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Falling in love in an online world Options · View
sprite
Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011 11:58:16 AM

Rank: Her Royal Spriteness

Joined: 6/18/2010
Posts: 13,567
Location: My Tower, United States
What is it that we fall in love with?

Is it the commonality of interests, or experiences? Is it the person behind the words, be they real or imagined, or is it simply what we are given to work with, that is, words and actions? Do we fool ourselves and create someone who doesn’t’ exist, but that we want desperately to exist, and fall in love with that creation, or do we accept the flaws, the imperfections, the differences, even the things we don’t agree with or dislike?

And conversely, do we tend to create personas, show either what we think is the best of us, or perhaps the most sympathetic parts of our personas, in other words, positive attention vs negative attention? And what about the things we hold back, that we hide, that we are either too ashamed or frightened to share? How can you fall in love with someone whom you only see what they choose to show you? Or someone that you only spend a few moments of each day with?

How is it that a few kind words from A to B turn into B’s obsession about A? Can we ever really know the person behind the screen? Don’t we tend to idealize them to fit who we want them to be, make them better then they are, and don’t we also try to present ourselves as better then we are when conversing with people who are spread out all over the world and may never get to see anything of us, other then what we choose to share here on the web? Who are we fooling? Ourselves? Others? No one?

Just something to think about.
Guest
Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011 12:24:28 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,086
Quickly before I dash off.... (do excuse the short and simpleness of this reply as a result)

I don't have an awful lot of tolerance for those that are 'in love' ....online. I understand how you can get a real feel for someone online...maybe even have strong feelings for them. But love? I've met a few people offline.....one I ended up in a relationship for a fair few months...was that love? I can't say I know myself, but my point is that I can understand how people can feel in love with someone they haven't met...or that they can have strong feelings for them; but to define those feels, to see what they really are (either way)...you're going to have to meet them. And until that point I think it is naive, foolish perhaps, to believe your feeling for them are 100% sound and set in stone.

'How can you fall in love with someone whom you only see what they choose to show you?'

See that's kind of my point.... when you meet someone, spend actual time with them, you begin to realise their quirks and downsides....some you may like, some you may not. And who knows beforehand whether the positives will outweigh the negatives of that person, for you?

Personally I think it's pretty difficult to 'hit the nail on the end' with what exactly it is people 'fall in love with' online....but I should imagine it has a lot to do with the 'idea' of this perfect someone....always there and yet just out of reach, online it is easy to delude yourself about other people. I've met many guys off the internet in the last however long, and, while some of them were exactly as I expected...a fair few weren't. No, I'm not saying they were creepy CRAP! RUN AWAY NOW! kind of people...they just weren't everything I thought they were.

There's been a few moments, days, weeks even where I've had that funny feeling in my stomach about getting back home to see if so and so is online...and I don't knock myself for feeling like that once in awhile....I just knock myself if I don't take a step back and go 'hang on, let's keep this in perspective'.

Who are they fooling? I vote themselves....

One never knows for sure what the other person is like....maybe they are the perfect guy or girl for that person...but why, and how, could you say that without having met them, spent some time with them and allow yourself to make an informed decision. I think that's the key thing that's missing when people look at other people online...we think we know them, we've chatted, maybe waved at each other on cam (or worse, ahem :p ) and perhaps even made the odd phone call.....but without making an informed decision upon it (and thus spending, real, time with them to have this information) it appears pretty naive to me.

.....Okay, so that wasn't quite the short wee response I was aiming for....better run off before I can smell the burning...
lafayettemister
Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011 12:32:34 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/4/2010
Posts: 6,341
Location: Alabama, United States
Very good question. I probably should take a little more time to think about it. But the first things that come to mind are these. Falling in love online in some ways is very similar to real life. All the things you mention happen in both arenas. Common interests and experiences are important. On Lush, if after speaking to someone you find out they aren't into X,Y, or Z and you love X,Y, and Z then there's little chance you will get anywhere near "love". IRL, same thing. If you meet someone at a football game and they are sporting the same team colors and attitudes then you may strike up a conversation. Meeting someone at a party and discovering they enjoy very much things that you have no interest in, it's doubtful a relationship would happen.

