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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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a humor category be added. Limericks and odes to flamboyant, fun loving ungulates could be just the ticket to bring in new talent, would be his argument; since this would be attempt number thirty-seven, he had to figure out the least repetitive way to approach...
 The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...the pizza place, where he would draw up his presentation over a slice and a beer. Inspired by his surroundings, he quickly sketched out a pie chart supporting his proposition. Speaking of propositions, he spied a buxom young server headed to his table and decided to...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,363
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
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...quick eat the rest of the pizza before she had a chance to steal any, he was a bit paranoid that way about food. Realizing that he had just ate his pie chart using real pie he had created for the presentation, he wondered how he would make his presentation when the buxom young server suddenly asked...
 You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,241
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... if he ever wore panty hose. Shocked to realise that his secret, subliminal desire was known to the busty babe, he baffled blusteringly, and was dumbfounded to hear he had revealed his innermost alliterative desire had been...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,241
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to build a matchstick model of the the empire state building. His head was boggling with the caluclations on how many matches he'd need. Luckily he'd picked up plenty of matchbooks in the eighties during his bar trolling days. He ground to a halt when he realised that...
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...decimating his collection would ruin his chances of ever getting into the Phillumeny Hall of Fame, which had been a dream of his since childhood. The only thing he wanted more than to be a foremost phillumentist, in fact, was to be a noted numismatist — and he was well on his way, having collected...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/27/2009
Posts: 1,275
Location: United States
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...twenty-two of the fifty US State Quarters. Unfortunately he had spent them all when he stumbled upon an old arcade console featuring Mortal Combat. What a game it was! Originally released in 1992 he had spent hours and incredible amounts of quarters on it. Why, he had become so good he could beat the whole thing with one quarter. Years later, after having spent twenty-two quarters trying to beat his first opponent he realized he needed to focus...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,241
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... on breaking a quarter horse so it could be ridden in the Lush Derby stakes. His heart pounding in excitement, he went to the tack room and picked up a ...
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Rank: Matriarch
Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 22,408
Location: Sydney, Australia
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...prostitute called Beryl, whom he realised was 3 times his age. Once realising his altered state of consciousness had led him to this extraordinary faux pas, he quickly conjured up a plan to...
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 11/3/2010
Posts: 10
Location: sure as hell not in,
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...push her off onto his cousin, who by any means was into much older women. He called up his cousin, who then agreed to take the old bitty for a good ride. He drove her to his cousin Raplhie's house and dropped her off. On the way he found a small...
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 2/8/2011
Posts: 21
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m&m on the seat. He popped it into his mouth not realizing it was actully laced with LSD!. Suddenly bright colors began to fill his mind and
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/27/2009
Posts: 1,275
Location: United States
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...he was instantly sucked into a space time vortex which sent him back to November 5th, 1955. Where he was immediately greeted by...
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...his own mother as a horny teenager with the hots for him, of course! Having no interest in such things, however, he resolved to repair the flux capacitor in the DeLorean so he could get back to...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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his job as a Wal-Mart greeter. The pay was not much, but it allowed him to snap all manner of photographs which he would then...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,363
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
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...post in the forum of his favorite story site, of course. Realizing the old hooker was still in the car, he wondered if there was some way he could use her to...
You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 2/8/2011
Posts: 21
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open the damn puzzle box and release hell on earth,
but first he needed to
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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shave his eyebrows, wax his armpits and tattoo his initials upon his taint. When he glanced and thought that he saw his cat winking at him, he felt that perhaps he had...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Matriarch
Joined: 12/6/2006
Posts: 22,408
Location: Sydney, Australia
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...read one Haruki Murakami book too many, and decided that perhaps it was time to dumb down his literary tastes. With that in mind, he went to the book store and bought a book written by...
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Rank: Active Ink Slinger
Joined: 2/1/2011
Posts: 23
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Winning this award is akin to being the tallest midget in the circus ,I therefore denounce this craft and concentrate my efforts on...............
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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introducing some semblance of order and reasoning to the thoughts and words displayed upon this page. I removed my trouser snake from behind my silky thong panties and thought lustfully of Murakami, while I proceeded to...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn
Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,363
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
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...answer my damn cell phone which once again started ringing. Thinking maybe it was the old biddy I left in the car, it instead turned out to be about...
You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...Lush Erotica, an Anthology of Award Winning Sex Stories
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Rank: Constant Gardener
Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 9,516
Location: Cakeland, United States
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my friend at the Department of Homeland Security, tipping me off that my internet usage was being tracked by some curious individuals over at the NSA. He suggested that I wrap my laptop in heavy-duty Reynold's brand, aluminium foil, this would...
The best thing you can do for your fellow,
next to rousing his conscience, is - not to give him things
to think about, but to wake things up that are in him...
to make him think things for himself - George MacDonald
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/27/2009
Posts: 1,275
Location: United States
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...prevent Wikileaks from getting any of my information. I was later told by another friend that aluminium foil was not strong enough and that I should instead...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,241
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get comfy in my flannel jammies with the exocet missiles so coyly printed on them. After all, what's an unlaunched missile if not...
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Rank: Lurker
Joined: 11/30/2006
Posts: 327,241
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to be displayed in flannel nightware. I waited then with baited breathe as my broken box of bicycles brought about a bountiful buoyancy of babbiling verbosity. I decided my dabbling within poetic devices was a wee bit pretentious and instead decided to dumb myself down with text speak. I texted a quick 'r u ...
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/27/2009
Posts: 1,275
Location: United States
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afk? y u no say brb? idc, i</3u, lol. omg ur mom is rofl. btw, she iz a milf. l8r n gtfo. I then realized she was not rolling on the floor laughing but instead she was...
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Rank: Divine Rapscallion
Joined: 8/14/2010
Posts: 3,048
Location: On the ragged edge of disaster
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...a right official flower lover. Since I know next to nothing about flowers, I headed to Wikipedia to learn as much as I could in order to seduce that fine piece of...
Maggie Rascal
(Please note, I am no longer active on Lush and will not be responding to messages or friend requests.)
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 724
Location: United Kingdom
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.... of the jigsaw; I had the all the straight bits and it looked like all I had left was sky. There was no other choice, I simply had to ...
Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist. Why not read some stories instead
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 12/14/2010
Posts: 424
Location: Liverpool, United States
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ask my mom for help. With that she came over and examined...............
"Sometimes you have to believe in someone else's belief in you before the belief in yourself kicks in" ~Les Brown
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Rank: Forum Guru
Joined: 10/27/2009
Posts: 1,275
Location: United States
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...the extreme number of dots which exceeded an ellipses long ago. In response to my small snafu my mother asked me to...
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