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Why don't guys just say what they feel? Options · View
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 6:04:39 AM

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My guy will dance around the subject to avoid just answering a simple question like, "How do you feel about ...?". I'd like some feedback on why is it so difficult for guys to answer a question about how they feel. Feedback please!!!!!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 6:15:17 AM

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Generally, the answer will be something you really don't want to hear. It will hurt your feelings or make you mad. But a good rule to follow is if guy says something that can be taken 2 ways and one them make you angry or upset WE MEANT IT THE OTHER WAY
Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 10:09:03 AM

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cfl2005's answer is perfect, I agree.

We don't want to piss you off because that means our day is going to suck.



Dudealicious
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 10:16:01 AM

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I don't say this often (LOL) but I agree with Felix (kidding)

Too many times we as guys have answered a question directly, to only have it ruin a day and maybe get cut off from sex for while. We dance around the subject and ask more questions to see how you will take our response. Depending on the day the response may vary, but I try to know more about her mood and see where I go from there.

The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker

Magical_felix
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 10:31:50 AM

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Dudealicious wrote:
I don't say this often (LOL) but I agree with Felix (kidding)

Too many times we as guys have answered a question directly, to only have it ruin a day and maybe get cut off from sex for while. We dance around the subject and ask more questions to see how you will take our response. Depending on the day the response may vary, but I try to know more about her mood and see where I go from there.

laughing8 Even a broken clock is right twice a day!






Guest
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 8:28:19 PM

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I have no problem with a direct answer to a direct question, I am very opinionated, if you are ready for an answer then ask away, but if a gal is just bs'ing around then that is when us guys get shifty.
MrRhee
Posted: Sunday, December 26, 2010 9:36:19 PM

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I have to agree with most of the other replies. There always seems to be a downside to an honest answer. Even to the most basic of questions. For example, do you like this dress or the other one? No matter which one we choose, it usually gets turned around to why we don't like the other. Which then further gets turned around to that there is something about you we don't like. Even if the reason we don't care for the first dress is because its a god awful paisly pattern...So instead of giving the truth, we tell you what it is we think you want to hear. It just makes our life easier. Much like when we ask your opinion, we want to hear what we want to hear. We know its wrong, we know we probably shouldn't, but we want to hear that its okay.
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 4:31:52 AM

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I don't always say what I feel, my reason is that the words get stuck and I'm afraid to say what I truely feel inside. I don't want that person whom I love to miss-understand what I'm saying, as I've had a few instances when my nerves make my words and their meaning come out all the wrong way - then we row I cry he goes to bed and it takes ages to get back to where we once was romantically.

Well that's why I stay quiet sometimesicon_smile I'm not always like this though ha ha

Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 8:47:05 AM

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You guys need to stop dating such neurotic women... then you won't have to censor yourselves for fear that you might set off the big estrogen bomb.




lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 8:51:26 AM

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The cynic in me would say that "estrogen bomb" is redundant.





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Magical_felix
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 1:00:17 PM

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Location: California
Dancing_Doll wrote:
You guys need to stop dating such neurotic women... then you won't have to censor yourselves for fear that you might set off the big estrogen bomb.



That would be a solution but the problem is it's hard for us to tell which ones are neurotic right away. We are distracted by boobs and butts early in relationships so we might overlook neurosis and women might also not notice right away that they are not dating a genius. It's not until three or four months down the road when some of the 'cute' and 'different' opinions we had become 'stupid' and annyoing' opinions. It's when this change happens that we fear telling you the truth. :)



Guest
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 1:53:33 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Quote:
You guys need to stop dating such neurotic women... then you won't have to censor yourselves for fear that you might set off the big estrogen bomb.


You show me one that isn't neurotic, I'd love to me her. All women are neurotic. It's encoded in female dna. You ask our opinions and then you do the exact opposite. He likes you blonde, you go brunette. He likes your hair long, you cut it all off. You have a problem we give you tons of ways to handle the problem, you ignore the information until a WOMAN tells you the exact same info. Then you wonder "why won't he talk me or tell what he likes or how he feels". Because we are sick of being ignored. It's not worth the hassle. If you want sympathy call your BFF, you want a solution talk to your man. Thats how guys handle problems we solve them because if you solve it there is no more problem.