In some ways one could argue that those who fall in love online do so in a deeper way. It is ONLY the words used that drew the couple together. There are no other outside influences, or maybe there are fewer. In the real world, we may be influenced by someone's laugh or way they dress or what our friends think of him/her. Are the personas we present online much different than those we present IRL? Probably not much. Maybe online, especially on Lush we are able to be a little more overt in our sexuality?


I often have thought about what it would have been like earlier in history. Meeting someone at a country school or church or hell, county fair. But that person lives 50 miles away. Before the invention of the automobile that would be an all day horse ride. In that time, correspondence by letter was the only way. What must those letters have been like? How many marriages and lifetime loves were nurtured this way. It's still the written word, but the words had to be chosen carefully. How easy it must have been to not respond to snail mail. How painful to wait for a letter from the postman each day.

I guess when it comes to matters of the heart, it doesn't matter if you meet and woo your chosen mate online or IRL. Either way you're opening yourself to the possiblility of lifelong love or enduring the pain of heartbreak. Either way you're fucked!





When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Rembacher
Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011 1:22:01 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,101
sprite wrote:
What is it that we fall in love with?

Is it the commonality of interests, or experiences? Is it the person behind the words, be they real or imagined, or is it simply what we are given to work with, that is, words and actions? Do we fool ourselves and create someone who doesn’t’ exist, but that we want desperately to exist, and fall in love with that creation, or do we accept the flaws, the imperfections, the differences, even the things we don’t agree with or dislike?

And conversely, do we tend to create personas, show either what we think is the best of us, or perhaps the most sympathetic parts of our personas, in other words, positive attention vs negative attention? And what about the things we hold back, that we hide, that we are either too ashamed or frightened to share? How can you fall in love with someone whom you only see what they choose to show you? Or someone that you only spend a few moments of each day with?

How is it that a few kind words from A to B turn into B’s obsession about A? Can we ever really know the person behind the screen? Don’t we tend to idealize them to fit who we want them to be, make them better then they are, and don’t we also try to present ourselves as better then we are when conversing with people who are spread out all over the world and may never get to see anything of us, other then what we choose to share here on the web? Who are we fooling? Ourselves? Others? No one?

Just something to think about.


This is a very interesting topic, one which I unfortunately have a bit of experience with. In real life or online I think there is something that catches our attention at first, be it looks, sense of humour, intelligence, but it is the interactions beyond that first impression which determine whether we fall for someone. For me, I tend to fall for intelligent women who share similar interests with me, but who also push my boundaries, and force me to grow a little in some way. I like that excitement of being forced out of my comfort zone.

As for whether we show the best of us online, I think we also do that in real life too. On a first date you are on your best behaviour, trying to accentuate your positives, and minimize, or even hide your negatives. Sometimes we truly believe we have put our demons behind us, and other times, we just act like we have, even if we haven't. But if you act like someone you are not, whether online or in real life, you are destined to fail unless you are one hell of an actor.

And just like we try to show our best, we also try and see the things we want in our potential partner. Again, be it real or online, if we like something about a person, we tend to focus on it, ignoring the negatives. This can lead to a very inaccurate picture of the person we are falling for. Online makes intentional and unintentional deception easier it's true. It's harder to tell whether the other person actually means the words the way you interpret them when all you have are the words, and not the intonation, and body language to aid in the interpretation. And yes, there are the many people here who pretend to be models, or athletes, rather than the average looking people they really are.

For me, I tend to fall for people online because that is where I spend the bulk of my time. Also, chatting with someone, even with all it's limitations, allows for me to learn a lot about someone. We don't have the distractions we would have hanging out. There is no action we are taking part in, no movie or sporting event to watch, it's just two people talking. And as we talk, we develop a level of comfort that allows us to be more open and honest than we would be with each other if we had met in real life.

