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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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Hi
I posted this on the 'story' part of the site (under 'Love poems'... I know, sex isn't love, so cybersex certainly gets the thumbs down... but have you read some of the stuff on there?) and they rejected it. Something about 'standards', a nebulous enough term for even a government to hide behind, never mind a porn site... A dubious one too for a site that turns a blind eye to mums and dads copulating with sons and daughters. (No, I'm ok really, not annoyed at all... it's just my out-dated British sense of 'fair play' and appreciation of irony.) Anyway, for want of anywhere else to stick it (apart from the obvious) and at their suggestion, I'm posting it here. Tell me what you think, if you can be arsed.
Thanks x
Cybersex
Cybersex, the safest sex,
As safe as sex can be.
I jack with Jill,
Don't need a pill
To stop a pregnancy.
No STD's, no crabs, herpes
Or Aids or hepatitis C
Can leap the void,
So I've enjoyed
Hot cybersex with two or three...
Or four, or five, or six -
Ok, they say that sexual addiction's
Quite a sad and dangerous disease.
A solitary sinful act -
Well, it takes two to be exact
And either sex, so twice the chance to please.
Experience the decadence
Of ancient Rome
While sat at home!
An instant online orgy and it's free.
'Show me wot uv got!
Ohhhh yessssss! av u done this a lot?'
'Well, yes... we did it twice last Tuesday, actually.'
My cock's unrecocognisable,
To show more's not advisable -
(Here's not the place
To share your face, address or mobile number...)
One handed typing is my forte
While I show you something naughty
I can do with half a fresh cucumber.
Few girls will cam,
They think they have to look like Pamela
Anderson before a man will want to see them nude.
But no, your saggy tits
And flabby arse's cellulite and zits
Will get me going,
It's the showing that I find so rude.
I've wanked for girls,
But not till I've been told
They're old enough,
I've wanked for women,
Old and rough,
I've cum for queens and done things, told them stuff -
That you don't really need to hear -
To get them off, and they appear, er...
Sexually relieved -
If 'cuummmmminggg!!!!!' is a word to be believed...
No masturbating on that future date,
We'll mate.
'Yeah penetrate n pull my hair n
Hurt me god ur so big lover mmm.'
'What? UK? Hey, you're not too far away!
Say, know that Travel Lodge on the M62?
I'll pay.'
'Hell yes i do
oh babe im so wet
i cnt w8 to fuk wit choo.
Call me ur bitch n slut n whore
n slap my arse...'
'Oh, babe, if you're,
Up for it I'll fill that hole too!
Let's do it, screw it, when can I meet choo?'
Cybersex was safer sex
Until the wife caught me.
No broadband in my caravan,
She's got herself a proper man,
So take precautions: purge your History.
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,498
Location: Cakeland, United States
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 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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 music to my ears lol!! Hear Hear!!
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Rank: Advanced Wordsmith
Joined: 9/18/2009
Posts: 65
Location: PHC
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Bravo!
Life is too short to waste it on drama. Have fun while you still can.
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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 Brilliant!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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WHOOP WHHOP I scored you a 10/10 it almost had a ring to Victoria Woods song, Can't do it tonight! Do you know that song it's well funny.  ENCORE!
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,018
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
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Okay, okay, I'll admit it. That was good, real good. 
"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element "If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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that is fantastic - can't believe you were censored from posting it as a story !
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,498
Location: Cakeland, United States
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Katy1970 wrote:that is fantastic - can't believe you were censored from posting it as a story ! It is a very witty piece, but it's not really a story and it sure isn't a love poem. Certainly not comparable to any of Ima's other love poetry, is it? Some things just are not meant to be published in some categories. There is no harm, nor no foul in this. And it takes nothing away from your cleverness! 
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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Thanks everyone for your comments. Very much appreciated. I know there's no conspiracy - and if there was, they'd conspire against someone more interesting than I (or would they?). Hope your cybersex experiences have been more productive than the guy in the poem xxx
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Rank: Moderator
Joined: 6/15/2010
Posts: 1,264
Location: State of Confusion
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I love it!
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 326,974
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I like this too. It's written in a ( sort of) ditty fashion I would say, but I don't think that is your intention. I like this very much because it's full of many different aspects of humour at varying levels and yet it still has a serious side to it. For anyone who can write this way, as you do, it's most certainly a talent ... and it's one you are good at in this style of writing. Loved the read, and well done you!
~F~
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/9/2010
Posts: 554
Location: South UK
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Loved it, very funny! Cheers!
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