to upset her man, and I've been wondering if most women have a tendency to provoke such jealousy when they're in the middle of an argument. I've talked about this with some of my female friends, but I'd like to read the opinions/experiences from women here.

- Are you guilty of doing this at times?

- Do you do it frequently?

- What's your intent when acting that way?

Personally, the girlfriends I've been with never did that to me, or at least not in such an apparent manner. Some of them provoked 'slight jealousy' at times (intentionally or not), but it wasn't necessarily in the midst of an argument and was only some kind of 'healthy jealousy'.

Anyway, I must admit that being 'the other guy' can be quite amusing in these situations; for some reason I seem to be an easy target for that kind of schemes. The flirtation is generally so obvious that I almost feel in a cheesy Hollywood movie. At times, I did willingly participate in the girl's scheme, although other times it was awkward even for me (for example when her man was much bigger than me).

Thanks for sharing!



pink_pussy
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 2:50:25 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/28/2011
Posts: 573
Location: kanpur, India
Well i love to tease
One of the ways is flirting
Usually with frnds of hubby
It makes me feel special
And who knows

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 9:34:09 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
It really depends on the relationship and the guy. In general I don't do anything intentional or obvious because I think it can be disrespectful and things can escalate if you're with a guy that gets jealous easily. At the same time I'm not totally introverted and asexual when we're out and around other people. For the most part it's pretty innocent on my part, however I've had guys take things out of context in the past if I get too chatty with certain guy friends (either mine or theirs). If the guy has unreasonable expectations with this (like he's reading too much into everything), it has to be addressed. A little jealous can be a turn on, but psycho jealous is a dealbreaker.

I've also been in a dysfunctional relationship or two where we were both pretty bad at this as part of the ongoing mind-games - we would wind each other up on purpose or to get back at each other - not so good for long-term relationship longevity.

I don't think casual flirting has to carry any intentions behind it. I don't think it's necessarily harmful but at the same time, if I'm in a good relationship, I wouldn't want to be tacky or make him feel uncomfortable.




She
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 11:14:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/24/2010
Posts: 2,160
Location: Europe
I am monogamous when it comes to relationships, however I don't believe in one life partnership. When I notice that/if I flirt with others I analyse why, and usually end the relationship.

Unless, there is another moment in it, and that is to spicy up things in the bedroom and bring a third person in it, for a mfm in your case or you having sex with the girl and partner is watching. Next time when it happens to you, approach and see what will happen, if you are interested in such a thing. Delicately though, you might get yourself into trouble :)
1lushfan
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 5:09:40 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/22/2012
Posts: 9
Dancing_Doll wrote:
It really depends on the relationship and the guy. In general I don't do anything intentional or obvious because I think it can be disrespectful and things can escalate if you're with a guy that gets jealous easily. At the same time I'm not totally introverted and asexual when we're out and around other people. For the most part it's pretty innocent on my part, however I've had guys take things out of context in the past if I get too chatty with certain guy friends (either mine or theirs). If the guy has unreasonable expectations with this (like he's reading too much into everything), it has to be addressed. A little jealous can be a turn on, but psycho jealous is a dealbreaker.

I've also been in a dysfunctional relationship or two where we were both pretty bad at this as part of the ongoing mind-games - we would wind each other up on purpose or to get back at each other - not so good for long-term relationship longevity.

I don't think casual flirting has to carry any intentions behind it. I don't think it's necessarily harmful but at the same time, if I'm in a good relationship, I wouldn't want to be tacky or make him feel uncomfortable.



Reading the bold part threw me off. Can you explain why you think a little jealousy is a turn on? I don't get it..
LaneyHearn77
Posted: Friday, June 27, 2014 8:55:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/4/2014
Posts: 195
Location: Deep in the heart , United States
I am a flirt by nature. I don't discriminate when handing out my flirtations. That's just my personality. For the most part, flirts are harmless, light hearted and just provide an ego boost or smile to someone's day.

If I am flirting with intention the object of my flirt will know. There will be no question as of my intent when I am flirting to capture one persons attention or affection.

Now flirting for jealousy, to get even or anything somewhat malicious.....not gonna happen. You either want me or you don't. I don't play games like that. I don't like to even the score or get someone back by making them jealous. That's just hurtful and no one wins.

Feeling jealousy when it's innocent in nature, sure....nothing wrong with that and that's just human. We all do it and feel that way from time to time.


*******************************************************************************************

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

JacquieJ
Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 1:09:08 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/10/2014
Posts: 222
Location: United Kingdom
When I was married I would have described myself as a naïve amateur who occasionally indulged in the odd flirt, since I have been single again flirting has played a much more significant part in my life. These days flirts can lead places, it is more like shooting with live ammunition!
Dirty_D
Posted: Saturday, June 28, 2014 9:27:34 AM

Rank: Head Nurse

Joined: 4/15/2011
Posts: 7,208
Location: Soaking up the sun, United States
I've been that girl Embarassed I've also been the girl annoyed with that girl. I think part of that is human nature.


