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SadBi-Virgin
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 12:59:49 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/15/2010
Posts: 355
Location: nunya, United States
So I just started the process of coming out today, I came out to my mother as a bisexual and found the it to be incredibly difficult and was wondering do any of you have any advice to coming out to friends, or stories about coming out or just words of comfort and support.
mercianknight
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 7:11:14 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
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Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
There's a process to coming out?

Best of luck, and, if you don't mind, let us know how it works out. As a parent myself, I've often wondered how I'd react to my child 'coming out'.

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
Bunny12
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 4:39:55 PM

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Joined: 9/2/2009
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Location: My own little world, United States
I've never really understood the whole coming out thing. Why is it anyone's business what sexual orientation you are. Just be true to yourself and be who you are and no need to volunteer that kind of information unless asked and you want to tell. As long as you're not hiding it from the people you are close to I say live and let live it's nobodies business anyway.

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
myself
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 5:03:45 PM

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Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
Dear Bunny, what you said is right for you and me. I think it's because we are older and don't feel the need to express ourselves as a very young person might.

Dear SadBi-Virgin, It'll get easier.

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Bunny12
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 6:38:00 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,001
Location: My own little world, United States
myself wrote:
Dear Bunny, what you said is right for you and me. I think it's because we are older and don't feel the need to express ourselves as a very young person might.

Dear SadBi-Virgin, It'll get easier.


Actually I was raised around gay and lesbian people and have always thought this way no matter what my age. Even dated a gay guy once before he figured out he was gay but I knew he was. I'm a dom hetero woman who loves gay men and their style of sex best so I ask what the hell sexual orientation is that??? I would never feel the need to explain myself to anyone and really how would I? LOL

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
SadBi-Virgin
Posted: Tuesday, October 12, 2010 9:45:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/15/2010
Posts: 355
Location: nunya, United States
Thank you all for your kind words and please to others just coming out please come share your story.
myself
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 2:24:10 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
Bunny12 wrote:
myself wrote:
Dear Bunny, what you said is right for you and me. I think it's because we are older and don't feel the need to express ourselves as a very young person might.

Dear SadBi-Virgin, It'll get easier.


Actually I was raised around gay and lesbian people and have always thought this way no matter what my age. Even dated a gay guy once before he figured out he was gay but I knew he was. I'm a dom hetero woman who loves gay men and their style of sex best so I ask what the hell sexual orientation is that??? I would never feel the need to explain myself to anyone and really how would I? LOL


I love who you are Bunny


Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 8:08:44 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,213
Location: Cakeland, United States
SadBi-Virgin wrote:
So I just started the process of coming out today, I came out to my mother as a bisexual and found the it to be incredibly difficult and was wondering do any of you have any advice to coming out to friends, or stories about coming out or just words of comfort and support.


'Baby steps, Ellie. Baby steps'

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
sprite
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 11:03:53 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,613
Location: My Tower, United States
Bunny12 wrote:
I've never really understood the whole coming out thing. Why is it anyone's business what sexual orientation you are. Just be true to yourself and be who you are and no need to volunteer that kind of information unless asked and you want to tell. As long as you're not hiding it from the people you are close to I say live and let live it's nobodies business anyway.


Because it you get tired of having to bring your girlfriend home for the holidays and LIE about your relationship the entire time? and that's the thing, coming out often means hiding who you are from people who ARE close to you, your family. it can breed resentment. i think that most of the time, once the initial shock is over, the people who love you will accept it. Not always, sadly enough. Oh, and sometimes, you'll be pleasantly surprised! I was 'out' to my family for a while, but the best surprise ever was actually entering a serious relationship with another woman, and my dad telling me that he like HER a hell of a lot better then the guys i'd been dating. :)
SweetPenny
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 12:56:28 PM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,271
Location: State of Confusion
When I was really young, I told my mom that I thought I was a lesbian. And she just blew me off.

Then I matured, and realized that I really was sexually attracted to women. I never told my mom again though. I kind of agree with Bunny here. My sexual choices and preferences are only my business.
SadBi-Virgin
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 3:22:23 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/15/2010
Posts: 355
Location: nunya, United States
Well for me it is more a matter of if i wanna bring a girl home for the holidays, i don't want to go through the drama at that moment, i would perfer they know that i might bring a guy home or i might bring a girl home and if i am not welcome i want to know before rather than later.
Jessie89
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 4:26:21 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 9/14/2010
Posts: 1
Location: London
good luck with your mum. However open minded and supportive your family are, they will probably have difficult feelings to deal with too. They may need a little time to say goodbye to the old you and to get to know the new one.

And if anyone in your small town can't accept it immediately remember you will soon be off in a new city with people who won't care who you are attracted to, they'll just want to get to know the person you are.

hope it goes well.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 4:47:33 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
SadBi-Virgin wrote:
Well for me it is more a matter of if i wanna bring a girl home for the holidays, i don't want to go through the drama at that moment, i would perfer they know that i might bring a guy home or i might bring a girl home and if i am not welcome i want to know before rather than later.


That's understandable. I'm hoping for the best for you.
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 6:30:26 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,329
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
As someone already said, That term "Coming Out" makes it sound like you have committed a crime and are being released from prison. That is so wrong!

