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Are men's bodies repulsive (or beautiful)? Options · View
aussiescribbler
Posted: Wednesday, March 16, 2011 11:37:36 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 6/22/2010
Posts: 52
Location: Adelaide
I was reading this interesting article which also provoked some thought-provoking discussion :

http://goodmenproject.com/ethics-val...-or-beautiful/

Here is my thoughts on the subject. I wander away from the point a little bit perhaps, but what the heck :

We are not our bodies. We are in our bodies. Our bodies are an important part of us. But when you look at my body you can’t see my feelings. You can’t see the responses I have made - brave or cowardly - to the challenges my life has presented. You cannot see the pain I may be carrying from the things that have been done to me. You may see clues to these things. The lines around my eyes may speak of tears or the erectness of my walk may speak of pride. But when you respond to my body you are not responding to the totality of who I am.

When we long for affirmation, it is an affirmation of our value as a person. The fact that we may or may not be physically attractive doesn’t really come into it. But, if we can’t get what we really need, we may settle for what we can get. To be ignored might be worse than being appreciated for something irrelevant.

But this doesn’t mean that viewing someone as a sex object is a form of oppression. It can be, but it needn’t be. Largely it depends on whether we view them as only a sex object. It is possible to appreciate a woman for her intelligence, her kindness, her sense of humour, and her massive juggs. These things are not mutually exclusive.

My own experience as a heterosexual male is that beautiful male bodies exist and give me pleasure. I remember realising this when I was in high school. One of my Latin text books had a picture on the cover of a famous statue called Laocoon and His Sons. I was enraptured by Laocoon’s beauty. Later I had a similar reaction to the sight of Joe Dallesandro’s nude body in the movie Flesh (1968). I have no desire to have sex with those bodies. But to see them, and presumably, to touch them, is something that can give joy. And I know that a man is sexy when I would like to look like him.

As for being viewed as a sex object myself, I’d love it. I even like to delude myself that some women might see me that way. When I was with a woman I loved to be naked in front of her, but I think I probably enjoyed it more than she did. I want to be a sex object, but not enough to lose my flab or my facial hair or even comb the hair on my head most of the time. I want it, but not if I have to work for it.

But one advantage that men have over women is that an ugly man can be viewed by women as sexy. Look at Humphrey Bogart. It seems that character and personality play a bigger role in sexual arousal for women than they do for men.

So why do we find the body types sexy that we do? Leaving aside the exceptional tastes, such as desire for the very obese or those with missing limbs, etc., what we find pretty (and thus sexually arousing) in women tends to be a youthful appearance - the slimness of adolescence, the rosy cheeks of childhood, a lack of wrinkles and wide untroubled eyes, combined with those features which indicate a suitability for breeding - wide hips and large breasts. Sexual attraction of the male to the female is that of the genes seeking out a healthy non-neurotic mother for its offspring. In general the older we grow the more we collect the scars of emotional suffering and thus the more energy we have to put into nurturing ourselves and the less we have to nurture others. Thus physical signs of youthfulness, misleading as they sometimes are, are naturally associated with the ability to love a man and his children. (Sexual selection for youthful appearance is how we as a species lost our body hair.) What we see as attractive in a man is physical perfection, strength and a confident stance. These are the qualities we think will make him a good protector and a reliable long-living father figure.

None of this would be a problem if it were not for the fact that every single member of the human race currently alive is intensely neurotic. Neurosis is a cumulative problem which is only cured by complete understanding. Most of the time we deal with our insecurities by burying them deeper and trying to carry on. We’ve been doing that for a couple of million years at least and the problem has been getting worse to the extent that we can barely function any more as a society. For most of us, male and female, our lives are ones of quiet desperation. For myself I have to say that gazing at the beauty of the female form and a pretty face have been a source of succour in the abyss.