Most Guys are happy to have someone that will just have sex with them on a fairly regular basis and pays a bit of attention to them. Women need all this extra reassurance about their looks and their feelings and how much a man loves them.

If he still gets hard when you just give him more than a peck on the lips. HE LOVES YOU(and still thinks your sexy as hell)! If he's not having an affair even though you only have sex twice a month for you becuase body issues HE LOVES YOU!
If he remembers your birthday and anniversary HE LOVES YOU!

Ladies, you wanted honest there is honesty. There is a reason the say the truth hurts.

I know some ladies will be enraged by these words but remember Rule #1 with things guys say

"if it can be taken one of two way and one of those ways make you angry or sad, we meant it the other way."
Guest
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 2:08:41 PM

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the same reason girls dont say what they feel!

i myself say whats on my mind no matter what, why dont girls say how they feel. It's always nothings wrong, or i dont want to talk about it... i dont get it.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 3:35:42 PM

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Joined: 2/17/2010
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Location: In your dirty fantasies
cfl2005 wrote:
Quote:
You guys need to stop dating such neurotic women... then you won't have to censor yourselves for fear that you might set off the big estrogen bomb.


You show me one that isn't neurotic, I'd love to me her. All women are neurotic. It's encoded in female dna.



Damn, those are some harsh statistics...
Hmmm.... have you considered playing for the other team, then? Maybe learn to like nuts in your morning cereal?
Haha... Kidding. But seriously, what's your sample size to make the general statement that all women are neurotic? Probably smaller than you'd like it, and maybe that's what makes you so edgy. icon_smile

Women who are unhappy in a relationship tend to become neurotic over time, or do the passive-aggressive thing by doing the opposite of what you say you like (you mentioned some good examples). It's usually because they are not good at dealing directly with conflict and are hoping that you will notice the signals enough to have the "sit down conversation" about what is wrong. You may just be looking for a nice girl to "have sex with you on a regular basis and pay a bit of attention to you," but maybe the women you are picking are actually looking for a more meaningful or intense connection. A lot of couples don't understand how to communicate or how to be 'friends', and I think this is often the underlying flaw. You just need to make sure that you're both on the same page. This will cut down on the neurosis, tension and misunderstandings.

I think the goal for men is to stop wearing blinders and overlooking the red flags just because she's hot or gives good blowjobs. And women need to stop overlooking the red flags in men because they are scared of being alone or desperate to have a relationship and get married. And most of all, it's important not to generalize that an entire gender is exactly like your significant other. Just because you got a lemon, doesn't mean the whole world is a lemon orchard.





LusciousLola
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 4:04:37 PM

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Very well said Doll. hello1
gocky97
Posted: Monday, December 27, 2010 6:11:40 PM

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yah i thank they just dont want 2 set off a bom as they say lol
BrindleChase
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 2:02:29 AM

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Joined: 5/12/2010
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Location: www.forlorn-hope.net
I agree with the consensus here. We don't answer direct, blunt or even honestly, because the truth usually leads to a hell to be paid. Hey, I answered honestly enough times, that I've been cut off going on 4 years now... When my wife asks me a question, a loaded question like "how do you feel..." I have to dodge it. 99% of the time, my answer will be wrong, if I answer truthfully. And that is frustrating, because I know better than she, how I feel... Hehehe... But its not just my wife. I see so many of my friend's wives do the same thing to them. Doll is very right, that it is not ALL women... but I have noticed it to be common enough.

As for the men versus women... I forget who said this, but I've found it to be very true...

"Women marry men, in hopes they can change him. Men marry women, hoping she will never change."

And therein in lies the problem... neither accept each other for who they are...

CFL hits it on the head there... about men. My wife cut me off years ago. I'm still with her, I don't cheat on her...because I love her. If she can't understand that, I have no clue how to better express it. I stick by her, provide for her, take care of her, nurture her, listen to her, and abide her wishes that I not touch her... if I didn't love her, I would've kicked her out on her ass a long long time ago! But I digress...