I never told my mom I was Bi. I knew I liked girls and boys at a young age. I think my mom suspected it but she never said anything. Then she died when I was 17 so we never discussed it. But I am sure she would have been OK with it since she was very open minded regarding sex. As I think back, I sometimes wonder if she was also Bi. My dad was pretty oblivious to eveything once my mom died. But when he eventually found out, he said it was my life and just to be happy. Since that time I have never flaunted my bisexuality but never tried to hide it either. And once I was divorced, I really didnt care if anyone found out anyhow . It was none of their business. If they liked me great, if not, it was their loss. And once my daughters were old enough to understand, I told them and they were fine with it as long as I was happy. My 2 oldest daughters, 20 and 18 are also Bi. We have discussed how their friends feel about it and if they have any issues at school. They tell me that their are many girls now in their age group that are Bi. It seems to be the "Chic" thing. Not surprising since so many of the younger Hollywood celebs claim to be Bi. It seems that Bisexuality among girls is more accepted than in the past. Being a lesbian still seems to be taboo but at least it is getting better.

Unfortunatly for guys, it is still a problem! Like that poor boy at Rutgers University.

So I hope you have sucess in telling your parents. You are their daughter and I am sure they will love you no matter what. Same with your friends. If they are true friends they wont care.

Good Luck. I hope it all works out for you. Just be who you are and be Happy!!!
standingbear
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 8:00:33 PM

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Joined: 9/27/2010
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Location: the twilight zone
Good for you. Real friends won't care and those who care aren't real friends.



"Happiness is doing it rotten your own way."Isaac Asimov (1994)
SadBi-Virgin
Posted: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 9:03:39 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/15/2010
Posts: 355
Location: nunya, United States
Ok so i sent a group letter to several of my friends over FB and those that have replied have been very supportive.
LullabiesForAnna
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 10:35:31 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 3/10/2010
Posts: 30
Location: Where should I be..?, Germany
I descovered my sexuality at an early age.
I'm nineteen now, and honestly neither one of my parents know.
I believe my father has suspicions, But he would accept me for it, I know.
I plan on coming out to him someday, when I believe it's appropriate to say.
As for my mother, she sends off mixed beliefs and feelings about homosexuality.
I don't know how she would deal with me being bisexual. It's kind of a scary thought.
But, Even if I told her, it wouldn't change our relationship. We don't get along well as it is.
I wonder when this day will come, and when it does, I'll be sure to share to you all.
As for advice, I suppose I cannot give any. At least not intil, myself, come out.


I t m u s t h a v e b e e n t h e p i l l s I a t e for B r e ak f a s t;;



R a g d o l l;;
A n n a l i e;;
< 3
sissyboycindy
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 5:19:00 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 5/13/2009
Posts: 7
Location: Oklahoma, United States
A frienof mine got me high as fuck on crank and I just told her ,,and told her to feel free to tell everyone else so when they saw me it wouldnt freak them out,,and she told any one who would listen
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:37:46 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
standingbear wrote:
Good for you. Real friends won't care and those who care aren't real friends.



I totally agree with this comment.

Also, I have found that with some people, what they don't know they will make up. For a lot of my life I have lived alone and for some obscure reason I have been tagged as a lesbian, just because there is no man in sight. Why do we have to pigeon hole people?

Anyway, I can see reason for coming out and good luck for the future.
sprite
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 12:51:40 PM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,613
Location: My Tower, United States
i didn't so much come out as let people figure it out on their own - unless you're totally in the closet and hiding it, most of your closer friends do, and they are always ok with it, if they aren't, they aren't truly your friends. that said, coming out to your family is scary! i think that, most parents will accept it once the shock is over, or might even already suspect it - i'm sure you already have a good idea if they are homophobic or not and you wouldn't be bringing home another girl if you thought it would lead to craziness :)
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 1:32:10 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,329
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
sprite wrote:
i didn't so much come out as let people figure it out on their own - unless you're totally in the closet and hiding it, most of your closer friends do, and they are always ok with it, if they aren't, they aren't truly your friends. that said, coming out to your family is scary! i think that, most parents will accept it once the shock is over, or might even already suspect it - i'm sure you already have a good idea if they are homophobic or not and you wouldn't be bringing home another girl if you thought it would lead to craziness :)


Seems like most parents accept their daughter, especially if she is a teen, being bisexual because they probably feel it is just an experimental or rebellious phase and eventually they will be exclusively hetero.

Like I said earlier, I really hate that term "coming out". It makes it sound like we committed a crime and are being released on parole, so wrong!!
Nikki703
Posted: Wednesday, February 08, 2012 1:34:59 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/7/2009
Posts: 12,329
Location: The Other Side Of The Mirror
SadBi-Virgin wrote:
Ok so i sent a group letter to several of my friends over FB and those that have replied have been very supportive.


It has been well over a year since you first posted this. I would love to hear how you are doing with this. I hope you are very happy!!!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, February 19, 2012 4:23:46 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,343
Bunny12 wrote:
I've never really understood the whole coming out thing. Why is it anyone's business what sexual orientation you are. Just be true to yourself and be who you are and no need to volunteer that kind of information unless asked and you want to tell. As long as you're not hiding it from the people you are close to I say live and let live it's nobodies business anyway.


Its not putting your sexual anything out there, its just being who you are. I never physically told anybody Im gay, but I was finally open with myself and my life, I cut my hair short, I started wearing clothes I felt more comfortable in... things like that.
Also certain people in your life you HAVE to tell like your parents, so when they see you with the same sex partner it doesn't shock them, its not as uncomfortable for you, it doesn't start a fight, there are so many things that straight people don't understand, even if they have been around gays their whole lives, you can't know unless your in it.
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