I tend to smile and flirt a bit with everyone, although I tend to flirt more with girls. I haven't always been like this, but working the job I used to forced me to step outside of what used to be my comfort level. Now its a habit, Ill smile and wink shamelessly. So if all we are doing is a bit of banter and a smile, its likely nothing serious.

Additionally, if I'm happy in my relationship, I tend to do this less because I am too busy flirting with my SO.

SereneProdigy
Posted: Sunday, June 29, 2014 2:28:51 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 7/16/2013
Posts: 1,653
Location: Lost And Astray
Thanks for the replies people.

What I described in my OP is something quite a bit different from what most of you expressed though. I already knew that most women enjoy these occasional 'inconsequential' flirts, just to tease other men and to bolster their egos a little; there was actually a thread about this that came up in Ask the Guys a short while ago, and I responded that I can even appreciate these flirts at times. It happened to me many times and I never was shocked all that much by them.

I think these are more the kind of 'healthy flirts', which are often subtle/lighthearted and that I would even consider beneficial for a couple. As I said, the purpose of these is often simply to have some casual fun, but they're rarely meant to establish anything 'serious' with the other person; the primary purpose is also rarely to upset their partner intentionally either. I believe these flirts to be healthy in a relationship, as they force the couple to apprehend the level of mutual thrust that exists between the two partners. They can also be beneficial to challenge each other a little too; I personally dislike this 'we don't need to make any efforts anymore because we love each other unconditionally' line of thinking. I enjoy when there's still some level of 'competition' between myself and other males, where the possibility that my girl could leave me for a more competent male is still present and where I need to uphold/reinforce my qualities to make sure that I'm pleasing her to the best of my abilities.

But what I described is quite different: in these situations, the point was to piss off the other partner, plain and simple. In the example that I provided, the girl couldn't even boost her ego in any way as I was the one that was offered all the attention; the girl also knew that this wouldn't lead to anything with me, as I surely wouldn't have stopped running just to flirt with her while her man was next to us. Her objective was simply to make her man jealous in a very unhealthy, provocative way.

These are not the kind of flirts where the other partner just goes "Hmm, is she flirting a little here?", but rather "Fuck, she's definitely hitting on that guy". As I said in my opening post, often times the flirting is extremely exaggerated in these situations, to make sure that the girl delivers her message. I never take these flirts all that seriously personally, as I know that the intent is not really to establish anything with me, but rather to piss off their partners; I'm simply 'lucky' to be the one they choose to accomplish their little schemes. Often times I'm a complete stranger to the couple, so the flirting is still mostly 'inconsequential', but the girls seem to use this specific excuse to make it 'dangerously inconsequential'; chances that it will lead to anything with me are still extremely low, but it's still dangerously hurtful to the other person.

The point of my initial interrogation was mainly to figure out if many girls use that kind of 'manipulative jealousy' when they're in the middle of an argument or when things aren't going very well in their relationships. As I said, none of my girlfriends ever did that to me, and a lot of my male buddies think that I'm bullshitting them when I tell them these stories: "Come on dude! A girl that you don't even know massively hitting on you while her man was nearby!? It was all in your head!". My female friends also offer similar responses to what most women expressed in this thread, where they mainly discuss about these 'healthy flirts' that I described earlier.

To me, that way of acting is extremely immature and detrimental in a relationship; I really can't understand how a couple could be any fortified by that kind of excessive manipulation, or how it could help resolve an argument in any positive way.

Hence why I wondered what's going in the head of these girls when they're behaving that way...


1lushfan wrote:
Reading the bold part threw me off. Can you explain why you think a little jealousy is a turn on? I don't get it..


I believe what DD meant is that perceiving that the other partner 'reacts' to these casual flirts shows that they care about them. A guy that would simply go "Go on, flirt all you want, I don't honestly give a fuck about you" would be a turn off to most girls. Jealousy can be somewhat healthy, romantic and cute that way.



1nympholes
Posted: Sunday, June 29, 2014 11:42:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 5/31/2012
Posts: 730
Location: Bare Beach USA, United States
I have flirted with lots of guys when we go out for an evening. He has flirted with lots of girls too . Most nights we go home as the same couple we were when we arrived.

But some times one or both of us will go home with someone else. That is the way we have always lived.






The girl who started early at this game of sexual pleasure, This girl that never seems to get as much as she wants, at least from the right people. But now certainly the woman that will test all the paths of pleasure with you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, June 30, 2014 6:37:03 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 6,281
Location: West Coast
SereneProdigy wrote:



1lushfan wrote:
Reading the bold part threw me off. Can you explain why you think a little jealousy is a turn on? I don't get it..



I believe what DD meant is that perceiving that the other partner 'reacts' to these casual flirts shows that they care about them. A guy that would simply go "Go on, flirt all you want, I don't honestly give a fuck about you" would be a turn off to most girls. Jealousy can be somewhat healthy, romantic and cute that way.


Thank you - this sums it up perfectly.

If some guy pulls me onto his lap in the bar and I start laughing about something with him and flirting right in front of my BF and he has no reaction to it, it would annoy me. A little jealousy is healthy - with the emphases on 'a little'.


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