In this situation it makes little sense to continue to cling to the concept of romantic love. I don’t know about anyone else, but I want to fuck women I don’t even like. So how is sexual attraction the basis for an ongoing relationship, let alone a reliable foundation for the raising of children. Of course that doesn’t mean that it is not possible to find someone whose neurosis is compatible with ours and that that person cannot be someone with whom we enjoy sexual relations. But if we want stable families we have to decouple the concept of sexual attraction from that of life partnership. Fuck whoever you want, but if you are going to try to form an ongoing community or family, do it with someone with whom you can have an emotional relationship which is therapeutic to you both and to any children you might produce. We often acknowledge the damage done by people’s unrestrained behaviour, but less so the intense trauma we inflict on ourselves and our children by allowing our unfulfilled desires to make us bitter and hateful.
WellMadeMale
Posted: Thursday, March 17, 2011 5:18:32 AM

Rank: Constant Gardener

Joined: 9/30/2009
Posts: 10,210
Location: Cakeland, United States
Methinks this belongs in the Intensely Neurotic thread.

If ya can't beat 'em... pay someone to do it for you.
Dancing_Doll
Posted: Thursday, March 17, 2011 9:23:19 AM

Rank: Alpha Blonde

Joined: 2/17/2010
Posts: 5,979
Location: In your dirty fantasies
aussiescribbler wrote:

So why do we find the body types sexy that we do? what we find pretty (and thus sexually arousing) in women tends to be a youthful appearance - the slimness of adolescence, the rosy cheeks of childhood, a lack of wrinkles and wide untroubled eyes, combined with those features which indicate a suitability for breeding - wide hips and large breasts.


See, that's why I like to wear dark shades... fools 'em every time. glasses8

re the rest of this post, I disagree with your statement that "If we want stable families we have to decouple the concept of sexual attraction from that of life partnership." Otherwise I might as well marry and procreate with a male buddy and then fuck his friends on the side to satisfy my sexual desires. I think attraction is just as much a binding ingredient in a good marriage as 'emotional compatibility'. Having an 'open marriage' is still not the norm in society, and we are by nature sexual creatures with desires and physical needs. If we don't have the inclination to have sex with our spouse, then the 'emotional connection' bit starts to unravel pretty quickly. At least it would for me.

This is good advice, however, for the guys that hook up with the beautiful trophy girls that are a psychological hot mess. And that's a fairly common trend, unfortunately.




aussiescribbler
Posted: Friday, March 18, 2011 3:57:32 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 6/22/2010
Posts: 52
Location: Adelaide
Quote:
re the rest of this post, I disagree with your statement that "If we want stable families we have to decouple the concept of sexual attraction from that of life partnership." Otherwise I might as well marry and procreate with a male buddy and then fuck his friends on the side to satisfy my sexual desires. I think attraction is just as much a binding ingredient in a good marriage as 'emotional compatibility'. Having an 'open marriage' is still not the norm in society, and we are by nature sexual creatures with desires and physical needs. If we don't have the inclination to have sex with our spouse, then the 'emotional connection' bit starts to unravel pretty quickly. At least it would for me.

This is good advice, however, for the guys that hook up with the beautiful trophy girls that are a psychological hot mess. And that's a fairly common trend, unfortunately.


I'm not saying that sexual attraction and life partnership can't coexist. What I'm saying is that sexual attraction is usually not centred on one person, so it makes a very poor basis for a long-term relationship. Long-term relationships are usually based on friendship or love. We may also be sexually attracted to a friend or loved one, but it is extremely unlikely that they will be the only person to whom we are sexually attracted.

The bases for friendship or love are patience, honesty, openness and generosity. These attitudes and qualities naturally build bridges between people which last. Friendship or love can develop between two people who are initially drawn to each other by sexual attraction. Even when the attraction is not mutual, and one partner is more interested in the other's money or connections, love or friendship could grow between the two if they are patient and open and honest and generous. I think the fact that it usually doesn't is because, when we desperately want something we lose touch with our capacity to exercise these traits, perhaps especially honesty.