I think I act the same online as I do in real life. I am me. I consider online as just another means of communication. And I have noticed as time has went on, there does seem to be a greater acceptance of the idea of connecting real life and online life. More and more people express openness to meet, though for some people, meeting someone from online is still off limits. I admit to not quite understanding it. If you would go home with someone you met at a bar that night, isn't that far more of a risk than meeting someone who you've known, and chatted with for months?

There is of course the distance issue. Lush, and the internet in general, allows you to communicate with people all around the world. For the simple purpose of communication, the world is smaller than ever. But when it comes to actually being there for a person who is hurting, and you care about, the world is still far too big. And that's just for friendships. When it comes to actual romantic relationships, that distance can put a lot of strain on the relationship, and a lot of pressure on anyone who has someone give up there entire life to move closer, so that something more is possible.

For me, falling for a girl online has always meant more heartache than happiness. Unlike some who seem to come here looking for a partner, I never have thought that way, and yet, it seems to happen. In part I guess because I don't think that where I met a girl should affect whether I can date her.
Sw33tAng3l
Posted: Monday, February 21, 2011 9:40:47 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 1,520
Location: Somewhere in my fantasy...
I’ve put a lot of thought into this subject and this is what I came up with… sorry if it doesn’t make any sense. It sounded pretty good in my head.

When talking to someone online, you hope for the fact that they’re honest with you to the extent that you’re honest with them. The words you say to a person can be interpreted anyway they want. That’s unless it’s clarified by saying, hey I hope you didn’t think I meant such and such. Most of the time though, when you talk to someone online enough times, you start to let your guard down and become more honest and truthful. I believe there’s a level of comfort in talking behind a screen. You can be the real you and not worry about what the person thinks, esp here on Lush when you know the person you’re talking to probably lives in a few states or countries away from you. The feeling of friendship then grows into something stronger because of the trust you’re able to put into that person.

Also, like IRL, when you talk to someone enough and there’s chemistry between you, someone’s bound to start having feelings. It may not always be the intent, but it happens. Things are said and it touches you in a way you thought could never happen. You find something in common with a person, and it becomes the foundation of your bond.

And there’s the fact that most of the time, a person can express their feelings better through writing them rather than speech. In my case, it’s a whole lot easier for me to put my thoughts into writing.

Some might not think it’s possible to fall in love online, but love can be found anywhere at anytime, with anyone; especially when you least expect it. Love knows no distance, no time, but it knows what it wants.

Dunno if that made any sense. I'll probably add more to this later.
overmykneenow
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 1:46:07 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 6/8/2010
Posts: 967
Location: United Kingdom
If you think it's love, what else matters?

If you're unsure, it almost certainly isn't love.

Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Why not read some stories instead
SkiDogg
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 6:28:17 AM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 2/9/2011
Posts: 8
GREAT topic!!

Love is a difficult subject as it is, i mean what do you define as love? (different question all together i know!!) My opinion is that its just as easy if not easier to fall in love online for many reasons, who can honestly say they have never log onto a website ten times aday, in hope they will have the vision of mailbox (1), flashing at them? That felling in the pit of there stomach as they click on it, just hoping it is from that one person who you can just be yourself with!

I believe this is because you have the security of a computer screen to protect you, which enables you to open up to a person, that you just can not do IRL. There is things i would love to share about myself with the people in my life, but just don't have the nerve to do because of the feeling of rejection. Where online whats the worst thing that can happen if you tell someone you have a fetish of people pissing on you?? (i dont by the way, its just a example lol)

Also how easy is it online to start talking to somebody? Just press 'send message' and type, job done! I personally whould never have the self confidence to just walk up to a person and start a conversation, also they do not wear a blackbored over there head, listing there likes and dislikes, as there is in the world of the internet.

