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Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 6:38:00 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
A friend of mine was texting a boy for a while, and finally arranged to go out for dinner. Once on the meal they got talking about random stuff and one topic lead to another. Then the topic of past relationships came up and whatever happend they started talking about children.

Now my friend has a baby that is nearly a year old, and once the fella heard of this he started to get cold. They finished dinner and headed home. He left her to the door and kissed her and told her he would txt her when he got home.

My friend thought she had blew it, and of course he never text her when he got home and she never heard from him again.

She was annoyed and has now left her thinkn that no man will want her because she has, in her words, ''baggage''.

So my question to you men out there....if this was you in this fella's shoes, would you do a runner or not?
WellMadeMale
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 10:15:12 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,281
Location: Cakeland, United States
I always try to nail a few things down before I make a date with someone.

"Do you have children?"
"Do you want to have children?"
"Do you like children and do they like you?"

These are kind of important things to be aware of. There are other topics I would like to know a bit about too, prior to meeting someone I've only just been texting, emailing or talking to on the phone about everything but the important things in our lives.

Otherwise, it's just a blind date and even then...I have been known to turn tail and walk away upon the initial meeting with someone. I've also seen women look me up and down and decide that my photos, which may have provoked some curiosity with them originally, either confirmed to them that I was not to their liking or that I had deceived them somehow, so they bolted with no explanation provided. (I'm guessing as to why they bolted, since no conversation occurred at the time nor afterwards).

No harm no foul.

Communications is the key; some people are adept at this, some are not and some are deceptive intentionally.


If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 11:03:32 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
i would have text i wouldnt have let the fact she has a young child put me off
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 1:30:54 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I would have continued to see her, I like her for her, hell we all come with "baggage". This one will just talk back to ya .
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 1:43:22 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
STAY, if the guy has a problem with her having a baby then he is a bit of a conker anyway :)
children are a blessing,

HH
Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 3:52:38 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I've said all f this to her, but it makes no difference. She very insecure and this didn't help her.

Rat
obscura
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 4:13:32 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/10/2010
Posts: 143
Location: Zef Side
I would have at most stayed for the night... laughing6

Guest
Posted: Sunday, November 07, 2010 11:18:01 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Firstly; I don't do blind dates as I like to know a little about the person I am going to spend an evening/afternoon with ...and this ("baggage") would have been known to me prior to a "date". And either way would have made no difference. We all have some sort of baggage - be it past relationships/marriages/children ...etc - I am not judge and juror and if she is a pleasant person, one that I can relate to ...children or no children - I would have at least stayed for a cup of coffee ...maybe more ...and kept in touch.
fredatpell
Posted: Monday, November 08, 2010 7:00:17 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/10/2009
Posts: 210
Location: alabama, United States
I agree with buc. we all have baggage . hell I have 2 boys at home with me. I'm single ,Does that make me out of service also
Kenny8227
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010 10:59:02 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/4/2010
Posts: 5,230
Location: Georgetown
I don't see the point of why he should not text here anymore. As long as she is not attached to anyone, she should have every right to a relationship. A child should not be the reason why anyone could consider her as baggage.
Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 13, 2010 12:13:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Stayed. Your interested in the person, any baggage is inconsequental really.
Rontre
Posted: Sunday, November 14, 2010 5:01:00 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/6/2010
Posts: 805
Location: Right here
Have to hang around to see what happens if I felt we had a connection...
myself
Posted: Sunday, November 14, 2010 5:19:50 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/17/2010
Posts: 966
Location: .showyourdick.org/
It's best he left sooner than later- perfect in fact- Tell her she deserves and will get love in her life : )

Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
T0ady
Posted: Monday, November 15, 2010 3:43:12 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 10/14/2010
Posts: 55
Location: Your mind, United Kingdom
would have stayed
however, if he can't deal with the fact that she has a kid, then she's better finding out straight away, than him spending the night, then never seeing her again!
mercianknight
Posted: Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:30:02 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,029
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
WellMadeMale wrote:
I always try to nail a few things down before I make a date with someone.

"Do you have children?"
"Do you want to have children?"
"Do you like children and do they like you?"

These are kind of important things to be aware of. There are other topics I would like to know a bit about too, prior to meeting someone I've only just been texting, emailing or talking to on the phone about everything but the important things in our lives.

Otherwise, it's just a blind date and even then...I have been known to turn tail and walk away upon the initial meeting with someone. I've also seen women look me up and down and decide that my photos, which may have provoked some curiosity with them originally, either confirmed to them that I was not to their liking or that I had deceived them somehow, so they bolted with no explanation provided. (I'm guessing as to why they bolted, since no conversation occurred at the time nor afterwards).