The reason why our relationships with our friends, especially those of our own sex, are usually more stable and long-lasting than our sexual relationships is because we can be ourselves with our friends. When we are sexually attracted to someone, generally we decide that we had better try to be or pretend to be the person we think they want us to be as we think that this is the route into their pants. The same thing is true if we want someone's money or favours. But, if we are not really being ourselves then we are lying, and dishonesty is like acid to any form of relationship.

What guy is really going to be honest to his partner about his sexual feelings for other women? To his friends he says, "I was just down the mall and I saw this hot chick. I would have done her in a minute." Some women may be realistic enough to realise that that is what men are like and not take it personally, but few men will take the risk. And the same applies the other way. I'm sure there are many things women don't tell their partners for fear of upset them in one way or another. But if the man is in love with how the woman presents herself, and the woman is in love with how the man presents himself, then neither is in love with the reality of their partner, and thus they are not in love with each other at all. They are in love with their own illusions.

Also sex needn't begin with sexual attraction. My only sexual experience was with a friend. She was about 18 years older than me and I wouldn't have looked at her twice on the street. But we became friends through a common interest and later it led to a brief sexual relationship. A sexual partner doesn't have to be our ideal sex object, in fact, its probably better if they are not, because in the absence of a powerful need we can just relax and have fun.

I'm not saying that every marriage should be an open marriage. It just depends on what the individuals want. But I think open marriages can work. If a man or woman has a strong desire to have sex with other partners then I think it is often better to act on those desires than to repress them and thus stifle their ability to show love for their partner and their children, though only if they are able to be honest about their behaviour to their spouse. The problem with repression as a solution is that we cannot repress anything without repressing our capacity for love beneath it. Which doesn't mean we should run around living out all our impulses in an orgy of sex and violence and fast food consumption. The important thing is to acknowledge feelings and desires and find safe outlets for them when we can. Reading stories on Lush might be our outlet for our overflow of sexual desires. Watching "Rambo" or playing football might be our outlet for our excess aggressive feelings. As William Blake said : Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire. If we find a substitute we are not nursing it. But you can see the sense of what Blake was saying when you look at the emotional devastation wrought by uptight, repressed individuals who, rather than acknowledge their unacted desires, take them out on others. An extreme historical example might be the puritans who burned the witches. It might be homophobes who bash those who are doing what they secretly desire to do themselves. But in minor ways we all have times when our relationships with others suffer because we can't stop thinking about the metaphorical chocolate bar we are denying ourselves because we are on a metaphorical diet.
DamonX
Posted: Friday, March 18, 2011 10:36:59 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 1/25/2009
Posts: 795
Judging from the changeroom at my gym....definately repulsive!!!
Jillicious
Posted: Saturday, March 19, 2011 12:40:42 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 10/28/2009
Posts: 1,292
Location: United States
From Seinfeld:
Quote:
Jerry: Well, I was walking around naked in front of Melissa the other day--

Elaine: Whoa! Walking around naked? Ahh... that is not a good look for a man.

George: Why not? It's a good look for a woman.

Elaine: Well, the female body is a... work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a jeep.

Jerry: So you don't think it's attractive?

Elaine: It's hideous. The hair, the... the lumpiness. It's simian.

George: Well, some women like it.

Elaine: Mmm. Sickies.


Does anyone know the episode?


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stephanie
Posted: Sunday, March 20, 2011 11:11:59 AM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,620
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland


A Jeep??????

My bod's a 1967 VolksWagen Kharmann Ghia, racing green, hard top, cream leather interior.... With all the original fittings...

It's not everyone's cup of coffee and frankly there are better looking and faster cars..... But I wouldn't change mine for anything....

xx S (LOL!)

"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
mercianknight
Posted: Tuesday, March 22, 2011 5:50:55 AM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 2,029
Location: whispering conspiratorially in your ear, Bermuda
Two sayings come immediately to mind...and I paraphrase......