Obviously there is many downsides to falling in love 'online'. Distance, real life chemistry, the person not living up to the imiage you have built up of them in your head....its endless. Basicaly there is 'upsides' and 'downsides' to falling in love anywhere online or offline, but what else would you expect with the tricky and difficult felling of love!!

P.S. Did you know eskimos have 50 different words for snow, as its so important to them, yet there is only one word for love, when there is so many different types of love! intresting eh? lol (thats out of a novel by the way, i haven't just come up with that!!haha)
Callisto
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 6:38:49 AM

Rank: Moderator

Joined: 8/23/2010
Posts: 2,674
Location: Forever Damaged , United States
overmykneenow wrote:
If you think it's love, what else matters?

If you're unsure, it almost certainly isn't love.


Short and to the point.. I agree
TheCritic
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 10:01:38 AM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 4/28/2010
Posts: 27
Location: United Kingdom
My post is probably not going to be as long or philosophical as most in this topic, but I'd like to say my part anyway. I used to be one of those people who thought the idea of truly loving someone online to be ridiculous, but I have since changed. Skeptics may scorn the idea and think it naive, but I mean it when I say this; you cannot control emotion, and neither would I like to. If you have to question whether you are doing the right thing, then you are not in love. True love knows no boundaries.

There is an old quote I like that is fitting here; "It is not the destination that matters, but the journey to it." Will it end in heartbreak? Perhaps, perhaps not, you can never know what the future holds. But speaking personally, I would rather have the lovely experience than to never have taken that step.

I do what makes me happy, not what society (online or offline) deems appropriate, and if something makes you happy, why not do it? Being a sheep is not for me.

But then, each to their own. icon_smile

The Critic, at your service...
easy_rider75
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 10:40:15 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 437
Location: Playing with knives , United States
Sw33tAng3l wrote:
I’ve put a lot of thought into this subject and this is what I came up with… sorry if it doesn’t make any sense. It sounded pretty good in my head.

When talking to someone online, you hope for the fact that they’re honest with you to the extent that you’re honest with them. The words you say to a person can be interpreted anyway they want. That’s unless it’s clarified by saying, hey I hope you didn’t think I meant such and such. Most of the time though, when you talk to someone online enough times, you start to let your guard down and become more honest and truthful. I believe there’s a level of comfort in talking behind a screen. You can be the real you and not worry about what the person thinks, esp here on Lush when you know the person you’re talking to probably lives in a few states or countries away from you. The feeling of friendship then grows into something stronger because of the trust you’re able to put into that person.

Also, like IRL, when you talk to someone enough and there’s chemistry between you, someone’s bound to start having feelings. It may not always be the intent, but it happens. Things are said and it touches you in a way you thought could never happen. You find something in common with a person, and it becomes the foundation of your bond.

And there’s the fact that most of the time, a person can express their feelings better through writing them rather than speech. In my case, it’s a whole lot easier for me to put my thoughts into writing.

Some might not think it’s possible to fall in love online, but love can be found anywhere at anytime, with anyone; especially when you least expect it. Love knows no distance, no time, but it knows what it wants.


Dunno if that made any sense. I'll probably add more to this later.



I feel this way myself it is easier for me to connect to people through the written word and get my emotions out sometimes than IRL. In real life I am not the easiest person to get to open up emotionally and to find love a couple of times online was a bit of a shock to me when it happened. A good shock mind you. So these days if love happens in the form of online or in person just be happy and go with it. Some loves will last a very long time some not so long. But the ones that you can say I love you to and mean it down the road whether online or off it's a special thing to have.


I have made some very good friendships on here and some of them are close enough to me that I can honestly say I do love them very much and they have made me a better person to :).