It just seems it would be a lot easier, if she simply handed me a 3x5 card, instructing me on how I should feel about a particular topic, so when she asks, I can give her the perfect answer... and harmony would reign. Flash cards could've saved my marriage!! *lol*


paranormal • erotic • romance
www.forlorn-hope.net
Tyking85
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 2:16:50 AM

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Cause life would be to easy! How boring would it be if I told you how I felt? Its not what I'm feeling, its the process of finding out what I'm feeling. The mystery, the questions, the arguments, the understanding and compromising are the building blocks of a healthy relationship. You have to continue to evolve as a couple or else things become too complacent and than one decides to move away from their core values.

cuteguyhotfuck
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 2:19:52 AM

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coz men are too tough to express 'feelings'..of course
AaronTraugott
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 8:27:31 AM

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Normally we are too afraid to take a stance. Most of your questions are loaded so no matter what we answer, we will be in trouble.

- Aaron Traugott
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 6:47:15 PM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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Tyking85 wrote:
Cause life would be to easy! How boring would it be if I told you how I felt? Its not what I'm feeling, its the process of finding out what I'm feeling. The mystery, the questions, the arguments, the understanding and compromising are the building blocks of a healthy relationship. You have to continue to evolve as a couple or else things become too complacent and than one decides to move away from their core values.



Wow -- your answer just blew me away! I'm always saying people get "too comfortable" with me. I guess you are somewhat right. In terms of growth, a couple can't truly evolve if they can't have honest conversations about how they really feel. I'm not asking to know his every waking thought I'm asking for him to be vulnerable enough to share with me his feelings so that I can respond accordingly .

This is a very good and different perspective. Thanks for your response.
runonwords
Posted: Tuesday, December 28, 2010 7:20:30 PM

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I am always so Careful as the woman I am with is always looking for other answers! Scary LOL
WellMadeMale
Posted: Wednesday, December 29, 2010 1:29:31 PM

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Location: Cakeland, United States
17 years ago, I picked my then girlfriend up from the community college she was attending at a bit before 6pm on a Friday evening.

15 miles from home, and starving I suggested I take her out to for a nice meal. "You choose the restaurant, babe." How can a guy go wrong with that invite?

Seven restaurants/parking lots and 150 minutes later...and, 30 miles on the odometer after I popped that question to her, we drove through TacoHell and got some crap to eat on the way home.

The first few places we went to, she changed her mind and instead of Italian, wanted Oriental, then a steak house, then something else...then it was dinner hour on a Friday night and the next few places had waiting periods of 20 to 60 minutes before we could get seated.

"How do you feel about Mexican food tonight, instead? Oh, you know what would be good...(blah blah blah)"

Arrghhhh

I knew right then, to offer in the future, but to make those mind-bending decisions myself when it came right down to brass tacks.

And any man knows: "How do I look in these jeans?" "How do you like my hair this way/color/length?" "I would like another baby, how do you feel?"

Dudes have those questions already pre-thought and the suitable answer sitting in their RAM banks for the future occasion to roll the right answer out.



If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
yardjockey7774
Posted: Wednesday, December 29, 2010 10:05:16 PM

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i allways tell the truth. it may hurt at first but she respects me for doing so
John717
Posted: Thursday, December 30, 2010 3:53:36 PM

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The answer 'I'm horny', is rarely respected as a 'feeling'.

But most guys 'feel' that.
horndawg
Posted: Sunday, January 02, 2011 2:58:31 PM

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Most women say that they want to know what we think and then when we tell them they get upset
MMonroe
Posted: Sunday, January 02, 2011 3:56:54 PM

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Location: United Kingdom
horndawg wrote:
Most women say that they want to know what we think and then when we tell them they get upset


Be that as it may, i would rather know and be upset than not know and keep trying to second guess all the time.





*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



Fenton
Posted: Monday, January 03, 2011 1:26:20 AM

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BrindleChase said it exactly.
Teaser
Posted: Monday, January 03, 2011 9:44:42 AM

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I have to agree with most of these posts. To be fair, a lot of women get mad when a guy is completely honest, and pissing someone off is something most people like to avoid. I think there just has to be a level of trust in the relationship, so both are completely comfortable talking about how they feel.

I'm the kind of girl you want in your bed ;)
Guest
Posted: Monday, January 03, 2011 11:57:21 AM

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Joined: 12/1/2006
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It's because we hate to have the wrong answer and get you ladies mad. we just like to keep the peace...
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