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" - no matter how 'ugly' you may feel you look, to someone out there you are perfect. Which leads nicely into the next saying.....

"There is some ONE for everyone out there", and you just have to believe that the fates will make your paths cross one day and give you the strength to grab the opportunity to be with your soul mate.

For my part...... I'm just blessed with being gorgeous or, if you're a traditionalist, 'handsome'. The word 'beautiful' was created for the wonders of nature and the female form - NOT mens bodies. bootyshake

"Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English." - Korben Dallas, from The Fifth Element

"If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience?" - George Bernard Shaw
stephanie
Posted: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 8:31:43 PM

Rank: Bohemian

Joined: 1/1/2010
Posts: 4,620
Location: Dublin, Ire., Ireland


I've been called 'beautiful'.....

And I'll take that compliment, thank you very much....

xx SF

"I'm a writer... Honesty is not my first language..." (Stephen Flashman)
AngelHeart01
Posted: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 9:44:19 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/23/2010
Posts: 3,122
Location: ♥ Southern Style ♥, United States
stephanie wrote:


I've been called 'beautiful'.....

And I'll take that compliment, thank you very much....

xx SF



I think your BEAUTIFUL!!!
DirtyMartini
Posted: Wednesday, March 23, 2011 11:12:58 PM

Rank: Purveyor of Poetry & Porn

Joined: 10/19/2009
Posts: 5,722
Location: Right here on Lush Stories...
WellMadeMale wrote:
Methinks this belongs in the Intensely Neurotic thread.


Lol...where is that thread anyway? I've been meaning to ask...oh wait, I think it's here...

Yeah, I think if Woody Allen were a Lush member he'd be posting here...

Reading this thread it seems to go off in a variety of different directions...sort of like a thread that jacks itself...


You know you want it, you know you need it bad...get it now on Amazon.com...
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Guest
Posted: Sunday, March 27, 2011 8:41:58 AM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,477
Tee hee hee, as often as I have said the male genitals look like something that should be hanging out the side of a sharks mouth, I think when you're in the heat of the moment, you know everything tingling....who gives a f***?
I mean, if you look at it clinically sex is gross....I know I freaked out when it was explained to me....until I had it....and realised it WAS....then I had it with someone who was fantastic and I realised that I didn't care.
Now, it may be the lack of sleep talking here, but when you get right down to it (the down and dirty part that makes the world go 'round anyway) it's all hormones and smells and push up bra's anyway.
XX
BB
Guest
Posted: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 8:33:34 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,477
Think about the entire animal kingdom, and which animals are beautiful to look at. Colorful birds. Tropical fish. Large cats. Maybe even wolves.

Are humans like these creatures? No. Our closest genetic cousins are chimpanzees.

Even the most beautiful human is nowhere close to the top of the animal beauty chain.

On the other hand, we don't generally want to have sex with eagles, leopards or manta rays (all wonderful creations).

I have no idea what my point is.
aussiescribbler
Posted: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 11:36:38 PM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 6/22/2010
Posts: 52
Location: Adelaide
When it comes to beauty in nature I'm reminded of a line from one of my favourite movies - Withnail and I :

Quote:
Flowers are essentially tarts; prostitutes for the bees.



not_yet_famous wrote:
Think about the entire animal kingdom, and which animals are beautiful to look at. Colorful birds. Tropical fish. Large cats. Maybe even wolves.

Are humans like these creatures? No. Our closest genetic cousins are chimpanzees.

Even the most beautiful human is nowhere close to the top of the animal beauty chain.

On the other hand, we don't generally want to have sex with eagles, leopards or manta rays (all wonderful creations).

I have no idea what my point is.
MinaMiranda
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 1:43:47 AM

Rank: Advanced Wordsmith

Joined: 3/29/2011
Posts: 71
When I am emotionally involved with a guy, every part of him is beautiful. It's funny how our minds influence what our eyes see.