As far as creating a persona for yourself for me I am who I am either like me or hate me eh it's your choice I am a very laid back guy in real life but I can be a bit more open online with my friends especially here cause I am not really judged for what I might say and also not having a person in front of me makes it a bit easier to open up as I tend to be a lot more shy in person. Shit some might say that's you? If they sw some of what I talk about with friends of mine online. Eh guess I will close this as I am starting to ramble now

But yes it is possible to fall in love online and possible to form some life long loves with some people you may never meet in person. I have said this before though you may love me online but we may meet each other in person and hate each others guts. So yeah I guess in some ways we can create our own image of what we wanna see for certain people and get caught up in a fantasy. But one last thing if in your heart it does feel like love to you then just go with it and enjoy the feeling cause it sure in the hell beats not having anyone to talk to .

“I'm not one of those complicated, mixed-up cats. I'm not looking for the secret to life.... I just go on from day to day, taking what comes.”~Frank Sinatra~
Guest
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 2:00:58 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,086
When dating 
On here 
Finding the one 
That completes you
Is like a mirror
You only see one side
Of the image
Never two!
When you have 
A gut feeling deep down
Weather it's good or bad 
Only you will know the difference
Between love & lust
love is a hard thing 
That everyone is searching for 
Love is like a river
getting ready to flow
Love is like a plant
geting ready to grow
Love is like the sun 
it burns with desire
Love is like two wood rubbing together;)
steady and strong and develop fire
Love is like snow
white and pure
Love is hope
and the hope that this love last forever more
Whatever love is like
it's what it shows
Whatever love is like 
only you know!

To be continued with Lust....
WellMadeMale
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 7:58:34 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,212
Location: Cakeland, United States
I fell in lurve with Dancing_Doll and in my mind, I had imagined her as a top-heavy, brunette midget who resembled Betty Boop, just a smidgen. When I learned she was a willowy, lean, stacked blonde...I was crushed.

So then I placed Nicola in my sights as my obsession. There was something mystically stirring in her strident, smart assed manner. I pictured her as a younger, better looking, (youngish Jane Fonda). I was destroyed she merely resembled Elizabeth Hurley.

From there I leapfrogged to Ali and right before I was to profess my undying affection to her.

She quit Lush and never has returned.

I think I see a pattern here.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
lkitbig
Posted: Tuesday, February 22, 2011 10:27:39 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 4/28/2010
Posts: 94
Location: all over the map
Random thoughts on the interesting topic at hand - I can hardly say it's not possible. It's never happened to me, but it has to others. I am a believer in in love - how it happens doesn't matter and is beyond our control anyway. In reference to online relationships/love, etc I think people need to be aware of their feelings, where they stand and what they are looking for - we need to be open and these feelings need to be shared with the people we develop a close relationship with. It's a way to help keep things in check, or step away when needed. I've heard of people who feel they fell in love online and ended up hurt because the other person didn't feel the same way, or didn't deem a relationship possible, or had turned out to be a liar - you all get my drift. I think that when we (and no I'm not in this situation right now) feel ourselves starting to fall for someone we know online we need to honest with ourselves and ask the question - is it the person we're actually in love with? Or just the idea? Our ideas and visions of a relationship with someone online are purely based on time spent online together - this doesn't mean it's time wasted, or not meaningful or anything - it's just we tend to forget that the exact same conversation in person may be very different - good or bad. You can certainly connect and feel more for some then others via the internet. I like to think that I'm the same person online as I am offline, I want to be liked for who I am, therefore I need to simply be me. Now I feel like I'm rambling, end conclusion: I can't say its not possible to fall in love online, but I do think people should exercise caution when they note the feelings they are starting to have, as well as when developing any plans to meet someone in real life - yet a real life meeting would be vital to see if a long term relationship really is feasible. Its a risk you take to throw your honest feelings out there and make a plan to meet someone you met online, but then again..... in real life love takes risk as well. If you feel like you've found someone that you want to get to know and share a life with you're taking a risk by putting your heart out there whether it's online or in real life- we all know the potential consequences and the potential rewards for taking the risk. So the question really is - do you want to take the risk?
shadowcat
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 2:35:04 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 165
Location: Somewhere fun, United Kingdom
I have fallen in love on here. its a completly different love to that you would find in real life. its ok to do as long as it stays online and doesn't interfere with your life
mia_erotica
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 2:21:08 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 3/1/2010
Posts: 8
Location: New York
It would make a great romance novel of real life to think that two people who write to each other, sharing intimate fantasies they'd never share with someone else face-to-face, could actually fall in love and build a life together.

