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Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 1:35:22 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,397
No being used to pouring my heart out to strangers on the internet, this may be awkward. I'm a guy, twenty years old and I haven't had a relationship in...a while. Partially by choice (that choice being total inaction). My friends tell me I'm good looking, which is nice, but they're my friends, so it's a bit like mum telling you your eigth grade production of Macbeth-gone-musical was genious. I've just read a very enlightening article lamenting the terrific futility of being the (quotes) "Nice Guy". I don't mean I want to be a dick, read the article if you like, but the conclusion is that girls aren't interested in guys who don't like themselves. Well that's me, fantastically insecure, self-depreciating to a fault and generally of the mindset that I ought to simply try not to think about girls, sex or relationship prospects, which, if you're a person, you'll know is pretty hard. So. I'm at a point in my life where I'm sick to death of being single but without the confidence in myself to do anything about it.

As of this moment I'm going to try to stop wingeing and make this work. Advice? Thanks for listening.
MMonroe
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 6:11:05 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/10/2009
Posts: 1,893
Location: United Kingdom
Well you're right in saying that girls dont like guys who dont like themselves. Yes, we hate arrogance and vanity but a guy who's always whinging about how worthless he is isnt much fun either.

Try and focus on the good parts of your life, the bits that you do have confidence in; your friends, work, college, uni, whatever. If you're confident about one part you can learn to feel better about yourself, that you are good at things.

Also, when you meet a girl try not to get too worked up over it. Treat her as you would a guy. Dont overthink things like, 'why did she laugh at that', 'what does it mean that she looked at me just then'. Pay attention to the signs but also just relax and let things play out



*Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?*



stephanie
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 8:02:26 AM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,873
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland
Just from this post I can see that you have a command of the language, (though your spelling is atrocious!) you have a sense of humor, you're intelligent if a little introspective and you're brave enough to post honestly and ask for advice...

At 20 years old, the fact that you're on Lush Forum indicates that you're perceptive enough to realise that the site is more than just a one-stop-jack-off..... An that shows a degree of maturity...

Don't be so hard on yourself Sweetie... Good things come to good boys.....

xx S

Imbecile! - de som empire
Si nos efforts te delevraient,
Tes baisers ressuseraient
Le cadavere de ton Wampyr! (Baudelaire.)
(I'll ATTEMPT a free translation...)
"Idiot! Even if our efforts were
To deliver you from Her empire,
Your kisses would bring back to life
The corpse of your beloved Vampire."
EVERYONE WHO SPEAKS FRENCH: "THat isn't quite correct..."
Guest
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 10:43:38 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,397
Thanks you two. I'm not sure what I'm expecting to gain from posting this, but sometimes it's nice to hear the things you try to tell yourself from other people. It's re-affirming.

Hahaha and yes, my spelling IS awful. Child of MSN-chat and spellcheck! What can I say?
Bunny12
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 12:47:20 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 9/2/2009
Posts: 1,001
Location: My own little world, United States
You need an older woman to show you the ropes, build your confidence then send you off and running!

Bunny12


Bunny Rabbits cute and fuzzy they want to love you but they have razor sharp teeth - don't piss them off!
BicycleBum
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 1:31:32 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/1/2010
Posts: 633
Just keep yourself looking presentable on the outside. Neat hair, shave, clean clothes. Keep your head up, even when you don't feel like it on the inside. Keeping those things up on the outside will begin to help how you feel on the inside.

Be polite but don't be a pushover. You have to live with other people, but you have to live with yourself too.

Always smile and say hello (when appropriate). You never know who you might meet and where.

Put yourself where the people are. Take a class at a local community college or center. Watch for volunteer opportunities or other charity events. Just get out and go to things. A spaghetti feed at local church, a free outdoor concert at a park, a county fair, anything to get you out where the people are. You never know who will be there.

Don't make your objective just to "find a girl". Make your objective to be yourself and find enjoyment in that. The rest will come. Probably when you're not expecting it. One day you'll be standing there eating a sandwich thinking nothing more than "Hey, I like this sandwich.", when all of a sudden she will walk up and say "Hey, that's a good looking sandwhich, where'd you get it..." The rest will be history.
valrio
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 1:45:43 PM

Rank: Rookie Scribe

Joined: 2/24/2011
Posts: 5
Location: Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
Man !!! be your self, take things easy and relax, don't think that she like this or she hate that. Girls love fun and like to feel comfortable work on those and things be good.. and for a quicker issue contact Bunny12 ;) she gave you a nice way out...
WellMadeMale
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 2:21:53 PM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,299
Location: Cakeland, United States
Watch Chevy Chase movies. Notice how he acts, and always gets the girl.

Become...Chevy Chase!

* note...Sometimes he gets Steve Martin or Dan Ackroyd. Do not do that (unless you're into that kind of thing) and there's nothing wrong with that! We all go for something and some one...in this party called: life.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
PoorLittleGirl
Posted: Saturday, February 26, 2011 9:46:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 141
Location: Wilmington, United States
I have found myself in simiar circumstances at different times in my life and even at this point I lack confidence (thought certainly I am not lacking confidence in the bedroom). I think one of the most unattractive qualities is lack of confidence. I think that you just need to relax be yourself, be open to people and new relationships, but focus on working on yourself. Until you love youself, you can't expect anyone else to love you either. You have to realize that you have something to offer to the world, that you have something that is prized by others and that you have the ability to be a strong, confident person. After gaining confidence, then you will attract people; however if you remain open you perhaps will find a partner (as I did) that loves you in spite of your insecurities and is willing to help you gain the confidence that you need to have a better life.
irishnia
Posted: Monday, February 28, 2011 9:54:49 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 5/14/2008
Posts: 29
Location: Hamilton
Stop caring what everyone else thinks of you... I used to have a lot of self confidence issues as well. Eventually, I just got sick of hating myself and decided that it didn't matter what ANYONE thought, said, or did. I was going to like myself and no one could stop me. I just started looking in the mirror every morning and telling myself I was beautiful. I started to wear bright clothes that made me feel good about myself and I consciously began looking at the positive side of EVERYTHING. I know it sounds lame but now I don't care what people think and I have the confidence to lift my head up and tell people exactly what I think and what I want.
Guest
Posted: Monday, March 07, 2011 7:10:52 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 537,397
One GREAT thing about Lush is that you can try on a cocky persona, and see how that works for you. Go to the chat rooms, and say outrageous stuff that you don't think you'd have the courage to say in the real world. When you see that some women respond, you might be able to speak more confidently in real life.
Sw33tAng3l
Posted: Monday, March 07, 2011 9:11:44 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/16/2011
Posts: 1,520
Location: Somewhere in my fantasy...
UncleMeat wrote:
One GREAT thing about Lush is that you can try on a cocky persona, and see how that works for you. Go to the chat rooms, and say outrageous stuff that you don't think you'd have the courage to say in the real world. When you see that some women respond, you might be able to speak more confidently in real life.


I totally agree, you try on a new persona and see how it works out for you. That's the greatness of the online world. I'm not always as outgoing in person, I'm more of the shy quiet type. After testing out my wild side, I discovered I really like it.

Oh and good things do come to nice guys.
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