No harm no foul.

Communications is the key; some people are adept at this, some are not and some are deceptive intentionally.


Well said. Lapplause

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
FicklePickleTickle
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 10:10:54 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/2/2010
Posts: 949
Location: Sneaking up behind you.
It wouldn't bother me any, but I do know that some guys who would run away in fear. Unfortunately, that's the reality of our world.

I did try dating someone with a kid a while back. I knew she had a kid when I met her and it didn't matter to me. It turned out that we weren't really right for each other, but we've remained friends though.

Let your friend know that that particular guy is a douchebag. Don't let her assume that all guys are.

The reviews are in. Here's what people are saying about FicklePickleTickle:
"BestCukeOnTheVine" - LusciousLola.
"Pickle juice rocks!" - curiousbutterfly.
"Pickles is really a jalapeño" - sw33tang3l
"Will someone make that guy sit down, my kids can't see the movie?!?" - Some guy in at the theater.
"Shouldn't he be wearing clothes if he's going to be in the wedding?" - Your mom.
"If FTP Eats A Pickle, Is That Cannibalism? " Nikki703
"FTP makes me wet. . ." - imhapless.
"Always thought he was dill but he's actually a sweet pickle." - kinkygirl.

WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 11:03:41 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,281
Location: Cakeland, United States
FicklePickleTickle wrote:
Let your friend know that that particular guy is a douchebag. Don't let her assume that all guys are.


A douchebag would have gone ahead with the 'date' and attempted to fuck her, succeeded and then dropped her from his train of thought, the moment he left her apartment and walked down the hallway, deleting her phone number from his cell phone.

Dude should've manned up during the 'date' and mentioned that he would prefer to not date single mothers, been cordial but upfront. Still he wasn't truly douchie in the end. Maybe he is someone who doesn't like confrontation.

There are plenty of people like that. But that doesn't make someone an asshole.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
FicklePickleTickle
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 11:54:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/2/2010
Posts: 949
Location: Sneaking up behind you.
He said he was going to call or text when he clearly had no intention to do so. Lying is douche-y behavior to me.

As you said, he should have manned up and just told her so that she didn't sit at home wondering if he was going to get in touch or not.

Is he the biggest douche in the world? Nope, of course not, but he's definitely a member of the club.

Realistically, I would probably call someone a douche before you would. No biggie.:)

The reviews are in. Here's what people are saying about FicklePickleTickle:
"BestCukeOnTheVine" - LusciousLola.
"Pickle juice rocks!" - curiousbutterfly.
"Pickles is really a jalapeño" - sw33tang3l
"Will someone make that guy sit down, my kids can't see the movie?!?" - Some guy in at the theater.
"Shouldn't he be wearing clothes if he's going to be in the wedding?" - Your mom.
"If FTP Eats A Pickle, Is That Cannibalism? " Nikki703
"FTP makes me wet. . ." - imhapless.
"Always thought he was dill but he's actually a sweet pickle." - kinkygirl.

Guest
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 12:07:41 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
I have no problem dating a woman with children. My fiancé who passed away had three of her own. She always said I would make a great father cause of the way I treated her children. We were going to have one of our own cause of the way she thought about me. So I take it as a complement. I think it also has to do with if you are ready to settle down or not. If you aren't ready then a woman with a child isn't for you. If you are ready to settle down and have a family then it won't bother you.
OneHornyMotherFucker
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 12:22:57 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/13/2010
Posts: 11
Location: London, United Kingdom
Wouldnt have a problem with the fact that she has a kid. I got two and wouldnt wanna date z person if they didnt accept the fact that they come first. He sounds like a jerkit
Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 12:55:05 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,869
Location: California
I guess I'm the only asshole in a sea of gentlmen... Or maybe the only one who's bullshit meter isn't in the red.

Some guys just aren't ready for kids of their own forget about someone else's child. Yeah it's a bit fucked up to just cut off contact but does your friend really need to hear the guy say "Sorry girl, I really like you a lot it's just that you have a baby and I can't hang." Probably better he cuts her off right away instead of getting in her pants for a month then moving on after blaming the kid... Now thats fucked up.

I also think that women with children aren't the best candidates for blind dates. No matter how cool the guy is, telling him you have a baby is going to hit him like a sledge hammer even if the guy has kids of his own. It's still a biggie. Expect the date to be awkward after that. Now if the person setting up the date let's the guy know the girl has a kid beforehand and he agrees to go on the date then it's a whole different story.