There's definitely an emotional component to this kind of "relationship" but it's more heartbreaking than happily-ever-after. Because even if it works in the end, you'll be jealous everytime he's on the computer, thinking that he's cheating on you because he's chatting up some other nameless, faceless woman as you once were. That's totally fucked up.
LadyX
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 2:34:50 PM

Rank: Thread Mediator

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,655
Location: United States
mia_erotica wrote:
It would make a great romance novel of real life to think that two people who write to each other, sharing intimate fantasies they'd never share with someone else face-to-face, could actually fall in love and build a life together.

There's definitely an emotional component to this kind of "relationship" but it's more heartbreaking than happily-ever-after. Because even if it works in the end, you'll be jealous everytime he's on the computer, thinking that he's cheating on you because he's chatting up some other nameless, faceless woman as you once were. That's totally fucked up.


Applause That's a great post.
Bunny12
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 2:49:33 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,001
Location: My own little world, United States
Falling in love online is a recipe for a broken heart period!!! A fantastic thing to do if you really want to be jerked around like never before too.....

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
Sw33tAng3l
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:16:20 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 1,520
Location: Somewhere in my fantasy...
mia_erotica wrote:

There's definitely an emotional component to this kind of "relationship" but it's more heartbreaking than happily-ever-after. Because even if it works in the end, you'll be jealous everytime he's on the computer, thinking that he's cheating on you because he's chatting up some other nameless, faceless woman as you once were. That's totally fucked up.


Well, it could end up like this if that person was cheating on their significant other while you were chatting it up online. Like the hopeless romantic I am, I would hope it doesn't happen that way & that its a happily ever after. But the real life sux and things don't always turn out as a happily ever after. We're not living in a fairy tale. sad10 Wish it were though...
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 3:17:52 PM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,941
Location: In your dirty fantasies
Is it just me, or is this whole thread a total buzzkill? Regaeman Man


Rembacher
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 4:07:05 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/16/2008
Posts: 1,101
Sw33tAng3l wrote:
mia_erotica wrote:

There's definitely an emotional component to this kind of "relationship" but it's more heartbreaking than happily-ever-after. Because even if it works in the end, you'll be jealous everytime he's on the computer, thinking that he's cheating on you because he's chatting up some other nameless, faceless woman as you once were. That's totally fucked up.


Well, it could end up like this if that person was cheating on their significant other while you were chatting it up online. Like the hopeless romantic I am, I would hope it doesn't happen that way & that its a happily ever after. But the real life sux and things don't always turn out as a happily ever after. We're not living in a fairy tale. sad10 Wish it were though...


I disagree with this idea. To me, that's like saying if you met your partner as a random stranger at the bar, you would forever be worried whenever he or she went to the bar that they would meet someone again who would replace you.
WickedShads
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 4:12:24 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 2/26/2009
Posts: 1,195
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
Dancing_Doll wrote:
Is it just me, or is this whole thread a total buzzkill? Regaeman Man

toast

"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde
LadyX
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 4:29:46 PM

Rank: Thread Mediator

Joined: 9/25/2009
Posts: 4,655
Location: United States
Jebru wrote:
Sw33tAng3l wrote:
mia_erotica wrote:

There's definitely an emotional component to this kind of "relationship" but it's more heartbreaking than happily-ever-after. Because even if it works in the end, you'll be jealous everytime he's on the computer, thinking that he's cheating on you because he's chatting up some other nameless, faceless woman as you once were. That's totally fucked up.