But there's no denying some guys are naturally more statuesque than others. Brandon Lee and Christan Bale come to mind. OH CHRISTIAN BALE!!!!!

I read a great analogy that made a lot of sense about the relationship of emotions to physical attraction, I found it very reassuring and I hope you guys do too. basically, think of the comfort toy you had a as a kid. Chances are it was worn out, fur missing, maybe missing an eye. But would you have it any other way? Would you love it any less?

Stock answer to most forum questions:
Some do, Some don't

Love blindsides us all.
latinfoxy
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 5:20:40 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 4/5/2011
Posts: 816
Location: Here
I think men bodies ARE beautiful, yes it may be different from other types of beauty and maybe yes the whole picture looks kind of odd but theres little things that makes men handsome, (No, not that little thing hehe) look at a guys hand theres nothing better than a guy with very manly hands or a guy's back, what girl can truly say that their panties dont come off every time they see and attractive back.....

So yes men bodies are attractive in a lot of different ways
Guest
Posted: Thursday, April 07, 2011 6:58:54 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,477
They are beautiful!
Guest
Posted: Sunday, April 10, 2011 6:18:54 PM

Rank: Lurker

Joined: 12/1/2006
Posts: 473,477
not_yet_famous wrote:
Think about the entire animal kingdom, and which animals are beautiful to look at. Colorful birds. Tropical fish. Large cats. Maybe even wolves.

Are humans like these creatures? No. Our closest genetic cousins are chimpanzees.

Even the most beautiful human is nowhere close to the top of the animal beauty chain.

On the other hand, we don't generally want to have sex with eagles, leopards or manta rays (all wonderful creations).

I have no idea what my point is.


Beastiality is icky?
cokeheadbarbie
Posted: Thursday, April 14, 2011 12:02:12 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 11/4/2010
Posts: 163
Location: In the DJ Booth , United Kingdom
What rolling fun in this post about the animal kingdom and psycho babbles. Too much over-thinking for something that can be answered very simply. Some men are beautiful and some men are ugly.

Its hard to really know until their clothes are off. Thats why I like meeting guys at the beach where they have nowhere to hide. Giggles.

xx B.
tastydds
Posted: Friday, August 19, 2011 7:57:26 PM

Rank: Active Ink Slinger

Joined: 7/14/2011
Posts: 28
Location: northern, United States
Certain aspects of the male body are lovely beyond compare.
Just as certain others are, on a woman.
Both sexes have their downfalls, and each have their glorious bits.
As with everything in life, there's a balance.

The right amount of love in a sexual encounter? Is paradise. Without love, it became bland to me. Knowing they were just using me for a particular orifice, instead of getting to know me as a person? It made me feel like shit.

But that's just me. We're each entitled to our own opinion, and I think growing attached to the owner of that beautiful cockhead is the best part of being in a relationship.
Loving the owner of the genitals fulfills a basic need in us, just as the whole big-bewbies-huge-peen thing does.

We can't begin to understand how our minds really work, science isn't set in stone. Saying we should discount love & the ideals of family life? Just sounds wrong to me. Just as sex fulfills us, love fulfills us, too. The two together make a beautiful harmony, I think.
MissyLuvsYa
Posted: Monday, August 22, 2011 5:15:41 PM

Rank: Forum Guru

Joined: 3/12/2011
Posts: 538
Location: somewhere on the coast, United States
Each individual body has to be rated differently! Many male bodies are beautiful hot and sexy!!!!

Some absolutes:
A man's butt should be much smaller than his shoulders!
A man;s chest should be larger than his belly!
He should have some muscles...not a body builder but not toothpick arms either.
And of your belly hides your belt buckle, naaaah not good!
And a man should look like he had evolved some. So if you look like you are wearing a mohair sweater and you're naked, get a wax!
Trim those nose hairs too. What are you saving them for? Maybe you think you can use them to use in a hair transplant to cover that bald spot!
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