FicklePickleTickle
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 1:03:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/2/2010
Posts: 949
Location: Sneaking up behind you.
You don't sound like an asshole at all, felix. I had a problem with the way that guy did it, not that the guy didn't want kids involved.

The reviews are in. Here's what people are saying about FicklePickleTickle:
"BestCukeOnTheVine" - LusciousLola.
"Pickle juice rocks!" - curiousbutterfly.
"Pickles is really a jalapeño" - sw33tang3l
"Will someone make that guy sit down, my kids can't see the movie?!?" - Some guy in at the theater.
"Shouldn't he be wearing clothes if he's going to be in the wedding?" - Your mom.
"If FTP Eats A Pickle, Is That Cannibalism? " Nikki703
"FTP makes me wet. . ." - imhapless.
"Always thought he was dill but he's actually a sweet pickle." - kinkygirl.

Magical_felix
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 3:14:13 PM

Rank: Wild at Heart

Joined: 4/3/2010
Posts: 4,869
Location: California
FicklePickleTickle wrote:
You don't sound like an asshole at all, felix. I had a problem with the way that guy did it, not that the guy didn't want kids involved.


Yeah I agree the lying about it is douchey but... Man it must be really hard to tell a blind date, especially if you hit it off, you can't see her anymore right after she tells you she has a kid. That takes a lot of balls, maybe more than I have. I'm probably giving the guy too much credit but by telling her he'd text her later tells me he at least considered whether he could handle a kid or not. He made his choice and chose the cowards way out by just not returning her call but I don't know if many of us wouldn't have done the same.

I'm sure most of you have been not called back after a woman/man says they're going too. Maybe for something really shallow but does it really make a difference? In the end the result is the same and you spare yourself a hurtful conversation or exchange. We all know that if you don't get a call back within 24-48 hours it's a no. I thought that was one of the oldest rules in the dating book...



GabrielSweet
Posted: Wednesday, November 17, 2010 8:01:54 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/17/2010
Posts: 95
Location: Shelbyville
personally I love kids, have 4 of my own and 4 grandkids, the problem is that he was an ass and just dashed without saying anything. What was she gonna do beg him to stay. All that was required was for him to say he didn't want kids and maybe another time would be different




Ciao

angel7


God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time - Robin Williams.


angel7


Guest
Posted: Saturday, November 20, 2010 6:23:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
When you look at her kid it reminds you of the father and thats a turn off.
lizbell888
Posted: Saturday, November 20, 2010 6:44:45 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 11/5/2010
Posts: 13
Location: Texas
If the guy had a kid. I would run like hell.
Guest
Posted: Monday, November 22, 2010 1:12:52 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Hey Rita, if i got on well with a lady, the "baggage" surely becomes part of their life, something to be embraced, especially if its kids. Undoubtedly, there are people for whom kids are a no, no. They are obviously just not matue enought to cope with the situation and it kinda signals their intent, a quick shag or whatever. If this is ok with the lady, cool, no one gets hurt. If your friend was upset by the guys actions, then maybe she should be saying to herself that he wasn't worthgy of her. Would I run, not if i liked the lady I wouldn't
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 23, 2010 2:47:51 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
chavil wrote:
When you look at her kid it reminds you of the father and thats a turn off.


very untrue.

when my step daddy met my mummy her knew she had me and my sister. if what you say was true then he would of ran. because my daddy was a pure wanker til my step daddy, started fights with him. however, even though me and my sister both MOST PROBABLY remind him of my daddy, he stil is, 14yrs on, with my mummy. and he loves me and my sister both very very much
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:55:24 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 531,756
Ok he was a jerk!

But how could a woman get to the point of dating a guy without mentioning the child?

Talk about insecurity, that sounds like insecurity to me in big CAPTIAL LETTERS.

If a guy is not into children or especially not someone elses child. Then the sooner that line is defined the better for all parties.
Mistygray
Posted: Saturday, December 04, 2010 8:01:22 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 12/4/2010
Posts: 3
It is alittle tough to know what someone will say about having kids. Makes it hard to want to even go out on a date because your afraid to be judged by that fact. Usuall hon, when that happens they really just wanted a piece. Sorry guys, I know that not all of you are like that. I didnt date til my girls were older, and then I didnt much and I didnt bring anybody home if I did.
There is a contridiction: girls are suppose to be experienced without doing it!

I would just let it go. If you didnt get past the first date or second.....I cant see that there was much of an attachment to begin with.

I am sorry though, and I feel your disappointment, really.
My life has changed, and now I have my eldest daughter (19) and my little grandson at home with me,,,
I have taken myself out of the dating thing.

MistyGray
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