Well, it could end up like this if that person was cheating on their significant other while you were chatting it up online. Like the hopeless romantic I am, I would hope it doesn't happen that way & that its a happily ever after. But the real life sux and things don't always turn out as a happily ever after. We're not living in a fairy tale. sad10 Wish it were though...


I disagree with this idea. To me, that's like saying if you met your partner as a random stranger at the bar, you would forever be worried whenever he or she went to the bar that they would meet someone again who would replace you.


This is different, because online sucks you in while seeming like harmless fun. It has sucked me in enough to make me see that its possible, and I've seen it suck others in very deep. It's an escape route, a place to go when you're unhappy, and its easier and easier to go there once you've been already. Unhappy with your current partner, who is in your space all the time? No problemo, go online, choose from several people that you can 'friend', all wanting to chat, all telling you how awesome you are, how undestanding you are. HOW GREAT YOU WOULD BE AS A PARTNER. It's seductive.

A person can go online and it doesnt feel like cheating, even though deep down he/she knows better (10 threads all titled, or at least dancing around the issue of: is cybersex or fantasizing cheating?). They are just online, chatting to people 'they don't really know'...no big deal, right? To make a decision to fuck somebody on the sly takes determination and its a conscious act, you know you're cheating before and during. Online starts as nothing, but before all is said and done, it can be way more destructive than a one-off fuck in a motel when you were supposedly 'working late'.

That, to me, is the difference.

Sw33tAng3l
Posted: Wednesday, February 23, 2011 4:38:36 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 1,520
Location: Somewhere in my fantasy...
LadyX wrote:

This is different, because online sucks you in while seeming like harmless fun. It has sucked me in enough to make me see that its possible, and I've seen it suck others in very deep. It's an escape route, a place to go when you're unhappy, and its easier and easier to go there once you've been already. Unhappy with your current partner, who is in your space all the time? No problemo, go online, choose from several people that you can 'friend', all wanting to chat, all telling you how awesome you are, how undestanding you are. HOW GREAT YOU WOULD BE AS A PARTNER. It's seductive.

A person can go online and it doesnt feel like cheating, even though deep down he/she knows better (10 threads all titled, or at least dancing around the issue of: is cybersex or fantasizing cheating?). They are just online, chatting to people 'they don't really know'...no big deal, right? To make a decision to fuck somebody on the sly takes determination and its a conscious act, you know you're cheating before and during. Online starts as nothing, but before all is said and done, it can be way more destructive than a one-off fuck in a motel when you were supposedly 'working late'.

That, to me, is the difference.



I totally agree with you, well said LadyX :)
Just-SJ
Posted: Friday, February 25, 2011 11:40:53 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/31/2010
Posts: 137
I went from disbeliever, to skeptical, to hesitant acceptance to knowing it can happen. I've witnessed it, though I accept that the happily ever after is incredibly rare and the people I know are amazingly lucky.

Personally speaking, I've managed to develop feelings for someone online even though I was very determined not to. I kick myself daily but the emotion is there. I have no idea what will come of it- I have hopes but I am realistic. I just enjoy what I have while I have it. What else can one do, really?

Follow my blog! Latest post: Shake Your Bootie
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 12:16:48 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,086
It's important to have boundaries. Letting yourself "fall in love" with someone writing texts to you, webcam exchange, or even by phone, is not a good idea.
Yes you can be pals, friends, flirt, have fun.

If you met in person, and then connected, that's okay. It's way too easy to become emotionally invested in someone, who you know little about.

There are plenty of honest people, but there are lots who have tons of baggage, or misrepresent themselves. Decide what your boundary is, and stick to it.
Guest
Posted: Sunday, February 27, 2011 11:25:51 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 470,086
As if break ups don't happen in real life :p

I don't encourage online relationships,but if it is with the right person,
I don't think there is anything wrong with it.
Just cos it doesn't work out it doesn't mean it was wrong.
Mistakes are made all the time, and if you have feelings toward someone, why not follow it?

There are too many rules for being in love.
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