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Different Ways Of Looking At Things... Options · View
DirtyMartini
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 7:11:56 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,789
Location: Right here on Lush Stories..., United States
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS


Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
Family values.

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my
Intelligence come from?'

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother,
Cause I still have mine.'

___________________________________________

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court
Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and
Then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,
Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife
At all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really
Good with the kids.'

___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
Been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
That were used to put the curse on you.'

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

___________________________________________

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll
Take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.

___________________________________________

Two Hispanic detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

___________________________________________

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and
Asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in
Surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!'

___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
Of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since
I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's
Advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap
Of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
Even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's
There.'


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scarletblue
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 7:39:57 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/12/2010
Posts: 6,632
Location: Giving you pleasure..
evil4

Rainey
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 7:56:16 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 7/28/2010
Posts: 5
giggle
Guest
Posted: Saturday, September 04, 2010 8:21:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,748
6 6
Guest
Posted: Sunday, September 05, 2010 11:12:52 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 534,748
Those were all good.
Phantomrose
Posted: Sunday, September 05, 2010 11:20:19 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 8/30/2010
Posts: 72
Location: Monroe County, United States
Those were good. They made me smile. icon_smile
Butterfly
Posted: Sunday, September 05, 2010 11:36:40 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/21/2008
Posts: 1,238
Location: fluttering about
Good stuff f-hihi
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